Philosophy

[Nexxus]

"I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms."
Stephen Wright

"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on
Me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on
Satan.'"
John Wing

"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'"
Francois Morency

"The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a
twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out
there.
Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the
computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'"
Rich Jeni

"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
Tim Steeves

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane:
Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
Rich Jeni

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading."
Emo Philips

"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the
natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
Emo Philips

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
'Thyroid problem?'"
Emo Philips

"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're
in."
Rich Jeni

"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by
a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot."
Kevin James

"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment
turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."
Emo Philips

"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in
poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are
apparently
doing quite well for themselves."
Emo Philips

[Terygon]

That's the problem with the 'kill everybody' plan. You just never know."
Andre the Jagermonster BWO Phil Folgio