My Journey to Confidence: Part 1

Boy, do I have a story to tell you. My name is Heather. I’m 20 years old and this happened just a bit after my 20th birthday. I’m a petite Asian girl, of Japanese descent specifically. I have dark brown hair which at this point in time, I liked to wear in twin tails that went down to my elbows. I have hazel eyes and D-cup breasts. Not the biggest, I know but they’ve served me well as you’ll find out soon. However, before I had discovered my greatest passion in life, my life, in fact, was more or less a living Hell. I suffered from severe shyness, crippling social anxiety and above all else, a dominant fear of confrontation, all of which defined the life I had back then. Little Ms. Doormat, that was me. I could never say no to anyone and my fear of confrontation is so possessive that just the thought of standing up for myself makes me nauseous and feel like I’m about to have a panic attack. And today was a particularly rough day. I came home feeling half dead but my mood immediately improved after seeing my boyfriend, Jason waiting for me on the couch.

Yes, believe it or not, a shrinking violet like me had a boyfriend. It was more of a happy accident though. As is tradition, Jason was the one who made the first move. He was my age and we had the same class once. One day, out of nowhere, he approached me and asked me out. I turned beet red and thought I was going to faint but since I can never say no to anyone, I said yes, stammering like ten times. I was nervous beyond description but I had a great time. Despite being 18 when we met, he was my first boyfriend. I wasn’t his first girlfriend, of course. As time went on and I became more and more comfortable with him, we even started to have sex. He waited for me to decide when I was ready, bless his heart and he took my virginity a year before this story takes place. Jason is really the only person I felt like I could be myself around and I don’t know what I would do without him. I practically collapsed onto the couch, resting my head on his washboard chest and sighing audibly.

“Another bad day, babe?” He asked, stroking my twintails soothingly, which he knew I loved.

“Worst day of my life.” I said in a defeated tone.

“Tell me everything.” He said. So I did.

As I’ve said, my three most fatal flaws are my extreme shyness, my controlling social anxiety and my indescribable fear of confrontation. And there were four people in particular in my life that reaped those flaws for all that they were worth. To start with, history class. History is a strong passion of mine and my major. I was taking a class focused on 20th century conflicts and I was “blessed” enough to be classmates with Leah. The captain of the cheerleaders and the epitome of stereotypes on just that. She was a bitchy dumb blonde who had an insufferable valley girl accent and wore her platinum blonde locks in a ponytail. She also had noticeable DDs, which no doubt aided in her popularity. Since I was top of the class, she had bullied me into doing all her work for her since she has to keep her grades up to maintain her position on the squad. One day, she met up with me in the hall where we always meet to exchange her/my work.

“Is that World War II paper done yet?” She asked impatiently.

“Yes.” I said in my soft, weak whisper of a voice, desperately trying to avoid eye contact.

I took out the paper and handed it to her.

“About time.” She said. Ungrateful cunt. “And you made sure yours wasn’t, like, too similar, right? I don’t want the professor to get suspicious.”

“Yes.” I said.

“Well, you’d totally better get started on that Cold War paper too.” She instructed. I looked at her with a worried expression.

“What is it?” She asked rudely. “I don’t have a blackhead, do I?”

“That paper is supposed to be at least 5,000 words…and I still have to do mine without it being too similar.” I explained.

“Sounds like a you problem.” She said coldly.

“But…” I said.

“Are you disobeying me?” She asked rhetorically.

“No.” I said defeatedly.

“Good. Now get that brain of yours to work. It’s all you’re good for, anyway.” She said before strutting off, her ponytail streaming behind her along with the skirt of her cheerleader uniform.

And that’s just how my day started. School was usually my escape as it was the only thing I was good at and that blonde bimbo was ruining it for me. But then there’s my job…Oh, Christ. I worked as a Hooters waitress. Again, you’re probably shocked by that but like with my boyfriend, I didn’t go into it willingly. However, while Jason ended up being a stroke of luck and a happy accident, my job was the exact opposite. I was just walking by one day and some redhead who looked to be at least an E-cup approached me out of nowhere. I was in a hurry but I was too afraid of coming off as rude to say anything. She said her name was Evelyn and asked me if I wanted a job at Hooters. She bluntly said that my being Asian would attract a lot of guys and be good for tokenism. That sounded awful and I wanted to lie and just say I already had a job but before I said a word, Evelyn already acted as if I said yes and told me my hours. I was way too meek to even try to argue.

My job was fucking miserable. Everything about it was a nightmare. The revealing uniform I had to wear made me feel like a piece of meat and I got leered at and catcalled by creeps all day. Evelyn was my co-worker and she walked all over me. She would blow off her more unpleasant jobs on me constantly. Today was particularly bad. One day, she handed me a bunch of trays of food that looked like it would take at least three people to carry.

“Make yourself useful for once and go give those gentlemen their order, why don’t you?” Evelyn asked or rather passive-aggressively demanded.

She pointed to the table where a bunch of loud, obnoxious, douchey fratboys were being pricks and throwing things around. Oh, God, I didn’t want to go over there. I gave Evelyn a sorry look.

“Is there a problem?” She asked rudely.

“No.” I said with sad eyes.

I took the trays and had to balance them on top of each other. Now that I think about it, I should’ve just made more than one trip. As I walked over there, those perverts immediately started whistling at me and making lewd comments. One of them even said he would’ve preferred the redhead, which was just the icing on the humiliation cake. As I was giving those assholes their food, one of them flipped my skirt upwards and scared me so badly that I spilled one of the trays on the floor. Evelyn saw the whole thing.

“Ugh! Can’t you do anything right?!” She scolded me. I almost wanted to cry.

She apologized to those jerks and got another tray for them, of course making me give it to them again. Evelyn was the worst co-worker in the world. You’re probably thinking that I could’ve spoken to the manager about her…But the manager was even worse. My Boss’s name was Kara. A 35 year old raven with what appeared to be F-cup tits and bitchy looking secretary glasses. Evelyn has been the employee of the month for a long time now, so Kara kissed her ass and let her get away with just about anything. She once summoned me to her office to yell at me for what happened. Of course, Evelyn also had to be there.

“I’ll have you know that that tray of food is coming out of your paycheck.” Kara said.

“Okay.” I said weekly.

I got paid minimum wage as is…Goddamn it.

“You’re lucky that the freaks who come here like gawking at you, you damn klutz.” Evelyn insulted.

“Until we find another shy, Asian girl, we’re not firing you, though.” Kara said. “Maybe if you’re on your best behavior, we’ll keep two of you around. Now get back to work.”

“But my shift…” I said.

“Did I ask for your opinion?” Kara asked bitchily. Apparently that is indeed a word. “Now get off your lazy ass and mop the floors!”

I did as I was asked. I could’ve spoken to HR about this but they would know I squealed on them and I just couldn’t handle the discomfort of having to make my case. Plus, I was new and it would be two against one. I would lose and they’d ride me even harder. I needed the money anyway since Jason and I share an apartment and I hated being a freeloader on him. I finished my story to him.

“I’m sorry, babe.” He said. “I wish you’d stand up for yourself more.”

“So do I.” I said, snuggling him. “But…I just can’t handle the stress of that.”

“I know.” Jason said. “But tomorrow’s another day.”

Just then, our doorbell rang.

“Sounds like her royal bitchiness is here.” Jason said. We both got up.

“Her royal bitchiness” refers to the last but certainly not the least of my bullies. Our landlady, Dawn. She’s a brunette like me but her hair is a lighter shade of brown than mine. Neither Jason nor I made very much money, so we had a little…arrangement going with Dawn for when we couldn’t pay our bills. You see, Dawn was a raging bisexual and also a lecherous pervert that would make any of my customers at Hooters look like the Dalai Lama in comparison. So, when we were short on cash, like today, we would do…things for her. She lusted over both of us, so she would sometimes ask for naughty pics, sometimes she would want to see us naked in person and sometimes she would want to cop a feel. Her requests were different all the time.

Yes, what she was going was extremely dodgy but we had nowhere else to go and Dawn was smoking hot herself, so if we told anyone, they’d probably envy us more than anything else. Still, neither of us liked having to degrade ourselves like this. Jason opened the door, revealing Dawn in all her bitchy, G-cupped glory.

“Rent’s due.” She said rudely. Hello to you too, cunt.

My boyfriend and I both looked at each other silently. Dawn then smiled, knowing what that meant.

“This is why you two are my favorite occupants.” She said.

She walked into our home and closed the door behind her.

“I’ll do it today.” I said.

“No, I will.” Jason argued.

“It’s my call, remember?” Dawn said firmly. “Now shut up and let me think.”

After about thirty seconds, she decided.

“I’ll take you.” She said, pointing to me. “What’s your name again?”

“Heather.” I said meekly.

“Yeah, whatever.” Dawn said.

Jason looked very guilty. I know he wanted to cover for me after the day I’ve had but Dawn made up her mind.

“I want a kiss.” Dawn said. “And none of that pecking shit. I’m not your Grandmother. I want a full on, five minute long makeout session.”

“Okay.” I said quietly.

“Don’t look so glum, sexy.” Dawn said. “You know how many would kill to be in your position right now?”

“Humble as ever.” Jason mocked.

“You stay out of this!” Dawn ordered. “It’ll be your turn next time.”

Before I was ready, Dawn grabbed me by my twin tails and yanked my face forward, ramming her tongue down my throat. My face was blushing so much, I thought my head would explode. I turned my gaze over to Jason, who looked furious and helpless. Most guys would be thrilled to see their girlfriend kissing another woman but he always hated seeing me even slightly uncomfortable…Oh, what did I do to deserve him? Dawn violated my mouth for five minutes sharp, as she said before pulling out roughly, leaving me panting.

“You happy now?” Jason asked Dawn rudely.

“Very.” Dawn said, licking my saliva off of her lips. “I’ll cover your rent this month. You’re welcome.”

As she left, slamming the door, Jason helped me up.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah.” I answered.

We decided not to dwell on it and just move on. However, I had to confess that that kiss was…Kind of exciting. I never experienced any attraction to the same sex before but Dawn knew how to work that tongue of hers. I even felt myself getting a little moist down there. No way I could tell Jason, of course. We had dinner, washed up and a few hours later, we went to bed. Luckily I had the next couple days off. I need them now more than ever. I lied awake that night, bitter and frustrated. I hate myself for allowing all of this to happen. Jason and I could’ve just moved into the College dorms but we hated being apart and I would probably just get another bitchy bully of a roommate. Maybe even two of them. No. Whoring ourselves out to our landlady was better than that. I’m so sick of my own weakness. Why can’t I just work up the nerve to put all of those miserable cunts in their place? I fantasize about it all the time. God, the ways I would humiliate all four of those bitches…Oh, well. No use letting keep me awake at night…I tried to make myself go to sleep but I was just too worked up. I started to get thirsty and I got up to get something to drink.

As I walked past Jason’s room, I saw that his door was ever so slightly cracked open and I couldn’t help but notice the tiny ray of light spilling out. I was way too nosy not to take a peek inside. I tried very carefully to open the door slowly and just enough for me to see inside. He was on his laptop with his headphones on and I saw a very enthralled and excited look on his face. My anxiety immediately took hold of me and assumed the worst. His gaze then wandered over to the door and his expression changed from one of immersion to surprise and fear. The feeling was mutual as I felt my heart jump into my throat.

“Heather?!” He asked in a panic, immediately closing his laptop.

“I’m sorry!” I said frantically. “I didn’t mean to snoop!”

“It’s fine.” He said, calming down. “You just startled me, that’s all.”

I still felt guilty.

“Can’t sleep either?” He asked.

“No.” I answered. “I was just going to get a drink when I saw the light from your room and I just got curious. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s no problem, really.” Jason said. “I was just browsing through my music to try and help me get to sleep.”

That face he was making before he knew I was there told a different story. I know people can be immersed by music but to that extent? Maybe I was just being paranoid, though.

“Well, I guess I’ll go get that drink now. Do you want anything?” I asked, trying to move past the awkward situation.

“Maybe a water bottle will help me get some shuteye.” He said. “Thanks.”

My heart was still racing as I got him the water bottle and one for myself. I went back to his room and handed it to him before going back to bed. My chronic anxiety was through the roof, wondering what it was he was doing. God, as if this night couldn’t get any worse. What did he not want me to see? No…Was he cheating on me? Was he chatting with some bitch online? Oh, please no. Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to share beds when we moved in here! He said it was because he couldn’t sleep with someone else in the bed but what if he was lying?! He’s all I have in my life!…Okay, calm down. Think about this. Would he do that to you? Especially after all the times he’s stood up for you?…No…Wait, maybe he was just watching porn. Yeah, that makes sense. All guys do it, girlfriend or no. However, that kind of upset me too. Was I not enough for him? Did seeing Dawn tongue me down turn him on more than he let on? Not that I have any room to talk when it comes to that but still.

I began to relax, finally. Still, I wondered, what kind of porn is he into? It’s only natural for a girl to be curious about what gets her man going. I sighed internally. I had to find out. If I did, maybe I could adjust myself properly to his tastes, so he’d have no reason to do this again. I hated going behind his back but I just couldn’t control myself. Wait, that’s it! He has double shifts the next couple of days but I’m off! I can look at his history when he’s gone! God, I’m so pathetic but I had to! My anxiety finally went away as I drifted off to sleep. The next morning we were having Breakfast and he finished quickly before he got ready for work.

“I’m going. You sure you’ll be good here by your lonesome?” He asked.

“I’ll be okay, thanks.” I answered.

“Wait..” Jason said. I got nervous for a second. Was he on to me?!

“When did you start letting your hair down?” He asked.

I just now noticed that. I guess in all the excitement from last night, I forgot to put my twin tails in.

“I guess I forgot.” I answered honestly. “Do you like it?”

“I love it!” He answered. “You look even hotter than usual, babe.”

I smiled and blushed as he kissed my forehead and left.

“Goodbye!” He said, leaving.

“Bye.” I said softly.

As he left, I stared outside our window waiting for his car to leave before I tried anything. He drove off and I immediately went for his room. I walked past the bathroom and first noticed my reflection. Wow. I do look pretty good with my hair down. It reached my ass. It makes me look more confident too, even if that doesn’t match my personality. And Jason likes it, so maybe I’ll stick with this look. I figured I owed him that much for what I was about to do. I went into his room and pulled his laptop out from under his bed. I opened it up and turned it on. Ugh! What would his password be?! I thought about it for a second. As cliche as it was, I typed “Heather” with a capital H in and…It worked. That guy…I felt my heart melt and then a sudden twinge of guilt. Still, I had to find out for sure. I went through his Internet history.

Well…I was half right. He was looking at porn, all right. Just not in video format or even picture format but story format. He was reading erotic stories! Huh, I thought only girls were into that kind of thing. Now I was even more curious. What was he reading? He most often visited a site called “Hostboard”. The most recent story he read was by username “YuriLesboLover”. What a stupid name. It was some story about a team of hot cop girls with huge tits and they snag their female perps by fucking them. Sexfighting, it’s called. I wasn’t familiar but the name spoke for itself. Two girls would fuck each other until one was incapable of continuing. Honestly…I found myself getting pretty invested in these stories. Like crazy invested. Excited even. Between that and my reaction to Dawn’s kiss, I was really starting to question my sexuality. Hey, no one’s here, why not explore a little?

I kept going through his history, reading these incredible stories. They were so well written and immersive, painting a perfect picture in my mind. I began to feel my nipples harden and my pussy heat up. I can’t take it anymore! I’ll just wash his sheets before he gets home! I found myself masturbating to these stories as they hypnotized me. Before I knew it, hours had passed. I kept imagining myself as the girls fucking each other to the max in these stories and I felt over the moon. I read stories from authors like JB57, A. Penman, KingOfDaPirates, Angel Dawn, Deensmith, Rivals Rapture, and so much more. At some point, I had exhausted all of his history of the stories and noticed that his battery had been running low. Oh, shit! Six hours had passed already! He’ll be home in another six! Wait, I can just use my own laptop to read more! I plugged his charger in and ran off to my room with a spring in my step, completely forgetting all of my problems from yesterday. They don’t matter now! I need more stories!

I practically jumped into bed, opened my laptop and went right back in! I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this excited! I read just about every story I could find. My enthusiasm wouldn’t die off no matter how many times I pleasured myself. I eventually read through the entire Hostboard catalog…And then I discovered FreeCatFights and Fights.Sexy…and then sexfight videos like Gachinko Lesbian Battle…I felt like a kid on Christmas morning. Before I knew it, another six hours had passed and I heard the front door unlocking. My heart sank. Shit! I forgot to wash his sheets! I ran over to his bed and sighed with relief upon realizing that his bed had dried and I left no stains. Holy shit, I needed to control myself. I walked in as he came in and we smiled at each other.

“You’re looking in good spirits.” He said.

“Yeah.” I said. “I guess some time alone was all I needed.”

If only he knew.

“Well, I’m gonna hit the showers.” Jason said.

“Okay.” I said.

“You decided to keep your hair that way, huh?” He asked.

“Yeah.” I answered. “I just needed a change, I guess.”

“Well, I’m not complaining.” He said.

As he left for the shower, I realized that I forgot to unplug the charger from his laptop. As he began showering, I ran to his room to do just that. After we both showered, we went to bed…Or at least he did. No way I could stop now. I kept searching high and low for more sexfight anything. Stories, videos, art, it didn’t matter. I was addicted. I had to go to sleep eventually, though. The next morning came and it was a repeat. Breakfast, him going to work and me burying myself in my laptop. By the time the day was almost over, I knew the sexfight kink inside and out. All of it. The authors, the stories, the models, the characters created, everything. More than that, I felt…transformed. Like all my maniacal inhibitions were finally beginning to slip away. The girls in these stories I’d read…They were all so confident, so sexy, so slutty, so nymphomaniacal and so unbreakable in their desire to fuck each other…I found that so hot but also so admirable. I wanted to be like them. I wanted to not take shit from any bitch…And you know what? I was starting to feel that way.

Just before my boyfriend was about to get home, I looked at myself in the mirror again. I felt like I was looking at a totally different person. The person I saw was bold, sexy, ambitious and above all else, confident! The look on my face was a look of pure focus and determination. I felt like I could take on the world and all from discovering my new favorite kink. Heather the doormat was no more and I wanted everyone to know it…Jason…How do I tell him? He’ll surely notice the change in me. How do I tell him what I did? That I distrusted him enough to invade his privacy like that…I couldn’t not tell him, especially when I had him to thank for the new me even existing. I felt bad but I would cross that bridge when I got there. Speaking of the devil, Jason unlocked the door and came in. I ran over to him and gave him a big, tight hug.

“Woah, babe!” He said with a giggle. “What’s gotten into you?”

“I can tell you what’s about to get into me.” I said as I began to strip him down.

He looked visibly shocked. He always took charge when we had sex.

“Not that I’m complaining but who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?” He joked.

“Just shut up and get in the damn bed.” I teased.

We fucked that night better than we had ever fucked before. It felt like how Romeo and Juliet should’ve ended. I never felt so alive. As we drifted off to sleep, I realized what else I had to do. If the girls in those stories could outfuck other bitches, so could I. And I had class tomorrow followed by work the next day. It’s payback time! That blonde bitch Leah is first on the chopping block! I can’t wait to make her squeal like the pig she is! But I calmed down when I felt Jason’s arm wrap around me, spooning me from behind, his nose in my hair. I love the new me. Almost as much as I loved Jason. Tonight, I sleep..but tomorrow, I conquer…