OT: A moral dilemma.

Only MY daughter gets into these situations, I swear! Some of you may remember the gas station incident (she prepays $6, clerk rings up $60 unbeknownst to my daughter)

So anyway...here's the latest one.

We're not rich by any stretch of the imagination. We'll be getting student loans for our college bound daughter. We live in area where there is "money" and my daughter has a lot of friends who have "money". She has a boyfriend who is from our modest background and that's no problem. However, another guy friend who is her video/film partner from high school is from a very rich family. They're very close but not romantically (he's going to NYU for film, she U of M). Yesterday, their last day before he heads off to NYU, he gives her a check for $1,500 to help pay for her college. Naturally, among other things she is too proud to accept this gift. We parents agree, that is just too much money to accept as a gift and lord knows what strings may be attached to it. Our initial reaction is that here's a rich boy trying to make good by throwing his parents money at something. Easy to turn down, right?

Here's the mind blowing twist. He didn't get the money from his parents. He got a job over the summer waiting tables and cleaning restrooms to raise money for my daughter's "scholarship" as he called it. He felt bad that my daughter didn't qualify or win any of the local scholarships awarded and wanted to do something for her. He also gave some money to another "less privileged" girl.

Okay, how do I wrap my head around this?

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ August 22, 2006 08:50 AM: Message edited by: Andyman ]</font>

Here's my honest intitial reaction...It seems like a really gerneous and caring thing for someone to do. But it's only $1500, which doesn't actually do much to help with 4 years of college. So if there ARE strings attached, it's not worth the risk and guilt for only that amount. I would just say thanks but decline the money.

What are these "morals" that I keep hearing people talk about? [img]wink.gif[/img]

This is kind of a toughie. What was he like all through high school? Was he a genuinely nice, caring, "do anything to help a friend" person, or a "I have more money than you, DANCE, DANCE MONKEY!!" type of person?
If he's the first type, and he earned the money himself, it would make it a little easier to accept the gift.
[img]graemlins/thinking.gif[/img]

Personnaly if the guy worked for that money but can give it cause he doesn't need it for his school fees because his parents have money, the reason why he can give that money to your daughter is still because his parents are rich.

I wouldn't accept it but I would thank him well for his kindness.

Accept it, thank him personally & watch him(or have your daughter) like a hawk when at all possible.

We can't accept the money. It's just a question of how do we turn him down without hurting his feelings or diminishing his "noble" act? I say noble because this guy didn't have to work to raise the money. In fact, it sounds like he even took a shitty job to raise the money when he could have just asked his parents for it (and they would have probably given it to him).

Well, a good excuse might be to tell him how much you appreciate the significance of what he did, but that you'd rather someone even more "needy" have the money, or you'd like to carry on the spirit of generosity in some way...like, have him make a donation to some kind of charity in your daughter's name.

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ August 22, 2006 10:04 AM: Message edited by: munkkeyboy ]</font>

Accept the cash then take a Louisville Slugger to his boy beans. That way, if there are any of those type "strings" attached, he's not going to come collecting anytime soon.

But in all seriousness, this is a tuffy. The fact that he's chosen only girls to do this for kinda says something. There's got to be some lesser then privledged guys that he knows, why isn't he showing them any love?

If this was my daughter there'd be no way in hell that I'd allow her to accept the cash, and as far as letting him down, a simple "we can't accept your money becuase we don't feel comfortable" should suffice. If it doesn't and he raises a stink, it points more to some lesser then noble motives on his part.

And like Munkkey said, it's only 1500 clams, no where near enough to make even a key-scratch in the amount that is going to be spent on college expenses, and not worth whatever else comes with it.

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Originally posted by munkkeyboy:
...like, have him make a donation to some kind of charity in your daughter's name.

<font color="#cd6600"><font size="1">[ August 22, 2006 10:04 AM: Message edited by: munkkeyboy ]</font></font>

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">BINGO!!!!
What was it that your mother-in-law was in the hospital with? Maybe an organization related to that type of illness?

The "donation" thing is an interesting angle. [img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]

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Originally posted by Andyman:
The "donation" thing is an interesting angle. [img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Seriously, I'm mad at me for not thinking about it.

That'S clearely the way to go
[img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

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Originally posted by macabeee:
Accept the cash then take a Louisville Slugger to his boy beans. That way, if there are any of those type "strings" attached, he's not going to come collecting anytime soon.

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Pretty easy to spot who's waiting for triplets here...
[img]wink.gif[/img]
[img]tongue.gif[/img]

...you could even make the donation in his name, rather than your daughter's or whoever else's. It would be the kind of thing where you "sort of" are accepting the money (but not really), yet he gets recognized for his good deed at the same time. Like I said, $1500 isn't going to help all that much with college, but it could make a much bigger difference depending on where it's donated. If it's a smaller church or youth group or something like that, that could really help out.

...or heck, you could even donate it to the Andyman Spare Robot Parts Fund [img]wink.gif[/img]

YES! A woman from the office next door just handed me an excellent idea!

Turn down the money with true appreciation for what he did to raise it. Then offer to make a scholarship in his or both of their names for high school seniors in the video program next year. They can set up the rules for a video submission and judge who the winner will be. This way his hard work won't go for naught and it will encourage others interested in the field of video production.

I told my daughter the idea and she loved it! Now to sell the idea to him and make it a win-win situation.

Wish us luck!

BTW-thanks for all the suggestions, it really did help.

[img]graemlins/music.gif[/img] that's what friends are for... [img]graemlins/music.gif[/img]

[img]biggrin.gif[/img]

take the money and get him a $1000 hooker. Use the left over $500 to get yourself a blowjob while she's there... win/win
[img]graemlins/rainbow.gif[/img]

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Originally posted by Joranthalus:
take the money and get him a $1000 hooker. Use the left over $500 to get yourself a blowjob while she's there... win/win
[img]graemlins/rainbow.gif[/img]

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">$500 for a BJ??? Damn, you're expensive Jor!

How much to be left in a corner, arse bleeding with urine all over me? [img]wink.gif[/img]

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Originally posted by Joranthalus:
take the money and get him a $1000 hooker. Use the left over $500 to get yourself a blowjob while she's there... win/win
[img]graemlins/rainbow.gif[/img]

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">[img]rolleyes.gif[/img] WOA !!!

You have to pay that much there ????

Dude....here there are even "combos". You get a **** job and a beer for a lot less...

Not that I have sample it [img]redface.gif[/img]

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ August 23, 2006 02:58 PM: Message edited by: MM4 ]</font>

it's all in the quality of the meat...

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Originally posted by Joranthalus:
it's all in the quality of the meat...

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">You are a VEGETARIAN !!! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Maybe you like green babes from mars.... [img]wink.gif[/img]

Damn. Too late. I was going to tell you to have him wire the cash to my daughter for her "college fund."

That sounds like an excellent solution Andy.

That said, his gift does seem very peculiar and not very creative, especially for someone going into video production work. Money is such a specific thing - and the amount inevitably turns into some sort of statement on how much someone values another. It feels wrong to crticize such a gift, but it also seems from my point of view that the message it sends wants to be furhter interpreted.

...ya want I should kill 'im, Fluffmeister? S'not a prob...

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Originally posted by Dark Angel Demands Blood:
...ya want I should kill 'im, Fluffmeister? S'not a prob...

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">[img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img] Stand by on that.

..."stand...by"? You mean, like, wait...to kill stuff?
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...are you out of yer fucking mind?!?!?

Oh right...I see...well, go ahead and kill the parents....and his sister if you would like....but just hold off on killing him for now. Will that work?

...buh? Uh...huh. I...suppose...look, I'll just entertain myself by turning this basket of puppies I stole from those starving orphans into a fine, red mist. Keep me posted.

I say kill everyone you can and then some [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img]