uhhh has Mama read these??? [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
Scientists have discovered a new food that lowers the female sex drive: wedding cake.
The shortest sentence in the English language is "I am".
The longest sentence is "I do".
It is MUCH better to buy a dog than it is to get married.
After a year a dog is still excited to see you.
Very few things upset my wife. It makes me feel SO special to be one of them.
After 12 years in prison, a man finally escapes. When he arrives at home, exhausted, filthy and starved his wife says "Where have you been? You escaped 8 hours ago".
Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight".
Husband: "Sounds great. If you get home before I do leave the light on".
A man walked into a supermarket and bought a loaf of bread, a pint of milk and a frozen dinner for one. The woman at the checkout counter said "You're single aren't you"?
The man said "Yes, how could you tell"?
The woman said "Because you're ugly".
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HOW'S THAT HOPE AND CHANGE WORKING OUT FOR YA ??????
uhhh has Mama read these??? [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
shhhhhhhhhhh.
She's asleep [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
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HOW'S THAT HOPE AND CHANGE WORKING OUT FOR YA ??????
yeah you sneak off while she is asleep [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] cause you don't want mama to whoop up on you
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
[img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
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HOW'S THAT HOPE AND CHANGE WORKING OUT FOR YA ??????
What do Kentuckians use for a vibrator?
Pop bottle with a june bug inside.
Did you know you could get pregnant from anal sex?
Thats how lawyers are born.
[img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
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HOW'S THAT HOPE AND CHANGE WORKING OUT FOR YA ??????
Hey that's uncalled for I live in KY! [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
Hey you all know why the birds fly upside down across VT campus don't ya there's nothing worth shitting on! [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
free like OJ all day
A man is sitting on a public toilet when the guy next to him says, " Hey, how are you doing?"
"Umm, fine" answers the man
"What are you up to?" ask the other guy
"I'm traveling!" answers the man
"Mind if I stop over?"
"What? Why in the hell would you do that?" Says the man
"Hey, I'll have to call you back" says the other guy. "The dip [censored] in the next stall keeps talking to me."
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A man comes home from work, sits down in his favorite chair, turns on the tv, and says to his wife "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts." She's confused but she brings him a beer anyways.
The guy chugs down the beer and says "Quick, bring me a cold one. It's about to start." His wife is starting to get mad, but she goes gets him another beer.
"One more before it starts." the husband yells out after finishing off the second one.
"That's it!" His wife yells back. "I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long. Then you waltz in here, sit your fat arse down, and except me to run around like your slave. If you think that's how it works, well you've got another thing coming mister."
"Damn," mutters the husband "It started"
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What does Viagra and Disney World have in common?
Both make you stand around and wait hour for a two minute ride.
"Freedom is not free, it requires great sacrafice. The price is paid in blood."
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