Off topic humor post

With some of the discussions we've had regarding WAF, I thought this might be anappropriate post:

The Harley Rider.....

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I
will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little
more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent
treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

ROTFLMAO!

Drum roll please, thats funny!

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Hilarious, O.G., Thanks!

HA! LOL, Don't think another man has ever made me cry! laughed so hard my gut hurts and got tears in my eyes! That's funny stuff! I actually think God probably has a awesome sense of humor, Thanks Old Guy!

Whooa!!

I can relate to that myself. Really funny but true.

A soldier being chased by the MP,s loses them for a minute and comes across a nun. He begs the nun to let him hide under her habit so that the MP,s dont catch him and send him to Iraq. Please sister, I dont want to go to Iraq, please let me hide from the MP,s. The nun says ok, and the soldier crawls up under the nuns habit. The MP,s pass, and about 5 minutes go by, the nun tells the soldier the coast is clear and its ok to come out now.

The soldier thanks the nun, and then says BTW sister, no disrespect, but you have a really nice pair of legs.


The nun says to the soldier if you had looked a little higher, you would have seen I have a nice pair of balls too. I didnt want to go to Iraq, either!

Quote:

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Originally posted by Old Guy:
With some of the discussions we've had regarding WAF, I thought this might be anappropriate post:

The Harley Rider.....

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I
will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little
more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent
treatment, why she cries, what she <font color="red">really</font> means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Clearified the meaning a bit.

Quote:

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Originally posted by RKLee:
<font color="red">Clarified</font> the meaning a bit.

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">

Here's one I, who used to live in Arkansas, thought was REALLY funny (of course, that's only my opinion -

On a trip to Great Britain while he was President of the United States, Bill Clinton had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. During that meeting he asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"

"That's easy," the Queen replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisers."

"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?", asked Bill.

You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in." When Blair, who was the Prime Minister at the time, arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me -

"Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?"

Blair replied, "That's easy - the child was me."

"Very good," said the Queen. "You may go now."

Sizing up his wife's chances in her presidential bid, and thinking back on that meeting, Bill Clinton spoke to Hillary. He said to her, "I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important - Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was that child?"

Hillary replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer. Can I deliberate on this for awhile?"

"Yes," said Bill, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."

So Hillary called a meeting of her campaign team, from top to bottom, and asked them the riddle. But, after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. She was quite upset, not knowing what she would tell her husband, the former President.

As Hillary was leaving her meeting, she ran into her most formidable challenger to her presidential nomination, Barack Obama.

So she said, "Mr. Obama, can you answer this riddle for me? Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?"

"That's seems pretty easy," said Obama, "I think the child would be me."

"Oh thank you," said Hillary. "You may just have ensured my nomination for the democratic candidate for the Presidency of the United States!"

So, Hillary went back to Bill and said, "I think I know the answer to your riddle = the child was Barack Obama!"

"No, you idiot!" shouted Bill. "The child was Tony Blair!"

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Heard the same joke with George Bush...

Another Bush and the Queen story:

While visiting England George W. was treated to a ride in the Royal carriage.

Down the main thouroughfare, one horse let go with a particularly loud and smelly one.

Embarrasseed, the wqueen turned to Bush and said: "I'm sorry Mr. President, you must realize some things even a Queen can't control."


Bush replied: 'Think nothing of it , Your Majesty- until you said something, I thought it was the horse."

Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, "I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than I am. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."
"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.
"Hmm. Well, where do you catch 'em?"
"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the **** out of 'em, and eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the **** out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."

Quote:

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Originally posted by Old Guy:
Heard the same joke with George Bush...

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Lemme guess...his reply was "Jeb"... http://www.hostboard.com/forums/

Fool me once...ahhh...don't get fooled again!

Blonde's Year in Review.


January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in printer !!!

March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours ... power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.


November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days . instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December - Couldn't call 911 .. "duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.Angrily, back into the house she went.As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again,marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

?I hope the plane doesn?t travel faster than sound? said the blond to the stewardess. ?Why?? ?Because my friend and I want to talk, that?s why.?

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She thought General Motors was in the army.

She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."

She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

She sent a fax with a stamp on it.

Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

She tripped over a cordless phone.

She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."

She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."

She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She studied for a blood test.

She sold the car for gas money.

When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.

When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company..

I'm working with a group developing a new product for trailer park neighborhoods.

Beef flavored disposable diapers...

After you are done, just feed 'em to the dog.

Big selling point? Makes its own gravy...