It ain't gonna be purdy

[Lon Frank]

It's been a busy morning here. Putting plywood on the windows, storing lawn furniture and pot plants, getting gas and water and propane. It looks like Lili is going ashore just tho the east of us, but it didn't take the northward turn until just in the last few minutes. For the last two days, every time they showed it's projected path, the line ended exactly on my back porch.

We're about 20 miles inland, and about 30 miles west of the Louisiana border. But, of course, we are in the bayou country, even outside of the flood gates for Port Arthur. They called for a voluntary evacuation at 6:00 this morning, and I think we are the only ones left in the neighborhood.

I've stuck out a couple of these before, but I know that a big storm surge would put water in our house. If Lili goes to the east, we will probably be OK, if it doesn't turn, or if it wobbles west, we're done for. Our main cabin is raised four feet, but the guest house where one son lives is only two feet up. Also, the two houses down the street, in one of which the other son lives, are about four feet lower overall than we are. A ten foot storm surge would do us quite a lot of damage, even if we didn't loose the roof to wind. We've also got 24 large windows in the main house alone.

We are going to wait until we see what it looks like tomorrow morning before we try to leave. The highways are bumper-to-bumper now and have been all morning, moving at about 10 mph. Being caught in gridlock for 18 hours is not my idea of a smart thing to do. I do have the motorhome loaded up, extra gas and the tow car hooked up behind, so if we decide to run, all we'll have to do is load the pets and go. I imagine we'll know about 2 am, and the roads should be clearer by then, anyhow.

I hate to leave, but I know we'll at least loose power for a couple of days, and it's still in the 80's here this time of year. Two days without air conditioning is not fun. I imagine we would camp in the motorhome and run the genset and it's AC.

Anyhow, I'll let you know, but I might not get back on line with the story for a while. I'm on a borrowed connection right now, as my normal server has started moving their equipment to higher ground.

To any of you over towards New Orleans, Vermillion Bay or New Ibearia, I wish you well, and be safe.

Lon

It just went to catagory 4, and it still has 400 miles of warm gulf water to cross before it gets here- not pretty at all!

[Lon Frank]

Just got this email from a friend in Houston:

Houston Hurricane Season Notes

We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're
going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar
blob
out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological points:

(1) There is no need to panic.

(2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Houston. If you're new
to
the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the
possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one.'' Based on our experiences,
we
recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness
plan:

STEP 1.

Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three
days.

STEP 2.

Put these supplies into your car.

STEP 3.

Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this
sensible
plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Houston. We'll start with
one
of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE:

If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this
insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic
requirements:

(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in South Houston, or any other area
that
might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer
not
to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay
YOU
money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business
in
the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance
company,
which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to
the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop
you
like used dental floss. Since Hurricane Georges, I have had an estimated
27
different home-insurance companies.

This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a
policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are
entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.

SHUTTERS:

Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the
doors,
and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several
types
of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:

Plywood shutters:
The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The
disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.

Sheet-metal shutters:
The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The
disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless
bleeding stumps, and it will be December.

Roll-down shutters:
The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely
protect
your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to
pay
for them.

"Hurricane-proof'' windows:
These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like
ordinary
windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this,
because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.

HURRICANE PROOFING YOUR PROPERTY:

As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like
barbecue
grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc. You should, as
a
precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a
swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the
hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE:

If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route
planned
out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your
driver's
license; if it says "Houston,'' you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose
of
having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a
major
storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several
miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other
evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES:

If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them
now!
Houston tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute,
then
go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who
gets
the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and water, you will need the
following supplies:

23 flashlights and at least $167 worth of batteries that as it turns out,
when
the power goes off, are all the wrong sizes for the flashlights.

Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)

A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.

A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a
hurricane, but it looks cool.)

A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody
who
went through Betsy; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)

$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can
buy a
generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near,
it is
vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your
television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to
the
ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody
to
stay away from the ocean.

Good luck, and remember: It's great living in Paradise!

[FrmlyZ]

Lon:

The last that I saw from the NHC [30 min ago] included the projection that it would remain a hurricane as "fur" north as Red Stick, if not further.

Take Care:

Z

[Uncle Deedah]

Lon,

Been thinking about you all day, and was going to post a note here to you. Just want you to know I'll keep you in my prayers and thoughts.

The hurricane prep list is pretty funny, but the real thing isn't so humorous. One thing was missing though, a good 12 gauge shotgun should be included, just think back to Andrew.

Hmmm, on second thought, maybe that's only needed in Florida, LA may be a bit more civilized.

Awaiting your safe return to the forum,

Unk

[Lon Frank]

Hi Unk! I figgered you would be sweatin' it out for me. They just down-graded out status to 50-60 mph winds and little rain. Of course, the west side is the one to be on in a storm like this, and I think the wind will help keep any surge from coming up the bayou into the kitchen.

There's only two other geezers sticking it out in the neighborhood, but I think now, we may stay too. I hate to fight traffic, and all those folks gotta come back home (all at once, generally)

I do feel sorry for our neighbors over in New Iberia and Grand Isle, though. It looks grim for that area. A lot of houses won't be there when the sun rises on Friday, I think.

Anyhow, I'll keep you all informed, but if I should get drownded, it'll be a while before I get back on line. :?)

[Aunt Bee]

Dearest Lon,

My thoughts and prayers will be with you and yours my friend! May you and your loved ones come through unscathed from this beast of mother nature!

Please let us know you are ok, ok?

Hugs to you!~(((((Lon)))))

Abie

[larsguy]

Stupid question: if you had a houseboat, would that make it easier to ride out the storm? Good luck.

Hurricanes vs tornadoes? I don't know.

[Nunna Ya]

Unk, what's the story with the shotguns and Andrew please?

[Pammy]

Looters, Nunna Ya.

Lon, glad the worst will miss you. Where is Cynthia? Poor thing! Welcome to Louisiana. I bet Iowa looks pretty good right now?

[Lon Frank]

Well, it's first light, and we're still here. Getting a little breeze and we've had two little rain showers in the night. I guess we missed a bullet again. I'm glad I guessed right, but I could just have easily been dead wrong.

The worst thing about hurricanes is that you have to get out and board up the windows two days before it might reach you. And two days before a hurricane is normally 90 degree temps with 110% humidity. I'd do it again, though, if a class 4 storm was coming.

The weather channel guys did an excellent job, this time. While the local guys were gining crazy, the NHC folks were predicting the northward turn that Lili took yesterday afternoon.

Speaking of local weathermen, I heard some really dumb stuff this time. One said (with wide eyes and that listen-to-me-or-die look) not to head west without a full tank, because you could not get off the interstate before the first Houston exit. The first Houston exit is less than 30 miles. I also heard a weather channel guy say (while he stood in all his heavy weather gear, with kids walking by in shorts and t-shirts) that you MUST take lots of cash with you, because if the power is out, the gas pumps would not take your credit card. I guess he was talking about that Amish gas station where they still work the pump by hand.

Anyway, it looks like we won't be affected at all, and I thank everyone for thinking about us. Now, I think I'll get the wheelbarrow and stroll the deserted neighborhood. The missus has a birthday coming up and wants a new TV.


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