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You know I am sure almost everyone has cranked one off or double clicked the mouse at least once in their life. Sluggo, you might be the only exception to the rule. However, as I have found myself closer to my respective religion, I found that there is no clear answer on masterbation being sinful or not. What is everyone else's take on it?
Yes, before making the decision to wax the flagpole or bury the knuckle as the case may be, it is mandatory that we consider what cranky rabbis believed thousands of years ago.
http://www.bible.com/answers/amasturb.html
C'mon now everybody, sing along, "Every sperm is sacred!" Has Monty Python taught you NOTHING???
You might also call a local expert for advice: Phil Burress!
Why can't it be both? Must it be either/or? And if everyone at one time or other has yanked the yule log, does this mean everyone is going to hell?
Besides spanking the monkey has been shown to have healthful benefits, and may reduce the risk of prostate cancer.
<font color="#000002" size="1">[ August 25, 2004 08:59 AM: Message edited by: reason ]</font>
This may be helpful with the discussion of topic at hand (pun intended):
Euphemisms for Masturbation
1 Beating the purple headed yogurt slinger? 526
2 Flying to Mars in a Helium Balloon 180
3 Better than Chocolate 80
4 Killing Kittens 72
5 Listening to loud music on a long car ride to LA 40
6 mr. happie's fun time 21
7 entertaining the emu 20
8 Shootin' Puddy at the moon 13
9 Shaking hands with yourself 12
10 stroking the salami 12
11 riding the donkey cart to texas while high on acid 10
12 licking your girlfriend's clit 7
13 Spanking the Monkey 5
14 Making God Irate 5
15 Riffing on the bendy Fender 4
16 Making Baby Batter 4
17 jerkin the gerkin 4
18 fucking the mattress 4
19 Charming the snake 3
20 Wrestling with cyclops 3
21 choking the chicken 3
22 stuffing the ballot box 3
23 Dipping your baguette into the hand hummus 2
24 Poking the slug 2
25 Flogging the Dolphin 2
26 Whacking the Weasel 2
27 Milk the Lizard 2
28 Winning the jackpot on the one-eyed bandit 2
29 Whittling the Hickory Stick 2
30 Violating the Vasoline 2
Male Slang terms....
arm the torpedo
bang the burrito
Barclays' bank
bash the bishop(18)
beat off
beat your meat
beat the dummy
beat the piss out of your best friend
blanket drill
bleed your weed
blow your load
bludgeon the beefsteak
bop the baloney
box the Jesuit and get cockroaches
buff the banana
burp the worm
butter your corn
caress the cucumber
charge the battery
choke the chicken
churn butter
clean your rifle
come your turkey
consult Dr. Jerkoff
crown the king
cynic friction
dash your doodle
diddle yourself
do-it-yourself
do the mighty wang chung
do the wild Tyler
feel in your pocket for your big hairy rocket
fist your mister
Five-finger Mary
five against one
flog the lizard
flute solo
fog the computer screen
fondle your fig
frig yourself
fuck your fist
Female Slang...
a date with Rosie
a little southern romance
accordion solo
baste the meat
battery testing
beat the beaver
blooming
blossoming
bond with kitty
bounce on the bed
buff the muff
busting a nut
butter the potato
buttonhole
buy an "E" ticket
buzz off
caress the kitty
catch a buzz
churn the cream
clap your clit
clit bits
clit twit
clitorize
comb the brush
cook cucumbers
copy Georgia O'Keefe
cross the great divide
date my palm
deep dishing
dig a trench
digitate
digitizing
dip your fingers in the honey pot
do laps
embrace the plastic age (use vibrator)
enjoy a little southern comfort
enter no man's land
explore the deep south
fan the furnace
feed the fish
feed the other mouth
finger dancing
finger fun
finger it
flick the switch
flip the bean
flip through the pages
flying manual (hands)
fly on automatic (vibrator)
four-lip whistling
fuzzy fun
Star Wars euphemisms for masturbation
1.) Shooting Womprats in Beggar's Canyon
2.) Grooming the Wookie
3.) Making the Kessel Run
4.) Polishing Vader's Helmet
5.) Evacuating Tatooine
6.) Unsheathing the Meatsaber
7.) Releasing the Special Edition
8.) Jumping to Delight Speed
9.) Communicating with Red Leader One
10.) Lightsaber Practice with Captain Solo
11.) Tinkering With the R2 Unit
12.) Manually Targeting the Rebel Base
13.) Performing the Jedi Hand Trick
14.) Scratching Yoda Behind the Ears
15.) Test Firing the Death Star
<font color="#000002"><font size="1">[ August 25, 2004 09:33 AM: Message edited by: reason ]</font></font>
<font color="#000002" size="1">[ August 25, 2004 09:36 AM: Message edited by: reason ]</font>
It's a naturaal and normal thing to do. And, yes they have found that it may be healthy for you. Everyone does it and one time or another, it's no big deal. As for the relgious aspect. As you all know I am not a religious person, but I'd be willing to guess that if that is your worst sin that you're not too bad of a person.
You forgot one reason.
Who can forget that scene in 16 candles when Long Duck Dong cries out...
"NO MORE YANKEE MY WANKEE" [img]eek.gif[/img]
This is a joke right??
You Americans You [img]graemlins/sleepy.gif[/img]
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Wow, two mysteries solved in one shot. [img]smile.gif[/img]Quote:
Originally posted by cincygreg:
It's a naturaal and normal thing to do. And, yes they have found that it may be healthy for you. Everyone does it and one time or another, it's no big deal.
1) CG admits that he's just a big wanker.
and
2) We now know why he no longer works at Allyn's.
(Word to the wise if you frequent Allyn's. Insist on no mayo!!!)
I'm not ashamed to admit that I have done it.
Everyone has.
And I just thought it was better to let people know that I was no longer working there.
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Quote:
Originally posted by Pi?a:
2) We now know why he no longer works at Allyn's.
(Word to the wise if you frequent Allyn's. Insist on no mayo!!!)
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">So is the potato salad now safe at Allyn's or was/is everyone still doing "it" there?Quote:
Originally posted by cincygreg:
I'm not ashamed to admit that I have done it.
Everyone has.
And I just thought it was better to let people know that I was no longer working there.
I wouldnt know ping pong ball, I didnt work in the kitchen.
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Funny, I would have thought you "worked" (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) pretty much anywhere, anytime.Quote:
Originally posted by cincygreg:
I wouldnt know ping pong ball, I didnt work in the kitchen.
"licking your girlfriend's clit"
This is a euphemism? For masturbation? [img]tongue.gif[/img]
"Flying to Mars in a Helium Balloon"
I don't understand that one, must be a chick thing...
"box the Jesuit and get cockroaches"
Please do not explain that one...
"four-lip whistling"
Sounds like a euphemism for something else. [img]tongue.gif[/img]
Otherwise a pretty good list, Reason - how long did it take for you to write it? [img]redface.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/sheep.gif[/img]
<font color="#000002" size="1">[ August 25, 2004 07:52 PM: Message edited by: LanDroid ]</font>
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Oh, Bejebus, Lan. You MUST spend some time in our 'hood!Quote:
Originally posted by LanDroid:
"licking your girlfriend's clit"
This is a euphemism? For masturbation? [img]tongue.gif[/img]
"Flying to Mars in a Helium Balloon"
I don't understand that one, must be a chick thing...
"box the Jesuit and get cockroaches"
Please do not explain that one...
"four-lip whistling"
Sounds
Otherwise a pretty good list, Reason - how long did it take for you to write it? [img]redface.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/sheep.gif[/img]
<font color="#000002"><font size="1">[ August 25, 2004 07:52 PM: Message edited by: LanDroid ]</font></font>
You'll get edumacuated.
Ah crap, are you going to help me out or am I gonna hafta hang out on the corner just down the street from you? [img]graemlins/rainbow.gif[/img]
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I can't quote anything written, but as a veteran of 12 years of Catholic school it was implied that you'll go straight to hell if you touch yourself "down there".Quote:
Originally posted by Jigsaw:
You know I am sure almost everyone has cranked one off or double clicked the mouse at least once in their life. Sluggo, you might be the only exception to the rule. However, as I have found myself closer to my respective religion, I found that there is no clear answer on masterbation being sinful or not. What is everyone else's take on it?
Guess I'm going to hell. Oops, TMI! [img]confused.gif[/img]
Everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten.
You know we have almost totally overlooked the fact that Women do it too.
They dont make dildos and vibrators for nothing.
Someone must be buying them. LOL!