-
He was sitting in traffic waiting for the light to change when an old country ballad began to play on the radio, filtering through the worn speakers of the Jeep.
After the first few notes he realised he recognized the melody and reached to turn up the volume. A smile was tugging into place as he listened with rapt attention to the lyrics, fingertips drumming along the steering wheel.
I like the feel of your name on my lips
And I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss
The way that your fingers run through my hair
And how your scent lingers even when your not there
And I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh
And how you enjoy your two hour bath
And how you convinced me to dance in the rain
With everyone watching like we were insane
But I love the way you love me
Strong and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul
So completely
I love the way you love me
I like to imitate old Jerry Lee
And watch you roll your eyes when I'm slightly off key
And I like the innocent way that you cry
At sappy old movies you've seen hundreds of times
But I love the way you love me
Strong and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul
So completely
I love the way you love me
And I could list a million things
I love to like about you
But they all come down to one reason
I could never live without you
I love the way you love me
Strong and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul
So completely
I love the way you love me
Oh baby, I love the way you love me
As the ending notes drew to a close, he was reaching down into his pocket for his cell phone. He had the urge to call Shannon, just to tell her he loved her.
A frown spreading into place as it seemed to be wedged especially good within its snug denim prison. The light was changing to green then, so he was pressing down on the gas pedal to proceed slowly into the intersection. He only glanced down for a second.
But that's all that it took. He never even saw the large pick-up truck barrelling through the red light and headed towards an inevitable collision with the Jeep.
The last thing he remembered was the unearthly loud crunch of metal against metal and the distinct sounds of glass shattering. Then he blacked out.
*****************************
Sirens blared somewhere in the distance. He felt strangely detatched from his body.
He could hear voices buzzing somewhere in the back of his brain but the actual words were just beyond his grasp. Strangely, he didn't feel any pain. Just that strange numb detatchment as though his mind and body were two completely separate entities.
Another voice louder, more insistent.
"Sir? Sir, can you hear me?"
The EMT was prying open one of his lids and shining an irritating beam of light into the glazed pupils. Mac just couldn't seem to exert the effort needed to form any words.
"Pupils fixed and dilated. No response." Lowly spoken as the medical technician related his findings to another one who was busy lifting the victim of the other vehicle onto a stretcher and into an ambulance. She was shaking her head as she finished and wandering over to give an assessing glance to the man her collegue was hovering over.
"Got an ID?" She asked.
"Yeah. S'names Cord. We should notify next of kin." He answered gravely.
Mackenzy had a lucid moment of clarity for the space of a few heartbeats and he wrapped his tongue around the only syllables that seemed to form in his mind. His throat felt raw and gritty as sandpaper but he managed to croak out the word painfully. "Shannon."
Then he felt himself slipping back into the dark, swirling void.
**********************************
Oh, God.
This can not be happening. That was the only thought tumbling about in Charisma's mind as she made that reckless drive well over the speed limit to the hospital. She would never forget the chill that sank into her bones when she received the call from the police.
Words that still echoed in her mind.
"...You're brother....accident...so sorry...."
It hadn't seemed real and she'd only caught every other word as a hand flew to her throat and her lungs nearly forgot how to breathe. She was pulling into the emergency parking and nearly flying out of the car even as she was flipping open her phone to dial Shannon's number. Well, it was the number on the card she had been given weeks earlier. She didn't know her home number or if she had a cellular. It was an answering machine that picked up.
Her shoulders slumped some as she was walking briskly through the hospital's automatic doors. At the tone, her words just rushed out, alarm and anxiety staining her usually composed and cooly clipped voice.
"Shannon? Oh, God. I don't know if you're there...If you are, please pick up."
She paused and was greeted with silence and then she was continuing on, repeating the awful words she had just heard herself, with a tremor she couldn't hold back.
"It's Mac. There ---There's been an accident. Please come to the hospital at 72nd and North Troost Avenue. Please hurry." She hung up then, snapping the phone closed and hastening her steps towards the intensive care unit after she'd received information as to her brother's whereabouts. The twins were already there in the waiting area of the wing. Pacing and wringing their hands as they waiting for their older sister to arrive. Immediately upon sight of her, they were enveloping Ris into a three-way hug, and their tears mingled as one.
"Do you know anything yet? Any news?" Charisma then inquiring of her baby sisters who had arrived together and minutes before her.
"No, not yet. Just that he's in surgery right now," It was Melody replying fretfully and chewing with vigor at a fingernail, a habit she only employed when she was under great duress.
"Ris, I'm so scared." Melanie then, making the tearful confession as she buried her face into the crook of her older sibling's neck and was wrapped into another comforting embrace.
Charisma slanted a glance towards the clock, the only adornment on the otherwise starkly white hospital wall. Please let Shannon get her message in time.
All they could do for now was pray.
<font color="#FFFFFF"><font size="1">[ March 11, 2005 02:49 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font></font>
<font color="#FFFFFF" size="1">[ March 11, 2005 02:50 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>
-
Three voices began in unison. It was mass pandemonium to say the least. Finally, Charisma's cut through the most clearly and the twins simply fell trailed off into silence.
"Thank God you're here, Shannon. We don't have any word yet. Just that he had massive blunt force trauma to his head and they needed to perform surgery to remove a possible blood clot. He hasn't come out of it yet." She was wringing her hands as well, a testament to the helplessness she felt. Ris generally was so cool and put together. Panic generally wasn't even in her vocabulary.
She couldn't pace the narrow waiting area anymore and yet she couldn't make herself sit still either. So many thoughts were jumbling about in her brain making it hard to focus on a single one that screamed to be answered. She just buried her face into her hands as she finally sank down into a waiting room chair. How...just how could this all be real.
Maybe it was just a bad dream.
It had to be.
-
Those heavy doors to the emergency room were swinging open and a doctor in scrubs was emerging from behind them, pulling off his surgical mask as he headed towards the nervously waiting women. Four pairs of eyes swung in the surgeon's direction as he approached, anxious expressions etched clearly on the faces of one and all.
He spoke before anyone had a chance to ask any questions.
"We performed a CT scan on his brain which enabled us to locate and remove the blood clot that was pressing against the tissue due to the blunt force trauma. He's sustained a pretty severe concussion but we're optimistic that no primary damage to the brain has been made.
He came through the craniotomy just fine but we're concerned that he hasn't regained consciousness yet. There are a few other non-life threatening injuries he suffered,
a fractured ulna in his left arm and a fractured tibia in his left leg.
We also had to stitch up a particularly bad gash along his brow. It may leave a scar.
All things considered, I think it's a veritable miracle that he even survived.
The driver of the other vehicle wasn't so lucky. She was brought in dead upon arrival.
You may visit for a short while after he's been settled into his room. No more than two at once, please. He's going to need to spend some time in the neurosurgical unit while we carefully measure the pressure in his brain to ensure no additional swelling will occur."
With a nod then, the doctor was murmuring a polite excuse to take him away back through those swinging doors. After he had gone, silence seemed to have settled once again over the small group. Melanie was the first one to speak, though her comments were brief.
"Thank God in heaven he's going to pull through." He was, right? She just didn't know if she could stand the sight of her strong and seemingly invincible brother lying weak and helpless in a hospital bed, a respiratory machine breathing for him.
Melody followed suit then, passing a glance to her older sister and the woman she was meeting now for the first time. "Ris, you and Shannon should go in first. I think we need a few moments first." She was usually able to sense what her twin was thinking or feeling and this instance was no different. Mackenzy was like their rock. How could they stand seeing him so vulnerable and fragile?
A nurse was heading towards them then, leading the way out of intensive care to the neurosurgical unit. She paused in front of room 327 and gently held open the door for the
first two visitors to enter. Charisma stepped inside the darkened space, almost afraid of what she might find. Bandages, tubes? A broken and crippled cowboy? No, no, no.
The doctor had insisted that while he hadn't yet come out of the anesthesia, there weren't any more life-threatening injuries to worry about. Just so long as the swelling around his brain didn't worsen.
She crept quietly towards the hospital bed and her breath caught in her throat at the sight of her little brother lying there helplessly, a sickly pallor to his skin despite those tanned features. Ris just took up one of his hands and squeezed it tightly, silently letting him know that she was there. And offering a silent prayer that everything, indeed would be alright.
-
He could feel the firm, gentle squeeze, hear the soft strains of a familiar sounding voice his mind couldn't seem to place. In fact, his entire mind was a jumble of cluttering thoughts, each one fighting to be heard over the other, chaos that wa rising to the fever-pitch of a dull roar within his ears.
It was a very peculiar sensation...this feeling that seemed to linger around him that sense of detatchment. It was as though someone had ripped chapters out of the book that was his life and now he was desperately trying to piece together the bits of information that had been stolen from his grasp. Images came unbidden to his mind, technicolor pictures that didn't make much sense at all, like someone was flipping very quickly through a glossy magazine or changing the channels of a television set at a rapid pace.
And he had no power over the remote control.
He just couln't remember...anything. The last lingering thoughts in his mind had been a sickening crunch of metal twisted against metal then the strong sense of gasoline fumes and smoke. A sudden sensation of wrongness began to sweep over him as he struggled to wrap his mind around a single memory...any memory.
This wasn't right.
It was the last thing he was able to think before he was being tugged back under into
that black vortex of unconscious oblivion.
*****************************
Ris had never really been an emotional sort of person. But water was now steadily filling up her eyes, and trying to trickle down the curve of her cheeks. She watched quietly as the artist said what she needed to into the shell of the cowboy's ear and a hand came up to clasp about her mouth then, as though to stifle the sound of her heart breaking.
It just couldn't be real. It couldn't. She closed her eyes tightly as though hoping that when she opened them again it would all, indeed just be a bad dream. Her voice was thick with unshed tears as she managed a choked reply to Shannon. "No, it doesn't. It doesn't at all."
As the woman now squeezing her brother hand stepped away, Charisma drew closer to her silbing's side and crouched down on her knees beside the bed so that she was on a more equal level with him, heedless of any damage done to the expensive looking suit she wore.
"Hey, lil bro." Her voice was calm, almost gentle as she spoke those first words.
Then those tones were taking on the usual crisply cool tones that she used when she was conducting business. The no-holds barred, determined resolve seemingly set in icy steel. She wasn't really yelling persay. Just whispering in savagely fierce undertones.
"Now, you listen up, you tough guy wannabe. You always were a stubborn one, even as a child. And I know..." She had to pause then for a catch had lodged itself in her throat and she had to swallow harshly against the lump forming there.
"..and I know we haven't always seen eye to eye. But I'm telling you, Pancrazio Mackenzy Cord, you need to wake up. You hear me?" Just like Ris to try and project all of her fear into something that she could use...anger. It just seemed to hurt a lot less that way.
For all her bravado though, she hoped that the words had somehow made it through to him.
She couldn't couldn't stay anymore so she was rising from that crouch and smoothing out the back of her skirt as she stood. She couldn't be in here any longer. Without looking back she was then taking her leave of the room and heading for the brightly lit hallway.
After the dimness of the hospital room her eyes took a moment to adjust.
The twins were huddled together on a set of chair and they both rose to their feet upon seeing their sister emerge from the room. Something about the expression on their older sibling's face had them swallowing any words they might have been about to say.
Ris just headed down the hallway, without saying a thing. Hospital coffee was horrible.
She remembered. And she absolutely hated hospitals. She hadn't been in one since...
Another chilling memory of another gruesome car accident....so far off into time.
The one that had claimed her parents' lives.
Mackenzy couldn't suffer the same fate.
God couldn't be that cruel.
He was strong. He had to pull through.
Because she didn't know how their family could deal with another tragedy so similar to the one they were all working so hard to forget.
-
Heartbreak lingered at the edges, whispering doubts and fears while she stepped back, so Ris could speak with the cowboy. Could he even hear them? Her gaze was desperately sweeping over his face for any sign of a reaction, but if there were any she couldn't see it.
She almost broke down when she heard the whispered use of his first name, a hand lifting to cover her mouth. Thoughts were swirling about her, making her dizzy, and all she wanted to do was crawl into that small bed with him and let the tears fall while burying her face against his neck... but she couldn't do that.
She was distracted from her thoughts by Ris's exit, watching the woman head back into the hallway before looking down at the cowboy. She knew that she should go, the twins needed to visit him after all, but she couldn't make her feet move just yet. "I love you." Repeating in case he could hear.
It was that damned buzzing again somewhere in the back recesses of his mind. Voices. Familiar in there sound but just out of reach of his perception. It was like trying to swim against a very strong current, that struggle to breach
consciousness. Words he wasn't capable of piecing together. He was furiously cursing himself inwardly at the sheer helplessness he felt.
If I could just open my eyes. But again that surreal sense of detachment as though his mind were separate from his body and refusing to do its bidding. Veins worked near his brow.
He tried to twitch a muscle in his jaw but the movement was so weakly faint he wasn't sure if it had even been noticed. Clawing against darkness
and gasping for air from a crushing weight that seemed to be seizing his lungs, which were burning painfully with each tortuous breath.
Oh, God. Please don't let me die.
Maybe this sense of detatchment was that tranquil feeling one assumed just before they passed over. No, no. no.
Had he moved? She blinked before studying him more intently. She wasn't sure what part of him had moved.. but there had been some sort of movement that triggered a signal in her mind.
"Baby?" Edging closer to the bed. "Can you hear me?"
Either he had moved.. or she had wanted him to move so badly that she imagined it. For the sake of her sanity, she was hoping it was former. A brief glance was slanted towards the door before she looked down at him.
His eyes fluttered beneath those tightly sealed lids. Dark half moons fanned against those hollowed cheekbones trying with valiant effort to twitch...something. But he had failed.
Whoever was speaking to him in soft, comforting tones would leave him soon and then what? He'd die alone. No, bad thoughts. Don't do this to yourself, Mac. You can beat this. You have to.
Then he had a vision painted out in front of him in his mind's eye. Blue waters. It was all
he could see...it was surrounding him. And he was just set a drift amongst the current, bobbing helplessly. Without a life preserver.
He was drifting and she was trying to draw him back, though she didn't know how. A hand extended, teeth scraping along her bottom lip while she passed a quick glance to the doorway to make sure a nurse wasn't lingering nearby,
before fingertips brushed against his cheek. It was fleeting touch, because she didn't want to hurt him.. didn't know if it would hurt him.
"I .. guess you can't hear me can you?"
Softly and she swallowed back the lump in her throat while withdrawing the hand.
Quiet footsteps were heard as one half of a matched set was making her way into the room. It was Melody. And she was alone. Her twin was much more close to their older brother that she had been and just couldn't bring herself to see
him right now as though denying the accident had even took place would somehow make it all go away.
The teen just kinda stood off to the side, taking in the whole surreal scene spread out before her, a fist brought to her mouth to
stifle a sudden urge to scream or cry or something. So much emotion welling up inside and so much guilt as well. She didn't want the last words her brother ever heard to be, 'I hate you! I wish you weren't even my brother!'
A stupid argument really. Melody was the one who possessed the fiery temper in the family... it was a trait she'd inherited from her father. That sense of reckless abandon. I didn't mean, it 'Kenzy. I didn't mean it. Words that kept on repeating themselves within her tormented mind as her gaze fell onto the motionless figure in the bed.
Footsteps had Shannon glancing up abruptly.
An attempt at a smile was offered to Melody when she appeared, before her gaze lowered to focus on the fallen cowboy. She was doing her best to stay strong, Southern belle training usually came in handy in these sorts of situations, but she didn't know how long she could hold onto it.
It was .. hard. So very hard. Don't leave me. You promised, remember? You promised. Silently pleading with the man before she looked back to Melody.
"Do .. you, uh, want a moment with him?"
Mel seemed robbed of the ability to speak at the moment. All she could do was just stare blankly ahead though not really seeing what her eyes were revealing to her. Approaching the bed carefully then, as though she felt as if she hadn't even the right to be there. It was absurd. She was his baby sister. Not his favorite one.
The idle thought struck her bitterly and she felt as if she'd been slapped across the face.
There was really no explanation for the way she had behaved so thoughtlessly. But if he could hear them on some level, she had to make her apologies. He needed to know she was sorry. And that she did love him. He was her big brother! She'd always looked up to him.
Leaning over the side of the bed then to cup a hand around her mouth and whisper into his ear.
"I'm so sorry this happened to you, 'Kenzy. And I'm so sorry for being sucha selfish spoiled brat. I love you even though I don't always show it. Please wake up, 'Kenz, y'gotta wake up."
Tearful words spoken in near inaudible strains. Drops of wetness leaking out past tightly closed lids as she made that impassioned speech.
Mel wanted to say so much more but the words stumbled on her tongue and seemed just beyond her so she just lingered there by his side as her heart quietly wept.
She watched the teen approach, emotion welling up in her throat. There was so much pain in the room, in all forms, and Shannon was sure she was going to drown in the undertow of it all. She stepped back from the edge, giving Melody a chance to speak with the cowboy with some semblence of privacy.
Her gaze drifted away, prayers once more being whispered in her mind. Please just let him pull through... I'll do anything. Please.
A doctor was stepping into the room then, pausing upon the threshold of the doorway as he lifted a sheet of paper he was inspecting that was attatched to the clipboard he carried. It wasn't the same doctor as before but he had kind eyes and an even kinder voice. But he was dreading the news he had to impart.
Melody looked up then upon sight of the physician and melted slowly away from her brother's side, questions filling her hazel eyes.
He'd have to repeat the same words when the rest of the family was present which made the task all the more difficult.
Shannon looked up at the sight of the doctor, and his expression had her worrying. She had seen doctors wear that expression before, on occasions she wouldn't care to recall. She straightened her spine slightly, stepping away from the bed while she listened.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you that there's been much more extensive damage to his brain than we had earlier surmised. The swelling hasn't increased but the extent of the injury was far more severe than we had first diagnosed.
The very sign that he hasn't come out of anesthesia yet isn't good either. If the current condition persists, I don't know how long it will be before he regains consciousness. If ever. I'm sorry, there's nothing else we can do. It's in God's hands now."
His tones were professional but soothing and even though he had probably repeated the same words to some other family countless times before he tried to inflect a personal note of compassion into the speech. Flipping shut the clipboard, he paused to check the IV drip level and after scribbling down something into his charts,he quitted the room after another murmur of apology.
If ever. If ever. The words were repeated time with the chisel that was slowly but surely chipping away at her heart. A hand lifted to cover her mouth as if to muffle a scream, but no sound came. She stared at the doctor in shock,
silently begging him to say it was a joke, a trick.. that it wasn't real.
But ... he didn't say it. When he left she swayed back a step, doing her best to stay on her feet even though the room seemed to be spinning.
This can't be happening.The motionless form on the bed was the point of focus she picked to help her stay upright during the dizzy spell, silently pleading that he would open his eyes. He had to wake up. He just had to.
(Excerpt taken from live play and reposted with
permission)
-
If ever. If ever. The words were repeated time with the chisel that was slowly but surely chipping away at her heart. A hand lifted to cover her mouth as if to muffle a scream, but no sound came. She stared at the doctor, silently
begging him to say it was a joke, a trick.. that it wasn't real. But ... he didn't say it. When he left she swayed back a step, doing her best to stay on her feet even though the room seemed to be spinning. This can't be happening. The motionless form on the bed was the point of focus she picked to help her stay upright during the dizzy spell, silently pleading that he would open his eyes. He had to wake up. He just had to.
She worked her way around the bed to be closer to Melody, hesitating a moment before extending a hand to rest it on the teen's shoulder. There weren't any comforting words that could be said, so she just offered a gentle touch.
Here she had just met the woman and what circumstances indeed to be making first impressions! The comforting touch was appreciated but there didn't seem to be any words to say at the moment that would somehow make all of this
...what? Her thoughts were just a jumbled mess right now. She could only stare blindly ahead at the still figure beneath those plain sheets, a hand clasped to her mouth as though trying to muffle the scream that threatened to spill from her lungs.
Reassuring words littered the corners of her mind. C'mon. Wake up, you gotta wake up. C'mon. This was her big brother! Solid. Strong. If anyone could beat the odds...it was him. She could only stare ahead, dark auburn head shaking slowly from side to side as though to deny what was going on all around her. Please, 'Kenz, wake up.
Indeed. She could only imagine what kind of an impression she made with watery eyes and wild hair. It certainly wasn't one she wanted to give! The situation was so completely surreal, it seemed to be filtering into her mind in the
form of an abstract painting with irregular shapes and off the wall colors.
She bit down on her lip harshly to distract herself from the overwhelming sadness, giving Melody's shoulder a squeeze while staring down at the cowboy. It was almost funny.. one minute she's being teased by Lola about when she and the cowboy were going to get married (Shannon couldn't even remember what she said to that) .. and now this. Her voice was rough and she had to clear her throat before trying again.
"..Should one of us tell the others?"
Swallowing past the lump that had seemed to have lodged itself permanently within her throat, hazels flew wide as she pased a glance to the artist. They did have to inform the others, didn't they? Unless the doctor had done so
already. But if he had...wouldn't they have returned to the room by now to continue the vigil along with them? She managed a nod, trying to clear her throat enough to speak and failing miserably. Only a choked sound made its way out
which couldn't have been considered any sort of word. She just nodded once more.
She nodded, passing a glance to the cowboy once more. It was hard to get her body to move away from him now, but they did have to speak with the others. What if he woke up while she was gone? What if he slipped away? No, no. Don't
think about that, Shannon.
"Okay." Murmured and she forced herself to step back from the teen, hand falling from her shoulder. "I'll .. go tell them."
She managed the words somehow this time though that stung and burned painfully at the back of her throat.
"Th-Thank you."
Attention returning then to the fallen cowboy, fingers of one hand lightly covering one of his which lay so still upon that starkly white hospital sheet. Gooseflesh prickled along her skin along with a vague sense of nausea. She detested hospitals! There were so cold and sterile. Those fingers of hers tried to give a light squeeze but the strain of it all was just too much and she was beyond bone-weary.
Oh, God. What if he doesn't pull through? No, bad thoughts. He had to, there was just no other alternative. He had to.
She nodded, slowly slipping away and out into the hallway. She smoothed a hand over her face, wiping any evidence of tears that might have fallen. She had to be strong. For herself.. and for his family. She took a deep breath while
heading back down the hospital, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling snaking through her stomach. She stepped to the side to get out of a nurse's way before glancing towards the waiting area where the other two were.
Melanie was the only one to be found in that waiting area when Shannon had emerged from the room. She was huddled up against one of those uncomfortable hospital chairs, her knees drawn up tightly to her chest, arms snaked around
them to have them pressed tightly to her, as though she were very cold and couldn't stop shivering. She was even rocking back and forth slightly as her lips moved in a silent prayer.
Charisma was no where in sight. When the teen
looked up and finally seemed to see Shannon she passed on the information that her older sister was busily trying to reach some other friends of her brother's to keep them advised of the situation. After the brief message was
relayed, she seemed to slump back against her chair. She'd been in shock those first few hours and hence rendered numb to most any emotion but now the reality of what had really happened was sinking in bit by bit and the weight of it all was too much to bear. She resumed the knee hugging and just shook her head to herself.
She took one look at the girl before pulling the sweatshirt up over her head (Lola had been kind enough to swing by her apartment and bring some things for Shan earlier) and offering it out.
"Here .. hospitals are always cold."
An attempt at a small smile, though it failed miserably. She nodded for the information about Charisma, passing a brief glance about the hallway before sinking down into the chair next to Melanie.
"..He's gonna be okay."
Was she saying that to convince herself or the teen? She didn't really know.
"The doctor said the swelling hasn't increased.." But she couldn't bring herself to reveal the rest of the update.
Hazels blinked at the offering before nodding her thanks and sliding the material over her shoulders rather than pulling it on. Even that simple act seemed like it would take too much energy. Mel had always been a realist. She
didn't sugarcoat matters and she didn't want others to sugarcoat them for her.
"He's..." Her voice began unsteadily, but she couldn't form the rest of the sentence on her tongue. If she said the words out loud perhaps she was tempting fate to bring them to fruition.
Positive thoughts, girl! She swallowed back whatever else she was going to say and attempted a different sentiment.
"That's good to hear," offered cautiously. Somehow she knew there was something that was being held back. Please, no more bad news.
There was, but she couldn't bring herself to say the words out loud. If she said them.. they might come true. But he was going to fine. Right? Right. She just had to keep believing that.
"Do you want to go see him?" Softly asked with a
glance back towards the teen.
A startled shout from Mackenzy's room had her nearly flying out of her chair, the sweatshirt falling to a heap on the floor forgotten. "Shannon! Mel! Come quick!" Melody's voice, high-pitched with...something. Alarm? Surprise? She didn't stop to analyze it just flashed a quick glance to the artist then the teen was nearly scrambling for the room. What?! Please. don't say he... she couldn't even think it.
Well, she jumped at the shout. There was a startled glance to Mel before she was all but leaping to her feet and rushing down the hallway. Was he dying? Was he awake? What was it? She was right behind the teen, nearly tripping in
her haste to get into the room.
"What is it?" Urgently asked as soon as Melody was in sight.
Even Charisma all the way down the corridor frantically talking into the receiver of the phone at the nurse's station heard the yell. She made a hasty goodbye and then she was high tailing it down the length of the hallway for her
brother's room, heels clicking noisily against the linoleum. She made good time, just seconds after the other two and to hell with the two visitors only rule! What had happened? Alarm and hope was both etched into her features.
Melody's face was all pinkened as though she'd been running or exerting herself somehow.
"I--I thought..." She was almost afraid to hope. Swallowing then against the catch in her throat before continuing. "I thought I felt something."
She glanced down at her hand clasped about her brother's. Had she just imagained the faintly weak squeeze? Had she just been hoping too hard and her imagination was playing tricks on her?
Shannon froze for a moment, letting the full force of that statement crash into her. She was afraid to get her hopes up, drifting closer to the bed.
"You .. did?" A glance down at the cowboy, before gently brushing fingertips along his other hand. Was it true?
"Uh huh. At least...I hope I did. Maybe I'm just overly tired. I could've sworn I felt him squeeze my hand. It was so fleeting..."
She trailed off then. She had to believe it was true because it was all the hope they had at the
moment.
She passed a brief glance to the other girls before looking down at his face. Was there any change? She was almost afraid to give his hand a squeeze.. but she did. Teeth scraped along her bottom lip while she watched him.
Melanie was pressing in alongside her twin, hazels filled with a hopeful light as well. Unlike the others, this was her initia; glimpse of her older sibling and while the other's might have steeled themselves against the sight of
him looking so...fragile... she was literally taken aback at what her eyes were revealing to her.
That... couldn't be Mac. He was so strong and full of life. The pale looking figure lying so deathly still beneath those plain sheets
just wasn't her brother. But it was. Her eyes slid shut as though to block out both the image and the unwanted tears. Please, let it be true. Let him be okay.
Seconds seemed to last forever and she was waiting on pins and needles for any sign that he was responding. She looked at the others, chewing on her bottom lip lightly before looking down at Mac once more. Come on, baby. Please.
-
Seconds seemed to last forever and she was waiting on pins and needles for any sign that he was responding. She looked at the others, chewing on her bottom lip lightly before looking down at Mac once more. Come on, baby. Please.
A brush of her fingertips along his knuckles before her hand curled about his, giving a gentle squeeze. Please.
Melody offered another gentle squeeze to her brother's hand, hoping against hope that what she had felt had not been in her imagination. Please let him have responded. She couldn't have just imagined it. Not when everyone who cared so much for him was hoping for some kind of miracle. C'mon, 'Kenz! Do it again. I know you're with us. Please.
She was almost afraid to breathe, as if that would affect whether he responded again or not. She was watching his face intently, hoping for any sign that he was with them. A flutter of lashes, a slight tick to his jaw, a squeeze.. anything. She passed a glance towards the others while the silence reigned.
It was a strange and rather surreal journey, that resurfacing from those murky waters of unconsciousness. Oh, but he didn't want to go back. It just hurt way too damned much. Floating along with that sense of detatchment the pain was there yes, but somewhere far away..like the sound of a distant drum beating somewhere. But as he struggled against those waves that clawed and tugged at him trying to force him back under, the pain sharpened, it was blindingly bright now, as though he could see it. So bright. Colors swirling together in patterns that didn't make much sense to his feverish mind. No, it hurt too much to open his eyes. He struggled against the tide and eventually was swept away once more but for all his exertions, there was a very faint tick in the granite muscle of his jaw. Nearly imperceptible, but there.
She probably would've missed that faint movement of his jaw if she hadn't been watching him so intently. Even so, she couldn't help but doubt herself. Had he moved? Or .. was she just imagining it? A lump rose up in her throat, a mixture of relief, hope, and fear churning inside of her while she glanced back to them wide-eyed. "..Did anyone else see him move?"
The twins both speaking in unison, their voices so similar, it was as though one person had uttered the sentiment. "I did!" It was a soft exclamation, as though they feared that speaking too loudly would erase the truth they had just witnessed.
The relief was overwhelming and she almost got sucked down by the undertow but was able to pull herself back from the brink. Oh, thank God. She squeezed his hand again, unsure of whether she wanted to laugh or cry. If he was responding.. surely that would mean he was getting better. ".. Oh, good." She was so glad that she hadn't imagined it. A flicker of a smile for the trio.
Voices. Whisper soft but filtering through his senses as though they were supposed to be important to him. No, it hurt too much to open his eyes but he locked in an inner struggle to try to surface back to reality. After receiving that warm squeeze, a work-roughened fingertip twitched faintly in response. Now, there have been reports of patients being comatose for years and then suddenly sitting upright and requesting their favorite food. It seemed this was
not to be the case for the cowboy. After treading water for what seemed like an eternity...he just...opened his eyes. Ceiling. Freshly painted and starkly white. That's what he saw first. Christ, it hurt so much. He blinked as though he had sand in his eyes. Dazed. His vision wasn't all that clear yet but shapes were slowly coming into focus. He just stared straight ahead, there but not really seeing then as though he'd been alert for a few seconds but now was gone again.
Hell, she'd make him his favorite foods every day for the rest of his life he would just wake up .. just stay with them. She glanced back to the cowboy when she felt the faint movement of his fingertip against her palm ... and caught her breath in a gasp. His eyes were open. His eyes were open! Her eyes widened and she looked at the others quickly to make sure they were seeing this before stepping closer to the bed. "Mac? ... Baby?" She couldn't get over how much of a miracle this was. His eyes were open!
Simultaneous gasps from both Melanie and Melody, hands lifting in unison to clasp over their mouths as though to stifle the sound. He'd opened his eyes but was he with them? Don't let it be some cruel joke that he had survived this horrible tragedy but was for all intents and purposes...brain dead. Their voices mingled as one chasing after Shannon's. "Kenz? Can you hear us?" Mel was sorely tempted to wave a hand before his face but she was just too stunned to even think about it.
Even Ris was speechless. No gasps or any outwards sign of emotion. Just watching intently as though she feared if she looked away for one second that the evidence her eyes were telling her would vanish into a thin puff of smoke.
Well, that would be a cruel trick if he was able to open his eyes.. but wasn't with them. She was clinging the threads of hope with all her might, watching him intently. She had never been so happy to see his beautiful eyes as she was now. "C'mon, baby.." Please show us you're with us.
And then the veil that seemed to be draped over his perception lifted then as the blank stare seemed to evaporate and he was blinking again. Slowly, painfully, he tried to get his mind and body to work in sync once again. That detatched sensation wanted to linger, still clawed at him viciously. It was dark there, but it was almost comforting. And it hurt a helluva lot less. His throat worked, tongue feeling too thick in his mouth. Voice raw. He could only mouth the words as even whispering took too much of an effort. ' Thirsty.' It wasn't clear who it was directed to as he hadn't locked eyes with anyone as of yet. It was just a general statement directed to whomever was nearby. Then those grey-greens lowered once again...as though it was too much of an effort to even keep them open. But he was still there. Struggling to hold on.
She would never want him to feel pain, but him feeling some pain and still being alive mattered more to her then him peacefully slipping away into the afterlife. Her control slipped away when she saw him mouth that request, free hand lifting to cover her mouth while a few tears streaked down her cheeks. He was here. Now Shannon was horrible at lip reading so she didn't have a clue about what he said, passing a brief glance to the others to see if they got the message while she squeezed his hand. He really was Mister All and Powerful, recovering from such a horrible injury. "Hey you." Murmured when she glanced back down to him.
Then finally a crack in that all too pristine shell of Charisma's the sound of the ice melting as her lower lip trembled slightly. Oh, my God. He's with us. She caught the mouthing of the syllables and couldn't move towards the nightstand quickly enough for the pitcher of water and glass there. Hands shaking visibly as she sloshed some of the liquid into the tumbler. Thank you, God.
She watched Charisma rush over to the water pitcher, swiping a hand along her cheeks to remove the tears while she laughed. It was a soft sound, all of the joy and relief she felt being channeled into that sound. She brushed fingertips along his while smiling at the twins. He was going to be okay!
His gaze was sort of in soft focus. As though everything about him had slightly fuzzy edges. He was back, that was for certain, but other than that basic need for water he couldn't seem to form any other thoughts in his mind. Brows furrowed before he realised that that hurt like hell and he was then gazing at the myriad of faces crowding about the bed as though he'd never seen them before. Then a sense of wrongness at the back reaches of his mind. Not right. The words seemed to be screaming at him from some far off place as his eyes squinted, blinked and then stared again. Something was just not right. He couldn't determine exactly what it was that was bothering him but he knew it was something very important. The images all seemed to blur together as his vision swam. It was just too much to handle all at once.
"Ris is gettin' you some water, honey.." Warmth was obvious in her honey smooth drawl, and she glanced down at him with a flicker of a smile. He didn't have to say anything.. it was enough just to see him looking up at them. She swallowed back the tide of emotion that was threatening to drown her before glancing towards the others. "Should .. we tell someone that he's awake?" Softly.
As though those words had summoned the very doctor himself, there was yet another physician strolling into the hospital room and before he could make a complaint about there being way too many visitors in the sick room, he nearly dropped his clipboard at the sight of his patient...awake! The chances of even regaining consciousness were slim to none but there the cowboy was alert (mostly) and sipping from a glass of water held by his sister's hand. He spoke without preamble. "Well! What do we have here? Good to see you with us again, Mr. Cord." The amiable note in his voice covered the shock laced somewhere in there quite effectively. This was one for the history books for sure. He was heading towards the bed then, lifting a few papers from that clipboard then checking the read out on the heart monitor before inspecting the IV drip. His smile was all encompassing for the whole group. "I don't know if any of you is particularly religious, but I'd say that this was definitely the hand of a higher power." Nodding as he was scribbling something down into his charts.
Well, that was certainly convenient! She couldn't help but laugh softly at the doctor's seemingly perfect timing, brushing a few more stray tears away while listening to him. "I'd say you're right, doctor." She agreed softly, offering a small smile while glancing up at the man before her attention quickly returned to the cowboy. She was afraid to look away for too long, as if he might slip away from them again if she didn't watch him.
Mr. Cord. Cord. He knew the name should be familiar to him as should the faces gathered along his side but...there was no trace of recognition in either. Not right. Again that nagging voice. Relentless, insistent. The doctor was closing the clipboard then to angle alongside his patient's bed so that he might do a closer inspection. "Any dizziness, nausea? Loss of feeling in your arms or legs?" There was something that didn't seem to sit well with him. The man hadn't responded at all with familiarity to the greeting he had offered. That wasn't good.
He didn't know what prompted him to ask the question, perhaps it was a gut reaction, perhaps because he had seen a lot of this particular malady associated with severe trauma. "Can you tell me your full name?" He was inspecting the stitches near his patient's brow as he inquired making sure none has split open or anything.
She had noticed the lack of .. reaction when he looked at them, but she didn't think anything of it. He was just in shock. Surely he wouldn't make a full recovery in one day, even if he was Mister All and Powerful. She just watched the cowboy quietly while the doctor questioned him.
Mackeny's mouth twisted as though in pain. And even though it had hurt like hell, he furrowed those dark brows again. He was at a loss, eyes shifting out towards the others lingering nearby as though expecting to find the answer written on their faces. Finally, he stammered in a voice that was hardly more than a croak. "I -- I don't know." There it was the ugly truth. He didn't know anything.
She just blinked, surprise written all over her features. Wide eyes lifted to focus on the doctor before sliding to focus on his sisters with a confused furrow of her brows. He .. didn't know his name? A thousand questions were racing through her mind, and she didn't know which one to ask first. Or if she even wanted to ask any of them.
The doctor released a side then as he drew back as though the whispered confession didn't at all surprise him. "I'm afraid it's not at all an uncommon occurrence. After the kind of trauma you've just been through Mr. Cord, temporary amnesia is not at all unusual." He was shifting a glance over the gathered family members then. "Do you recognise any of these people, Mr. Cord?" Yes, he was persistant and it was almost annoying the cowboy but he couldn't even meet those perplexed gazes...all focused on him. In a voice so soft he almost didn't recognise it as his own. "No." It was a sound of defeat.
Temporary amnesia. She mouthed the words silenty while her mind tried to grasp the concept of it all. He .. couldn't remember them? At all? She never thought that could really happen to someone, it was just a trick they used in the movies. She blinked rapidly to keep the water that filled her eyes from slipping down her cheeks, a hand lifting to cover her mouth when she heard him admit to not remembering. That stung a bit, though she knew it wasn't his fault. She swallowed harshly before glancing towards the others to see their reactions to the news.
The twins were hugging each other, tears mingling together as they rested their heads on one another's shoulders. Ris was just...stone still. Sure, she would rather have her brother alive and...not completely himself than to see him slipping away at death's door. But still it hurt. But it wasn't his fault. He should be concentrating on getting better. Completely better. Then they could all worry about the unfortunate side effects of this unthinkable accident later on. She swallowed against the tears threatening to clog her throat and then she was just quitting the room. Now that she knew he was going to be okay, she just needed to get out of there. It was just too much.
She watched Ris leave the room before glancing back to the doctor, swallowing once more. She could handle this, right? ..Sure. "Temporary?" The question was directed to the doctor, her fingertips brushing against Mac's knuckles without her even realising she was still holding his hand. It was something that had become second nature, touching him. Though it probably wasn't the best of ideas judging by the fact that he couldn't remember her.
The doctor nodded as he lifted the cover of the clipboard to scritch out something else onto the papers attatched. "We can only hope. Mild amnesia is not at all uncommon for this extent of injury. But I'm going to have to be honest with you. Sometimes the memories will leak out slowly, at a time. Others a certain scent, or place will trigger a flood of memories." He was hedging over the last part he had to impart as it wasn't particularly pleasant. His voice lowered an octave before continuing on. "In some cases," He exhaled on a break shaking his slightly greying head slowly. "It is permanently irreversible." His features darkened then as though forming the words had left a bad taste on his tongue.
"Oh." No other response came to mind except for that and her gaze lowered abruptly. What was she supposed to say to that? She cleared her throat lightly while letting the information settle in. A heavy weight could be felt in the pit of her stomach and her free hand lifted to rake fingers through messy curls, a nervous habit. She was at a loss and glanced about the room in search of a life line before she spotted the twins. God, she could only imagine what they were feeling at this pointed. Granted, she was his lover ... but that bond wasn't the same as the bond between siblings. "Is there anything we can do ..?" Looking back to the doctor while she spoke.
Like a scared little boy, he had that lost expression etched into his face. With as much strength as he could muster at the moment he drew away his hand from the side of the bed and tucked it beneath the sheets. Not knowing how much hat simple action probably hurt her. What the hell was going on? He just wanted to scream. Or hide away from it all.
The doctor spoke again after heaving another sigh. "Anything you think would help him remember his life as it was. As it should be. Pictures. A certain place maybe he liked to visit often. All factors that could play a role in jogging loose the files of his memory that are locked in there somewhere deeply in his brain. Most of all. Talk to him. Tell him things about himself. That is what I'd best advise." He was pushing away from the bed hen, affording them all with a sympathetic smile then flipping that clipboard closed again and mvoing to leave the room. Yes, it had been a miracle his patient had even survived but the aftermath of the terrible tragedy were yet another obstacle to breach before everyone could rejoice in that fact fully.
Oh, it definitely stung. She blinked, glancing down abruptly when he withdrew his hand. She drew her hand away from the mattress while stepping back slightly, suddenly uncertain. Should she even be here? Maybe he didn't want her around right now.. but then again, he wasn't even himself so how could he know what he wants? She was distracted from her jumbled thoughts by the doctor's advice, passing a brief glance up to him and nodding. "Thank you, sir." A bit of her southern belle nature coming into play, making it easier for her to respond gracefully and keep her sadness at bay. She swallowed before glancing towards the twins.
Melanie broke away from her sister's arms then and just burst out of the room, trying to keep the sound of her sobs from escaping past her throat with a hand fastened tightly against her mouth. Like Ris, she couldn't bear to be around her brother right now whe he was surveying him with an unintentionally cool gaze that one might have reserved for strangers. She would be thanking the stars forever that he had beat the odds and survived but at what price? She was accepting great gulps of air as she reached the hallway then heading off in the direction he thought her older sister might have taken. She would need the hear the rest, as much as she probably didn't want to right now.
She watched Melanie rush out of the room and it tugged at her heartstrings, sadness sadness painted briefly across the canvas of her features before she pushed it away. Be strong. You have to be strong, Shannon. A brief glance was slanted towards Melody to see whether she was staying or not before she glanced down to the silent cowboy. "Hey." Softly, and she paused briefly.. unsure of how to begin. "I'm Shannon .. your, uh, girlfriend." It felt so strange to have to introduce herself to him.
The remaining twin was simply staring at a fixed place somewhere over her brother's shoulder. Then she was just backing away slowly as though the very sight of her sibling was too much to bear at the moment. She didn't rush out obbing as her sister had done. She felt too numb for that. Hazels flickering towards Shannon then and a lifting of her shoulders in a helpless shrug as she slowly turned to leave the room as well. Leaving Shannon to have some time alone with the cowboy. And heading down the corridor in search of the other missing members of the family. She didn't know whether the worse was over or just beginning but she was thankful at least that he was alive.
And then it was just the cowboy and the belle. She glanced about briefly, attempting to gather her scattered wits while searching for a chair. She finally located one in the corner of the room and moved to drag it closer to the bed and settling down into it. Hands brushed along denim-clad thighs before she looked up at him, offering a small attempt at a smile. This felt so .. awkward. "I'm glad you're awake.. you had us all really worried there, Mac." Softly.
"Shannon." He repeated as though testing the word on his lips. His voice was rough around the edges as he spoke slowly. Those grey-greens lifted for the first time then to meet her own, so startling blue. His girlfriend. It was a name he should've known as well as his own, but he was just getting used to learning that. He regarded her as though looking at a some kind of puzzle or riddle one that he only had a few pieces of and was expected to figured out the rest on his own. "I don't remember." Gruffly. It was a bit more brusque then he had intended. The anger wasn't directed at her persay but at himself. At this whole situation. At his helplessness of it all.
She nodded when he repeated her name, the smile widening a touch. One step at a time, Shannon. You have to be patient. "Mhm, Shannon Maguire. You're name is Pancrazio Mackenzy... but you don't like Pancrazio, so you choose to go by Mackenzy.." She trailed off abruptly at the rough tone to his voice, glancing down towards her shoes. "I know." Quietly. "I can go.. if you'd rather?" A tip of her head to the side, attempting to hide the discreet swipe of her hand along the skin underneath her eyes, removing stray tears. "Mackenzy Cord, that is." Tacking that on.
There was a small piece of the puzzle sliding into place as though falling from the sky and hitting him square in the head. A fragment of a memory. He..saw...horses? And bulls. A moment of clarity and then he was remembering at least one detail of his life. One step at a time, Mac. The words seemingly were coming from nowhere...snatched out of the air as though with a magician's hand. "Never said I didn't like it. Just that it wasn't suitable to be announced at a rodeo." Where had that come from? His brows furrowed and he winced. He remembered....something. He was a cowboy by trade. It was a relief to have that tiny scrap of information brought to life and he grasped onto it as though a drowning person hugging onto a life preserver.
She blinked at his reply, glancing up at him with surprise widening those sea colored eyes. "You remember that? .. It means Mister all and powerful in Italian. I tend to call you that when I'm teasin' you." A hint of a softer smile, remembering some of those light hearted moments ... before remembering that he couldn't recall those moments.
And the puzzlement spreading across his features clearly showed he didn't have the slightest inkling what she was talking about. But she had a rather comforting, soothing voice and it seemed to placate him as much as he felt like he was leaping out of his skin at the moment. "No. Stay. I need to.." He paused. He needed to know more. "Tell me more? Those people that were here... they are close to me?" It was a question he thought he knew the answer to but like a child requesting confirmation of knowing the right answer he was tentative at best. The rough edge had softened from his voice a bit though only by degrees.
"Okay." She nodded, passing a glance to the door before shifting in her seat, angling more towards him. "They're your sisters. Charisma.. She's the eldest and she runs her own interior design company. Then there are the twins, Melanie and Melody.." She regretted not knowing more about the girls, but she was only just getting to know them herself. "Um, Melanie writes for a literary journal.. She's very focused on her craft. Melody seems to be a little less grounded.. She's the opposite of Melanie." A tip of her head, gaze drifting about the room while she tried to think of what else to tell him. "Your birthday is on January 28th.. and mine is on June 28th, it was a coincedence that amused us both." A brief smile, glancing back to him after a moment.
He was nodding as he slowly absorbed all this new information, storing it away somewhere in his mind. Hint of a fleeting smile (though it hurt like hell) crossing his features as she revealed the latter comment. "It is certainly an interesting coincidence." He allowed his eyes to fall closed for a few seconds as though the strain of the day had been far too much and just now catching up to him. He had three sisters. He had a girlfriend. Why couldn't he remember any of it? But odds and ends came to the forefront of his mind like what he must have said once before about his name. It was all quite an unsettling experience. He only hoped the rest of the pieces of the puzzle fell into place before he went completely crazy.
"I thought so." Agreeing with a small smile while she settled back some in her seat. "I'm afraid I don't know much about your sisters yet.. I've only just met them myself. But I could tell you some more about you an' me, if you'd like?" Passing a glance back to him, brow curving upwards when she saw his eyes were closed. Oh, God. Did that mean he had slipped away again?
"Please." Those grey-greens were shifting slowly to half-mast and he surveyed the woman across from him. He read the panic strickened expression on her face and wondered at the cause of it. She was... amazingly beautiful. He wished he could feel something. In due time, Mac. Patience. His voice was drowsy but he was hanging on by a tenuous thread, not ready to give into the languor that seemed to be seeping into his bones.
"Okay." She nodded, a hand lifting to rake fingers through dark curls while she thought about what to tell him. She had to keep reminding herself to go slowly.. It wouldn't do to overwhelm him .. or expect too much right away. "Well you own a ranch on the west side of town, and you have all different kinds of horses. One of your mares had a filly recently and you let me pick out the name for her. Her name's Belle. She's a spoiled thing now, but she's so adorable I don't think anyone can resist her." A soft chuckle, glancing back to him after a moment. "You have an orchard on the property .. we had a picnic there once."
"Horses." Well, that explained where those images had originated from. He was nodding drowsily as she spoke, silent encouragement to continue, to offer any futher insights that might help unlock his memory that seemed just out of reach of grasping fingers.
"Mhm. You train them.. and ride bulls in rodeos. A regular cowboy." A hint of amused flickered in her smile, studying him thoughtfully. "You like old black and white movies.. When I decided to be Marilyn Monroe for Halloween, you rented all of the Monroe movies you could find so we could do research .. of course we tended to get distracted when ever we sat down to watch them, but it's the thought that counts." A soft chuckle, fingertips tangling with the hem of her shirt while she spoke. "You were thinkin' about bein' Joe DiMaggio to match me, so I found a documentary about him as well. We watched it the other day."
The yawn was slicing apart his lips without any warning and the action nearly killed his badly bruised jaw. Wincing a bit, he was giving another nod as she parted with more information. He was resisting the battle against sleep now and losing miserably. But it had been a pretty rough day for the cowboy! Perhaps rest wouldn't be such a bad thing right now. His voice was getting more and more distant. "Tell me.." He trailed off then and it looked as though he had drifted off to sleep but then after a few intervals, he continued in that baritone husky with fatigue. "Tell me about how we met." Damn, it hurt to keep on yawning but he couldn't seem to help that.
She noticed the yawn, and leaned forward, resting one hand on the sheet near his side. "You should get some rest, baby.." She didn't touch him, though the desire to do so was lingering right at the surface. She couldn't push him, though. Go slow. She'd stay here while he slept, unable to contemplate leaving his side now that he was back. Or .. well, partially back. "We met at this bar called the Medieval Tavern. It's near your ranch, actually. We were introduced by a mutual friend.. and ended up being pulled into that game where one person starts a story and the next person continues it.. and so on and so forth." Lazily telling the story while she watched his face.
His hand had abandoned the safety of the sheet and was edging closer to hers resting near his side. He just rested his lightly on the back of hers. It seemed so natural and now that he wasn't so taken aback by the new set of cards fate had dealt him, he could feel himself relaxing, slowly but it was a start. This women evidently meant a lot to him and he was going to try to make the effort to remember. Corners of his mouth lifting in the semblance of a smile as he formed that single syllable. "Ahh." He couldn't seem to wrap his mind around the memory but he basically giving the response to let her know he was still with her, that he hadn't been claimed by sleep yet.
"We started building a pretty good friendship after that.." It was sad how much that touch cheered her up. At least he wasn't withdrawing from her, even if he couldn't remember her. "Our first .. I guess you could call it a date, was to this awful honky tonk bar on 5th. It had a mechanical bull in it.. and I stayed on longer then you did, but I'm pretty sure you let me win." A flicker of a warm smile slanted up to him. "We danced and had a pretty good time."
The memory was fuzzy and vague but struggling to break the surface of that tightly locked portion of his brain. The words were tripping from his lips before he even realised he knew them. "You always smelled so good." He was breathing in deeply then as if to catch a whiff of her fragrance as he offered the words. Yes, it was a scent that was trying to bring on a deluge of memories but yet it lingered just beyond his grasp.
"Hm? Oh.. It's my shampoo. One of those Herbal Essence things, you know?" She leaned forward, bringing her hair closer to his nose so he could inhale the scent. "One day .. we ended up going to this black sand beach and havin' lunch out there. We ended up gettin' covered in sand and had to go back to my apartment for a shower. You smelled like my soap the rest of the day."
When she leaned he not only took the whiff offered but fingers were pushing through the tumble of curls as he breathed in, as though learning the texture of her hair. It sifted like silk through his hands and another technicolor flash of imagery danced across the blank canvas of his mind. Those curls were falling all around him, brushing his face even as her mouth touched his in light, teasing kisses. Then the flash was gone and he was left in the dark once more. But it was a breathtaking glimpse into what he was so desperately trying to recapture. He knew it within his gut that it was very important to remember. His brows furrowed as those eyes drifted closed trying to bring the memory back to the surface.
She smiled for the tender touch, and turned her head to impulsively brush a kiss to his cheek before leaning back. "I have a dog. His name is Loki.. He loves you, which is amazing since he's usually really nervous around men." A flicker of a smile and she brushed fingertips along his hand lightly.
"Mhm." He was drifting now, hoping that his dreams might possibly shed more insight on the unfinished puzzle that was his life at the moment. He was beyond exhausted and finally gave into the overhwelming urge to sleep. Tomorrow was another day and another chance to piece together more clues to the riddle that would help uncover the mystery that was Mackenzy Cord. His hand slipped from those dark curls to rest on the sheet and then soon his chest was rising and falling in the rhythmic breathing of slumber.
"You can cook.. and you're a pretty good dancer.." Lazily listing some more things she remembered about him before finally noticing that he had drifted off. She leaned forward to pull that sheet further up his form, tucking him in tenderly before brushing a kiss to his cheek once more. "Night, baby. Love you." She leaned back slowly, settling in her chair and glancing towards the door. She was content just to linger.. and a hand lifted to swipe at her eyes. She didn't have to be strong when no one was looking at her, after all.
(Reposted with permission)
______________________________________________
I wanted you to know
I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph
I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high and steal my pain away
There?s so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
Cause Im broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cuz I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
Cause Im broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel light when you're gone away
-- Amy Lee/Seether
-
Mackenzy was scheduled to be released from the hospital the upcoming weekend but the doctor was pleased with the progress his patient had been making so he was drawing up the paperwork that the cowboy might be discharged a day early.
For Mac, it wasn't a moment too soon. Sure he'd need to be wheeled out in a chair and have to learn how to manipulate crutches (with one good arm, no less!) but the prospect of finally going home after what had seemed liek an eternity in that neurosurgical unit was music to his ears.
He was looking forward to being among (not so) familiar surroundings; sleeping in a relatively comfortable bed.
And most of all being taken care of by his beautiful southern belle. He only hoped Shan had
that nurse outfit on hand. Wicked gleam shone in those grey-greens which still lingered as a nurse bustled into his room to take his blood pressure.
Poor woman. She was probably scared out of her wits at that rather devilish expression on his face and couldn't attend to her task and make her leave quickly enough.
He reached for the phone near the nightstand and after pressing the appropriate button to receive an outside line, he was dialing her number.
Letting it ring. Once. Twice. Three times.
Then the voicemail kicked in. His mouth curved into a faint smile as he listened to her
honey-drawl and reclining back against the pillows as he waited to leave his message.
"Hey, baby," Baritone rumbled low and rough around the edges but in a rather earthy, seductive way.
"Guess what, mi fiore bella? They're releasing me a day early. So, I might need a ride..."
Yes, the deep boom had rose several intervals to that of almost a little boy's joyous whoop of pleasure. And he meant ride from the hospital back to the ranch. There would be plenty of time for...ahem...the other kind when he was all better.
He was going home!
-
"Heh. We seemed to cause quite a stir tonight."
Amused expression while they sped along the darkened city streets.
Since the shop was in walking distance it didn't take long for them to reach the store. She pulled up to the curb in front of the shop, parking the car before turning off the engine.
"Seems we did."
She chuckled softly, leaning over to brush a kiss to the inviting curve of his mouth.
"I guess we're just that cute."
A soft chuckle and she leaned back, easing open the door before angling out the car.
He wondered idly of the Irishman's relationship to the southern belle but the cowboy wasn't the overly possessive or jealous type that would flip out just because his girlfriend had close male friends. But...he was curious.
When Shannon had been out of ear shot some of the remarks made in passing had him taking pause. Brows arching in silent thought as he reached for the door handle when they had rolled to a stop, cruising into a parking space.
Shannon and Jack were ... cut from the same cloth. Their friendship was built on playful teasing that would never be more then that, because they both were in commited relationships and did not have any attraction for each
other.
Remarks were made about her? Hm.
She was unaware of his thoughts, of course, so she was smiling warmly while removing the crutches from the back seat. His thoughtful expression had her lifting a brow while she offered the crutches out him.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Playful smile.
"Guess so." And nauseating. Lovey-dovey. Some might even say. But didn't matter much to him for they were damned cute. Mhm. Angling out of the Honda and hobbling a bit over to accept the crutches from her.
"Ehh...I'm just a bit puzzled is all." And what was with the clothes remark thing? They hadn't been canoodling or anything out on the swing! Kisses and nuzzles, nothing more.
Some people were just jealous.
Remarks he had caught as he was pushing his way towards the steps, a lengthy interval after the painter had already headed towards the lot. Hrm.
"No matter, right? Come up with any other duo ideas?" Yes, subtle shifting of the topic of conversation. Smoooth cowboy, real smooth.
She thought they were a great couple! So she didn't care what the others thought about it.
"..Puzzled? About what?"
Curious lift of a brow .. and she blinked at the subject change. "Um. Well, there's Batman and Robin."
A flicker of an amused smile and she passed a glance over her shoulder towards the shop before looking back to him.
"S'nothin' baby. Only approval I need is from mi fiore bella."
Heated rumble of foreign lyricism against the delicate shell of her ear as he leaned (hobbled) in for a brush of his mouth against her own.
And he had already passed around the idea of the caped crusaders. No tights, remember?
"Are you sure?" Curious study of his expression before she leaned into the kiss. Did he think her friends didn't approve of him?
"Aw, baby. Everyone approves of you.." Softly, just in case that was his concern. "But I'm the lucky one because I get to call you mine."
Warm murmur and she brushed a few kisses to his jaw. Oh, right! No tights.
"So, shall we go see what we can find?"
Gesturing towards the store while glancing back to him.
It wasn't so much that he didn't think they approved of him, but rather that he felt as if he needed to prove he was good enough for the southern belle. The other evening with the whole 'scaring him away' idea had unsettled him more than he had let on.
He knew what a lucky bastard he was to have caught the heart of the artist, what a precious and rare jewel she truly was. And...here he was a mere cowboy. Yes, he had money. Lots of it even.
But didn't change the fact that deep down inside, he'd always just be a country boy. But that was why they made such a good fit, hmm?
Country boy meets country girl.
"I'm sure, baby. Love you, mi amore."
Aw. He didn't need to prove anything! She just got nervous when Dom and Tory started giving him the third degree about his intentions, since it wasn't really the best timing. He was trying to remember who he was, and didn't need to be bothered with questions about marriage and so forth. Money and assets aside, they were two simple people at heart, a cowboy and a belle.
She knew how lucky she was to have him, and she treasured their love.
"Love you too,laska."
Softly before she stepped back to lead the way towards the store, holding the door open for him.
Pausing to press a sound kiss to the side of her cheek and warmed by her admission, he was scraping inside the shop, extending a polite smile to the salesclerk he witnessed behind the register. Now, time to search for a costume!
She offered a smile to the salesclerk when he greeted them, following the cowboy through the store towards the costume area.
"Aw, I love Halloween."
Pausing to check out a display of cheesy decorations before hurrying to catch up
with him.
"What would you like to do on Halloween, baby?"
Curious glance over to him with a brow lifting. "Watch scary movies? Go trick or treatin'?" Cue the amused smile.
"Or I'm sure there are Haunted Houses somewhere that we could check out.."
"Me too."
And it wasn't the new Mac making that confession but a fragment of the old cowboy trying to breach the surface. He'd always loved decorating for the season. Getting the jack-o-lantern (again, pumpkins ruled), the spiced cider, the bonfires wafting scents of chickory, the candy and of course the make believe of taking on a new persona if for just one night. One day out of the year you could trade the masks you wore everyday and be someone completely different.
Pause as he reflected on the question asked.
"We had some family traditions when I was a kid. Apple bobbin' for instance. Then the haunted corn maze. My parents used to throw a huge bash every season for all the neighborhood kids. They went all out, too. Haunted house, hay rides, holograms projected spookily along the walls. Mom used to make the best candied apples you ever did taste..."
Trailing off then a pucker marring his dark brow and his shoulders seemed to sag as though suddenly burdened by a great weight. Then the shadow clouding the canvas of his features seemed to clear and he favored her with a rueful smile.
"I like to do it all, really."
Yep, or at least he liked to think he could try. The scary movies, especially. He would be there for her to cling to should she get spooked!
Aw, Pumpkin. Maybe they'd rent the Charlie Brown movie about the Great Pumpkin one of these days! It would be interesting to see how he responded to the Pom when he was himself again! If he ended up not liking the pup, she'd take him in.. or if nothing else, she was sure Samantha would be happy to take the pup in, since she loved animals as well.
She smiled warmly while listening to his story, a hand extending to brush fingertips along his back.
"Sounds like a really great party, baby."
Softly, and she was struck by the strong urge to chase that world-weary expression away the moment it arrived, easing closer to him.
"Would you want to do that?"
Have a bash for the neighborhood kids like one his parents threw.
"And sure, baby. We can do all of it.. just don't make fun of me when I hide my face durin' the scary parts in the movie."
Look at the inner glow filling that grey-green gaze of his as he passed her a rather eagerly boyish look. This new Mac was just...such a joy to watch, yanno. As though he was someone experiencing things for the very first time. And in actuality he was!
While he had managed to dig up that age old memory of his own family's halloween celebrations, the newer, fresher memories, and more importanly, the ones that tied the cowboy to the belle were the ones that seemed to still elude him.
But he had to give it time...and patience. Surely, they would eventually be crowding into his mind and flooding his senses with the emotions attatched.
"Yeah! That would be so great, baby. Could we?"
Excitement causing his gaze to brighten in a shimmering sea of emerald and silver. So, maybe this man standing before her wasn't quite exactly the same old Mac, but there were many appealing qualities tied to the new persona he had seemed to have adopted. The penchant for romantic films, the pom, the silliness. All endearing traits in of themselves, hmm?
A tenderness warmed her expression while she watched him, charmed beyond belief by the boyish gleam in his beautiful eyes. The amnesia did have one thing going for it, since it was giving her the chance to get a rare glimpse of a different side of him. A chance to see how he might have turned out .. had things turned out differently.
Not that the old version was a bad one!
She loved the man he used to be, but this man was more boyish and willing to be silly, where she had to coax the silliness out of the real cowboy.
But perhaps this new version would blend with the old and create an even more perfect cowboy ---
but then again, how can you improve on perfection? Hm, hm.
"Sure, baby. I think it's a great idea.. and I'll try to do your Mama justice with the candy apples."
A kiss to his cheek, smiling warmly for the excited look in his eyes.
Ear to ear grin from him as he swooped in for an impulsive lingering kiss to her mouth.
So what, they were..in..an aisle. And obscured by a rack of costumes. Yeah.
Work-roughened palms arcing up to press tenderly to either side of her face, while the pads of his thumbs traced the outline of her cheekbones.
God, he loved this woman!
You would've thought she had just given him the key to the city or something. But nah...he had something far more invaluable. A key to her heart.
Huskily murmured near her ear, baritone infused with so much emotion, the tones were slightly thickened around the rumbled Italian.
"Grazie, mi bella luce. Thank you so much. And I'm sure you'll do a great job with the refreshments."
Stepping back then as he had been wobbling precariously having let go of the crutches to steal the kiss and he was tucking the wooden implements back under his arms to steady his balance.
Yes, he had a key to her heart and she hoped he wouldn't ever throw it away. She was excited about the bash for the simple reason that it made him happy to have it. She returned the kiss lovingly, grinning brightly when it finally
ended.
"I'll do my best."
A brush of a hand along his cheek before she turned to begin looking through the rack.
"So Action types? Does it have to a duo? Because you could be Indiana Jones." With the whip. Heh.
Oooo. Indiana Jones. And killer could be dressed in a snake..suit.
Yanno.. 'Why'd it have to be snaaaakes?!'
Did they even make snake suits? If he was grinning it was because he was trying to picture it. Nooo. Shannon would be hotter with a whip. Twinkle in his eyes as he gave into a shamelessly devilish wink.
A whip? Maybe. Who knows! She laughed for his wink, removing the costume from the rack and offering it out to him.
"I think it'd look good." But that was just her!
"I'm kinda liking the idea. Indiana Jones. Hm."
Musing over the option. Let's see if they had the costume first! He'd hate to get his hopes up and then be sorely disappointed later on at the discovery that they didn't even have that particular costume in stock.
Scraping down along the current aisle they were loitering in to round another one and unconsciously keeping a look out for the thrill-seeker's duds as he began to sift through the available costumes on a nearby rack.
She glanced towards the rack, searching to see if this was the only Jones costume they had, just in case it wasn't the right size.
"Here's one.." Offering the Indiana Jones costume out to him once she located it, smiling brightly.
"We'd have to find you a whip, though." Heh.
Maybe they could teach Killer to carry it within his mouth. Heh! The pom could be his archeaological assistant complete with his own outfit. Although the thought of tie-dyed booties was still making him chuckle.
The Austin Powers thing was just too funny. He'd be searching for that costume next! Just as a lark. Bright smile for the artist as she produced the costume for him with a great flourish.
"Hey, great. What size is it?"
He didn't seem to be committing himself to any permanent choices at the moment which was another striking difference in his differing personalities.
The old Mac never waffled. He was persistant, patient, a bit rough around the edges and it took a bit of time to chip past that steely walls he had seemed to fashion around himself out of necessity.
But this Mac...was... so much more open minded, expressive, ready to try new things and take risks. Impulsive where the old Mac had had to plan everything out to a tee. If the two personas could somehow be combined into a single person what a dynamite combo that would be!
Actually, the Austin Powers costume might work really well with her own costume. Hmm. She shifted to check the tag when he asked about the size, brows furrowing briefly.
"..Umm. It's a medium."
A thoughtful glance to the costume and hen over to him, trying to judge with her gaze if it would fit or not. Yes, the old Mac had built up walls.. but so had she, so they found common ground in trying to get past those invisible barriers.
She would love to see a balance of the old and new appear when he finally regained all of his memories since that would be an amazing combo, but she would be content to have either the old or the new. She loved them both wholeheartedly.
And that was why he loved her with the whole of his heart. Her tenderness and understanding. Her unwavering faith in him that he could set out to accomplish anything. Like he could lasso the moon if he'd only but try. Speculative glance slanted towards the costume and a frown marring his brow as a shake of his dark head was given.
"No, don't think that's gonna work for me, love. I need a large."
For the sheer reason of the breadth of his shoulders and the fact that he had a rather long torso. The material would probably only reach his navel, which was not a good look for Mr. Jones! Lips quirking as he tried to visualise the image.
She would be there to encourage him in whatever he tried to do, whether it be riding in a rodeo or attempting to lasso the moon. It was all part of that commitment, and she was sure he'd be there for her if she ever needed his support.
She nodded, turning to hang the costume back up, but not offering offering a flirty glance from beneath a veil of dark lashes.
"Mhm. Of course you do."
There was a hint of innuendo in that statement, though it was rather subtle.
"I'm sure there must be some more of them.."
Said while she searched the rack, pausing when she found one.
"Here's on -- Oh, no, that's a small. That definitely wouldn't fit you."
Hangers creaked lightly while being pushing about, until she finally found his size.
"Aha! A large. Here you are, my love."
Removing the costume from the rack and offering it out to him.
The intensity in his grey-greens seemed to flare slightly upon catching the hint of innuendo laced in her honey-smooth drawl. Dark brows lifting slightly in amusement.
Going the Austin Powers route would certainly provide a feasible solution to Killer's wardrobe. Mini-Pup or something. Chuckle as she waded through the hangers and finally plucked the appropriate size from the rack and holding it out towards him.
"Hm. Okay, then. Shall I try it on and see how it fits me?"
Not just how it physically complimented his leanly muscled frame but how it suited him on some other level as well.
Sometimes you find that one costume that seems as it was made especially for you. Tailored to meet your every expectation. He taking the garments from her outstretched fingers and draping the hanger over his arm while he began the scrape towards the fitting rooms.
"Yup. I can look around for other costume ideas that might work while you change.."
And if she happened to come across a Catwoman costume? Well, maybe she would try it on. Just for fun, though!
She offered a grin, watching him head off the fitting room before turning her attention back to the rack.
She chuckled when she found the Jessica Rabbit costume again, fabric rustling while she studied each costume in search of other prospects. What else, what else. A Phantom costume was located and removed from the rack. Maybe this would work.
Muffled strains of his voice emanating from behind the closed doors of the changing area.
"Um..I don't know about his, Shan."
Not necessarily displeasure staining the mellow baritone, but rather uncertainty.
He was emerging from behind the swinging doors then, sans crutches as he had grown quite profficient in hobbling about within a relatively short distances. And without falling over either. It wasn't a bad look, persay.
C'mon. Indiana Jones? Was hot. And the cowboy did the form-fitting garments justice. He just didn't feel like it was the one. You know?
She looked up at the sound of his voice, draping the Phantom costume over her arm before threading her way through the racks -- oh, look at that.
"How do you feel about Beetle Juice, baby?"
It was the dead version of Austin Powers, in a way. She checked the tag before removing the costume, draping it over her arm before continuing on over to the dressing room.
"Hm." She paused when he stepped out of the room, studying the costume with a brow lifting.
"Well .. it looks really good on you, baby.
But are you comfortable in it?"
That was more important then what looks good and what doesn't. His smile was endearingly sheepish.
"Not really. I mean, it looks good and all but doesn't feel like me." Well, duh. That was the point in dressing up. Taking on a new persona.
But the cowboy was already confused by the two personas already trapped somewhere in his brain trying to duke it out for power of the compromised organ. Heh.
He sent her a floundering glance hoping she understood what exactly he had been trying to get across.
That was an interesting question as well, would his costume choices even remain the same when he regained his memory back.
"It's not your style, hm? I understand."
She nodded. If a Halloween costume didn't fit his style or even the general idea he was hoping for .. then it wouldn't feel right.
"Do you want to try either of these?"
Holding up the Phantom of the Opera and Beetle Juice costumes for him to look at.
He was about to reach out to take the Phantom costume from her when he swayed some and took a few staggering steps backwards.
Really, he had been alright just moments earlier but the new medication the doctor had switched him to (after he had a few adverse side effects to the old prescription) had him feeling a somewhat woozy.
Only able to let a few words slip past before he was alarmingly crumpling to the floor.
"Baby, feelin' kinda dizzy." Out like that.
Umm...what?
Her eyes widened when she saw him stumble and she let the costumes drop from her hand while rushing to try and catch him. She was a little too slow though, barely able to grab his arm while he crumpled.. and not able to catch him or better support the fall.
"Mac? Baby?!"
Um. Well, needless to say, she was a little freaked out here! She shook him some to try and wake him up, rather unsure of what to do in this kind of situations. "Mac!"
Few sales associates rushed over having witnessed the fainting. Both women speaking at once. "
Oh my God, is he alright?"
Yeah, not much help or even bothering to offer any assistance, call any paramedics or anything no. Just gawking.
No, hopefully it wasn't some unfortunate setback. He had probably just been trying to do too much at one time. This wouldn't be one of those long torturous stretches of time where she feared he might not ever open his eyes for a mild groan reverberating through his chest as those lashes far too thick and long to possibly belong to a man fluttered then the lids shifted to half-mast.
Roughly, as though speaking through a fog, trying to focus his eyes squarely
onto the artist's face looming over his prone figure.
"Wha-? What happened?"
"Water? Could you get me some water? And.. maybe you should call an ambulance."
Uncertainty in her tones while she spoke to the women, doing her best to try and take control. He fainted. What was she supposed to do?
The groan had her gaze returning to him quickly and the relief she felt at seeing him awake was almost staggering. It probably be awhile before things like this didn't cause her to panic on some level, but she was doing her best not to worry about things.
"Hey.. are you okay?" Worried scan of his face, fingertips brushing along his cheek.
"I don't know what happened, baby. You just .. collapsed." A glance up to the nearby clerks.
"Would it be possible to get him some water?"
He didn't seem to be quite ...all there. His expression was a rather dreamy one as though a child just awakening from a lazy slumber.
"I love you."
Though it was sorta uttered in a sing-song way that should've been justified cause for concern. Wrapped around a little boy's type lisp.
One of the women seeming to become animated at Shannon's repeated request and bustling off to retrieve the water while the other lingered hesitantly before scrambling towards the checkout counter to punch in 911.
Mac was just sort of in a weird state of limbo. Not that detatched feeling he had experienced for so long during those dark days before the onset of his recovery but in that surreal state of mind where everything seemed to be in slow motion and voices mingled together to echo loudly in his ears. He heard her voice but it seemed as though coming from some fall off place.
The expression on his face was setting off warning bells in her mind, but she wasn't sure why. He seemed to recognize her .. but his voice sounded wrong.
"I love you too... Do you know who I am, Mac?"
She had to check, just in case. She glanced up, watching the women hurry off before looking back down to him.
"Does anything hurt, baby?"
He had taken a pretty nasty fall, so she was scanning his body for any sign of broken bones while listening.
Boyish grin nearly childlike in his response as he clapped a hand against her cheek to pat it.
"You're Shannon."
Playfully offered in a voice that clearly wasn't his own. What the hell had the doctor given him? Was he having some sort of allergic reaction or something? It seemed only time would tell.
Sirens blared in the distance heralding the approach of the paramedics already on their way to respond to the emergency call.
What was this? Another version of himself? She didn't know what to think and that was rather disconcerting. Teeth scraped along her bottom lip and the build-up from the previous encounters coupled with the new stress this one created had a hint of mist gather in her eyes.
Not again. Please not again.
"That's right. I'm Shannon."
Forced out with a harsh swallow following soon after.
"Do you know what your name is?"
Keeping him talking while the sirens drew closer.
Seemingly forgetting her second uttered question and making up answers to his own while he patted her cheek again. In the same almost childlike voice that was becoming more and more startling.
"You're pretty."
Overlooking the new inquiry as well. The doors to the shop nearly flew open as two EMTs pushed their way inside carrying a stretcher.
"We got a call about someone collapsing?"
Spying the fallen cowboy on the far side of the building and heading down an aisle in a smoothly efficient fashion after being directed by one of the salesclerks.
It seemed one of them had decided to visit a well and draw the water herself for all the time it seemed to take the girl to bring the artist a simple glass of water. She was pressing in against Shannon's side then to hold out the offering as though some miracle tonic that would everything all better.
This was wrong. Very wrong. She almost wanted to shy away from the patting because it didn't feel like him. It was him.. but it wasn't.
She glanced up when the woman returned with the water, thanking her shortly before glancing back to Mac.
"Mac? Here's some water.."
He pulled a face.
"Not thirsty."
She would have to make him take a few sips, lifting up his head and pressing the glass to his lips if she wanted the life giving substances to trickle past his lips.
"I think you should drink some water, Mac..."
She was pressing the glass against his mouth, attempting to coax him.
"Please? For me?"
Exaggerated sigh much like a small child having been asked to do some chore or other that really wasn't that pleasant.
"Okay."
When the glass was pressed against his mouth, he allowed a few rivulets of the liquid to slide down his throat. Giving her a bright eyed (far too bright) beam upon having completed the task.
Oh, God. What if it was delayed response to the accident? Brain damage couldn't possibly occur so many weeks afterwards when he had been doing so well, could it? Of course not.
He was just.. in a daze. That he would surely be snapping out of any second now.
Snap out of it, Mack.
She sighed as well, when she heard that childish sigh, glancing away quickly.
Oh, God. What if he hit his head and knocked some loose .. or what if he lost himself in this new persona.
It was right about that she figured Fate must really be interested in sabatoging them, first the accident.. and then the amnesia, with memories of her being the last ones not retrieved from his mind, and now here she was .. waiting for the EMTs to take him away again. It was rather painful.
"Thank you, Mac." Softly murmured when he finally drank some water.
The paramedics had reached there side then and began bombarding the artist with questions.
Is he on any medications? What were they? Was he prone to epileptic seizures... Did he have any known allergies.. a swirling vortex of
confusion it seemed for the cowboy to handle so he simply closed his eyes.
But there wasn't any grounds for alarm that he shouldn't open them again,he was merely exhausted from having exerted himself so much in the past few days.
Stubborn to a fault, that had been the character trait that had stuck with him no matter what persona currently occupied the mind of the cowboy. And he had thought he couuld rush the healing process (never a good thing) and get on
with the rest of his life.
The question was now... what life would it be when he woke up this time?
She did her best to answer all of their questions, keeping a firm reign on her emotions at the same time. She wanted to just crumple under the strain of all of this stress and just go .. cry somewhere, get it all out, but she had to be strong.
The rest .. could happen sometime later when she was by herself. She set the glass of water down, listening to the paramedics comments before answering some more of the questions.
And then...the gods seemed to smile upon them, perhaps taking pity upon all the twists of fate that seemed destined to keep them apart.
The hazy veil loosened its hold over the fuzzy outer reaches of his brain and he was able to see
clearly once again. His voice.
"Shannon?" Yes, it was him. Slightly roughened husky baritone that she would've had carved a niche for somewhere deep within her soul just as hers held a special place somewhere within his own heart.
"Baby, where are you?"
The EMTs had lifted their patient onto the stretcher and were carrying it towards the door and while it was his voice, he sounded rather frantic upon coming to reality and not catching sight of her.
He was going to be alright. Thank God.
She smoothed a hand over her face while leaning back, letting the EMTs examine him. She bit down harshly on the inside of her cheek to keep the swell of emotion back .. when she heard his voice. His voice.
"Mac?"
She quickly pushed to her feet, chasing after the stretcher.
"Wait, wait!"
Shouted at the paramedics while trying to catch up with them. Was it really him?
Yeah, it was him alright and even in his dazed state didn't stop him from hurling out a few choice curses in Italian.
"Would you wait a minute? Goddamnit. Shannon!"
Called as he was being hefted up and tucked into the waiting ambulance. There was no way he was going back to the damned hospital (even if it was just for a check out) without her!
Ah, but which cowboy was it? The old or the new?
"Wait! Please!"
She burst out of the store in pursuit of them, scrambling to reach the van before they closed the door. She was coming with, thank you very much!
The fainting spell while it might have been terrifying for her witness had indeed jogged loose a few more memories.
In fact...he felt as if everything...his entire life was just within hairs breath of his grasp.
But which cowboy would it be? The old, the new...or by any stretch of the imagination a mingling of the two?
He gave a weary sigh of relief as she bounced into the ambulance just seconds before the door was about to be slammed closed.
He had knocked his head a bit and there was a dull throbbing at the back of his skull but isn't that what they always portrayed in the movies?
A knock on the head and then suddenly all the snapshots of memories came flooding back in
one great deluge? Well, it didn't happen quite that way for the cowboy and while he had a damn fine headache at least he was cognitive of his surroundings and reaching out towards her. Weak but there. Really there.
"Shannon. I remember."
Two words but meaning so much. And then he was practically a tidal wave of energy rattling off things about their relationship that she probably didn't even recall.
What she had been wearing that first day he was introduced to her. The first time they had kissed. The bull riding competition at the Honky Tonk. It would have her laughing, crying or a mixture of both.
He was really back. And it was indeed a mesh of both cowboys.
That was indeed the Hollywood trick for films involving memory loss. She settled down near the stretcher, her hand curling about his.
"It's okay, baby. I'm here. I'm here."
Murmured while she looked down at him, studying his face. When he began spouting off those details .. the joy that spread through her left no corner of her mind untouched.
He remembered. All of the fears and the doubts that had been bottle up inside of her slipped free now, escaping her body in the form of tears streaking down her cheeks.
The relief was evident in her expression and she squeezed his hand before wiping at her cheeks with her free one.
"I love you."
It had never sounded so sincere, not it hadn't
before .. but there was even more emotion behind it now.
"Oh baby, I haven't even got to the best detail, yet. I remember really remember what it felt like being with you for the first time. Being loved by you, mi fiore bella. I love you so much."
Rumbled confession and lifting her hand towards his mouth to brush a grazing kiss along the back of it. Then pressing it to his cheek as though never wanting to let her go. And he wouldn't be leaving her again if he could help it!
He knew how much it must have hurt her for him not to remember all those tender moments they had shared. As though they had never even existed.But they were back! Making him feel whole again and that restoration in itself was more powerful than the most potent medicine any doctor could ever prescribe.
The joy she felt was released in the form of soft laughter and she brushed some more saltine wetness from her cheeks while listening to him.
There were no words to express her feelings at the moment, it was that kind of blankness that comes after unexpected joys such as an award you didn't expect to win, or a proposal that takes you by complete surprise.
A soft smile for the warm kiss he pressed to her skin and she sniffled quietly before leaning down to nuzzle her cheek against his.
"I love you too,laska.
You're my heart and soul."
Murmured in emotion-rough tones, letting her eyes fall closed for a brief moment.
She was just trying to take it all in.
Tender, roughly affectionate in that warm baritone tripping from his throat.
"You're my everything, mi bella luce.
My life, soul, my heart. It's gonna be okay, love. Promised I'd never leave you, right?"
And while the first time he had nearly broken the promise by slipping away from this earth, the second time and coincidentally the incident that set the chain reaction of events to follow into motion nearly had him abandoning her once again.
Although this time, it might even be more painful then his life's essence slipping away.
Seeing him, hearing him...and having him not really there...not himself. With the mind of a child. Wouldn't that be the cruelest trick fate ever played?
While he would still be here physically, mentally and emotionally he would be lost to her forever.
Just as if he had broken the promise he swore never to break.
"I mean that. Never, Shannon. Never."
And it was from the bottom of his heart. Sincere and fervently insistent as his fingers curled more tightly around her own.
Yes, well. Hopefully they wouldn't have anymore near brushes! She didn't know if she could handle that. And yes, the appearance of that childlike mind had been pretty horrifying, especially with the fear that this would be how it ended up forever.
She would truly have gotten to see the kind of emotion and willpower that made a person stay in a situation like that, much like James Gardner's character in the film they saw the other night.
It would seem that the floodgates were not closing anytime soon, silent tears continuing to trickle down her cheeks while she buried her face against him. She held onto his hand tightly, sniffling every now and then while fighting to gain control over her emotions.
"Never." Repeating his promise softly.
He wanted to kiss away every one of those tears. His voice battle weary but insistent just the same. "Don't cry, mi amore. It's going to be okay. We're going to be okay."
Whether he was saying it to try and convince her or himself it was uncertain.
Maybe a bit of both.
He was pressing another warm kiss against the back of her hand and then tugging on her wrist to bring her closer. He needed to kiss her. Needed it more than he was craving his next breath right now.
"I'm trying not to."
Murmured in almost apologetic tones. She didn't want him to see her cry! She knew how much men hated tears, after all.
She leaned forward with the tug, free hand settling on the edge of the stretcher to help her balance. She pressed a light kiss to his mouth before settling into a deeper one. She needed to touch him, to feel that he was here .. that he wasn't slipping away again.
Gutteral groan trickling past his lips at the initial touch of her lips to his own, then expanding into a deep seated growl of pleasure so bittersweetly familiar it was certain to bring more water to her eyes.
He moved his mouth against hers, confirming with his kiss the promise he had made for all time as though sealing some bargain with fate. This was the woman that had always been meant for him.
His soulmate.
"Love you more than anything, Shannon,"
He faltered then at the words wanting to leap off the tip of his tongue but he was uncertain how she would respond to them.
Her reaction might not have been the same had they not just narrowly avoided another disaster just moments earlier. Maybe with her fear leading the way she might be ruled to make a decision she otherwise might have had to think upon more later. But he had to say the words aloud, even though they had never even made mention of them ever before this night.
"Shannon, I know this isn't the most romantic setting in the world but what I'm telling you is straight from the heart. I never thought I could find someone that truly love me for who I am unconditionally. I never thought I'd fall for someone so completely different from me in every imaginable way. You make me want to be a better man. And I'm a better person for being loved by you."
His heart was beating crazily against his ribcage as he paused.
"Shannon, will you marry me? Not anytime soon, mind you. Just I want to know. Will you be my wife? I'd say that you'd make me the happiest man that ever lived but you've already done that. By loving me."
Silence then and grey-greens shifting anxiously to her face, gauging her reaction to the impulsive words.
The growl struck a chord of memory and it only made her lean further into the kiss. She wanted to curl up on that stretcher with him, but she knew it wasn't allowed.
She leaned back while listening to him, quirking a brief grin for the mention of their differences, since they were polar opposites in many ways!
And then.. he proposed. Proposed. In the back of an ambulance heading for the hospital.
It was almost comical, but she wasn't laughing. Her eyes widened, a sign that he had caught her completely off guard and she drew back slightly.
"I --" Speechless. She was absolutely speechless.
"Are you sure? Baby, are you sure you want to marry me? I mean.. are you sure?"
She never thought she'd hear those words from him anytime soon .. or that she'd even want to hear them.
After her first failed marriage, she had pretty much sworn off the whole thing.. but then she let him in. It started with the accident in showing her how much she needed him and Lola put the seed of thought on the subject in her mind, letting her muse on it privately.
"I don't -- I don't want you to propose because of this baby," because of some near death experience, "But if you're absolutely sure ... then yes. I'll be your wife."
He laughed. Yes, laughed. At the near squeaking of the fractured words catching in her throat.
"Yes, baby. I've never been more sure of anyting in my entire life. But, I don't want to rush you into anything. Hell, we can be engaged
for ten years if you want. Though, I might have lost some of my looks by then and I'd only hope you'd still love me in spite of it."
Throwing in a joke to show that he was after all a mixture of both cowboy personas. His heart flew nto his throat upon hearing her words and then skipped a beat. She said yes. She was truly, honestly his.
"No, baby not just because of this...I..."
There was something else he needed to tell her.
"Baby, on the morning of the accident, I had planned something special for us. Candlelight dinner at the most exclusive restaurant in town. Ring in the champagne glass, everything.
Baby, I wanted to marry you then. I'm not asking you now because of some near brush with death. I'm asking you because I love you. I love you."
Heart in his eyes as he made the declaration...
and spilled to her his intentions of the very day of the accident.
How twisted fate can be... they had come so far, through so much...and now seeming to be back on course. Right where they should be..from the very start.
She chuckled for the joke, charmed by the reminder of that 'new' cowboy spirit.
"Baby, you could be ninety and I'd still think you were the most handsomest man on earth."
In response to the mention of waiting ten years. She looked surprised once again when he told her what his intentions that morning had been (and actually confirming her suspicions about what Ris's message about a special night meant).
They .. had seemingly come full circle.
"You did? Oh, baby.."
She at a loss for words that fit the emotions running through her. Nothing she could think of did justice to the intense rush speeding through her veins, increasing the wild beating of her heart.
"I don't .. I don't deserve you, you know?"
Because he really was far too good for her.
"But I'll love you with all my heart, baby. From now until forever."
Promising while brushing a kiss to his cheek.
"I don't deserve you, mi bella luce. But when a blessing is dropped within you lap you don't question where it came from, you just be grateful that it did. I promise to love you from now until eternity and I will never ever leave you."
Physically or emotionally, a vow sealed by another crush of his mouth against her own sealing the promises they had made to each other.
They had after all, come full circle. Fates intertwined with shared destiny and for one moment in time everything was right in the world.
"Shannon. Bellisima Shannon."
Rumbled words against her mouth as he rubbed his lips against those satin soft pillows inviting to be plundered and he was all too willing to comply with the silent demand, deepening the kiss and pouring out every ounce of emotion he had stored up over the time he had known her.
She was his.
Fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt while she leaned into the kiss, channeling all of her turbulent emotions into it. Her lips parted against his, an unspoken invitation for him to come explore..
And if those EMTs were paying attention to them, they were certainly getting quite a show!
She only pulled back from the kiss when the need for oxygen wasn't able to be ignored any longer, taking a few deep breaths.
"You complete me, baby. You really do."
Yes, it was a cheesy line, but it fit her emotions perfectly.
The emergency technicians could stare, really. Fine with him. It was rude...but hey.
What did he care? His southern belle was going to be Mrs. Cowboy! He could've let loose a victory whoop if he hadn't felt so completely drained.
Yes, he had been overdoing it. And the dizzy spell had been his body's way of telling him to slow down.
But then again without the incident and the slight knot forming on his head he was sure to have on the morrow...who knows how long it would've been until his memory was completely restored? Even trials come unexpectedly attatched to miracles it seemed.
"You make me feel complete, too, baby. I never lived before your love. God, Shannon. Thank you for loving me."
Murmured against her neck when she drew back some and then the ambulance was pulling into the hospital emergency entrance and his lids seemed too heavy to keep them open any longer.
A good night's rest and then the knowledge that tomorrow...his girlfriend was now...his beautiful fiancee.
And the ring was waiting for her back at the ranch, too. He only wished he had it on him now to slip on her finger. A bit of an unconventional proposal but nonetheless meaningful.
Mister and Missus Cowboy...and Killer. What a family! Well, the impromptu proposal was just as romantic as a planned one.. and they could always do something special with the ring later on. She brushed a kiss to his brow before leaning back, not wanting to get into the EMT's way while they went about unloading him from the ambulance. She slipped out once they finished taking care of him.
He would be checked out by the experts and probably have an overnight visit but it was tolerable enough for Mackenzy since his stay this time wasn't going to be an overly long one!
Sleepily murmured and almost comical at that. "We've never did decide on a costume..."
Last words from the cowboy before sleep finally claimed him and causing a chuckle from the belle in all probability. They would just have to go shopping again on the morrow. Imagine that!
[img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 09, 2004 09:13 PM: Message edited by: Roping the Wind ]</font>
-
Sunlight filtered through the gaps in the blinds, creating bars of light that stretched over the pair curled up in the bed. They were a tangle of limbs, Apollo holding his Diana tightly lest she run away again. But, judging by the way she was leaning into him, this Diana did not have running on her mind.
She had woken up some time ago, slowly lured away by Sleep's embrace by the light seeping through closed lids. Lashes fluttered briefly before she squinted at the wall in front of her, fingertips brushing along the strong forearm curving about the soft planes of her stomach. Snapshots of last night were flickering in her mind in random succession, like a jumble of photographs spread out on the floor in an unorganized mess. Usually, such encounters would leave her itching to flee before he could wake and stop her ... but she didn't feel the stirring of her blood, the panic that usually accompanied such thoughts.
She didn't want to run.
Shannon had never been the type of person to believe in signs, but this seemed like a pretty important one. She rolled over carefully, studying his shadowed features before leaning up to brush a kiss to his mouth. "We're okay." Murmured, more so to reassure herself then him. Last night had been .. odd, but they'd be fine. Every relationship had a learning curve, right?
She carefully slipped out of his embrace and climbed out of bed, brushing a hand along the silky material of her slip while quietly leaving the bedroom to head into the kitchen. A detour had her heading into the living room, leaning down to snag that video from the VCR. She tapped fingertips along it thoughtfully while heading back into the kitchen. She set it down on the kitchen table before rummaging around for a pen and a post-it note. It was a simple message that she wrote, attaching the post-it to the front of the video before placing it front of one of the chairs.
The message: Watch me? ... and then in smaller print at the bottom: Just be careful what you do with it afterwards. I trust you, baby.
She stepped away from the table, moving to the stove to begin making breakfast. French toast and scrambled eggs! It'd all be set up for him by the time he awoke, the appetizing food on a plate and a glass of juice waiting. Aw.
(reposted with permission)
-
He was stirring from sleep's embrace as he felt the shards of sunlight pricking at him from behind his closed lids. He gave a languid stretch his forearm reaching across the tumbled bedclothes and finding...only empty space. The lethargy in his limbs quickly melted away as he forced his heavy lidded gaze to wrench open.
Panic clawed at his insides for a moment and he couldn't seem to form the single word that faltered clumsily before dying on his lips on a strangled breathless gasp of sound.
He forced his lungs to breathe, craving the air that refused to come.
For one blindingly painful moment he thought for some reason... She was gone.
She hadn't run.
This truth was made apparent to him once he swung his legs over the side of the bed by
the indistinct sounds he heard from the direction of the kitchen as well as the invigorating scent of freshly brewed coffee wafting towards his senses in a surreal form of reality.
He smeared a calloused palm down the side of his face and ticking a few fingers along
the heavily whiskered angle of his granite jaw. His heartbeat was still tripping a rapid tattoo against the cage of his ribs and he feared as though it might burst through his chest at any second.
"Christ.," Gutteral sound spilled from him in a low cadence of a rumble and he was resting his forearms onto his knees as his dark head dipped forward and both hands pushed through the unruly lengths of his hair.
Waking up and not finding her tucked along his side, wrapped within his arms had
sent a pang so sharp it cut him to his very core. The hollow kind of emptiness.
Followed by crushing despair. He wanted to wake up every morning for the rest of his life and have her be the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. He knew how very vital a part she played in his life, hell, in his sanity these days. If he ever lost her...
No. Don't even torture youself by thinking about it.
In doing so, he was almost afraid by obsessing over the matter it was tempting fate to bring it to fruition. He would be ...completely lost if she ever left him. He just wouldn't know how to function.
He pushed away from the bed and then padded towards the bathroom, leaving the slightly ajar as he turned on the tap to splash some cool water on his face. Then he raised his darkened gaze towards his reflection in the mirror. What does she see in you, Mac?
Hell if he knew but he wouldn't question why she chose him when she had half the male population in town salivating after her. It was the truth! He had noticed (even if she was oblivious to the fact) the admiring glances, the outrageous leers (from some who had
no tact at all) and then there were the only ones that made the cowboy feel unsettled.
The smooth operators who were too slick and arrogant for their own good.
He just worried. They were okay, he knew. But the goodness in the southern belle, her gentle trusting way that she had about her could leave her vulnerable to be taken advantage of by someone with no scruples (or morals) at all.
He reached for a handtowel and patted at his face before opening the medicine cabinet to retrieve his razor and shaving cream. He secretly wanted one of those hot lather barber shop type gizmo things. You know, the ones that kept you shaving foam heated to give you the feel of getting a true shave by a barber, like in the days of old?
He filled his palm with some of the foam and smoothed it along his jaw and neck.
Shannon would be proud, he was actually taking the time to shave this morning.
Though he was leaving some of the growth behind. Testing out a mustache and goatee look just on a whim. The rest of the stubble was scraped away, leaving a rather immaculately groomed appearance. He grinned in the mirror. He looked more like an Italian executive more than a rough and tumble cowboy without all the extra stubble. After finishing his shave, he threw on some aftercare lotion which had a pleasant woodsy spice to its fragrance, and then he was reaching for his toothbrush and plying it with a generous
amount of paste and stuffing it into his mouth to begin brushing his teeth.
After his business in the bathroom was taken care of he paused to throw on a clean pair of boxer-briefs and shrug into his robe, then leaving the bedroom to shuffle down the hallway,
a yawn slicing apart his lips as he lifted a hand to rub absently at the back of his neck.
When he saw breakfast waiting for him on the kitchen table he was bypassing it momentarily to steal into the kitchen and fold his arms around his fiancee from behind, corded muscles flexed with the motion of pressing her against him for a good morning
hug and kiss.
"Mornin..." Afternoon actually. They had slept well into the day and were shameless,
lazy bums.
He didn't need to offer much mor in the way of a greeting. The nuzzle along the slope of her neck and shoulder and the heat within the lingering kiss he claimed after husking over the
murmured syllables said it all.
You're my soulmate. I'm so glad I found you. I love you.
And somewhere in the back of his mind festered another misgiving but he pushed it aside as he sank into the inviting softness of her mouth.
But the thought stubbornly refused to go away or be silenced. His embrace around her shapely frame tightened all the more then.
Please don't ever leave me.
-
Why had she chosen him? Because he never 'salivated' at her.
He never looked at her like she was some piece of meat, or a trophy that he wanted to possess in order to make others envy her. She knew that when he looked at her .. that he was really looking at her. He saw Shannon Maguire -- her flaws, her quirks, her best qualities.
And if he could love her, even with those flaws and strange problems, then maybe she was someone who deserved love. He had brought her back from the brink of losing herself, of closing off and just going through the motions of life.
She loved him for that .. and so much more. Her day didn't begin until she saw his smiling face, sharing the space in the small bathroom and laughing whenever they bumped into each other.
She spent more time at work daydreaming about him then actually working and her night wasn't complete until she got a goodnight kiss.
Of course, every relationship had it's ups and downs, it's small issues.. but the sign that they were meant to be together, for Shannon at least, was the fact that she never worried they'd end. She had no desire to run and wasn't afraid that any little fight might send him running either.
The true test of a relationship, according to Cosmo (ha!), was being able to have a fight or a discussion about a problem, without fearing it would end the relationship.
And they had passed that test with flying colors.
She grinned when she saw him shuffling into the kitchen, setting down the dish she had been washing (because her mama taught her to never leave dirty dishes sitting in the sink) and drying off her hands before leaning into his embrace, arms curving about his neck.
"Good morning, handsome." Bright smile and she melted into the kiss, before brushing hands along his newly shaved skin.
"Mm, you shaved." Pleased note to her voice and she grinned up at him.
Some hint of his feelings could be read in his expression and hers softened slightly in response, hands brushing along his cheeks.
"It's okay, baby.. We just had a rough night. It happens. I'm still here .. and so are you.
I love you, okay? And we're gettin' married."
Soft reassurance, lifting her hand so he could see the ring glittering on her finger before kissing him once more.
"Now, go eat your breakfast.."
And see my surprise for you. She gave his backside a playful swat while turning him towards the table, laughing softly.
They had a rough night .. and since Shannon didn't dwell on the past, she had already moved past it. There were far better things to worry about, like Halloween .. and the future.
-
Well, it's been quite some time since I've actually done this journal writing thing but I feel as though if I don't get some of these tumultuous thoughts out of my brain and onto paper that I might actually go insane.
Bjorn is back in town. The one thorn in my side with the capability to prick me so until I feel as though I'm slowly bleeding out from the inside. He wants her back, this I know for certain and on some level I can see where he's coming from.
Shannon's an amazing woman. She's given my life meaning. Hell, she is my life, my soul, my heart. I couldn't begin to imagine how I would function without the center of my universe.
He hurt her terribly; I was there to witness the aftermath of the destruction the Lion caused the first time around in the painter's life and now he just breezes once again back into her life, a cyclone turning everything I've grown to hold so dear right on its damned ear.
I cannot write much more at the moment, I'm too godamned fucking angry. One thing is for sure. I can't lose her. God, but I love Shannon so much! I want her to be happy. If she's not with me and a shithead (Harsh? Not at all, Journal, what he did was inexcusable) like Bjorn is what she really wants, what can I do? Smile, nod and say, 'It was good while it lasted?'
I always knew somewhere at the back of my mind that I was living in some dream reality. Waiting for the other shoe to fall, waiting for the inevitable chaos of destruction that was sure to be on the distant horizon. The tempest has a name. And it's...Bjorn.
She told me last night that she had seen him at the tavern. As if this wasn't shocking enough, she also confessed that he had kissed her. Did she kiss him back? I don't know. Honestly, I don't even want to know the answer.
I couldn't even look at her directly when she was making the admittance. Shit, I never thought I could be so furious and so tormented in the same soul-shattering breath.
So, I left, Journal. I just couldn't deal with it right then. Damn it, it was just too much to grasp at once. I love her. God, how much I love that woman. But I need some time think about all of this. I can only hope and pray that this is just a testing of our faith in each other, in our love. Yet another trial that we have to overcome, just like the accident.
Dear God, please..please...don't let me lose her. I'll do anything. Please help her misguided heart to see that there's a lovesick cowboy that cherishes her like she were the very first woman to ever walk on this earth.
Heaven forbid if she did take Bjorn back, who's to say he wouldn't break her heart again? Who the hell does he think he is?! I swear I'll hunt him down and kick his miserable ass.
Well, Journal, I can only recount the events of last night as my hand is shaking too terribly to write much more.
Please, God...we need your divine intervention. Help us naviagte through these turbulent seas. Like a bridge over troubled water...
-------------------------------------------
Today had been .. well, crazy. She was still reeling from the argument with Bjorn and had gone to see her old buddy Trent for advice -- though he had none to give. The boxer had been kind enough to drive her home however, since her car had been left at the gallery, and so she was thanking him kindly before angling out of the truck. She offered a wave while watching him pull away, swiping a hand along her face to remove any lingering tear stains from her cheeks.
Then, with a deep breath, she started for the house, porch steps creaking lightly while she ascended them. She unlocked the door before stepping inside, leaning down to greet Loki when the mutt lumbered up.
He was in the kitchen finishing the dishes leftover from dinner, the girls and Ris had stopped by earlier...and look there was another mouth to feed around here. Old Blue had finally come home to where he belonged. He wasn't quite sure how Loki felt about the yellow Lab but Killer seemed to have accepted the older canine after a bit of initial wariness.
He put away the rest of the silverware and utensils used and then was drying his hands off on a dish towel, shutting off the kitchen light while he spilled into the living room.
"Baby?"
Uncertain for it could've been Ris returning another article left behind at the apartment across town left behind by Blue's brief sojourn into the city.
He stopped short upon the sight of her. His heart constricting in a painful way. Something...wasn't right.
"Hi," softly while she straightened from her slight bend, stepping around Loki to head closer to him.
"How are you?"
Blue was here now? She was working up the strength to tell him about Bjorn's return, using the little bit of casual everyday questions to help push her along.
His words while warmly affectionate were slightly halting as he flickered her with a glance of grey-green.
"I'm good. Just cleaning up the supper dishes from earlier. The girls and Charisma stopped by earlier to return another mouth to feed. Apparently, he was eating them out of house and home."
Giving an easy form of a grin as he offered the lazy comments. Blue hardly ate enough to keep a bird alive, he was after all getting on in years. The cowboy had grown up with the Labrador and the dog would always be his undisputed favorite.
"They stayed for supper and actually just left about a half hour ago."
"Oh? I'm sorry I missed them.."
Guilt tugged at her heartstrings and she swallowed the lump that formed in her throat, arms curving about him in a hug.
"Blue's here now?"mShe passed a glance around for the lab.
"How is he liking the other two?"
"He's adjusting. So are they. No fur flying...yet," Murmured against the shell of her ear as he pressed a warm, brushing kiss along the inner curve of her neck.
The tension was almost palpable within her frame and it seemed to have a similar effect on his earlier demeanor of lazy calm. He drew back some, holding her at arm's length while he studied her face critically. Had she been...crying?
"What's the matter, mi amore?"
He could sense these things of course, but with the reminder of saltine tracks along the curve of her cheeks, the signs really were quite hard to miss. The pad of his thumb roved along the satin skin in an infinitely tender gesture as he posed the question.
"I .. had an odd day."
Softly and she glanced up at him briefly before looking away. Okay, Shannon, you can do this.
Her hands lifted to cover his and she lead him towards the couch, settling down onto it slowly.
"I .. have something that I need to tell you, baby." And I think you better sit down for this.
He blinked and then allowed her to lead him towards the couch. Shit, this wasn't good.
He fought against the surge of panic clawing at his throat somewhere but he wouldn't let it overwhelm him before he lost the tenuous grasp on his control.
"Okaay..."
He did swallow convulsively, however. That much he could not hide, dropping onto the sofa cushions and passing her an inquiring glance.
Aw! His nervous expression had her feeling even worse, shoulders slumping slightly. She continued to hold his hand, glancing down at their tangled fingers while she tried to get her thoughts in order.
"You .. remember Bjorn? The man I was dating when you first told me about your attraction?"
The question probably seemed like it came out of nowhere, but there was a method to her madness. She slanted a brief glance up at him, before her gaze slide away -- too nervous to remain in one place.
Did he remember...Bjorn?
How could he ever forget the lion of a man that had always been at the back of his mind crowding doubts as to whether Shannon would even be with him had she had the choice of the Lion or the Cowboy.
His grey-greens narrowed into slits at the mere mention of the man who had caused the artist such unimaginable pain.
His fists clenching unconsciously at his sides, and a muscle twinging somewhere along his jaw while he indulged in an unwitting habit... grinding his teeth.
From somewhere deep inside came the dark, cooly calm voice. One that didn't seem to even belong to him. Usually warm baritone deserting him for the moment it would seem.
"Yes. I remember him."
A simple enough answer and meeting her eyes squarely with his own as though trying to detect what she was about to say before she even offered it. He had always known that perhaps the only reason she was with him was because she couldn't be with...Bjorn.
But he never gave voice to such thoughts, keeping them cloistered away tightly into that corner of his brain he refused to even acknowledge.
How dare he think such a thing! She would never date someone just because she couldn't someone else. She had truly pushed all thoughts of Bjorn out of her mind when she agreed to be the cowboy's girlfriend -- and it was such an unexpected twist of fate to have the Lion return all of a sudden.
"Well .. "
The tone of his voice made her nervous, but she figured it was to be expected. A deep breath, gaze lowering towards her lap.
"Well .. I saw him today."
Not a flicker of response from him to indicate he had heard her confession though he did seem to grow breathlessly still while he digested this bit of information.
He lifted a hand to rub down the side of his face and if a faint tremor had his fingers shaking involuntarily he covered the reaction well enough by giving a scratch to the underside of his jaw. His eyes focused on the ceiling. Unable to look at her for the moment.
Afraid of what he might see in her eyes.
Did she...still have feelings for Bjorn?
Well, he didn't know. They had hardly discussed the matter. There was a slight catch in his voice so the gravel-rough murmur was hardly more than the merest breath of sound.
"I see.." It was all he was capable of giving at the time being.
Well, it seemed that that simple confession had opened the floodgates because the rest of pouring out of her in a rush.
"I didn't mean to.. I was just at the Tavern and he was, he says he's moving back to town. I knew that he and I had issues we never resolved ..
and you know how I am about not wanting to have anyone upset with me, so I offered to talk. He ... made it clear that he still has feelings for me. But I told him about you."
She wanted to make that very clear, glancing up to him abruptly.
"I am, of course, relieved to hear that."
If everything else wasn't exactly welcomed with open arms. He could feel her eyes on him but still reguarded the high ceiling as he lifted a hand to smear down the front of his face, then the same lengths were pushing through his dark hair in a habitual form of vague irritation.
Not at her, of course.
Hell, she didn't even have to tell him about anything of this. He hoped that they wouldn't keep any secrets from one another, so he was indeed glad she had confided in him but he just couldn't seem to wrap his brain around it all.
Bjorn was back. To claim what he had so callously cast aside so many months past?
That particular strain of thoughts had him opening and closing fists that were clenched firmly at his sides. He stood to his feet, calmly and headed for the door. Not the front door, mind you, he wasn't leaving the house.
He was headed for the patio. Goddamn, he needed some fresh air.
Wrenching the sliding glass open and stepping outside with only his sweatshirt for warmth.
His feet were bare, too but he barely felt the stinging cold biting at his extremities. Numb. That was the only emotion he could feel right now.
She blinked when he stood up, nervously brushing hands along the denim fabric covering her thighs. Oh god, was he angry? She slanted a glance towards the old yellow lab -- as if Blue could tell her some answers, or what she should do. She pushed to her feet, trailing after him hesitantly.
".. Mac, it's freezing outside. You'll get sick. Come inside.."
She wrapped her arms about herself while lingering near the patio doors, not daring to step outside for fear of catching a chill.
"Bjorn.." Well, what Shannon?
"He kissed me." Softly.
But she didn't kiss him back! A voice whispered in the back of her mind, but she did her best to block out the sound.
Such a deadly silence.
"... Say something." She begged, unnerved by his silence.
Yes, he was outside, not even feeling the cold and he turned then, something dangerous glinting in that intensely colored gaze of his. Perhaps he had misheard her admission. Dark brow arching as he seared her with hardened steel and smoldering emerald.
"He...whaat?"
It was a vicious sort of growl, one he didn't even think he was capable of mustering. But then again, he had never been this righteously angry. In all his life.
She backed up instinctively at the anger in his voice, hand lifting to settle on her chest. Good lord!
" .. He kissed me."
She mumbled, glancing down towards the floor. Twice, but she didn't think it would be
a good idea to mention that. The damage had already been done! He was so angry.
She had never seen him like this!
She would be regretting right about now her pushing him to speak.
Would she? Oh dear.
"There's more, isn't there? What...he wants you back now, I suppose?"
And I'm just supposed to hand you over.Like fuck, he would.
Hey. She was not just some toy to be handed back and forth! Ahem.
".. That's the gist of it."
Well, minus that fact that he still loved her and wanted her for himself -- but that was a minor detail!
No, quite to the contrary that was a major detail. And by her leaving out that crucial bit of information the flicker of suspicion in his fiery gaze had him stalking back inside, barely bothering to give the door a slam shut, the metal rattling within its hinges.
The hell! Of course, he was pissed. Anyone in his position would be intent on pounding the man into a bloody pulp about right now, wouldn't they? He was intuitive and could read her mannerisms quite well, even if so much of her was left a mystery to him.
He wasn't getting the whole story here. Fine.
He wouldn't push.
He paused long enough to gather up his keys from the coffee table and then was ripping his leather jacket from the coat rack near the door, shrugging into it while flickering her a contemplative glance.
No anger at her, though he was sure she had done nothing to invite such advances.
No, but he needed to get...out.
Gruffly. "I just can't...be around you, right now."
No, it wasn't an accusation of wrong doing on her part...but maybe on some level he had always known that this would happen one day. The very thing he had dreaded had come to pass.
Bjorn was...back.
"I'm going out for awhile. Don't wait up.
We'll discuss this further...later."
"..What are you doing?"
Wide eyed, turning to follow him back into the living room. Ouch. The sting of his words could be seen in the flash of her eyes, before she turned her head to look away.
So, this was how it was going to be? He .. didn't want to look at her.
And yes, it was a major detail .. but she didn't want to hurt him. Foolishly, she thought it would be better if he didn't know the full story.
"Oh. Be.. careful."
For lack of anything more to say. She felt very empty all of a sudden, back pedaling to sink down onto the couch. Shit, she was going to cry again.
"Maybe to the tavern, maybe to visit my sisters. I just...need to be alone right now."
Then he was adding on the treasured admission as though it was little more than an afterthought as he let himself outside.
"Love you." And then he was shutting the front door with slightly more force than he had intended.
She jumped at the slam, curling into a ball on the couch once he was gone. She hadn't even been given a chance to return the sentiment!
She definitely started crying once more, a hand lowering to brush fingers through Loki's fur. Well, at least she had the dogs to see her through.
But...he did know the full story, somewhere deep within his tortured heart. Bjorn loved her and wanted her back.
And ...she didn't even have the courage (or the decency?) to even tell him.
Well.. she thought she was protecting him! She wasn't perfect, you know.
The rumble of an engine shattered the silence of the night and then with a shower of gravel he was backing out of the drive at a breakneck pace. The need to get away prevalent in his blood.
Yes, protecting him now but it would only end up hurting him later, wasn't that the way it always went?
Twin beams of headlights were cutting through the pitch blackness of the night and he was driving with an unknown destination.
Perhaps, he shouldn't have been behind the wheel when he was so angry, but the tavern wasn't that far, if that should end up being his point b from a. Maybe he would just drive all night...and think.
One thing was for certain, it would be many hours before he finally let himself back into the house and then he just sat in the gathering darkness, slumping down onto the couch and burying his head within his hands.
[img]graemlins/broken_heart.gif[/img]
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 09, 2004 10:18 PM: Message edited by: Roping the Wind ]</font>
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Shit, oh shit. God, why are you doing this to me? If it wasn't bad enough that I was in turmoil before with the whole Bjorn issue, it's nothing compared to the agony that pricks me so deeply from within now at this unexpected shift in the winds of fate.
Lilly.
I don't even know what to think anymore, what to feel. If I thought I was numb before any of this newly unfolding drama I was wrong. I'm absolutely hollow. I doubt my capacity to bleed at the moment as I would sincerely doubt any life's blood to still rush within my cold and withered veins.
Her father's dead, Journal. Passed away for several months, or so she confessed. The one mitigating circumstance that had been the driving force in keeping the two of us apart in a past streaked with so many watercolor memories, it's only a distant brushstroke in the blindingly blank canvas of my desolately empty mind.
Christ. Fuck, I do not need this right now!
Damn her. Damn her to hell. For everything she's done. For turning up as though it were no big deal after all this time. For using my name in that huskily familiar way. And God help me, for looking even more beautiful than I could ever hope to remember.
I can't write any further at this time, Journal as that would require remaining still to accomplish it and there is a restlessness that fills me tonight like an unwelcome wanderlust for a time long since past. A future that never was. Damn her! And damn me to hell for still feeling a twinge in my gut at the very sight of her.
Oh, God, What am I gonna do, now?
[img]graemlins/wilted.gif[/img]
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 11, 2004 03:51 AM: Message edited by: Roping the Wind ]</font>
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She had, of course, called the cowboy to let him know why she had spent the night at Sin's -- he was so lonely without Tir around. Of course, on some level.. it felt safe to be in the guest room, considering how things ended during her last talk with Mac.
As it as, she was returning to the ranch because she needed to get a few things .. and talk to the cowboy. First came doggy loving though, so she had to pet all of the pups when she entered the house before looking around for the cowboy. "Mac?"
Despite the canine companions, the house had seemed unbearably empty with just himself rattling around at the ranch. He didn't realise how much he had grown accustomed to Shannon's presence in the past few months. And even when she was gone, the scent of her lingered.
Everywhere he would look. Cushions on the sofa fragranced with the traces of her perfume. The bathroom with all that frilly girl stuff. Body washes, shampoos and the bubble bath she tended to favor. But most of all, her pillow, next to his own. The very same he had slept with curled in his arms. Where he finally let all the walls crumble. While he cried.
But he would've never admitted that. He was feeling so confused about it all, really. And hearing her key in the door, the familiar sound of her voice had him emerging from the bedroom to push down the hallway, so slowly, as though in a dream. "I'm here."
Letting her know, since he was taking his time making his way towards the living room.
She didn't have a key! Or at least, she didn't remember him ever giving her one. She had just opened the door since it was unlocked. She left her purse on the side table near the door, heading for the hallway when she heard his
Painted Facades: voice. It was funny how much stuff had been left at his house, considering she still techincally lived in her apartment.
"Hey .. How're you?" Pausing in the hallway when she spotted him, almost hesitant.
"I'm...okay. You?"
Look, he even summoned up a crooked smile. Even if it faltered slightly before melting away from the curve of his mouth. Shift of grey-green taking in her features, studying her. Much like he had done in the earliest time of their relationship.
Back when they wanted to memorize every single detail to commit to memory. He would have to store up a lifetime of memories to tide him over while she was away, wouldn't he? Really, it was quite a sage thing to do, it would seem.
He wanted to pull her into his arms, to whisper that he loved her, that he understood (her need to smooth things over with her past) that he wasn't angry with her. It was a private hell of his own design, this insecurity he felt towards the one man he had known in the back of his mind had the capacity to steal his life away.
Because, in essence, Shannon was his entire universe. More than tangled hearts, their souls (or so he had always thought) were entwined as completely as though one single entity.
And that was what scared her, to be honest. She was aware of how much he loved her, how much he depended on her .. and she wondered if he loved her too much. It reminded her of her ex-husband, but that was a thought she didn't want to focus on for very long, so she pushed it aside.
"I'm .. a little tired." She shrugged, studying him thoughtfully before glancing towards the bedroom door.
"I just needed to pick up some of my stuff." Softly. She glanced back to him, offering a small smile.
"I'm glad you're okay." That you didn't end up in a car wreck that night.
He had never depended on anyone in his life. It had been a complete learning experience for him. All of this. Any of it. But he had functioned somehow (hollowly) before the southern belle entered his life. Certainly, he could ...manage again..somehow. Without her...if that was the decision she ended up making. He almost felt as though he had to ask permission.
"Spare a hug?" Because I really need to feel you in my arms right now. I missed you.
It wasn't that she didn't want him to depend on her! She was just wary of being someone's life, because Sutton had made it clear that his only reason for trying to live (while they were married) had been her. It was .. a lot of pressure.
A twitch of a smile for his request and she stepped closer before wrapping her arms about him.
"Sure." Please don't hate me --
I just can't let you see me break down.
I could never hate you. As though he could read her thoughts, he was echoing his own as he folded his arms around her. She..needed to do what was best for her at the moment. And if that involved...some time apart. Perhaps that was best. It would give them both a chance to clear their heads.
She did need time apart, and she thought that he did too. Perhaps it would help them both get some perspective and find out what to do next.
"I'm .. going to be stayin' with Sin for a few days. I need to clear my head." Softly, and she was studying the fabric of his shirt intently while speaking. She was afraid to look up at him, in case he was about to get upset.
"I think that's a good idea, mi bella luca.." See, he was surprising them both by agreeing readily. In all actuality, he found he needed the time to sort through his own turbulent sea of emotions.
"Sin's a good guy. And I'm sure he is ecstatic about having you as a houseguest. But I surely would miss being invited to that slumber party." Even tossing out a careless jest to lighten up the mood, his roguish grin was there..but somewhat more subdued than usual.
More on the self-deprecating side.
She was surprised that he had agreed, startled blues snapping up to focus on him.
"..Yea, I think we both need time to think."
And Bjorn probably did too.
"Sin's pleased, yes. Tir is away on business right now and he needs company."
Softly an she tipped her head slightly. "Because of his ... less then legal work his address is a secret -- I don't even know it to be honest, so if you need me, just call my phone. Okay?"
She had promised Sin she wouldn't tell a soul about his secret hideaway, and she was going to keep that promise.
"If I need you? I'll always both need and love you, baby." You can handle this, Mackenzy. She would just be a phone call away. And never far from his thoughts.
He punctuated his ferverent words with another squeeze of his arms, then he was disentangling to allow her to do whatever she...needed to do. Gather her things and excuse him if he didn't watch. If she looked too closely she might see he was barely holding it together as it was, and his bravado was fraying miserably at the seams.
She sighed slightly at his fervent words, because in her highly emotional state .. it almost wasn't helping her keep ahold of her sanity.
"I love you too." Softly, and she stepped back when he released her, raking fingers through dark curls. The scent of nicotine was faint, but it still clung to her skin. She had taken up smoking again it seemed -- or she had spent time around smokers, like Sin.
"Do .. you want Loki to stay, or should I take him with me?" If the dog would upset him she would be happy to take him, but maybe Loki's presence would help.
"He seems well adjusted, now. I'd like his company, if that's alright."
Anything that was dear to the artist would be a much needed reminder in her absence. He wasn't upset by any of it really. He was...terrified. Just as she was. But his was even more justifiable. He wasn't the one with a very heavy decision to ...make.
"I think he'd be happier here.. Sin's house is full of cats."
A hint of a smile, trying to lighten the mood before she ducked into the bedroom to begin packing up her things. Yes, he had every right to be afraid .. she was fighting her own fears, and the weight of knowing she was going to break someone's heart, either Bjorn's, his, or her own. This was a no win situation.
That was where the anger had stemmed from the other night. Out of sheer...terror. Fear of losing her. Just as he had always imagined would happen. And by.. who else? But Bjorn.
"I love you, Shannon." Whispered almost to himself in a low cadence of sound. Whatever happens. I love you. He was tortured himself in some ways, news from home having reached him recently in the form of a registered letter. Unbeknownst to the artist, part of his fear stemmed from a ghost of his own past, seeming to materialise out of nowhere.
So, he knew exactly what she was going through at the moment. Though he had no decision to make. It would always be Shannon every single time.
She was completely unaware of his ghosts, since he hadn't even confided in her about his brother's latest antics and so forth. It didn't take long for her to pack up her bag, since most of her things had been set up in the bag anyways. She took a deep breath, studying the bedroom for a long moment before stepping back out into the hallway. "Well .. um." She didn't know what to say.
But he did. "Take care of yourself, baby." And he was leaning to brush a chaste kiss along the angle of her mouth. "I'll call you, tomorrow?" Grey-green focusing on mediterranean blue.
She returned the kiss, although there was an air of distraction clinging to her. ".. Why don't you like dancing?" Abruptly. Blues studying grey-greens intently.
"...Um.."
Then..he laughed.
Yes, because that randomness of hers always seemed to tickle him. It was the one quirk he found inordinately endearing.
"My mother used to force me to take ballroom dancing as a boy, and girls used to always step all over my feet." It wasn't clear whether this was truth or just something fabricated to have her on her way.
He grinned then, a lopsided creation that caused his eyes to crinkle slightly at the corners.
"I do like dancing. It depends on the partner. I could do it all night with you, mi fiore bella." Hopefully, it was an answer that met with her approval.
Actually .. it wasn't randomness. It was all part of her weighing the pros and cons about him and Bjorn. She didn't mind the fact that he never took her dancing -- but she did miss dancing. It was her way of releasing, of escaping.
"..Oh." She blinked for the answer, thoughtful for a moment before nodding.
"Right. Well, I'll talk to you soon, dove."
"Love you." Seeing her to the door and just wanting to offer the admittance one last time before she took her leave.
She nodded, offering a flicker of a smile. "Love you too." And with that she was slipping out the door, before it got too hard. She smoothed a hand over her brow while heading for the parked Honda.
He trickled onto the porch, rubbing at the sleeves of his sweater, as he hadn't bothered to throw on his jacket. He was going right back inside, anyways. Needing it would seem to watch her progress along the winding drive.
He lifted a hand in a vague wave when she reached the vehicle and Killer wandered on outside to poke his furry head through the slats in the railing after the departing belle before flickering a forlorn sable glance towards the cowboy and offering a plaintive whimper.
"Don't worry, boy. She's...coming back."
Though whether he said this to console himself or the pomeranian would be left for further speculation later on into the evening.
She discreetly wiped at her eyes while unlocking the car, offering a faint smile and a wave before angling in on the drivers side. She took a deep breath, starting the engine and finally beginning to drive off down the gravel drive. She could cry now .. since there was no one else in the car to see her break down.
-
The sleek town car pulled up to the curb of the tavern and the driver hurried to open the door near the back and a stocking clad leg would slide from the vehicle, a shoe making contact with the pavemnt that should've been registered as some deadly form of weapon for the sharpness of the spiked heel.
Curvy figure caressed in silk was standing near the car. "Ah should be ready ta go in an hour." Heavy was that southern accent, but what would one expect from a debutant from Texas?
The driver nodded and reached inside to grab the valour shawl so that he could drape it about her shoulders. Cherry kissed lips curved into a smile and a gloved hand made use of it's self as it found it's way into sun kissed layers. Flipping the cascading mass up, she enabled the man to straighten the material so that not even a hint of a wrinkle would be seen.
Without another word, gracefulness defined had that curvy form heading towards the steps. Eyes the color of gray twilight managed to peer out under the long length of lashes as she glanced up to the crowd of people on the porch.
Mackenzy was out on the city streets tonight, deeming it necessary to find solace in the crisp night air. Two leashes were wrapped around the heel of his hand, one attatched to an Irish wolfhound and the other a fluffball of pomeranian.
He stiffened upon catching the willowy figure emerge from the sleek town car but then gave a mental shake of his dark head. She's not here, cowboy. A long distant memory.
Maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him, but the wind had chosen the perfect opportunity to send a breeze filled with lavender his way. Yes, she trailed the scent behind her everywhere she went, it was the reason her name was compared to the flower. Chin was held in that perfect tilt, as if an imaginary book were being balanced atop her head.
Oh bother! Was there a fight going on? A pause on the second step was given as she debated turning around and calling Miguel on her little silver phone. The debutant didn't want to be witness to any bruising or bleeding thankyouverramuch.
Something about the way the woman had carried herself with an understated elegance still had him pausing in uncertainty while he pushed his free hand through disheveled shards of onyx. Christ, he was so stressed he was seeing things, now. Get a grip, Mack.
He wandered a bit further along the street dropping down onto a bench with a good view of the front of the tavern. Killer gave sharp yip yap just for the joy of it and Loki merely snorted his disdain for the shrill noise, adopting a lazy pose against the bench where the cowboy reclined.
A familiar scent stained the air, so faint he almost would not have not detected it and the tumultuous memories that fragrance stirred were not pleasant in the least. Curl of his mouth at a downward angle and he leaned forward, elbows on his knees to allow that dark head to fall forward.
Too many thoughts battled for his attention tonight, a static buzzing in annoying fashion in the fuzzy reception of his brain. His earlier conversation with Shannon. Their need for time apart. And of course, the appearance of a tempest that was a certain Lion.
Perhaps he could take er to a different place, as she had been craving social entertainment. Stepping back, one of those heels caught in an unseen crack and she very nearly stumbled. Years of practice had her make it look as if she meant to do that little dip as if she were ducking under an unseen spider's web.
Casting a look about the grounds, she winced at the idea of getting her newest addition to her shoe collection dirty and hopefull greys looked about for a willing person to aid a damsel in distress.
A glance over her shoulder had that twilight gaze landing on the form seated on the bench not far away. Through the sheen of silken strands, she could barely make out the features, but what she did see (because of excellent eyesight of course) was enough to let her know exactly who it was sitting there. It was as if the cowboy knew she was looking as their gazes met and locked over the distance that seperated them.
Everything seemed to stop in that instant as a familiar jolt of electricity raced down her spine. She hadn't expected to run into him, in fact, she had done anything and everything to keep her recent arrival a secret. She knew the man usualy went to bed early so what in the blue blazes was he doing here at this hour?
Grey-greens swept towards the woman in distress and he could hardly be gallant in tow of two canines, but he could offer some form of assistance. The miss seemed to be in quite a predicament.
"Here, allow me." Rumbled low and his face was in half shadow with the wide brim of the dark stetson. Whiskey and leather clinged to the cowboy like a second skin and when he
leaned to rescue the shoe from the crevice in the walk, he seemed to stiffen slightly as the scent she wore registered some discordant rhythm somewhere inside. It can't be.
"Ah do believe it's stuck." Stating the obvious and not able to say anything more than that, she cleared her throat and managed to maintain that regal pose even if she were standing on only one heel.
Recovering smoothly enough, that bravado drawn about him like a comforting cloak of protection. Hardened steel and fiery emerald narrowed to faint slits as that gaze became lidded, as though unconsciously putting up defenses against something potentially dangerous.
His voice. Cooly indifferent, controlled. Even if every other nerve ending was reasonably jostled...bigtime.
"Lillian." Such a deadly silence followed the monosyllabic and sterile greeting.
Dangerous? She was the picture of elegant innocence with that button shaped nose and those begging to be kissed lips. "Mackenzy." His name rolled off her tongue as if she had spoken it every day when in fact, she had done her best to avoid even hearing a name remotely close to sounding like it. A bejeweled hand was held out, palm up, to accept the shoe from his clutches. He could stomp about and scream to the heavens, but if he hurt that piece of expensive leather, they were going to go a round or two, silk armani be damned.
Gallantly enough once he reguarded the extracted heel within his work-roughened palms, he was just as easily sliding it onto her foot. Note how he made every purposeful intention of touching nothing else but the piece of footwear.
Well well..Who would have thought that the cowboy had known how to put a shoe on anything else but horses? Thankful that those fingers hadn't brushed stocking clad skin, she dropped her foot away from him as soon as the shoe was on.
Okay, so he couldn't hold the fury back any longer if the vein throbbing near his temple thunderously was any indication of his rapidly growing anger.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
He had every reason to be pissed beyond all get out and made no bones about letting it show. His fists clenching at his sides as though fighting some urge to start hitting...something. And the cowboy wasn't the violent type either.
Chin lifted in that regal pose and for a moment, it looked as if she were posing for a photo shoot. When he lost that valiant and desperate hold of his control, that twilight gaze widened, but that was it. For all anyone else knew, she was having a polite conversation, even if the man was saying vile things.
"Ah do believe this is a free country Mackenzy, and Ah've got reason to be here."
What that reason was, she didn't and wouldn't tell him as it was none of his damn business. Manacured nails were sent into the pocket of her suit jacket and out came that little cell phone. "One thing Ah do know is Ah do not have to stand by and listen ta this foulness."
That's it Lilly, make him think that his fury does nothing to you. She had to do something to keep herself from babbling like a flooded creek bed.
"Cut the bullshit, Lilly," He growled and wasted no time in using that nickname of long ago.
A faint muscle flexed within his jaw as he leaned over to pick up Killer almost as though
to create more distance between them.
Then he was continuing on, as though she hadn't even spoken. "How many years has it been? I haven't seen nor heard word of you since the night before our ..." Wedding.
The one that never was.
The sophisticated piece of telephone technology was lifted to her lips and she spoke one word into it, completely ignoring him and the question he asked. "Car." Hopefully Miguel had not gotten to far so she wouldn't have to stand here much longer.
"It's jus' like you to think Ah've come back here to talk with you."
He wanted distance? Well, those heels were leading her down the sidewalk towards the street so that twilight grays could look anxiously about for the familiar glow of headlights. Sliding the cellphone back into her pocket, she folded her arms across her chest, pulling the material of the expencive shawl more protectively about her.
"Running away, again, Lilly? Fine.You're know how to do it best, don't you?"
Such a dangerous growl staining that rough baritone. Right about now he was regretting his desire for fresh air.
Delicate hands fisted at her sides and without warning, she spun about in a fury. Hooded gaze narrowed on the cowboy and she stalked back to him as a slender finger rose to poke against his chest.
"Would you rather me say that Ah'm here ta right a wrong? That Ah expect you to be happy ta see me?" Her small form shook as anger surged through her.
"Ah can't say that Mackenzy. Ah honestly don't know why Ah'm here, so therefore how do you expect me ta explain it ta you?" Her chest rose and fell in rapid succession with each quick breath she took. How long was it going to take for that damn car to arrive?
Killer was held firmly against his chest acting as a puppy shield to ward off those fingers and he was glad for that. He didn't want her...touching him.
Wearily. "What does you father have to say in all this?"
Damn his curiosity for even posing the question. He had after all been the main factor in keeping them apart. All those years into the past. ...And he had been nothing but an idle distraction, something to really enflame the old man's temper, knowing full well a simple cowboy would never be good enough for his precious only daughter.
The pup squirmed to be free and he leaned to set Killer back onto the ground where he nosed back to where Loki lay near the bench, quite unconcerned with the unfolding drama.
"Ah wouldn't know..Ma father passed away seven months ago." Not a single tear would form to follow those words. The day her father died was the day that Lilly had been reborn, sad to say.
"And don't go givin' me no sympathy Mackenzy Cord, he was a mean sonofabitch and you know it."
The roar of an engine heading up the street had her gaze shifting over her shoulder briefly.
He couldn't argue with such logic and barely blinked an eye at her admission.
That sleek black car rolled to a stop at the curb and she resisted the urge to run towards it. She hadn't expected him to say anything, in fact, she was glad he hadn't. Nodding to the driver who had climbed out to open the back door, her gaze returned to level on the cowboy.
"Ah do believe that's my ride. Do have a nice night Mackenzy." She was perfectly willing to consider the conversation ended at this point.
He, of all people, should know how much she detested arguing, especially over matters that shouldn't be discussed in public.
"Fuck you." ..My, my. This...couldn't possibly be the same old cowboy that had been so besotted with her in the past he couldn't even see straight, could it?
He bristled slightly at the sound of his name dripping from her lips and then was scooping up Killer and clucking his tongue at Loki to get him to his feet as well. He was ready to head back home and forget any of this ever happened.
Like he needed any more drama in his life right now! Give a guy a damned break.
He stalked off down the street unaware of anything else at the moment but the blind rage that surged this his blood like quick silver. And damn him, he passed a glance over his shoulder after hesitating a tortured heartbeat to watch the sleek town car pull away from the curb. Fuggin Christ.
She winced at that harshly retorted comment, but recovery was the name of the game in the life of social elegance. The window slid up to conceal any more of her features and that suited her just fine as she wouldn't want anyone to see the tortured glint within twilight grays.
An undisclosed address would be the direction the towncar headed as the driver steered the sleek auto through the city streets. No matter how many debutant balls she had atteneded, and no matter how many gatherings she had played social butterfly at, this was by far the hardest comeout she had ever been put through. Her teachers would have been proud to witness the control she had over her emotions.
Confident that he was none the wiser, she rested her head against the seat back and waited for the car to stop so that she could run inside and bury herself beneath the covers.
Really, had she really been expecting him to welcome the sight of her after all this time with open arms? Hell, no. He was visibly shaken to his core and rounding the rest of the way down the street, dogs trailing in stunned bewilderment.
Even the pom was suspiciously silent. The boys could sense the deadly tension. And it would be many hours until the cowboy had calmed himself sufficiently to finally start on home.
-
His hands were shaking as he dialed the numbers for the artist's cell, and it was sheer torture waiting for her voice mail to finally kick in.
His words weren't as badly slurred as they had
been earlier on in the afternoon. Several cups of strong black coffee had helped with his inebriation. He just needed some form of an escape...from all of it.
"Baby? I --" Well, what Mac? .My ex fiancee is in town. And I'm going away with her to Texas but don't worry because it's strictly business? For some reason that didn't seem to set well with him.
"I need to leave town on business sometime next week. Um, a client," That was once my would-be wife. "Wants me to fly down to Texas to inspect a good number of horses she has recently acquired. I, uh..err...just wanted to call you and let you know so you wouldn't worry should you stop by," To check on how I'm doing without you. "And you didn't see my car in the drive."
A beat up pick up truck had replaced the equally battered Jeep that had been demolished months back in a memory he cared not to remember.
Such a lengthy pause. He couldn't just nottell her who exactly he had entered into a business arrangement with, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to tell her over the phone either. He needed to do this face to face.
Just as she had given him the same courtesy when she had told him of Bjorn.
"...I'll call again later, mi bella luca I can't discuss it much further at the moment."
Because he was on a pay phone outside of the restaurant he had met the girls at for dinner and there was an angry biker guy banging on the glass of the booth. Ack.
Where was common decency these days, really? Such a bizarre world it was that we lived in these days.
"I love you, Shannon." He breathed into the receiver in low rumbled and then he hung up.
"Fine. Fine! S'all yours buddy. Knock yourself out." Grumbled at the insistence of Mr. Leather Freak but he wasn't sticking around to see how his retort had been accepted the man didn't look very friendly and had several menacing tattoos.
An auburn head poked out from the waiting room as his baby sis piped up words of encouragement when the cowboy let himself back into the upscale bistro.
"Kenz? Everything alright? They just called our table. C'mon, let's eat. I'm starviiiiiing!"
The dramatics had him surmising the monologue had been offered by the younger twin, Dee.
"What's good here, anyways?" Idle comment as he allowed himself to be hauled away.
Please, God. Just a few hours of respite to not think. That's all I want.
And dinner progressed smoothly without any further incidents.
[img]graemlins/phone.gif[/img]
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 11, 2004 07:50 PM: Message edited by: Roping the Wind ]</font>
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At the tone he spoke hurriedly but not in an agitated fashion, quite the opposite.
Anxious. Eager, yes. But out of the sheer need to make her understand.
There was so much to tell, but he could only start with the most pressing matters.
"Shan, baby? God, I'm sorry. Mi cosi bellisima amore..."
His voice warm and soothing poured out into that receiver of his cell phone, his sincerity
apparent in the way that whiskeyed baritione seemed to caress that foreign lyricism of an
all too familiar endearment he had grown so accustomed to feel tripping from his tongue.
"Ti amo, mi bella luca. With all my heart, baby," His voice lowered an octave and his tone more insistent as he rumbled over the intense words.
"I'm not going to Texas, baby. I said no," Not because I thought I couldn't trust myself around her but because I can't trust myself away from you. I'd miss you.
"Mi amore, Can I see you tonight? Shannon, baby. I don't love her. I never did. I realise that now. Aww, baby..all that was just preparation for my heart to be loved by you."
He took a deep breath then not wanting to leave any stone unturned as long as he was
admitting things.
"Shannon, I'm still going to offer my assistance to help her sell off the remaining horseflesh her Father left her as an inheritance. I can't pass up such a profitable business venture.
I'm getting something out of it too, the best mare and stud money can buy...for free in
compensation for my efforts. Please try to understand baby, she means nothing to me."
It's always been you, Shan. The minute pause seemed to say.
"I talked to Sin earlier today. He was concerned about how I was holding up. He's a great guy, sweets, I'm so glad that he's taking care of you during this time when you most need
a shoulder to lean on. Paige questioned me earlier today at the tavern but I didn't offer much in the way of an answer, just that I haven't been sleeping well. And I haven't, baby.
I miss you so much. I miss the scent of your shampoo when I lean in for a kiss.
The way you hog the sink in the morning fussing with your hair when I'm trying to brush my teeth. I miss your laughter, baby. I miss your tears. I miss the way you cry at sappy telephone ad commercials. I miss the way you fit so perfectly in my arms as I fall asleep.
I miss the way you tease me when I know I'm being a dope about certain things.
Like dancing. Baby, I'll dance a million marathons with you if it were to mean that you would be my permanent dance partner. Oh, God, baby. I know I'm rambling and I'm about to be caught off..."
He wound up the garbled message before the resounding tone did it for him.
"I love you, Shannon. And all the things that make up who you are. No matter what...
remember that, mi amore. I could never express how much you mean to me."
And then he was cut off.
He simply stared at the phone within his open palm and then slowly flipped it shut.
Turning up the collar of his leather jacket against the biting chill in the night air and heading towards some unknown destination. In all likelihood...the tavern.
Feeling the need to be a part of humanity as the house seemed so very empty with only himself and three dogs to occupy walls that once were filled with love and laughter.
[img]graemlins/idea.gif[/img]
-
Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that I'm
Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad
So this is the way I say I need You
This is the way that I say I love You
This is the way that I say I'm Yours
This is the way, this is the way
(Lyrics are Switchfoot)
http://macandshan.jpg
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 13, 2004 01:32 AM: Message edited by: Roping the Wind ]</font>
-
It was a beautiful let down
when I crashed and burned
when I found myself alone unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful let down
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do
It was a beautiful let down
When you found me here
Yeah for once in a blue moon
I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful let down
That's what i'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free
We're still chasin our tails and the rising sun
In our dark water planet
Still spins in a race
Where no one wins and no one's one
We are a beautiful let down,
Painfully uncool,
The church of the dropouts
And losers and sinners and failures and the fools
Oh what a beautiful let down
Are we salt in the wound
Let us sing one true tune
(Switchfoot)
-
(I have no idea who sings this just heard it on an old black and white film and thought it fit perfectly..)
I didn't sleep at all last night
Because we had an awful fight
I didn't have my favorite dream
The one where I'm holding your tight
That's why I had to call you, this morning
To see that everything's all right
I didn't have my favorite dream
The one where you're holding me tight...
Because I didn't sleep a wink at all
Last night
[img]graemlins/broken_heart.gif[/img]
-
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Between who you are
And who you could be
Between how it is
And how it should be
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
Dare you to move
Like today never happened...
______________________________________________
___________________________________________
He hadn't gone directly to the apartment the girls and Ris shared, no. Finding himself too much filled with a restless energy to take to his bed no matter how heavy a drug the fatigue was that infused his sluggish bones. He ended up wandering along the darkened city streets and found himself at the dog park where he had languished away many carefree afternoons with the pup and the belle. Slumping down onto a bench, he lost track of how long he sat there, staring into the endless pitch of nightfall. Only when the first streaks of dawn painted across the distant horizon did he finally peel himself away from the bench to push on down the path towards 'home.'
It was an evening not without its startling revelations. If he had thought he had been in love before, he was sorely mistaken. Because that bittersweet longing was nothing compared to the
soul-wrenching ache the burned painfully in the chambers of his heart now. When he let himself inside the upscale townhouse apartment, he leaned heavily against the door, pressing it closed as his dark head fell back against the sturdy oak wood. The strain of that carefully fashioned bravado for the public eye was wearing thin now as he allowed the water to slowly fill his eyes, but only for a few mere seconds before blinking it away with an air of quiet determination.
He flickered a glance of grey-green towards the grandfather clock that kept up the steady rhythm of the moments of time passing languidly by.
Nearly five in the morning. Too early to call. But maybe he could just leave a message on her cell. With trembling fingers he fished out the piece of technology from his pockets and after taking a steadying breath, was punching into the southern belle's number.
Ring. Ring.
Don't pick up. Let the voicemail kick in, please.
Ring.
"Heey," Came the familiar honey-rich drawl and for a moment the cowboy's heart skipped a beat.
But then the rest of the message played and his shoulders sagged in relief. He waited until the tone and then he was giving the all too brief message.
"S'me, baby. Just wanted to say, I love you. Night." Or morning, actually but the night never ended for him until he had told her he loved her.
Flipping the phone shut then, he was stumbling the few paces to crash onto the couch, not even
bothering to scuff towards the guest room.
Already in the grips of a dreamless sleep.
[img]graemlins/broken_heart.gif[/img]
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 15, 2004 11:31 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>
-
He had already imbibed that strong cup of Bess' monkey brew spiked with whatever she had put into the stuff so he wasn't ready quite yet to feed his caffeine addiction again.
But he was more than willing to have a heart-to-heart (good god he was becoming a girl...hanging around Sin had its drawbacks...ha!) conversation and that seemed to be the main reason behind this impromptu excursion, hmm? They left the tavern in a companionable silence and cowboy kicked a steel toed boot along the ground, ridding a few splashes of technicolor autumn from his lumbering path. Leaves in all myriad hues of vibrant colors. Sidelong glance towards the spaniard. Without preamble.
"You would really...lock us together in your house?" He was just trying to make sure he had the complete picture.
"Damn straight I would." Sin snorted, crossing one arm over his abdomen and ashing his clove with the other. Sin didn't quite fit in with the canvas of fall -- he was almost always in black and today was no exception.
Heglanced at Mac as they walked, hawk eyes half-lidded.
"Do you even have any hope for the situation anymore, Mac?" Softly, but bluntly spoken.
"I..was terrified in the beginning, Sin," Gravel-rough admission.
"You have to understand. I always knew this would happen one day. Waiting for the other shoe to fall. Things were just too goddamned perfect, yanno? And I've always made my position on Bjorn clear from the very start of our relationship. She told me repeatedly, that she would never leave me. The Lion was in her past. But how easily it is to utter those words when temptation isn't staring you straight in the face, hm?"
He was speaking in a low rush of syllables, the words almost tripping over one another in their haste to be offered.
Yes, they had this Bjorn conversation at the onset of their courtship.
It was like rubbing salt into old wounds now for the cowboy.
"I don't want to lose her. I'll fight. With my last breath for that not to happen." Determinedly. Yes, hell he cared. Of course he did.
"Do you know anything of Shannon's past relationships?" Sin sucked down some clove and nicotime, looking over at Mac.
"I know...of the ones that hurt her most," Gruffly and as they approached the coffee house he was giving a pull to the glass door, holding it open for Sin so that he might pass through ahead of him. His mama had raised him with
manners, though it was rare he showed them. Only amongst select few it would seem.
"Thanks." Sin threw his cigarette out into the street as he moved inside.
"Bjorn has -- for as long as I can remember -- been an issue in all of her relationships. I really do think something needs to be done, because it's wrecking her life."
He took over a table, settling down and looking quite out of place in his trench-coated, grunge god way. "And I want it dealt with now."
"And I've gleaned enough from what she's confided in me to know that..-" He frowned slightly as though searching for the right words. When he mulled over his thoughts he took the opportunity to push on inside after Sin.
"..To know that Shannon, not too sound cold but from what I've witnessed just by her not even speaking to me directly at the time being...she lacks certain social skills in dealing with people. At least, she's almost as said as much to me in the...past." Mumbled as he stepped further inside the cafe and threaded his way through the late lunch crowd towards a private booth near the back.
He gave a nod of agreement. "I do, too. I'm glad you're with me on this Sin."
On my side. He silently added.
"Seems to be the case. I guess Bjorn's always done that pretty well too. But don't you let her, Mac. Please." Once they settled in the booth, Sin curled there, taking his sunglasses off.
"Yeah, well. I've seen Shan get hurt too much. I won't say I know what's best for her, but I think I have a good idea this time. You know?"
He and Shan had been friends for a long time -- and Sin had always been her confidant in that time. He had seen a lot and didn't want to see it anymore.
He slumped down onto his side of the booth, pulling off his leather gloves as he did so and pressing them out evenly onto the table, then set them aside, Fingertips scratched along the underside of his heavily whiskered jaw.
Shannon...didn't like when he didn't shave. Had been really against the idea of a wooly beard, he assumed the scratchiness whenever they kissed wasn't exactly a turn on. More than a few days worth of growth was shadowing his face now, the makings of the loathed beard even.
A weary breath pushed past his lips before he finally rumbled his reply. "I don't know what to do to make her..." What? Stay? Love him again? Had she even stopped?
He wasn't sure that wasn't the case for the way she seemed to avoid him like the plague and seemed reluctant to return his phone calls. He changed his direction with the lazy form of speech, drawl especially thick today.
"I won't Sin. Promise." Because they both needed the reassurance right about now.
He had a feeling that if the union between the cowboy and the belle dissolved that the sinner would be just as heartbroken as the immediate parties involved.
When a waitress appeared like magic to hovr near their table he tried for a crisply polite tone. It was a vast improvement over the sulk. "Coffee, black."
"Tonight, s'good." He tried to school his features not to look so eager at the idea. He hadn't even caught sight of the painter but a few times during the torture of last week.
"Well. Guess you both need to find out. If you wanna do it tonight, you can. If you wanna wait, that's fine. M'kay?"
Sin gave his shoulder a nudge with his own, watching him closely. If Mac needed a shoulder to lean on Sin was there for him too, not just Shannon. And.. well, Sin would be sad, yes. But he'd live. He just waved the waitress off when she asked for an order. Unless, you know. She'd like to offer her neck. "Alright."
That's riiiiight. He kept forgetting. Sin was...dead. Yessum. Sin'd just eat Mac. He'd like it.
..Um..anyways.. Cough.
"How is she?" He had asked already but he wanted to know everything. Was she eating well? Not drinking too much? He knew how easy it was to find solace in a bottle by trying to numb out any and all forms of thinking. He had done the same just last night. And oh, God..maybe he would regale Sin with the...tale later.
"She's alright. I've given her suggestions as much as I can-- beyond that, I've kept an eye on her. Just being silly, making sure she doesn't freak out too much. And what about you?"
His eyes narrowed then. Checking for just those things -- signs of hangovers, drugs, etc.
"I saw her playing drunk cards with Chey," Mumbled randomly, and apparently overlooking the inquiry of his own welfare. He hadn't approached not knowing if perhaps she would be more confused than angry in her inebriated state. Only watched from a safe distance.
"Better Chey then alone. Chey's a good girl." Sin nodded slowly, and shamelessly started checking out some guy's ass that walked in to order coffee. Hmm.
Mack..laughed. No matter what kind of drama was going on...Sin remained the fixed constant.
Happy sigh. "I love Rhydin."
"It has both its good and weak points," Cowboy chuckled around the words.
"I agree. But damn look at the asses around here. Hooot shit. Anyway!" Back to Mackie. Focus, Sin, focus!
"Thanks, bella." Roguish grin for the waitress and the smile only increased at the flush staining the young girl's fair features.
She couldn't have been more than eighteen.
"You're hot too." Sin was offering to the waitress with a purr. Gringrin.
See? This was why he needed contact (if not physical, than emotional) with his fiancee soon. He was unbearably horny. And had been this close to indulging in nekid drunken twister a few nights past at the tavern. Sin didn't know? Umm...he could keep that gem of knowledge to himself! He didn't need to step in it any further with Shannon. Fucking Christ.
"I have a hearse, you know. Maybe you can take a ride in the back with me and test out the shocks?" Rumbling further at the waitress, who skittered off, the poor thing. One man leering and the other offering crude remarks. Poor thing, indeed.
"Goood, sometimes I miss being straight." Sigh! Oh well. "When was the last time you had sex?" He knew it must have been awhile.
He lifted his mug to press against his lip for a fortifying sip. And..nearly choked.
Haah.
"Shit," Growled. Some of the scalding hot coffee sloshed over the rim of his mug to sear the back of his hand. He reached calmly for a few napkins from the dispenser, wrenching at the paper with more force than was necessary.
Nursing to his boo boo.
"That long, huh?" Sin eyed him with a faint smirk.
"Hell, I can't even remember." Grudgingly admitted. "Not that long I suppose," Pondering as his brows scrunched in thought.
"Less than two weeks. We went to the cabin earlier this month. Wanting some time to ourselves. To get away." Had it really only been less than two weeks? Shit, it seemed like so much longer. Sulking over his coffee once again.
That was a long time in the cowboy's book though!
"Don't sulk, it's unattractive." Primly spoken as he gave Mac's hair a tug. "I haven't had sex in a month. And I'm fucking Sin, Mac." That was.. some kind of record. Ahem..if he was going by their..cough..usual patterns.
Mack appeared horrified. "How the hell did that happen? Oh! Tir's outta town isn't he?" Sympathetic cluck of his tongue as grey-green slid to reguard the spaniard.
"Well, he's back now. But Shan's here. And we don't wanna.. you know." Heh.
An all too knowing glint filled his eyes. Mack almost wanted to throw his coffee on him!
".. What?" He was behaving himself! Damnit!
"You fucking bastard," It was a teasing sort of threat without any heat behind the words.
"Hey! I am behaving!" He grinned, musing.
"I fed from her once. If I wasn't kind of dying at the time, I would have enjoyed it.."
"Now I see where this sudden interest to help me stems from. You want Shannon out of your hair so the two of you can fuck! I'm all for that idea. I wanna fuck badly enough, too."
Agreeably, and then taking another sip from his coffee. Composed once again. Already forgetting the outburst. He was only jesting, of course. But it did seem to ring true!
"Hey! I do love her to death. Really, I do. But the sex is pushing me to resolve this, yes." Beam. Sin admits nothing!
"I know exactly how you feel, dude. I'm going crazy without her. Shit, I need her. Fuck, I was so close to doing something incredibly stupid last night. As plastered as I was out of my mind, I had enough sense to remove myself from that dangerous situation. But shit, oh shit. I'm going insane over here!"
Bemoaned with a dramatic flair that would probably make Sin proud. He would make an interesting...bi sexual, heh. But no more sequined t-shirts! He learned his lesson. Shudder.
It did. Heh. "Y'know. I can always feed from you, Mac. It feels like sex. It's.. a temporary relief." Wide-eyed on the cowboy.
....Staring.
"..Umm. I'm not that horny." Flail. Yes, he was.
"Well, the offer is open." Sin never turned down a meal!
"I'll.keep that in mind." Grinning as he took up his coffee mug once again. He'd never been 'fed' upon before. He didn't even like getting pierced. Didn't it hurt?
Briefly. But then the pleasure took over the pain pretty quickly. Sin was good at what he did -- he made sure of it. "Good. M'hungry anyway."
Mackenzy made a showy display of studying the laminated menu at his elbow. Whoa..look at what they charge for a simple BLT. That blowed.
"I could use a nibble, myself. I missed lunch."
"Get somethin'. My treat." A little grin there as he made some lude gestures at the waitress while she quickly scurried by.
"Well, if you're treatin' guess I can only return the favor, si? But not here.."
He meant of course for the feeding. That might draw...unwanted stares. Not to mention ruin more than a few appetites. He had to commend himself on how nonchalantly he rumbled over the words. Sin would be salivating any time now. He merely grinned and crooked a finger towards the waitress. Not the same one, poor thing wasn't going near that table again. The tip wasn't worth it!
"I'll have a turkey club on honey wheat with a side of curly fries. And refill on the coffee, if you please."
"Ooh! Really?" Sin did brighten noticably, delighted by the prospect in lunch. "Goodie. I adore you." A grin there before he gave the waitress a wink.
This waitress made Bess look warm and cuddly so he didn't wink or anything. Merely offering his request in a business like fashion. Ack.
Sin flirted with anything that had two legs, so! He was safe.
...Ahh and here the cowboy had been thinking he had much in common with the sinner until..right about then. He snickered into the collar of his leather jacket. He had...slightly higher standards. Keeping to only flirting with anything in a skirt. And no, polyester culottes didn't count.
He did! There was difference between passive flirting and serious flirting. Heck, flirting with this check would reduce the bill!
"When you're finished we can go someplace more private. M'kay?"
He only grinned. "You treat me, I treat you, eh?"
"Sounds like a plan." Coughing to hide any form of discomfort.
"I should buy you lunch more often." Nothing but a sinner's smile on his face then.
Hey! Sin might be goood at what he did but he wasn't a fan of having his flesh punctured.
He'd be fiiiine. Silly cowboy.
He had almost cried like a baby when he got his tongue ring. At the memory, he was clicking the glint of silver against the back of his teeth in an idle form of distraction.
Ooo. He had a tongue ring? That was cool.
Yes.
Suffered through the pain for his baby's ultimate pleasure. Such a sweetheart he was.
Sin had piercings in.. other places. Not the tongue, though!
...Mack did not want to know.
Heh. Sin was checking out ass while Mac was eating, occasionally giving a few rumbles. And then he grinned. "See that chick? The one who just came in?" He pointed. Pretty little thing, a blonde.
Mild form of a grunt as he drummed fingertips onto the formica of the tabletop.
He was already passing a glance around so he shifted en route and looked towards the piece of eye candy Sin was indicating.
"Hot."
"That's a guy." HAH.
Shannon wanted him tattooed though!
...Mack just stared in disbelief,
See, it was only a matter of time. Everyone had a bit of gay in them!
"You can tell by the way she walks. It's a guy." Wiiiiide grin there.
"Holy fuck. You don't say."
Why did he suddenly want to retch?
"Mmhm. A very, very good crossdresser though. Kudos to that guy." Eyeing Mac again.
"I think I just lost my appetite," Good naturedly. He wrap up the free lunch and take it to go! But don't worry Sin would still get his. Wink.
Sin actually laughed then, grinning.
If he had any coffee left in his mug it would be coloring Sin right now. He contented himself with throwing a few toothpicks at him. Tiny missiles of death!
Sin swatted Mac before thumbing a few bills down for the tab. Missles!
Oooh, there was the cute waitress again and trying to bustle away as fast as she could with her coffee pot back to her station.
"Ciao bella," Confusing her with the foreign words enough to have her pausing near their booth.
"Call me, sicaliptico." Rumblerumble to her, opening the door for Mac.
"Could you change my order to go? I'm as it turns out a bit pressed for time, this afternoon. Grazie." Wink and a languid form of a smile.
Oops, not leaving.
Where'd that come from.
"He wants your phone number too." Rumble.
Sin got a intense glare as she scooted from the booth to lumber for the facilities. "Don't mind him, he's..dead." And that really had the poor thing running away!
******************************************
[img]graemlins/coffee.gif[/img]
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 16, 2004 01:36 AM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>
-
</font><ul type="square">[*]<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Reasons to be Single:
Flirting with hot women
Perks of confirmed bachelorhood
Walk around in your underwear
Always get the last slice pizza
Master of the remote control
Never having to sit through a chick flick
Never having to see girly stuff in the bathroom
Having TONS of closet space
Not being yelled at to take out the trash
Not being forced into giving the dog a bath
Not having to dance If don't feel like dancing
Not having to shave</font>[*]<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Reasons to be engaged:
Getting smacked when looking at hot women
Not being a confirmed bachelor anymore
Being laughed at when walking around in underwear
Magnanimously giving up the last slice of pizza
Sharing the remote control
Being dragged to chick flicks
Would miss the sight of girly things in the bathroom
Having too much empty closet space
Being yelled at to take out the trash
Being forced to give the dog a bath
Dancing every dance as though it were your last
Having someone to complain about not shaving</font>[/list]<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">___________________________________________ ______
He tallied up both lists. The pros and the cons.
And he was even more confused than ever before.
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 16, 2004 11:41 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>
-
I think I?ve already lost you
I think you?re already gone
I think I?m finally scared now
You think I?m weak - but I think you?re wrong
I think you?re already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I?m relaxed - I can?t be sure
I think you?re so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I?m just scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong it?s a problem I?m dealing
If you?re gone - maybe it?s time to go home
There?s an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you?re gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there?s a little bit of something me
In everything in you
I bet you?re hard to get over
I bet the room just won?t shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need - more than you mind
I think you?re so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I?m just scared - that I know too much
I can?t relate and that?s a problem I?m feeling
If you?re gone - maybe it?s time to go home
There?s an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you?re gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there?s a little bit of something me
In everything in you
I think you?re so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I?m just scared - do I talk too much
I know this is wrong it?s a problem I?m dealing
If you?re gone - maybe it?s time to go home
There?s an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you?re gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there?s a little bit of something me
In everything in you
--Matchbox Twenty
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 17, 2004 08:02 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>
-
"Kenzy," she complained in a rather dour tone.
Good grief! She had mucked out the stall perfectly and here he was making her redo each and every inch, laying down more hay where it wasn't even needed.
"Don't sulk, Mandah," he crooned in a gleeful sort of way. "T'aint becoming." Seventeen year old Mackenzy was just grinning at the twelve year old tom boy as he leaned against the stall door to watch her work, keeping an eagle eye out for any
mistakes. "You could thin it out over there some."
He offered helpfully. At her scowl, he laughed.
"If you keep on making faces like that it's going to freeze that way." And he stuck his own tongue out just for kicks even though he had long since
grown out of such childish behavior.
Then he resumed his lean as though he owned the place. As truth would have it, this was Lillian's father's ranch. But he worked hard for the old man. Put his blood, sweat and tears into everything he did. He was only a humble ranch hand now, but someday, he would be the boss.
He planned to have his own sprawling ranch one day. Maybe he would even breed horses. He'd like to have stables of them. And maybe even an orchard
to pick apples at harvest time. A private lake to go fishing in. And a country wrap around style porch attached to a country house tucked away in a bustling city. That was his dream.
And to be loved by the ever unattainable Lillian.
Or so he thought as a naive youth.
-----------------------------------------------
Mackenzy woke up with a start. "Mandy?" He called out softly into the darkness as though half expecting her to answer. Then he was falling back against the sweat soaked sheets. His fever had broken during the night and the bedclothes were too uncomfortably damp to curl back into and he was too sleepy to change them for fresh sheets right now. He stumbled from his bedroom and down the hallway, yawning as he started for the kitchen. Blue and Killer were snoozing peacefully
near the hearth, the embers were a smoldering glow of orange-red now. The pomeranian was coping well, with the loss of his mentor, Loki, but then again it had only been two days. Old Blue? Well, he didn't seem to care either way.
Mack pulled open the door to the fridge and poked his dark head inside to check on the offerings.
It was funny how people studied the contents of their refrigerator in a rather thoughtfully intense sort of way as though they really didn't know what they expected to find. He emerged with a nearly depleted container of juice and then nudging the door shut with his naked hip (cowboy didn't believe in pajamas apparently) he was leaving the kitchen to start for the living room.
He flopped down onto the couch and was about to turn on the television when a strange light originating from beyond the patio doors caught his attention. UFO?! No, of course not.
It was then that it hit him like a thunderbolt of breathless clarity. The weak illumination was
from the porch light of the guest house. A small cottage that was reserved for his more extended guests. With a fully equipped kitchen, bathroom which included a whirlpool bath and a full stocked bar and widescreen television (with cable)
the amenities were almost nicer than what -he- was used to. But then again, Mackenzy was a gracious host. Even if he didn't entertain often, he went all out when he did.
She was here.
Amanda.
He still couldn't get over it, the ways that she had changed over all those years they had lost touch when Charisma had moved them away from Texas to make for themselves a better life in
some other locale. He had been a rather rebellious
teen and had been adamant about not leaving.
I won't go! You can't make me. This is going to ruin my life!
Why is it going to ruin your life, Mackenzy? Because of her? She doesn't give a damn about you. I'm sorry to be so harsh, hun. But you know it's true.
You just don't understand! She loves me, Ris.
She loves to control you, mi caro. I'm sorry but I'm sure you know that her father would never approve. It's all a game to her. Don't you see? She's not taking this whole thing seriously.
She is! I proposed to her and we're getting married.
Oh, Mac...
It was the last conversation he had with his older sister before that fateful day at that small country chapel. On a unbearably hot day in August, he had waited. Filled with nerves and plagued with all sorts of doubts.
But his bride never showed. She didn't even leave
a note. Gone.
Mandy had been the first to break the deadly silence once he had calmly walked down the aisle and it was the longest journey to an exit he had ever traveled in his short life.
He kicked open the chapel's doors and stormed out.
And she had followed. He didn't know how he hadn't seen it then but he had been too blinded by hurt and anger to see it.
"Mac! MAC!" Louder from the twelve year old version of Amanda once her first startled shout had fallen on deaf ears. She hurried as fast as she could down the steps of the small church and
was in pursuit of the stalking figure that was rapidly disappearing down the city streets.
"Mac! Please wait!"
"Whaaaaat?!"
She flinched when he suddenly turned on her, grey-green was hardly more than emerald fire and hardened steel as those eyes seem to see through to her very soul. Branding her for all time.
She swallowed.
"Don't go."
"I have to, Mandy."
"Kenzy, I-" Love you.
"Don't worry, kiddo. I promise we'll write."
"Oh. Um, okay."
"See you around, Mandah."
"Goodbye Mackenzy."
Fourteen years.
He couldn't believe it had really been that long since that conversation. How could that be? He was lured away from his walk down memory lane by the sudden appearance of a fluffball catapulting onto his stomach. He gave a mild form of a grunt and ruffled the pup's fur, glad for the distraction. Poor Killer. It hadn't been that long yet, so the cowboy hadn't the heart to tell the puppy that Mommy wasn't coming home.
It was heartbreaking really. The way the pom would go and sit by the door, staring as though
willing the artist to come breezing through at any moment. He almost expected it himself.
But he knew that wasn't going to happen.
And really, after the events that had transpired earlier in the day, he wasn't even sure he could
go back to that treasured form of life. He wasn't that man anymore. The reappearance of that gangly,
tomboy child, sans the metal tracks across her teeth, glasses, and losing all her former ugly duckliness...had blossomed into a rare beauty.
Cliche as it may seem but a graceful swan.
He coughed in remembrance of another memory that
was crowding its way into his mind.
Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. Shit...
This was a fine mess he had found himself in.
The only redeeming factor being, he didn't have anyone to explain himself to anymore. Women from his past were turning up all over the place these days. He supposed he should feel thankful for that but he only felt even more alone.
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 19, 2004 01:45 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>
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What in the hell were you thinking Amanda? That question raced through her mind as she paced the length of the guest room from door to bed and back again.
It had been thirteen years since she had seen Mackenzy and she had acted as if she were twelve years old again! She would never forget the last time she got the chance to talk to him. He was dashing in the tuxedo he had rented for the occasion and she had to wait for her heart to stop doing flip-flops before approaching him. "Hey there Kenzy." From behind the nervous cowboy, that still squeaky southern voice came. One would think that she would have dressed up for the occasion, but it was Mandy we were talking about. She had donned her nicest pair of denims and had even went out and bought a new flowered shirt with a lace collar. "Are you sure you wanna go through with this? I mean, we could skip outta here right now and hit the range before Miss Frilly pants shows up." She was joking of course, but if he wanted to, she would go to the moon and back with him. "I love her Mandah, of course I'm gonna go through with this." And then he went into detail about the things he had planned for the two of them. Little did he know that everything he was saying was tearing a little piece of her heart off. Wide blue eyes filled with stars each and every time she looked at him and he didn't even know it. "Well, I just wanted ya to know that even if you are married, I'm still willin' to muck out the stalls for ya."
But he never did get married. Lillian hadn't shown and Mackenzy was devastated. She tried to stop him from leaving, even ran after him to offer to take the woman's place. "Don't worry kiddo, I promise we'll write." Those words broke her heart. How was a twelve year old supposed to realize that he was hurting? From that day on, she swore to herself that no man was going to capture her heart like that again. Choosing the cowboy way of life, she threw out any and every skirt, satin shirt, and lacy garment she owned, including that new flowered shirt she had just spent every last penny she had to buy.
Now, after thirteen years, not only had she spoken to him again, but she had given him the only thing she had left to keep herself from being a full woman. Scowling, she paced once more. "I came here to do a job not lose my heart again." Berating herself, she pounded a fist into her palm. "Well, chalk it up to a learning experience Mandy." Surely she caught him off guard and that was why he had lost his head the way he had. The way he had looked at her though, as if she were desirable, as if she were a woman instead of Mandah. With a groan, she threw herself upon the bed and hugged a pillow over her face so that her scream of frustration could be muffled. Tomorrow was going to be a new day, and the whole situation was going to be forgotten. It was probably best for them both as nothing could possibly come from what had transpired tonight but heartache.
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 21, 2004 02:14 PM: Message edited by: Amanda Lynn Covington ]</font>
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The surviving members of Alessandra and Alessandro Cord's family would be stunned.
The long lost missing son had been found.
Alive.
Some relatives and friends would have remembered that tragic day all too painfully...
Sandra had been seven months pregnant with her second set of twins. standing in the produce section of the supermarket while
discussing with her oldest daughter how to tell when a melon is perfectly ripe.
Francenzo and Pancrazio, seven year old holy terrors, mirror images of the same dark haired impersonation of their father battled it out in an aisle nearby, boisterously noisy and rambunctious like boys their age should be.
"I am master of the universe!" Seven year old Mack declared thumping his chest and 'blasting' his brother with a sonic ray gun.
"Nuh uh! I wanna be He-man!" Frank grumbled, the older twin by five and a half minutes.
He grinned then and plucked a plastic sword off a nearby shelf. "By the power of Grayskull..!"
He declared as he fisted the air with the novelty toy. And he was master of the universe first 'cuz he was older! Neeener.
"Boys! Boys! Please.." Their mother's voice,softly furious and somewhat exasperated.
"Charisma, would you?" An unspoken request,
Keep them occupied before I completely lose my mind?
"Yes, mama." Thirteen year old Ris was always mature beyond her years, a rather serious and responsible child. Always put as a go-between when things became too much to handle.
"Mack! Frank! Shhhhhhhhhhh!" Yes, she was a big help wasn't she? Well, she was a thirteen year old girl. She kept an eye on the two ruffians while they tussled out of the corner of her eye while she made small talk with a cute stock boy.
Sands of time passed.
"Ris? I've got the groceries and I'm heading for the car, grab the boys and I'll drive around front, okay? It's raining and I don't want anyone getting wet." And possibly dying of pneumonia. Charisma had earned her mama minx wings from her overprotective, but
well meaning mother.
"Okay, mama!" She called and then said her goodbyes to the store employee, blushing when the youth flashed her a wink. Green-greys passed a glance around.
"Mack! Frank! Time to go! Quit hiding, I know you guys both too well for that." She was teasing, a lighthearted girl without a care in the world. She even picked up a magazine
and thumbed through it while waiting for her younger brothers to show themselves.
A prickle of unease creeped down her spine when neither dark haired grey-green eyed boy made an appearance. She was someone easily given to alarm so she stuffed the issue of Sassy back onto the shelf and raking her fingers through her wild auburn hair began to walk the length of the supermarket, peering anxiously into each aisle as she passed.
"Maaaack! Fraaank! C'mon, guys. This isn't funny anymore!" Mama was going to be so furious with her! And then she spied her brother (singular) sitting in the middle of the floor of the last aisle she checked. Jelly shoes slapped along linoleum as Charisma closed the distance between herself and Mackenzy.
"Didn't you hear me calling you?" She was practically livid with anger and also sagging with relief. "Grab your brother and let's go. Mom's waiting."
Something in the way her baby brother was just staring into space had the older girl crumpling to her knees beside the very still figure of her sibling and giving him a gentle
shake of his shoulders. "Mack? What's wrong with you? Where's Frank?"
He stared into silence a few moments later and then whatever had obscured his vision cleared and Mackenzy turned to stare at his sister in stunned disbelief. His grimey, round cheeks stained with saltine tears. "He's...gone."
And a plastic sword lay nearby the back exit of the grocery store.
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 21, 2004 12:17 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>
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Finaly! A break in the madness that was her life currently. She had been avoiding the ranch as much as possible, using the excuse of the upcoming delivery to keep herself away. But, one had to eat and so she was on her way to the the tavern. Well worn boots made hardly a sound as she ambled up the street. With her hands shoved down into the pockets of those faded jeans and that large, bulky, buttoned up shirt, she might have passed for a gangly youth, but the long braid of honey would give her away as it dangled from under the stetson that perched low upon her head.
Nothing last forever. Not even cold november rain. Guns n' roses trickled from his discman earphones and he was just grooving to the beat, moving booted tread along the steps as he neared the porch.
It was the familiar form of Kenzy that had her heart tripping in a ping in hesitation. It had been two days since they spoke last and just the sight of him stirred memories that would have any schoolgirl blushing. Get a grip Mandy, it's just
Mackenzy for goodness sakes! Hurrying up behind him, a twin poking to both sides would be used to startle him before she was scurrying around him and darting for the steps. Racing to be the first there as they had done during their days on the Gramercy ranch.
..Startle him? Ha. He heard not her approach for the music that was blaring heartbreak into his feverish brain. But he did jump a little because...gaaaaah. Ticklish!
Before she could make that scurry, he was branding steel around her waist in the form of a notsomuch hug as a horseplay tussle just like when they were kids.
"Keeennzzy!" Whining in her best 'You're not playing fair!' voice, she squirmed against him. Hands coming to his arm in an attempt to pry his fingers away. She was going to win and he wasn't going to stop her so there! By the way, did we mention she was squirmiiing?
Horse trainer ...meet leaf pile. She was probably kicking and giggling (shrieking) to get away sohis grip tightened all the more. Rib crushing even. Swingswing. One for the money... one for the road... two to get ready...
...and four to go! Heaaaaaaaaaave PLOP. Flailing Mandah of the Leaves. Crunch.
How was that for a greeting? Cowboy was creative.
Cowboy had trouble with counting skills. Hrn.
Oh no he didn't! Slick as a snake in a mudhole, she grabbed a hold of his shirt as she was flung. Legs managed to wrap about the back of one of his, ankles locking around his knee. If she was going down, he was going with her!
Mandah had that affect on most people!
Oh shit. Pulled into the pile down with her! Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Cowboy, meet a facefull of leaves! She was twisting about to grab a handfull to start stuffing down his shirt! Somewhere along the way, her hat had managed to find it's way off her head and darnitall her hair was now unbound and flying wildly about her face.
"You shall pay for this!" In his best evil CLAW from Inspector Gadget voice. Someone cue the cat screeching.
NOT FAIR!
If he pushed leaves down her shirt he would be slapped the hell silly.
"Come in Brain. I need reinforcements!" Penny to the rescue! Another handfull was grabbed and those icy blues would hint at her intentions as they shot down to the waistband of his jeans.
He wriggled to dislodge any leaflings from his shirt and the his fingers folded around a trim ankle emerging from the fray.
....and he PULLED.
Dragging Amanda across the ground, rucking up her shirt, leaves and maybe even some creepy crawlies underground. Everyone say it together now. ...Ewww...
"Ooof!" The sudden jerking of her ankle had the handfull of leaves slipping from her fingers as she tried to grab a hold of anything to keep from being dragged. Creepy crawlies? Heck, she used to hunt them down to fish with!
"I've got you now," he murmured in a wicked Claw way.
..That's right. Creepy crawlies don't work on scaring Tomboys.
The mucking of her shirt however.."You varment, I'm going to get you for this!" Twisting, she was now on her back and trying to kick at him with her free foot so that she could get the other one out of his grasp.
He was screwed and would have to think of other methods to terrify her. Musemuse.
He flipped her over and effectively pinned her with an arm on either side of the ground. Cowboy caged the horsetrainer. How ironic. "Whatchu gonna do 'bout it?" Rumbled so softy as his wickedly grinning face loomed over her flushed pink one. It was all in good fun. Just like when they were kids, right?
If it was..Then he was waaay to close for her personal comfort. She squirmed again, but this time, it was for different reasons all together. What was it with those incredibly intoxicating eyes and that soft rumble of a voice? "I'm..I'll just.." Smooth Mandy, you sound like a broken record! "I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!" In her best (and quite good) immitation of the wicked witch. Pretty good distraction technique right?
Indeed! He just...stared and then collapsed into a fit of uproarious laughter. Whatever intense, crazy filled moment they had momentarily been wrapped up in passed and it was just Mandah and Kenz again. Rough housing just like the youths they had been another lifetime ago.
"You're nuts." He pings her with leaves. Yucky ones with bugs crawling on them. Boys will be boys.
He collapsed? Well that was better than she thought she could do! But wait a minute! She was laying under him darnet! Fingers would start their assault as she grabbed a hold of his sides and started tickling for all she was worth.
She would probably add them to her insect collection. Ewww...just think how gross it would be by now if she still had it!
Leaves had nothing on those fingers that knew each and every tickle spot on the cowboy!
Preserved bugs. He shuddered. UGH.
He had collapsed...yes. So now he was crushing her with his weight. Hrn. One of them should move. But he was quite comfy right now. Whistle.
Oh hell no! Just for that she would be punished... and he knew exactly how to exact horrible revenge. Tickle monster!
Not only did cowboy not move, now ahem...well, he was moving but not away. Tickletickle...fingertips dancing along the sides of her ribs. If it were any other woman, people would've thought he was flirting.
But this was Mandah. Twelve year old tomboy he saw every morning on the ranch at the tender age of seventeen. She had blown in like a tumbleweed and grown like mighty damn but...hrn. Some things never changed!
Imagine, him flirting with her! Now she was squirming, parts of her touching parts of him, but wasn't that unavoidable with him atop her? Her laughter was borderline husky as she watched his features between laughs. "Oh just you wait Kenzy..I'm going to.." What Mandah? Wish you could kiss him to death? Ha! He's not a teenager anymore and you're not a child. Grow up! "Make you wish you'd never done this." There, that was threatening wasn't it?
"Oh yeaaah? How're gonna do that?" Grinning and leaning to rumble the syllables against the shell of her ear. his breath steamed up the inner curve of her neck and was scented with the spiced cider he had indulged in earlier at some out of the way cafe.
Threatening? He'd show her threatening!
Now why did he have to go and do a thing like that? She tried to talk, but she only ended up squeaking and stuttering. Yes, the horse trainer stuttered when nervous. "I..I w-w-will p-put a sn-aake in y-y-your bed." It was nearly a 'finger gripping shirt to make sure she didn't float away' hold.
He could say something so wrong right now. Grunthrnugh.
"Not a snake!" He feigned terror but it wasn't entirely a sham
He was scared shitless of amphibian crawl things that could bite. "Well, I will..--" Thinking! "I'll..." Sputterflail!
Watch the lightbulb appear over cowboy's head. He brightened.
Oh she had him now! "What's wrong Mackenzy?" His name simply drawled from her lips as she looked up at him. "Cat got yer tongue?"
"If you do then I'll give you my cooties." Boys had them yanno.
"I'll kiss you but good!" Ha!
Now he waited with satisfaction and wriggled for effect. Yes, pinned trainer, still.
"Cooties? Mackenzy, are you feeling well?" Had he knocked himself silly? He was nearing thirty and talkin' about cooties? And of course, she was trying to distract him from the sudden erratic beating of her pulse. And wiggling?
Only he would see the different shade of blue come to those eyes as she looked up at him. "A kiss isn't so scary." Was she calling his bluff? Yup!
He was still ailing from the influenza, remember?
But getting better! So she really would be risking 'cooties.'
Quite to the contrary, a kiss could be dead scary in the right situation. It was a kiss that had pulled the rug right fromunder his feet and brought his entire world to a crashing halt.
He frowned then, butit wasn't at her. At the memory of last week a time that had already seemed like an eternity ago. All he could see was Shannon's face when he was told that Bjorn had kissed her. He had known he had lost her the moment the admission had fallen softly from her lips. It had been the waiting game afterwards that had felt like torture. Calling his bluff? Well, he'd show he was a man that honored his promises...err threats! Lowering his dark head and fairly knocking Mandy's head back with the force of the assaulting kiss. He hadn't meant for it to be so furiously powerful but the thought of his broken engagement was getting him all riled up and angry again. When his ire soothed, hislipssoftened and then the touch endured. A just to see what this is like..hrn thing
Her startled gasp was smothered by the sudden and fierce pressing of his lips against hers. Her head did thud against the ground, but any pain that it caused was nothing compared to the heat of curious excitement that raced through her with the anger and passion that flared between them. Her fingers clenched the material of his shirt, nails probably scraping his muscled chest beneath the fabric.
Her lips were just as punishing as if she could take out all of her anger against his dissapearance with the press of her lips. Teeth even nipped at his bottom lip once the pressure was softened, catching it for a moment before letting it go to let lips sooth the slight pain it might have caused.
What are you doing, cowboy? This is Mandah! The thought was there somewhere but it didn't seem to register.
He didn't feel much of anything these days. Numb and hollow. Those were emotions he could deal with.
And shit..shwaskissinghim back? He put a stop to the madness when he pulled away. Stunned as though cut clear to the bone and the expression stretching across the canvasof his features said as much. He grasped at whatever words would come to mind.
"I'm sorry I mussed your shirt.Buy y'new one if the stain doesn't come out." He rumbled.
Her breath was coming in heaving gasps and when he pulled away, she took in a deep gulp of air. Stunned expression crossed her features, but there was no mistaking the glint in those blues as she looked up at him. With the words that came from her lips, her features crumbled and she shoved him..HARD. Hard enough to probably knock him on his back. Before he could say anything, she was off like a bullet from a hunting rifle. Golden honey flying wildly behind her and heels kicking up dust along the road.
Somewhere beside Mack was her discarded hat, but she wasn't about to stop and get it. She had to get away before he could see just how much that bluff had affected her.
He was effectively knocked on his back. Umm..yeaah!
And staring bemused at a painfully blue autumn sky. Holy bemusement, Batman.
There was only one place she could go that she knew of, and there was a certain stallion she was going for. Maybe the two high spirited souls could come to an agreement long enough that she could feel the wind in her hair.
He came to himself slowly, brushing stray leaves from his cashmere wool blend coat and the denim fabric that stretched across too long limbs. The stetson spied and taken up between his hands.
Dusting off the back of his jeans he was striding across the lawn to head for the streets and yes the only thought in his head being...
'What the hell just happened here?!'
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 22, 2004 04:50 AM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>
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Cowboy was jittery tonight. Anxious. Uneasy. He wore a pretty good path across the lawn. Pacing like a caged lion. Where was she?! Ha! It was laughable, really. Mackenzy was notorious for making other people wait on him. He had news to impart to his sister. Earth shattering news.
She was there! Dammit, Melanie needed a car. She was sick of walking everywhere. Wrapping her sweater around her, she walked up to her restless brother. "We're going car shopping tomorrow."
He lifted a brow, but much to her surprise nodded and was giving words she was sure to hold him to later. "Sure, plush or leather interior?"
Melanie should get in while the getting was good. He was crazy as hell right now! He would've agreed to anything. Ask for money.
"Leather." She stepped around in front of him and looked up into his teched gaze. "What is it, Kenzy?" Something was off; the look in his eyes, the particular slant to his shoulders as he stood there, and the envelope. "What's that?" A tapered finger pointed.
"Inside," he murmurd arond a distressed grunt. Yes, something was very off. "We need to talk." And ironic how he had heard those very same words just a few days ago but this time he was the one initiating the exchange and thus, somewhat agitated on how to handle matters.
He lifted the envelope and the paper held a jagged tear along one side. "This is proof that we've been deceived, our whole godamned life." Easily offered and he was steering her for the porch if she wasn't already moving she was now!
This didn't bode well. Melanie's gaze lingered within his a moment longer. Then, she nodded and was stepping lightly up into the tavern, flip flops flopping over the threshold. "Lead the way." She gestured in front of her, hazel gaze snapping up at the movement sent in her direction. She smiled at Morgana and waved.
Any other evening, she would have beckoned the woman over but.. Mel glanced back at Kenzy. This was going to be like any other night, she had the sinking feeling.
"It's ..not bad news, Melanie. Don't worry. Just...you should sit down for this discussion." Anyone familiar outside received a cursory wiggling of his fingers and then he was starting for the door, tugging his baby sister along in tow. Oh, God give him strength.
He chose a booth closer towards the back that would provide some shred of privacy. Fortunately, the din in the air wasn't as noisy as usual. That almost made matters worse.
Oh, this was going well. She knew her dear brother was trying to assuage her fears, but the fact that she would need to sit down did nothing to stop the butterflies in her stomach from doing the tango. Melanie slid silently across vinyl cushion, piling her purse between her thigh and the wall. She bounced her flip flops against the bottoms of her feet, eyes that were curious in a most reluctant way watching Mackenzy.
He scooted in after his sister on the same side, curling his arm along the back of the booth.
The envelope was tossed onto the table.
Almost like a gauntlet thrown down.
"Read that first," he rumbled and allowed his head to lull back against the wall. Grey-green leaning towards the ceiling.
On the same side? Lord help her. Melanie swallowed and looked at the envelope like it was a viper. She held it like it was going to bite her. Reaching carefully into the paper folds, Melanie pulled the letter free and read it over. Slender brows furrowed as the minutes ticked by. Finally, she looked up Mack, worrying the inside of her cheek between her teeth.
"I don't understand.."
"I don't really either. I thought he was dead. We all did. And I don't know why we never told you, or Melody. You had lost so much already and we were still --" Grieving over yet another family tragedy. He didn't finish that sentence instead adopting another. "Okay, umm.." HemHaw. Shit, that was hard.
She fell back against the cushion and into stunned silence. Mack was a twin? They.. had another brother? The papers crinkled as Mel's hands slid absently into her lap, eyes emptying as she drew inside herself to try and wrap her mind around what Mack and the contents of the envelope were trying to say. "What happened to him?" she asked quietly.
And....she had put it together on her own. He winced. "I'm sorry she never told you." Meaning Charisma. And he was apologetic himself for never confiding that secret pain in his siblings either.
Being a twin was a pretty powerful thing, the kinetic bond. Who would've understood more than...another twin?
He slumped down further into his seat. His hand shaking as it pushed through haphazard shards of onyx black.
"I don't know. He was taken I guess, snatched up like pushing away with someone else's shopping cart. Mom was pregnant with you and Dee at the time. I was only seven. Charisma was supposed to be watching us, but hell, we
were hellions and giving her a hard time. We agreed to make her worry (little boys really are evil spawn) and hide from her once she came to round us up. I..thought.. I could've sworn --" That he was right behind me.
"He was just gone, Mel." Defeatedly.
"Oh, Kenzy.." This had to be harder for him than it was for her. Letters in her lap, she turned where she sat and hugged him close. The next few moments passed in silence while she comforted and still tried to comprehend it all.
Their poor family. "Have you talked to him?"
"Yeah. Earlier this evening. Shit, this is...." He didn't know what it was. Amazing? Uncomprensible? Yes, all that. He rubbed a calloused palm down the side of his face.
His twin brother was alive.
"How.." It was strange, talking about such an altering exchange in such a seemingly casual way. "How did it go?"
Surprisingly, he chuckled. Expression one of bemusement. "It was..well, it was weird. To be quite honest." And would get even weirder once they met in person!
"But good...yes, good weird." Mack was so cute. He was nodding.
A Mackenzy look-a-like! Women of Rhydin rejoice. Melanie retrieved the papers from her lap and tucked them neatly back into the envelope. "When will you actually meet him?" What confusion and hurt had seeped into her heart was slowly being replaced with excitement.
"Next week." Details were as yet sketchy.
"He's here, Mel. In town. Right now, there's someone walking around looking just like me, off who knows where." He laughed.
"He said once he's settled he'll get in touch with me. I have the number to his cell." Added on belatedly and then he was just musing as he stared off into space.
"Can I be there?" Silly question, but--She blinked. "Are you serious?" Imagine if she'd run into him! That would have been one confusing affair. "What did he say when he called you?"
"Of course, mi caro. But Charisma is...I don't know, hun." He frowned. What? Guilty? Stung? "She always blamed herself.
And has always harbored a fear that he did too. But hell, he was only seven! I remember what I got mad about when I was seven.
Meaningless stuff. My sonic blaster ray gun breaking two days after I spent all my allowance to buy it.
Fighting over who got to be He-Man when we played Masters of the Universe. Melanie! Do you know what this means?!" His eyes gleamed.
"I have a twin fucking brother!"
He was captain of the obvious yes. But just had to shout it aloud as though that would make the fact all that more truthful.
"She's scared," she said simply. Just like Melanie would be if she were in her older sister's shoes. She grinned up at her brother, hazel eyes dancing. "I know! I have another brother!" And then, as if she realized just what that would mean for her, "Oh God. I have another brother."
And yes, women of the city rejoice. If, umm...NotMack was straight!
"Mwaha! Yes, another OLDER brother, sister dear," he murmured with wicked satisfaction.
"Maybe he's NICE and QUIET like me."
Just let those young bucks even try to get past the double force-- ack!
"He was a pain in the ass."
"Hey! That means I'm not second oldest anymore..."
"Some people change.." Ha, Mack just got knocked down a place on the family totum pole.
"He was five and a half minutes older than me, yanno. You would've thought that was five and half years for the way he milked it for all his worth." Expressive roll of his eyes.
"In the world of twins that IS milkworthy."
She was an older twin, after all.
He laughed. "I wouldn't know."
"Trust me on this one." She gave his thigh a pat and.. wow. There was another brother. Dundundun!! The ominous music was effectively cued.
Life as he knew it would never be the same.
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 21, 2004 08:41 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>
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Okay, I will admit it, Journal. The first few days of single life went a little to my head. I tried to do too much too fast. But I felt that I had to keep on moving on. Don't stop to think just feel. Because I want so much to feel anything right now but miserable and unbearably hollow inside. Contrary to popular opinion, I haven't moved on. I don't know how long it will be before I can. I miss her so much. There's just no substitute for this gnawing ache that claws at my insides and I know it can't be assuaged because I've already tried to scratch that itch and that didn't help. I can't help that I miss her. I'm sure as hell she doesn't miss me, so why should I go around with a long face like the fool I've been played for and show the world how bad I feel? Won't solve anything. Won't make anything go back to the way it was. I know I said I would wait ...for as long as it takes but I'm not getting any younger and I ache for things in life, too. My own family for one. I had so hoped that Shannon would be the future mother of my children. I even had a dream about her last night holding a dark haired child. What does it mean? I don't know, I'm not a damn psychologist. But I do know I miss her like crazy. Killer misses her like crazy. And we all are floundering, set adrift on a sea of loneliness without our life support.
The house is far too empty to live alone these days so I have hired a ranch hand I knew from the rodeo circuit years back. Staying in the guest quarters, the name of the cowpoke is Seth. But that is an alias devised for competition entries. Name's Wendy,actually. Yes, a girl houseguest, i know what you're thinking, Journal. Really, it ain't like that. It's more like having a live in housekeeper. She's going to help out around the ranch and help with the horses Lillian's company had sent over in exchange for room and board until she finds a place of her own. I could use the company, as it feels so lonely rattling around at the ranch by myself with only two dogs for company. I must admit, I'm grateful for the extra pair of hands.
I've thought of calling Shannon so many times in the past few days, but I figure it would be like rubbing salt in a wound. I want her to be happy, more than anything. If I wasn't the one to make all her wishes come true I hope she find's what she's looking for down the path that she has chosen to tread. There's a part of me that will always love her and hope....but I won't put too much hope in that dream. I'm sure she has found her niche and is content.
My life feels like a fucking soap opera right now,its so not even funny. In the past week, I've been dumped, warded off the advances of my first ex fiancee, renewed the acquaintance of an old friend (Mandah's back!But more about her later) and found out that... my twin brother is not only alive but recently arrived in town.
Frank. He disappeared when we were seven, he was my best friend. I've thought of nothing else but the meeting we have scheduled to touch ground with one another again. Melody is away at her fashion design internship in New York City so she will be sorry to missthe happy reunion. Melanie? Well, she is thrilled for me but you should have seen the face she pulled upon hearing she had another OLDER brother. Not to mention an identical replica of myself. It is a real mind trip. So is being in Love.
Can someone please stop the world...I want to get off.
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 22, 2004 05:00 AM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>
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Your body's warm
But you are not
You give a little
Not a lot
You coup your love
Until we kiss
You're all I want
But not like this
I'm watching you disappear
But you, you were never here
It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon
Your body gives
But then holds back
The sun is bright
The sky is black
Can only be another sign
I cannot keep what isn't mine
You left and it lingers on
But you, you were almost gone
It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon
I cannot tell if you mean what you say
You say it so loud, but you sound far away
Maybe I had just a glimpse of your soul
Or was that your shadow I saw on the wall
I'm watching you disappear
But you, you were never here
It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
No, no, no
It's only your shadow
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
It's only your shadow
--- Britney [img]graemlins/wilted.gif[/img]
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"So .. talk." Offered once they were far enough down the street, hands ducking into her pockets. She studied the sidewalk in front of them, choosing not to look at him just yet.
"I'm sorry for the way I acted, ba-Shannon." He clamped down on his lower lip, inwardly cursing himself. No, she wasn't his baby anymore. Someone else held the right to claim that form of endearment now. "I shouldn't have left things like that but I was so sick. Getting dumped while you have the flu...sucks." Trying to chuckle and be a good sport about it all.
"I never meant to be so cold. What I really meant to say is that..I'm glad you've finally found your niche. Are you happy? That's all I ever wanted for you." I would live and die for your happiness if it came to that. The lager botlle lazed at his side, dangled from listless fignertips curled around its condensating surface. He had passed her a sidelong glance while he spoke and was studying her face as he did so.
"Are you?" She lifted a brow, a hint of dryness in her tone. "Why do I not believe that." Murmured more to herself then him. She listened to the rest of his explanation, nodding slightly. "Well, I do apologize for the timing. I didn't want to tell you when I realized you were sick .. but I knew it would be worse if I let it drag on any longer. You deserved the chance to find someone who could make you happy."
Which you didn't waste any time on looking, did you Mac? "My niche." A thoughtful tip of her head, and she still didn't glance his way. "Mac, there's something you have to understand about me. All my life, I've ruined my relationships .. and I think part of it is because I can't really belong anyone but myself. It's a trust thing. Bjorn is the same way .. which is why we understand each other. It wasn't that I didn't love you, I just knew that I wasn't right for you." She dipped a hand into her pocket, removing a small envelope. "Here. I .. figured you'd want this back." Softly, while passing it over. The ring was inside.
He lessened his pace so as to listen more attentively to her words. Fingers unconsciously gripping the glass of the bottle so tightly, he almost expected it to break. He had thought about the ring, yes. But actually, didn't want it back. He had given it to her. As a symbol of his love and devotion to her. He had spent not only hours but days scouring jewelry cases all over the city with Ris in tow for just the right one. That had Shannon written all over it. That ring...the one he had sweated blood for, worried over whether he shouldn't have chosen the gold band or a different setting...that one.. could never belong to anyone else. "Keep it. I gave it to you, Shannon. I wouldn't know what to do with it." Honestly, and he would look at it everyday probably and it would hurt to remember.
"Or if you don't want to keep it.. Have it appraised. I'm sure you'll get a good price."
He shrugged. Maybe she didn't even want anything he had ever given her.
That was why she was giving it back?
"Well, I'm sure you could find someone else to give it to. You probably already have someone in mind." Not a hint of bitterness in her tone, she was just calling it as she saw it. The envelope was taken back though. She was giving it back because she didn't feel right holding onto it now that she had left him. "I'll keep it if you really want me to."
HIs face tightened at her words. For the only reason that they negated completely everything he had just been digesting over in his mind.
"Shannon.." He strived for a calm tone. "You think I would be so thoughtless as to give a ring I had chosen specificaly for another woman..and just casually place it on another's finger? No. I'm not that kind of man. And apparently, I won't be needing it anyways...because from my experience.. I'm just not the marrying sort." The latter was his own self recrimination and not directed as any jab at her. Or anyone else.
"I don't know, Mac. I don't feel like I know you at all anymore." She never would have thought the cowboy would be the type of man to chase tail while on the rebound or everything else she'd heard about. "You shouldn't count out marriage, Mac. I'm sure you'll find someone. Hell, it only took you what .. a day to find someone else? Guess you didn't need to wait -- what was it 'a thousand lifetimes' after all." Curtly.
He broke down then at her words. "You never gave us a chance, baby. You said I didn't try? I didn't woo? You never ...believed in us. At the first sign of Bjorn..-"
He broke off because to his horror the tears came. The torrent he had been trying to hide for the past few rocky days with whiskey, women..a.nything.
"Youu...just..left.."
And yes, that 'baby' slipped from him but it was lost in a choked sob so what the fuck did it matter to him. He slumped onto a curb without a care for soiling his clothing.
"You mean everything to me, Shannon. I love you. I'm sorry I shut you out...I just...I wish I could've done it all differntly now."
"I didn't give you a chance?!What in the hell were those days at the hospital then, huh? Waiting hours for you to wake up and then staying by your side while you couldn't fucking remember me. Me, Mac. Hell, I mentioned living
Me, Mac. Hell, I mentioned living
together and you didn't care to respond, I gave you a key to my apartment and you didn't return the favor. You didn't even seem to like anything I was planning for the wedding or even care about it! I mean, you hated a color because it reminded you of a woman that waltzed back into town to get you back!" .. It seemed that a dam had burst inside of her. "I wanted romance and to feel cherished .. and I felt like I was just there to be the good wife and cook and play with -- but I must have been boring in the sack if you had to buy toys after only two months."
He seemed horrifed. "Shannon, I never meant you to feel that way. I just loved you so much..I tried to hard. I wanted to give you everything. Make you happier beyonhd your wildest dreams..I just.." He couldn't speak anymore.
And she didn't seemed to be affected by his tears. That was fine enough for him. He never cried in front of people. But it was just all leaking out like a badly patched roof and he couldn't hold it in anymore. The damn had to break.
A lot of that had been said out of anger and she seemed a little surprised herself. A soft exhale. "Yea, well. You did." She was affected by his tears, turning her gaze away with a sigh. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm sure your new chick'll treat you better. Just don't shut her out, hm?"
"My new chick? Who the hell said I was even seeing anyone?" Because he wanted to know.
"..Oh! Right, I'm sorry. You don't have one chick .. you have what ten now?"
His hurt was replaced by a righteous anger and he shot up from the curb and advanced towards her, not in a menacing way but one of agitation..that was evident.
Well, she backed up.. because she didn't know if he was about to hit or not.
"I don't have ten...I don't even have one. Well, I did put she said I didn't dance to her tune (he meant literally) so she just gave up on me."
"Whatever, Mac. People I trust told me all about your little antics -- I'm so glad you could rebound so quickly."
"What people..and what have they been saying. Tell me.." He was trying to be so calm. That deadly calm she had heard only once before.
"My antics? I greet a few friends with a hug and a kiss and suddenly Im the town man whore?"
He was really angry now, raking both hands through his dark hair.
"I don't know Mac, is a hug what you call it these days?" She narrowed her eyes at him before sighing. "Look, I understand you're hurting .. and I appreciate the fact that you didn't run around telling everyone what happened in order to make them hate me. But you can't be screwing everything in sight one minute and acting like the broken-hearted man the next. It doesn't add up."
"Look, I don't know what you've been told by the people you say you trust, but I haven't been screwing around. And if I had? It's no one else's businesz but my own. Yes, I made out with two women on the same night. You know one. Remember Mist? She was the first person I met in town. That was number one. We were just shitting around.
And the other is psycho drama queen I don't even want anything more to do with her. She threatened to slice off my balls and feed them to me when I unintentionally spurned her.
And a possible other woman I might have been spotted with recently? Well, she's the reincarnation of a twelve year old tomboy I knew when I was only seventeen. My best friend as a boy actually.And I think everyone should just mind the fuck off my shit and keep their noses on their own." He finished and crossed his arms defensively across his chest.
"You made out with two girls in one night?" She stared at him. "Jesus Christ, Mac. If making out is just shitting around, I'd hate to see what you'd do with some girl after we had gotten married and you got bored. Would you screw around with someone and then just tell me you were shitting around?"
"Shannon...I was hurting. I don't say I don't regret what I did. But I've hardly been whroing my way through the female population of Rhydin." If that's what the impression her 'friends' had given her.
She lifted her hands in the universal 'I give up' gesture. "You know what? I don't want to talk to you anymore. You can deal with your shit, believe me I won't come anywhere near your fucking business any more." And she turned on her heel to start walking away. "Oh, Bjorn and I are getting married." Shot over her shoulder, because she was hurting and wanting to lash out.
"You don't want to talk to me? Shannon, wait. Godammit, ...wait!"
Then he jerked back at her words as though she had fired them with a shotgun. Stumbling backwards. That was so cold! "You are?" Little boy lost voice and his lower lip trembled.
"What?" Pausing. "Yes -- No. I don't know. He and I have to discuss it."
"He wants to, I'm not so sure."
"I hope you'll be very happy....t-together." And then he was just pushing away from her.
As though she were suddenly holding a poisonous viper.
Backing away..but not...leavig..yet.
Such pain in his eyes. "So, you just..didn't want to get married to me."
As though trying to piece this all together in his head so that it would make more sense.
"Wait, Mac!" She turned around to study him. "God, I'm sorry .. I shouldn't have told you about that. I was just so angry." She rushed forward to grab at his hand, to make him stop. "No! It's not like that. I wanted to marry you! I did! Hell, why do you think I would've gone to all that trouble to start planning the wedding?"
"No, I see how it is Shanno."
He saw very clearly.
He was shaking violently. A hand pressing to his mouth to stifle some scream of anguish that would not come.
"Mac, listen! I loved you okay? But I'm bad for you. Bjorn and I can hurt each other, but we know how to react. I don't want to hurt you. I am not going to marry him. Okay? I'll talk to him about it. I swear, listen to me."
"How could you be bad for me..when you made me the man I've become? Shannon before I met you...I was afraid to let anyone in. I was afraid to love. But by loving me you tore down all those walls. You helped me see it was okay not to be so serious all the time. You made me laugh. You infected me with you warmth. I'll never be able to thank you for the man you made me become." He didn't know where this was all coming from but...she had been good for him. At least when it had been good between them..it had been very, very good.
She was still holding his hand, though she didn't notice it. "Mac .. I'm glad that I could help you become that man, but I know that you could've done it without me. You're a great person, okay? You're too good for me, to be honest." She dropped his hand gently, moving to brush back a strand of hair from his face. "I just .. couldn't look into the future and know for certain that we would end up together. We settled so quickly.."
She sighed, placing a hand on his chest.
"The only time you ever hurt me, bella luca..is the day you said goodbye. And that's the damned truth. I know the you're a nice guy routine. I hate it. Maybe I was trying to sabotage my squeaky clean image. I don't know.
That's not justification for what I did but ti was part of it. Women want bad boys. No one settles for the boy next door when Mr. Mystery and Intrigue is out there waiting to sweep them off their feet." And away from their fiancees.
"Mac .. Bjorn is not the 'bad boy.' Really, he's not. He's -- he's an artist and he's always been someone that I've had feelings for. I don't know if he and I are going to last, but I have to give it one last chance. If I didn't .. I might have married you and then regretted it. I didn't want that to happen." Softly before she glanced up at him. "I .. don't know, Mac.
I'd say if you want to find someone else to chase me out of your heart
you might want to be careful about who you do it in front of. I don't want to hear about .. who else you're seeing."
He squeezed her hand. "I still love you Shannon. Tell me how to stop."
Because it hurt so damned bad.
"Did I really mean that little to you..?"
She couldn't even handle hearing about him at all! That...stung.
"...No! I just -- it hurts to hear about you with someone else, Mac! Okay? Is that what you want to hear?"
"Shannon...but you just said that you wanted me to find someone else..you're not making much sense, mi fiore bella.." He blinked.
"Well, t guess we're even. Because its eating me alive thinking about you with Bjorn. I always knew he was the one man capable of stealing you away from me. That'ws why I flipped so bad when you told me about kissing him. Him kissing you wahtever...'
She sighed. "I know .. and I do want you to find someone. Just .. not so soon. It just makes it look like I'm easily replaced. But I know I don't have any say in what you do anymore." She nodded. "I know that you won't want to see him and me together .. so I'll do my best to spare you from having to see it. I love you both, you know. But I had to make a choice .. I didn't want to string either of you along any longer." She sighed, swallowing back the lump that formed in her throat
Grey-green burned into mediterranean blue. "I knew..in that moment...when you looked at me. I had lost you. You just...had to find it out later on...on your own. " But I knew. "I'd appreciate your thoughtfulness. I'll attempt to do the same."
"I know you did. And you made the right one for you. I don't fault you for that. I only wanted nothing but for you to be happy. I hope you are. And I hope to remain freinds. You're my soulamte, Shannon." Even if they weren't together..they could still be soulmates, right?
"I think you're mine too." Yes, they could be friends and soulmates. To her, Mac represented the part of her that she used to be -- the small town country girl who used to dream about cowboys. She loved him for that, but she had to accept that the rest of her heart belonged to the woman she was now -- and that it belonged to Bjorn. "I hope we can be friends too. I'm really sorry that I hurt you."
"I'm really sorry, too. So we're both really sorry individuals." He attempted a half assed joke.
She chuckled. "I guess so."
"Can a friend get a hug? I want you to know I'll always be here for you, Shan. Whatever you need. A shoulder to cry on. An ear to listen. I know you have Jack already for that. But..there's a lovesick cowboy that will always have a place fo you in his heart. No matter what." He confessed. He didn't mean to cause her any discomfort with the words, it was just the honest truth. He wasn't ready to date anyone seriously. Adopting a one time things are alright but anything resembling a relationship...no no. It was ironic...it was the same view she had once held in place when she had been keeping him at bay ..so long ago...before.
She offered a small smile. "Of course.." A step forward had her encircling arms about his neck, holding him close while she hugged. "You'll always be in my heart, Mac." Murmured against his ear. "You'll be my soulmate and one of my
best friends, I promise." She leaned back enough to see his face. "Now, I want you to start eating, Mackenzy. I hate seeing you lookin' like skin and bones."
"Yes maam. Now there's th' Shannon I remember.." Half grumbling around a chuckle.
She chuckled. "I'm serious .. I'll force you to eat if you don't." Pointing at him.
"I'm glad. I 'll always love you on some level even if it shifts from romantic to platonic. You're an amazing woman, Shannon Elizabeth Maguire."
He spoke tenderly and traced a thumb along the curve of hr cheek before allowing his hand to drop to his side.
"Oh, no! I've had my fill of that already at the hospital!! They FORCE tubes in you, yano!"
His horror wasn't entirely feigned.
She offered a smile in response to his words, leaning in to give him another hug. "I'm glad that you don't hate me.. and I'll do everything I can to be a good friend." She laughed for his horrorified display.
(Taken from live play. Thanks for the memories. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] )
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 23, 2004 05:14 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>
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<center>'...At night I pray. That soon your face will fade away. I guess I need you baby, after all. ..And every night I see you in my dreams. I see your face you're haunting me. I guess I need you baby.. I may have made it rain. Please, forgive me. If my weakness caused you pain.
And this song's my sorry. ..' </center>
For Mackenzy the week had been an exhausting one.
So many thoughts swirled around in the fever-pitch of his brain he didn't know which to give his attention to first. Amanda was gone.
He didn't know how he felt about that. The former tomboy had blown in like a texas tumbleweed and quicker than he could hog-tie a calf she was...
gone.
She had penned a note and tacked it to the front of th guesthouse door she had been occupying the past few days and he hadn't discovered the missive until he had finished his chores around the ranch and lumbered on over to check up on her. Was she coming back? Did she leave because of the stupid kiss in that pile of autumn leaves? He didn't know. But he needed more time to think about all of this drama in his life right now. That was a given.
Francenzo stopped by yesterday afternoon and the cowboy winced at the awkward situation that seemed to be unfolding like an automobile accident in slow motion. Mandy was there in nothing but the cowboy's shirt no less...it was laundry day! She had nothing else clean to wear but what an uncomfortable tension that filled the air. Melanie
and Frank couldn't seem to take off fast enough, his baby sister mumbling something about 'leaving the two of you alone' and something about car shopping. Shit, he wasn't going to buy her a Mercedes or anything! But he figured his sibling was in good hands, she knew absolutely nothing about cars (a Honda is not accptable...) and his brother apparently was quite knowledgable on the subject.
They were so very much alike Melanie and Francenzo, though Mackenzy saw much of Charisma in Frank, too. They both had professional careers (as opposed to Mack's more unconventional occupation) and could give the initial appearance of snobbery in their polished icy demeanors.
Ris hadn't spoken much to him about the missing son's sudden reappearanc but he figured that was because she had always blamed herself for losing
the missing twin in the first place. But it wasn't her fault. Just like the accident that stole away Mom and Dad. No one could control what had happened. No one.
He had a very full plate at the moment and was grateful for one less thing to worry about. Mandy was gone. But Seth remained. The ranch hand he had hird on to help with the horses Lillian's father's company was shipping to the stables.
He hadn't heard a pep from Lilly since they had mutually agreed to go their own separate ways, but it had been her that had hand picked Amanda to be his horse trainer. Ironic how fate seemed to have a sense of humor. But wasn't that called serendipity? A fortunate accident.He could use all the good fortune he could get these days.
Seth... puzzled him. She was a cowgirl, yes so technically they shoulda been like two peas in a pod. She liked to drink beer, didn't fuss over her looks and knew how to make all the boys teeth sweat and pulses race with the heat of a texas sun in her languid come hither smile. He had known her from years back in the rodeo circuit but they had never shared much more than a passing acquaintance. She was a good friend.
But from what his mirror double had confided in him the other day, perhaps Francenzo was seeing the lovely cowpoke as something a bit more than a country bumpkin with strikingly vibrant green eyes.
They had yet to have a heart-to-heart but cowboy had been filled in by the attorney of the main gist of his life. What had transpired after the abduction. The foster homes and time spent in a juvenile detention facility. Straightening up his act and going to law school once he was back on solid ground and then...the fact that he was a widower. Nicola had been her name. Cowboy hadn't been able to fathom losing a spouse, yes, they had lost their parents and lost each other for over twenty years but they hhad been able to touch base once again. But losing a wife..and to such a terrible, debilitating illness. He couldn't imagine the pain his twin must have endured, watching the woman he loved slowly slip away right before his very eyes. And not being able to do a thing to ease her pain.
At the end of the emotional exchange, a confession had been made. "I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time, Mac. Not since..Nic."
Mackenzy had felt like he had lost so much in life already. His twin. His parents. Two fiancees.
But if he ever lost a wife...
He didn't know how he would be able to endure that kind of hidden anguish.
"Seth's..she's different, Frank." As though trying to either give either an explanation or warning he wasn't quite certain. He didn't want
his good hearted brother getting burned.
"I know, Mack. Believe me, I know. That's why I'm so goddamned scared."
They both had been to hell and back and the ride didn't stop here. Who knew what other storms lay on distant horizons just waiting for the winds of fate to bring them to fruition.
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 23, 2004 06:04 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>
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Kenzy,
For thirteen years I've waited to see you and now that I have, I feel as if something in my life is complete again. Back when we first met, I didn't understand what it was like to have someone like you in my life, but when I lost you I did. I learned to live with that loss and accept it for what it was. Now that you've come back into my life, I don't think I could handle that loss again.
It seems to me that you have to many things going on in your life right now that you don't need another hassel. So I'm leaving tomorrow to get the herd. The decision feels right to me as I just seem to cause you more problems than anything. I will be back here on Friday and once I get the horses settled, if you want me to leave, I will. The last thing I want is for us to drift apart even further than what we have. You are to special to me for something as silly as man and women issues to come between us. Besides, I think I would miss seeing that charming smile when you look at me. I will be around the ranch later if you want to chew the cud or go for a ride. I miss you cowboy.
Mandy
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The horizon always looked different when seen through the blur of tears, but on the trail it didn't matter if one was sad or heartsick or just plain down. One only had to worry about one thing and that was surviving.
She had ridden for a good two hours before finding a good place to stop and take a quick rest. Leading the horse over to a small creek, she slid from the saddle and patted the mare's neck. "We're going to be all right girl." Well, of course they were! If the ride became to much, she could always find a way to get a hold of the boys and have them stop on the way. Stretching her arms above her head, she looked to the robin egg blue sky and wondered what Mackenzy was doing. "No stop that!" Berating herself, she shook the image of the cowboy from her mind and focused on getting something to eat from the knapsack she had brought along.
After pulling out a small container of mixed fruit and a banana nut muffin, she settled herself on a nearby log and set to eating. She couldn't help that her mind instantly wandered back to the ranch and the spread of land that surrounded it. Mackenzy used to always brag that he was going to have a big spread someday. The other boys on the ranch had always laughed at the overzealous cowboy, but not Mandy. She could see the determination sparking within those gray green eyes and had known he would achieve any goals he set out for himself.
Her own personal goals had been another thing entirely and had never been mentioned out of embarrassment. Now here they were, years later, and she wasn't even one step closer to where she wanted to be. A long sigh slid past her lips as the paper that once held the muffin was crumpled in her hand. "Well, at least I'm not married to some slob who don't know the difference between a horse's ass and a woman." Yes, Miles McKenna thought that she was going to be his blushing bride when she got back, however, Mandy had different plans. She was going to get the horses, get them back to the ranch, train them, get them sold, and hightail it out of there before the fat oil worker found out where she was.
"Enough lolligaggin for now Sugar. Let's make some more tracks before the sun sets shall we?" Stuffing the container back into the knapsack, she climbed back onto the saddle and spurred the horse into an easy gallop. The back of her hand was used to swipe a stray honeyed strand from her forehead and she instantly wished she hadn't gotten into that scuffle with Kenzy so she would still have her hat. "Dammit all to hell!" She couldn't get the infuriating man out of her head even when she was thinking of the simplest of things! Hopefully, by the end of her journey, she would have a clearer mind and an even more clearer heart.
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The first born, my heart will call Truly
A God-like boy of the sky
The fog hissed away like a movie
And serpents go home for the night
The thundercloud rain hits the freeway
The clowns put on makeup for show
The nightfall, my skin crawl kind of evening
And how the wind she blows
How the wind she blows
I want you to come closer
Come in closer. Come in closer.
I want you to come in closer
Come in closer. Come in closer.
I want you to come in closer, in closer
Come dancing with devils
Need not to know their names
We'll waltz like an army
For the fear of our pain
Our souls become useless
As the day they were born
In a rusted arm rocking chair
Away from your storm
But still, the truth remains lethal
A lie made by man
Where my shoes become hammers
And my words become sand
Like a sour patch, a wedding batch
Of roses you threw across my floor
In the rusted arm rocking chair
Away from your storm
--- Blue October
-
The whole trip had gone smoothly and she was a might proud of herself when the familiar land came into view. If her heart had wings, it would have flown away right that moment as the chocolate and cream palomino came running up and over the rise. Amanda could no longer deny that she had been a little homesick as tears welled up into her eyes. "Comeon Sugar, let's get you rested and introduced hmm?" Nudging the horse into a faster gallop, she wasn't prepared for the next thing that happened.
Blaze, seeing her owner for the first time in nearly two weeks, sprinted over to the fence, causing Sugar to startle and rear. Amanda had been paying more attention to the other horses and the men who were preparing to leave themselves.
If she had time, she would have cursed herself for not holding tighter to the reigns, or she would have done something to keep her hands from letting loose so that she wouldn't have toppled to the ground. However, the last thing she remembered was seeing the blue blue sky before it was clouded by a million little tiny sparks as her head hit a rock.
Blackness claimed her so that the sound of hooves thundering her way was nothing more than a soft drumbeat.
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 26, 2004 06:40 PM: Message edited by: Amanda Lynn Covington ]</font>
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She woke with a start, her eyes blinking against the fuzziness that usually accompanied a good bump to the head. The ground beneath her was softer than she thought it would be and gingerly, she moved her hands to find that she wasn't exactly on the ground, but on a sleeping bag of some sort. "What in the name of all that's holy?" Her words scratched in her throat, the sound barely loud enough to be heard over the crackling of a nearby campfire.
"Jus' be still Missy. Ya bumped yer head a good un'." The voice was familiar and with a slight turn of her head, she was able to see one of the ranch hands not far off. "Where are we?" Asked before accepting the cup of water he was handing to her. "We're 'bout a day an a half ride away from our destination. Miss Gramercy didn't want no.." He broke off and shot an uncertain look to the fellow behind him.
"Didn't want no what Leroy?" She was pushing to her elbows now, ignoring the dizziness that threatened to have the water she just drank to come back up. "Well..She didn't want no injured at her ranch. Said that we should take ya with us as you'd be stayin' on with the horses. We packed the rest o' yer stuff up too. Got it saddled on Blaze over there."
Okay the man was talking to fast for her! Shaking her head, she moaned at the way the world took a dizzying spin and lifted a hand to rest it against the bandages on her forehead. "You mean to tell me that I've got no job over there anymore?" Her voice had managed to find it's way back to normal and the tone that had slipped past her lips was not something lighthearted. Danger flashed in those icy blues as they leveled on the Lead Rider. "Hank?"
Please, someone tell her this was just a sick joke they were playing on Man-dy. But the look he sent her was one of sympathy and remorse. "Sonofa-" Her words stopped when another wave of dizziness had the world turning black once more. The men were more than happy that she had slipped back into the land of unconsciousness, but woe to the person that was around when she came to!
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 26, 2004 06:42 PM: Message edited by: Amanda Lynn Covington ]</font>
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A whiskey laced voice was speaking into the phone..Slowly so that the drunken man would understand this time, however, the wind outside was doing a number with the connection so only a few words might have been caught. "Horses at the ranch, mighty windy, Man injured." Then the line went dead.
Mackenzy was plunging a finger into his free ear to block out the noise of the tavern's crowd and heading for the porch where it was hopefully more peaceful. He stumbled as his sneaker caught on the gradual incline of the entryway and his phone slide from lifeless fingers. Horses. Wind. Injury. Nononono...! He strived for calm. But the voice had said man down. Yes, content yourself with that fact cowboy.
Pushing away towards the parking lot and sucking in at the corner of his lower lip to nibble thoughtfully before releasing. He sat in the cabin of his truck for several moment before turning over the ignition and peeling away. The Ford cornering as though on rails.
Please, no. God, no.
He didn't know exactly where the prayer had arose from but he was whispering the mantra again and again as the beat-up truck jostled the few blocks towards his grounds, the sprawling ranch just a skip, hop and throw away from the popular tavern.
Gravel crunched and flew in all wild directions as he eased into the drive, killing the engine and angling out of the driver's side, nearly stumbling over his own feet as he hastened in the direction of the stables.
A man is injured.The words repeated like a drumbeat in his brain but he knew...he knew.
And when he rounded the corner and saw the victim pale and unconscious with a sizable lump knotting along a tumble of honey gold, that's when his heart dropped out completely.
"Mandah," he was nearly robbed of all breath and crumbling to his knees at her side, reaching to thread his fingers through hers and alarmed by how chilled her flesh felt against his own. He rubbed briskly at her numbed extremities with both his hands, swallowing her fragile palm easily within the grasp.
"What the hell, happened here? I don't care who starts speaking but someone better damn well start, now."
He was so not ready for this. In the midst of everything that had happened lately, he didn't want to have to put a label on any feelings attached to this woman beyond mere friendship and commraderie. But seeing the horse trainer so still and heartbreakingly vulnerable had shattered him somewhere deep inside. Like a door closing that he had never known had even opened.
And the resounding thud that ensued was actually the crazy thudding rhythm of his heart.
He didn't want for any answers, as the onlookers seemed only able to gawk and hold their hats uncertainly within their clenched fists.
"Mandy? C'mon, baby wake up for me." Baby?
He hadn't even realised he had uttered the endearment, the fear had latched on tightly to his throat, constricting it with unshed tears. One's he had held at bay from just awhile earlier during his heart-to-heart with Jack.
He patted her cheek as though to rouse her from a deep slumber. Please.
Deciding upon a different tactic, he slipped into
'I'm older than you so you should do what I say' mode. Just like when they were kids.
"I swear, I can't leave you alone for a few days without you getting into some form of trouble, ehh kiddo?" His voice held a tremor he couldn't quite disguise and his hand wavered as he pushed away a matted gnarl of blonde from her cheek.
Oh, God. Blood. He stared at his palm as though he couldn't seem to wrap his mind around what he was seeing.
And then he really began to pray.
<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 26, 2004 10:06 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>