Funny And Poignant Quotes Thread

Feel free to add any you fell belong.

I'll start.

"The shortest distance between two points is under construction"- Noelie Altito

"People who never get carried away should be"- Malcolm Forbes

"only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the former"- Albert Einstein

"It's too bad stupidity isn't painful"- Unknown (actually I do know but it's probably better not to mention it but one of you will look it up)

Who's next?


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<font color="#FFFFAA" size="1">[ April 06, 2005 10:23 AM: Message edited by: cincygreg ]</font>

"The term 'impossible' is but the hobgoblin of the timid, and the excuse of poltroons" -Napoleon

"If you don't have anything good to say about anybody, come sit by me.." Alice Roosevelt Longworth

"Years ago when I wanted to be president there were enemies I wanted to punish and friends I wanted to reward. The enemies have long since become friends and the friends have died off.." President James Buchanan

"Success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan."

John F. Kennedy

"I'm in shape. Round is a shape."

Seen on a tshirt at Fitworks, Newport, KY

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
-- Bertrand Russell

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire".

Sir Winston Churchill

Maybe not poignant, but certainly funny...

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception"- Groucho Marx

"A man's got to believe in something, I beleive I'll have another drink"- W.C. Fields

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn't met me yet"- Rodney Dangerfield

AHHHHHHHHHHHH, gotta love the classics.

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<font color="#FFFFAA" size="1">[ April 06, 2005 11:27 AM: Message edited by: cincygreg ]</font>

"I will not be held accountable for my actions when I am bored"

Myself. [img]cool.gif[/img]

Quote:

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Hitler started by censoring the news, what people could read, etc. People did as he said because, after all, it was the law. Years later Jews, Gypsies, Gays, and anyone else who didn't fit into his ideal of a perfect human was being shipped off to concentration camps. Many citizens of the country let it happen because, after all, it was the law. You may not see people dying now, you may not believe it can happen. Already we have political people who want to restrict what people can do based on their religious beliefs or their love life. The truly brave stand up for what they believe in and don't hide behind rules and regulations. This is not something where people are being physically injured. Nobody is being beaten up by secret policemen. This is still just a fight for words. Stick to it, and don't let anyone tell you that your words aren't important. If they censor someone else's words today, your words may be next.
-Esther Filderman

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Quote:

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She had lost the art of conversation, but not, unfortunately, the power of speech.
-George Bernard Shaw
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
-George Bernard Shaw

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Quote:

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There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.
-Miss Manners

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" Imaginiation is a gift, it is the elixer of life the seed of greatness"-P.T. Barnum

"A Life is not important except for the impact it has on other lives"- jackie Robinson

'My life is my own, I run it, I live it, I do with it as I please. If it is not what you want it to be or how you would like me to live it then you should spend less time talking and worrying about it and concentrate on your own"- The Wonderful, Amazing, Awesome and typo friendly Gregory A. Hoodin (which is of course me)

"I am what I am"- Popeye

"The Snozzberries taste like snozzberries"- Willie Wonka

"I dont do things to please you, I do things to please me"- unknown

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Quote:

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If religious beliefs and opinions are found contrary to the standards of science, they are mere superstitions and imaginations; for the antithesis of knowledge is ignorance, and the child of ignorance is superstition. Unquestionably there must be agreement between true religion and science. If a question be found contrary to reason, faith and belief in it are impossible, and there is no outcome but wavering and vacillation.

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">--'Abdu'l-Bah?

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most"- Mark Twain

"I've been in love with the same woman for 40 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me"- Henry Youngman

"I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators, I left early"- Jack Benny

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a better shelflife"- Frnak Zappa

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"Ouch. Ow! Stop! Ouch, that hurts! Ouch. I'm telling you, I dont' know what the frequency is."


- Dan Rather


"I don't ever want to hear you say 'I want it that way.'"

- Backstreet Boys


"Lew, how do I look in this Catholic schoolgirl uniform?"

- Gae

Regarding the "What's the frequency, Kenneth" incident with Dan Rather, a friend of mine - who often gets the story wrong - told me that same attacker killed an NBC employee while saying the same thing - "What's the frequency Kenneth."

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ON a side note, I have no desire to know the joke behind the Catholic school girl quote.