Joke

The_Sage · January 30th, 2006, 09:04 PM

Did you hear about the flasher that was contemplating retirement?
He decided to STICK it out one more year !!!!!!

**R0cketer** · January 30th, 2006, 09:13 PM

Ooooh Booo boooo lol

**NotSoSilentBob** · January 31st, 2006, 07:30 AM

A man walks into a bar.

And hit his head.

Two men walk into a bar.

Gee, you would have thought they would have learned not to walk into a bar after seeing the first guy.

**NotSoSilentBob** · January 31st, 2006, 07:41 AM

So a man, his wife, their son (11) and daughter(14), and their dog walk into a talent agent's office.

Man says to the talent agent, "Boy have we got a great act for you. A real family act!"

Agent says, "Well, what is it? Give me a preview. I'm not too keen on family acts."

So the family huddles up for a moment and then comes out singing Toto's 'Africa' and doing an African tribal dance, complete with masks and spears.

The son and daughter continue to dance, the dog jumps around on it's hind legs barking in time with the song. Mom and dad take off all their clothes and start [censored] right there on the floor of the agent's office.

After a minute or two of that, dad lies on his back and mom squats over his face and drops a big [censored] in his mouth. He chews up the [censored] and then vomits in the floor. Mom gets on her hands and knees and starts licking it up.

At that point the son starts [censored] his mom in the [censored]. Really pounding her. Dad grabs the daughter and starts eating her out. Daughter grabs the dog and shoves it onto her dad's [censored].

After five minutes of that, they switch up. Daughter is [censored] son, mother is [censored] dog, and dad is sucking his own [censored].

Then they form a circle around the dog and [censored] all over it. A golden shower for poochie. Then dad pulls out an 8" chef's knife and slits the dog from neck to nuts. The family converges on the dog and proceeds to eat every single inch of it's intestines.

So the four of them are covered in [censored], [censored], vomit, [censored], and the bodily fluids of the dog. The break the circle singing 'Endless Love' and bow to the agent.

The agent, nearly hysterical, says, "Wow, that's some act! What do you call yourselves?"

In unison, the family replies, "THE ARISTOCRATS!!!"

The_Sage · February 1st, 2006, 08:00 AM

Jon was looking for a little "action". He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room.
Little did he know she was [censored] near a nymphomaniac.

After six times she was screaming for more. After the *eighth*
time Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.

On the way out he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic that he couldn't find "it".

After a couple of minutes "fishing around" he finally said, "Look, it's ok. She's not here!"

**1inStripes** · February 1st, 2006, 09:10 AM

In a recent interview with the media, New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin was asked his opinion on Roe vs. Wade.

Mr. Nagin replied, "It doesn't matter to me which way our residents get back to their homes!" [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

**OAR** · February 27th, 2006, 04:29 PM

how to make a redneck whirlpool: Set in the tub, fart while splashing histerically, then try to bite the bubbles

This is called Bubble Bobbing

**steer** · March 5th, 2006, 04:29 AM

A Catholic Nun was teaching a class one day and asked all the students what they wanted to be. Three in particular raised their hands, and stated what they wanted to be. First, little johnny wanted to be a fireman, because that's what his dad was! Secondly, Mikey wanted to be a preacher, which the Nun praised, and said that's a great profession! Then there was a little girl, Mary!, she stood up and said I want to be a PROSTITUTE!... as soon as she said it the Nun fainted! All the little children got scared, and didn't have any idea what to do. But after a few minutes, they finally woke up the Nun.. and asked what was wrong, and she said, Mary, what did you say you wanted to be, and she said I WANT TO BE A PROSTITUTE!, the Nun said "OH, THANK GOD, I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO BE A PROTESTANT! [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

A little religious humor!