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i write this to you today because i can't
help but feel i have been spending so much
time exploiting you for the things i've
been experiencing.
i realize that none of you would turn me
away and i appreciate all that you have
given to me, each in your individual ways.
but i'm sorry to say that i'm still on the
edge... and i cannot be removed. i am a
mental basketcase and its just too much for
me to stop right now.
its affecting my life and my mind...
and i just do not know that i can recover
any time soon. i'd be lying if i said that
i'm alright... because i'm not alright.
and i hope that you can understand when i
say, that i just need you to understand.
i'm standing at the edge of a colossal
pit... staring down. and this is my journey...
but i cannot pretend any more... and i cannot
feign... and i'd rather make this post...
so that there is no more bullshit....
because i just can't do it any more...
for all the exploitations i may have created,
i apologize.
for all the hopeful lies of strength and
determination, i apologize.
i am shatzy... i am alison...
i am... a fucking pussy....
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the death of butterflies do make ripples...
.
http://www.boomspeed.com/shatzy/ripples001.JPG
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and we dont know for certain that it didnt make it to shore after it left our sight..
sometimes we fall behind..we cant always lead..we cant always be the tough one..we cant be the winner everytime..and sometimes we even lose...but dont ever feel your not worth my time..or anyone else's..because you are..im not afraid to tell you how much you mean to me..how much our time togather means..your special..one of a kind..and your hurt...but your still you..and your going to make it thru it..maybe not today or even tommorrow..but you will..you know if there was some way for me to take all the bad away..id do it..no matter the cost to me..and i know..you would do that too if you could..but we cant..we can only be there for each other..and i know this beyond a shadow of a doubt....i wont let you float away...i wont let you fail..i wont let you fall behind...i'll be right beside ya.. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]
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Just remember one thing my precious girl..... the ones that care for you ... really care for you..... are the ones that will always be there.... good or bad.... we take you strong, we take you weak.... your worth is never doubted where it matters.... under any circumstance... when you don't have the sight to see... we will.... when you no longer can walk the path ahead... we will be there to carry you...when you need to sit and just be... we can do that too...sometimes saying nothing ... says a lot...
...and just when you think you have nothing left.... your friends will be the wind beneath your wings....
I'm always here.... day or night....... and its ok....
*hugs you tight* [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/kiss.gif[/img]
ok so that was more then one thing... *giggles*
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they say a smile can say so much... but i know you will know what this one means [img]smile.gif[/img]
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i'm not good with the serious stuff....but the subject compelled me to make some sort of post here, and then the post itself finalizes my decision..
So, as Lee Korso would say, "Get up and rub some dirt on it, kid."
and since i know that won't make you feel better, well, hmm....like i said, i'm not good with the serious stuff...
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Here's what I know....and I really don't know shit.
Butterflies can't fly with wet wings. WHen they emerge from their crysalis they are stationary on the ground or wherever until their wings dry.
We are just like butterflies. Until we get our bearings... we are stationary creatures. Status quo if you will.
World knows i've sat stationary a lot this past year. Heart ripped out. Cancer scary stuff. No job? New job? All of it. But the thing is, when your wings are dry...you will fly. Simple. WOn't even be a conscious choice in most ways. You'll stop thinking it through and just start acting on things.
Not preaching at all....just trying to show you that I hear you. Life has its sorrows and its griefs, as it has its joys and pleasures. The moment one tentacle of an octopus is cut off, it grows another. Even so trials and tribulations of one kind or another wear out human hearts. Adversity afflicts some, difficulties depress others and sickness and death distress all. The meek and the reticent suffer silently. They groan and moan and suppress their sighs and sorrows and breathe them not into any human ear. They suffer in solitude.
NO suffering anything in silence. If youre mad we want to know. If your happy I want to know. If you just feel like saying fuck it all... we need to know.
No fake anything. It's a vicious cyclical process that always leads back to the beginning...
Anyway...what the hell do I know.....
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Both you guys made me smile..first that you even posted..second what you had to say..your both awfully good guys and i know alison thinks highly of each of you..its just good to see all this support for her..Now..ive got to find her and kick some serious butt..We want our Shatzy back..sad, broken, bruised.. aside from all that..she is needed just as much as we are needed!
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sometimes i think it's important to scratch below the surface......
take that for whatever you think it might mean [img]wink.gif[/img]
*throws..daisies around*
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i'm sorry i've been away!
i hope to be here more often for you
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alison...i just want you to feel better and if u need me im here for you always like u are always there for me. i hope u feel better soon
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Olives! *** an not your ordinary grocery store kind either ***
Some days neither side of the bed is the best to wake up on. [img]confused.gif[/img]
Some people see broken glass I see rainbows shining thru each shard.
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See you back here soon shatzy.
You can do this. [img]graemlins/kiss.gif[/img]
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while i deeply appreciate the replies...
this thread is now trash... and had it been
written on a piece of paper, it would find itself
hastily wadded up and casually tossed over my
shoulder by now.
alls well
sometimes change is ushered through another perspective...
and you have no choice but to comply
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isnt that what makes up life.. doing things we dont often want to do or think we have no choice in? Either way glad youre back [img]biggrin.gif[/img]
