NOVA: s01e01 (Part 1)

[ROCStorm]

THE FIVE COUNT BLOG
REPORT: NOVA ? SEASON 1, EPISODE 1 RESULTS

From the NOVArena
Report by ROCStorm


Hello wrestling fans. This is ROCStorm from The Five Count Blog. I will be covering the New Organization of Vicious Angels (or NOVA) for the Five Count Blog. NOVA is my dream come true. Put all the women I have watched on tv, movies and music videos for years and put them in the ring, and let them go at it! Of course, I would have named it FWA or ASFW or something cooler like that. NOVA is broadcast only on PPV, and I will be reporting on these cards as they come in. So far, the schedule shows one event every week but that is subject to change. NOVA stated that they put higher priority on studio scheduling and tour dates so cards are REALLY subject to change.

This is the first part of the results that include Matches 1 through 5. The second part (matches 6 to 9) of this report will be posted sometime tomorrow and will include the results of the NOVA world championship match.

[ROCStorm]

Packed house. Finally, a bunch of pretty women trying to wrestle without the name of David McLane being thrown around. Dammit, he's the commentator and there's Lee Marshall too. Just kidding. Our commentators are Kevin Curry and Rachel Bonney. No clue who they are but Rachel is apparently our resident heel color commentatoR. I usually ignore them unless they have something important to say. It's not as cheesy as I expected but they're still bad. We're starting things off immediately with a six woman tag match.

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Six Woman Tag Match:
Jennifer Love Hewitt, Kristen Bell, and Lacey Chabert vs. Christine Lakin, Kirsten Storms, and Renee Olstead

Six women + one referee = Good Luck

Kirsten Storms and Lacey Chabert are starting things off. Kirsten is taking quick advantage of her speed. Looks like Lacey wasn't expecting that. Kirsten nearly ended it quickly with a spear to Lacey's gut but Hewitt had to come in to make the save. Storms is contining to dominated Lacey. She's throwing her around the ring like a ragdoll. Lacey's trying to tag out but Kirsten is wisely keeping her away from her corner. That'll do it. Lacey just poked her in the eye. That got her enough time to make the tag. Love (note: she likes to be called Love, not Jennifer, though I'd rather call her ?My Love?) came in but Kirsten lifted her up into a fireman's carry. Holy Crap! She just countered with an air raid crash. Who taught her that?! Lakin had to make the save this time. Love's got Kirsten isolated in their corner. They're showing they don't care about rules. Renee and Christine tried to enter the ring but the ref stopped them. When will wrestlers learn that's not the right thing to do? Love just hit Kirsten with a springboard moonsault. Nice agility but Kirsten kicked out after only a 1 count. Kirsten's showing she has a lot of heart left in her. Love sent her into the ropes but missed with a clothesline. Kirsten launched herself and knocked her down with a big shoulderblock. Both women down. Kirsten's trying to crawl over for the tag. Love's got her by the leg, and dragged her back to the middle of the ring. So much for that. Wait! Kirsten just kicked herself free! There's the tag to Lakin! Christine's going to town on Hewitt, and now Lacey and a big right for Kristen Bell (Kirsten, Kristen...I'm gonna have to use their last names.) Renee and Christine threw Hewitt into the ropes, and connected with a double back elbow. Love's begging for mercy, and I don't blame her. Christine just punched Love over the tope rope. Is that a dq in this league? Apparently not. Lakin's going after Love. She just threw her into the guardrail. Ouch! Christine sent Love back into the ring. Love just caught her with knee to the head. That gave her a chance to tag back out to her partner. Bell wanted the tag but Love went to Lacey instead. Hmmm. Lacey got a few licks in but it looks like the she's the one that's become the human punching bag. If she starts wearing a yankees cap and wears a dirty torn up t-shirt, I'll be upset (ed note ? ha ha brooklyn brawler reference). Lakin's nailed her with a nice hurricanrana but only got a 2. Lakin tagged out to Renee Olstead. Bell tried to come in from behind but Storms caught her. Renee went for a rolling cradle but still couldn't hold her shoulders down long enough for the win. The crowd was really starting to get into it now. Renee and Lacey are trading punches. Renee's got her staggering, and took her down a nice clothesline. A pin attempt but Lacey's in the ropes. Christine's tagged back in. They're going for a double backdrop. Yeah, saw that coming. Lacey planted a foot right upside their heads. Double noggin-knocker time! Kristen Bell's finally in. Lacey and Bell started to double-team up on Christine but K-Storm isn't having that. (Nice nick, huh? I'm gonna use that from now on.) K-Storm came in, took Lacey out from behind, and knocked Love off the apron. K-Storm and Christine took K-Bell down with a double clothesline. (ed note: K-Bell? No!) Christine hit a Frankensteiner but Hewitt was able to come back in to break up the pin attempt just in time. Lakin tagged out to Olstead. They missed with a double elbowsmash. Bell knocked them both down with a clothesline. Bell's already trying to tag out. What a wimp! Renee blocked her, and put on a front facelock. She not close enough to make the tag but Love & Lacey came in to break the hold. Now we have all six women in the ring. We all knew it would happen sooner or later. Renee's got Bell up, and chopped her across the chest. ?WOOO!? goes the crowd! Bell's got some massive chops. They're leaving marks on the redhead's chest. was able to get the advantage, and took Olstead down with a Russian legsweep. Both women are really starting to show their exhaustion. Renee's got Bell in a small package but there's no referee. She's trying to break up the melee between Storms and Chabert. Finally she sees it, and Bell kicks out after a one count! That had to be at least 7 or 8 seconds. Renee's setting her up for a spear but Bell pulled Love right in front of her! WTF! Hewitt took the full blunt of that spear! Bell just hit a Lung Blower on Renee. One, two, three! It's over just like that!

Winners: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Kristen Bell and Lacey Chabert (Lung Blower by Bell to Olstead at 15:08)
Rating: ***

Another note: What a starting matchup. Interesting note after the match, though. While Lacey checked on Love, Kristen Bell's celebrating on the turnbuckles shouting ?I did it!? She seems to not even care about Love!

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Tag Match:
Amanda Bynes and Evan Rachel Wood vs. Brittany Snow and Vanessa Lengies

Right off the bat, Amanda and Evan are yelling at each other over who's going to start the match. How are these people being teamed up with each other? At least Brit & Vanessa seem to get along. They seem to be too giddy though. Typical babyfaces, I guess. Brittany and Evan are starting things off now. Evan's taking early control of the match. She's got a black belt in tae-kwan-do but she seems to be content with actual wrestling now. Evan tagged out to Amanda. She held Brittany ribs open for a swift kick that sent the blonde down. Amanda tagged Evan back in. Why were they arguing so much? They seem to know tagging really well. Evan missed a dropkick. Brittany tagged out to Vanessa. They go for a backdrop but Evan rams their heads together. All four women are in the ring now, and Amanda and Evan are really taking it to their opponents. They knock both girls down a set of double elbows. Amanda tossed Brittany out of the ring like she was nothing. Evan went back to mat wrestling. She's trying to keep them grounded so they won't use their speed. Evan tagged out to Amanda again. This time they just pound on Vanessa in the corner. Brittany came in and took out Evan. They're brawling outside. Meanwhile Vanessa is getting a little payback on Amanda. Vanessa tries to whip her cross-corner but Amanda reversed it. She went charging in but Vanessa moved out of the way, and she hit nothing but ringpost! The look on Amanda's face said it all! Vanessa's smart. She's going after that shoulder. Vanessa dropped a knee across her arm, and went for the cover but only got a two count. Vanessa's continuing to work on that arm. Amanda's pleading for help. Evan tries to come in but Brittany blocks her. They're going at it again. Finally, Amanda just rakes Vanessa's eyes. Amanda just sucker punched her good measure before tagging out to Evan. Amanda tells Evan to get in there but Evan refuses. The two start arguing again before Brittany and Vanessa pull them both in. All four women are brawling in the ring. Amanda just tossed Brittany over the top rope! I don't think the ref saw that! Evan planted Vanessa with Samoan drop. The lackadaisical cover only nets her a two count, though. Evan's getting too cocky. She tosses Vanessa outside the ring where Amanda is. Evan just rammed Vanessa head first into the steps. Amanda did the same to Brittany. Now they're going back and forth, and they're STILL arguing! The referee is counting but it don't seem to matter. Amanda and Evan seem to be more worried about who can bust open their girl first. There's the bell. The ring announcer just said that both teams were counted out. Now they're screaming at each other again. I'm getting the idea we won't be seeing much of these two together again. They're still more interested in beating on Brittany and Vanessa than each other though. Poor kids. Finally, some help comes out. Christine Lakin and Kirsten Storms come to their aid and chase Evan and Amanda off. What is with these two?

Match results in a draw (double countout at 8:45)
Rating: * 1/2

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Singles Match:
Michelle Trachtenberg vs. Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett's dominating this match from the get-go. She's got two or three near pinfall attempts early on. The girl's got some agility hitting Michelle with Frankensteiners and ranas. Michelle's trying to fight back but everything she does Scarlett just has a counter for. She's just using her as a sparring partner. That last kick to the head probably just knocked her out. She's not going for the pin, though, and that could cost her later on. Oh, yes! She just nailed her with Sliced bread #2. If you don't know what that is...check it out on youtube. That was impressive! Michelle had a brief moment of offense punching back but Scarlett connected with a spinning heel kick. Scarlett hit her with a senton but amazingly Michelle kicked out at 2. Michelle's still trying to fight back but Scarlett's get full control of her. Wait a minute! Michelle hit a Frankensteiner out of nowhere and barely missed the 3 count before Scarlett kicked loose. They're fighting back and forth again. Trachtenberg's showing her own agility playing Scarlett's high flying game of rana takedowns. Michelle misses with a clothesline. Scarlett missed with a clothesline. They knocked each other down with a clothesline. The crowd seems to be more into it than I am but oh, well. Scarlett's the first to get up. She's got Michelle on the top turnbuckle, and takes her down with yet another Frankensteiner. Michelle's out cold. One, two, three! No! She kicked out! Scarlett can't believe it, and neither can I. Scarlett claims that's it. She misses with a clothesline but connects with a DVD. Wow! A standing star press! Scarlett goes for the pin, and gets her! The crowd really got behind both girls. Scarlett helped Michelle up, and raised her hand as a sign of respect. Oh, my God! She just nailed her with a clothesline! So much for respect. Scarlett just spat on Michelle's face! Scarlett planted a foot on Michelle's chest, and posed to the crowd. I don't know what they're jerring about but that's kinda hot.q

Winner: Scarlett Johansson (Standing Star Press at 8:48)
Rating: ***

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Tag Match:
The Slayers (Eliza Dushku & Sarah Michelle Gellar) vs. SXE (Larisa Oleynik & Melissa Joan Hart)

The night of reunions continue. Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy) and Eliza Dushku (Faith) are reunited as The Slayers. Wow! They really look like they've been working out. Eliza wants a mic. She gets one but she seems to be at a loss for words. Interesting. She gives the mic to Gellar who also seems to be having trouble. What's going on here? Finally, Dushku takes the mic back, and says ?Just get your asses out here!? Damn! She's pissed. Melissa Joan Hart and Larisa Oleynik come down to the ring. Apparently, they are know as SXE and...are they holding hands? I like where this is going! MJ holds the ropes open for Larisa, and Larisa returns the favor. Larisa asks for another mic, and tells The Slayers that the offer still stands. She just shrugs her shoulders, and says that's fine with them. Larisa goes over to MJ and they......LESBIANS!!!! Suddenly, I hate The Slayers. How dare they interrupt lesbianism! Gellar and Dushku are putting a big hurting on SXE. They try to throw them into each other but Larisa ducks, and MJ hits Eliza with a flying crossbody. The ref counts: one, two...but Dushku kicked out. Did the match officially start yet? I guess so. I didn't hear a bell. MJ just ran right into a back elbow to jaw. Eliza's slowly wearing down MJ and picking her apart. She makes sure Larisa sees everything they do to her. I wouldn't piss her off like that! Eliza just methodically dropped MJ's neck across her shoulder. She's hurting bad. She went for cover but pulled her up by the hair after a one count. MJ's got too much heart (no puns) in her anyway to let that beat her. MJ's trying to fight her way out of their corner but Eliza tags out to Sarah. They took her down with three...count them: three big double clotheslines. MJ can hardly breathe. Gellar refuses to go for the pin though as she yanks the blonde up by the hair. Sarah attempted a possible atomic drop or something but MJ flipped over and shoved Sarah right into Eliza. MJ ran over and make the tag to her partner who was all willing to make her presence known. Note to self: don't make these girls mad! Larisa jabbed away at Sarah's cheek sending her into a daze. Larisa wound up her arm but before she could connect, Eliza nailed her from the side. All four girls were beating away at each other Larisa and Eliza exchanged numerous blows while Sarah and MJ tussled on the mat, and then outside the ring. Sarah finally mounted MJ and clocked her with several right hands to the temple. She told the time keeper to get out of the way. Sarah grabbed his chair, and waited for MJ to get up. As she went to nail her, the chair was suddenly grabbed away from her. Kirsten smacked her upside the head, and the bell sounded. The referee awarded the match to The Slayers. Kirsten even went after the referee and chased her from the ring. MJ reentered the ring where they at least celebrated the moral victory. They're about to kiss again, and...WTF! They cut away to a commercial?!

Winners: The Slayers (DQ at 6:29)
Rating: *

Buy NOVA on DVD and Blu-Ray uncensored? Damn them!