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Been a while, has it not? Let?s get to it:
Starring The Incredibly Hot Barbara Steele, Nightmare Castle is that most rare of 1960?s horror films: Its title makes sense! There is a Castle, and Nightmares do figure in the plot! Amazing! Incredible! And, as a very special bonus, it actually has a plot! Will wonders never cease?
The Incredibly Hot Barbara Steele (she?s not actually billed this way?but probably should be) stars as Muriel, the Incredibly Hot Heiress Bride of the Creepy Doctor. Turns out the Doc is a cold fish, and the Incredibly Hot Muriel has been knocking boots with one of servants whenever the opportunity arises. The ?boots? reference is not accidental?lots of shots of people's feet as they walk affectatedly toward their various goals, as well as strangely out of focus and overexposed shots. Creepy!
As is often the way of these tales, the Creepy Doc catches the Incredibly Hot Muriel and the houseboy going at it, and does what any sensible Creepy Husband would do: He whips them with a riding crop, imprisons and tortures them, eventually electrocutes them, pumps the Incredibly Hot Muriel?s blood into his faithful, Evil Maid Solange (thereby restoring her youth--and she's pretty hot too!), tears out and preserves the lover?s hearts, incinerates their remains, gathers their ashes into a schmaltzy urn, and plants an ugly flower in it. Perfectly natural.
Of course, none of that happens before the Incredibly Hot Muriel can swear to get revenge on her Creepy Doc Husband, and also reveal that she has left all her money and (Nightmare!) Castle to her Incredibly Hot half-sister Jenny.
OK, does anyone not know where this is going?
So the Creepy Doc does the only thing a Creepy Doc can do in this kind of situation: He marries the batshit-crazy, Incredibly Hot Jenny, also played by The Incredibly Hot Barbara Steele in a blonde wig! Woot! Life is good. Unless you are the Incredibly Hot, batshit-crazy Jenny. She barely gets to Nightmare Castle before she starts having?gasp!?nightmares! Nightmares about how the Incredibly Hot Muriel and her lover died! Nightmares in which she cannot see the face of the murderer! Nightmares about beating hearts and ugly plants dripping blood and Incredibly Hot women laughing maniacally in the night! She awakes to find herself trying to strangle her new Creepy Husband! She is frightened and confused! No one else is, of course, but no matter?we are witnessing the mental breakdown of an innocent and pure and Incredibly Hot girl! The horror!
The Creepy Doc and the Pretty Hot Solange take all this in stride, and even call the Incredibly Hot Jenny?s psychiatrist to have a look at the poor, Incredibly Hot thing. Mysterious stuff happens. Incredibly Hot Jenny and the Handsome Doc discover that her nightmares and visions have a basis in reality: Incredibly Hot Muriel?s crypt is empty! Incredibly Hot Muriel?s earring is in the greenhouse where she lost it when Creepy Doc started beating her! Mysterious doings in the Creepy Doc?s lab! Etc. and so forth! Incredibly Hot Jenny and Handsome Doc have a disagreement, and he leaves her alone in Nightmare Castle with Creepy Doc and Pretty Hot Solange, who immediately seize the opportunity to put a cap in Incredibly Hot Jenny?s ass in relative peace and quiet.
Too bad Handsome Doc only pretended to leave.
Things get mildly weird and nonsensical when Handsome Doc finds the preserved hearts, which somehow resurrects fleshly forms for the Incredibly Hot Muriel and her Lover, although neither of them is so hot anymore?beware Hot Ghost Chicks who keep half their hot faces covered, Creepy Doc! Ever notice that none of the characters in these horror flicks has ever actually seen a horror flick themselves? Duh.
Anyway, Creepy Doc and Pretty Hot Solange take it in the ass, and Handsome Doc figures out to destroy the preserved hearts before the Not-So-Incredibly Hot Anymore Muriel and her Lover can kill Handsome Doctor and the Incredibly Hot Jenny.
The End.
Really, for the period and budget, it?s a decent film. And it has the Incredibly Hot Barbara Steele. Ain?t nothin? wrong with that.
Many and various thumbs up. Other things up for the Incredibly Hot Barbara Steele.
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So, is Barbara Steele Incredibly Hot? [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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...excellent question, 316! I'm afraid I didn't clarify that point as well as I should have in my review. Just in case anyone missed it, yes, Barbara Steele is, in fact, Incredibly Hot. And yes, it is necessary to capitalize "Incredibly Hot" in her case.
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Sounds like the plot line for season 2 of Desperate Housewives. [img]biggrin.gif[/img]
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Here she is with her Incredibly Hot Pussy....
http://baimun.home.comcast.net/barbarasteele3.jpg
... her tiger kitty you perverts. [img]wink.gif[/img]
<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ July 27, 2005 09:39 AM: Message edited by: B?im?n ]</font>
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about time you watched this flick. Now you just have to check out the Devil's Nightmare, with the even hotter Ms Blanc
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Pictures.... you need PICTURES....
http://freeweb.supereva.com/cavallau...ET/ERBLA03.JPG
Erika Blanc. [img]smile.gif[/img]
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Ahhh... yeah... Euro-Horror Euro-Trash... is there anything better?
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Aaaahhhh.....romance...... [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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...'preciate it if you could maybe keep the pics toned down a bit more, seeing as how some of us are at work.
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so a pic of my bare arse would be bad?
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...yes. Bad. Absolutely.
<font size="1">...you have my personal email addy, right?</font>
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Work???
[img]confused.gif[/img]
The tormented souls being rotated on a spit might be offended by people who still have their flesh intact????
[img]eek.gif[/img]
( [img]wink.gif[/img] no prob.)
