Dark Shadow Hanging Over Everything

**Rogue Angel** · April 2nd, 2007, 01:59 AM

this is somewhat like being on a rollercoaster... i feel vaguely like i might vomit, and just as soon as i get used to climbing the hill, i go screaming down the other side.

My dad was supposed to be ok. I don't know whether he is or not now. and neither does anyone else. i don't trust anyone to know anything about ANYTHING. He started out having a stomach virus. then changing to bowel obstruction. back to virus.

meanwhile, during his stomach x-ray, they thought they saw some "spots" on his back... they saw them again when they did his CT scan. Now they want to do an MRI. These "spots" we have FINALLY been informed, are lesions. Possibly cancer. If so, i would say metastasis from somewhere else, probably colon or stomach. He went for the MRI tonight. We will find out tomorrow. All i can do is sit and wait. and pace. and wait some more... and fucking wait wait wait WAIT until i am so fucking sick i wanna vomit. After 4 or 5 days, it was nice of them to finally tell us they think he might have cancer. I don't need to tell anyone in the medical field that 9 1/2 times out of 10, by the time you start to have symptoms or pain with cancer. it is far too late to do anything about it. I have been bothered ever since the incident where he went to the bathroom and there was all kinds of blood. that is a sign or symptom of cancer. When they found the "spots" on the x-ray... i was already thinking it... i am just very good at denial.... i'm afraid. more afraid than i have been of anything in a long, long time. it's selfish, in a way... i lost too much in the past year. i don't want to lose anyone else i love....

*sighs*... i don't even know what i'm talking about anymore, i just go in circles as everything goes around and around in my head... [img]frown.gif[/img] there's nothing i can do. i can't fix things... i can't make anything happen... i can't keep anything from happening... all i can do is wait some more...

**Rogue Angel** · April 2nd, 2007, 02:03 AM

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. *kicks*

**wildnthewind** · April 2nd, 2007, 02:44 AM

[img]graemlins/boy_hug.gif[/img] Hang in there, they need you to be strong... (easier said than done) I'm with ya kiddo.. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

**Rogue Angel** · April 2nd, 2007, 02:55 AM

thank you.... [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

**Lost in time** · April 2nd, 2007, 06:05 AM

heads up be strong girl your parents needs you to be strong [img]smile.gif[/img] *hugs*

**The Reverend Dark Angel** · April 2nd, 2007, 10:43 AM

It's rough. Both of my parents had cancer. One died and one's still kicking. When you're on the sidelines and all you can do is watch it damn near drives you insane. But you have to keep hoping for the best. That's just the smartest and strongest thing you can do at that time. Sometimes it get's really bad to the point where all you want to do is strangle someone, but you have to maintain control. Keeping emotions subdued and being strong let's them see that you believe everything will be okay. And from your belief they'll believe that they will be okay. And willpower is a powerful weapon.

**demon chloe** · April 2nd, 2007, 12:02 PM

[img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

good thoughts my friend..... [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

**petenv** · April 2nd, 2007, 03:03 PM

Gives RA a big hug.

**BlackMagicRose** · April 2nd, 2007, 03:12 PM

The only thing I hang onto with Grandma and her colon cancer is that there is so much more they can do for everything now than even a few years ago. Just try and stay strong and look things up through google if you aren't sure. I have found a lot of really good information just surfing websites about cancer and how it can be treated and the stages and whatnot. Granted it is the worst possible disease out there but there is still A LOT that can be done to treat it. *HUGGGGSSSS* And if you need to talk...you know where to find me. [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]