I'm not old..I'm just angry...

**macy^** · December 12th, 2002, 11:15 PM

When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But....

Now that I've reached the ripe old age of thirty-one, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so fuckin' easy!

I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a goddamned Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet--we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves!

And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen!-- and then you had to walk all the way across the
street and put it in the fuckin' mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and fuck it all up!

You want to hear about hardship?

You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless Dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! It was either that or jackoff to the lingerie section of the JC Penney catalog!

Those were your options!

We didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the Phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!

Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat infront of you, you were fucked!

And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning... ...D'ya hear what the fuck I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy

You're spoiled, I swear to God! You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1987!

<font color="#00FF00" size="1">[ December 12, 2002 07:20 PM: Message edited by: macy^ ]</font>

**SmokinLizzies** · December 12th, 2002, 11:57 PM

I'm 23, and I rememeber 1987. Back then, I was into Tranformers, G.I. Joe and played the first Mario bros all day. I think TMNT came out around then too.

(If you don't know what TMNT stands for, you're too young.)

**macy^** · December 12th, 2002, 11:57 PM

yup...I'm angry....so I do things like this to make myself feel better...yes, it's long...but pretending you're too busy to read it won't work...I know you're all addicted.

entertainment in Walmart..
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"

6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms

9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "sex and candy"

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all on and turn the volumes to "10".

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible."

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

46. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

47. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

49. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."

52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles

53. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

54. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

55. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

56. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

57. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."

58. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

59. Redress the mannequins as you see fit.

60.When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

61.Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

62.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 63. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. 64. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

65. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

66. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

67. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

68. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it!

69. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming "

sorry Ray...I was bored...*smooch

**JC Z28 LS1** · December 13th, 2002, 01:10 AM

I'm 24, and I remember 1987 too, and i was probably playing the first mario bros all day too, just like any other typical 9 year old at the time...
If I ever have kids, by the time they're my age, what they have available to them will probably be twice as great as what we have now...and the same for their kids, and so on and so on....Welcome to life Macy^ [img]smile.gif[/img]
If anything, i won't be givin em a speech about "you kids have it so easy!" Instead, i'll be right next to em, playing the newest games of modern tech., and i'll probably play with all the high tech crap they have at the time more then they do! That's just how i am..

Ray Ray · December 13th, 2002, 08:47 AM

well when my kids are runnin round with high technology .. il be mean an nasty an bye em a rubix cube .. maybe a jigsaw aswell ... and for christmas il dig out an old atari 2600 ... i remember them shits macy .. them ataris were the fuckin bees knees in there day .. i was only realy young when i got mine but even at that age it still gave me a stiffy! i had some kung fu game or somethin where this little white stick man (the person) would fight red stick men .. i ruled that game!

but its not as easy as ya say ... i still have to work dont i! [img]frown.gif[/img] ... when i dont have ta work i'l be happy .. but still get money for doin jack shit! .. maybe fuck money off .. its a pain in the ass .. you couldnt replace things in the future by the way with robots cause then everyone wouldnt have a job an then no one would be able to afford the shit that these robots are makin (dont ask me where that came from im tired an it just came into my head so i put it in there)

other things to do in a clothes shop is you know the plastic models of men an women they put clothes an all on? .. you start suckin the nipples or feelin the ass ... people look at ya all funny ... but just carry it on for a couple a mins .. an if that werent enough ... dont hide the fact you have a stiffy from doin it (well i get a stiffy anyway)

also take all ya shit to the counter to pay an when there half way through scannin it .. just bail out

but we are kinda spoiled .. i mean back in macys century i bet they didnt have the plastic models in clothes shops did they? .. they had to hire people to stand dead still for 8 hours .. while little snotty wanker kids are proddin em .. or at check outs you used calculators .. an have to start it again if ya got it wrong!
you sound like my gramps an paps macy *L ..

*old farts voice - when i were a lad there was no such things as contriception .. we used to have to wrap stingin nettles round our cocks .. so think ya self lucky young man

good points though macy .. i like been spoiled [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Jokes of the day

1) i wont realy get my kids a rubix cube
2) i dont realy get a stiffy when i feel up the plastic models
3) "back in macys century" *L . sos .. i couldnt miss that out

smooch

**macy^** · December 13th, 2002, 09:45 AM

*in one hand I hold a sign that says "The older the grape the sweeter the wine" and extends the middle finger of the other hand in the general direction of Ray...sweet smile*

JC...lighten up shooger britches...*winks