OT-Taking offense

[mayergirl]

The problem is not that I'm interested in saying anything that pops into my head, the problem is that instead of the metaphorical "ouch" you spoke of, I was confronted with a condemnation for stepping on someone's toes, and it's not the first time. It's one thing to say privately, "hey, I know you didn't intend to insult anyone, 'cause you wouldn't do that, but this bothers me, and I'd appreciate it if you would respect me, and I'll try to do the same for you." It's something else entirely to be publicly condemned for such a small offense, and that's why I brought it up. I'm not trying to be melodramatic or anything like that, I'm trying to point out that if I am going to avoid saying certain things, I expect the same courtesy from others.

[rachie421]

Amen to that.

I know we might not all be adults on here, but I think most of us should have the common sense and mature state of mind to pm someone if we are upset rather 'letting it all out' for everyone to see on the board. Its like those annoying cell phone users who get into a fight with whoever on the phone in the middle of the hallway when classes are in session so its extra loud. No one wants to hear it. If you're upset, stay calm and take it outside. Or in the message board world, tell the person privately. Its sort of the same thing [img]wink.gif[/img] Or maybe Im just ranting cuz over this drama queen who annoyed me today...

Either way, I agree with you Mayergirl [img]smile.gif[/img]

[[email protected]]

Ok, Mayergirl, so you can PM her now and apologize for what hurt her, and tell her what hurt you.

And Startrekcaptain, you can apologize for what hurt her, and tell her what hurt you.

None of us is perfect, and we will all hurt someone sometime. Our job is then to really, really hear what hurt and be honestly sorry about that, apologize, and move on.

We don't need to win, we don't need to be better than the other person, we don't need to be right. We just need to find compassionate, empathetic ways to occupy this world together.

Can we do that now, and move on?
Joy

<font color="#051E50" size="1">[ December 06, 2005 08:57 PM: Message edited by: djsnjones ]</font>

[carolinapooh]

Please, people. Sometimes this stuff goes too far.

I don't "know" mayergirl, but I KNOW her well enough to feel confident enough to say she would never intentionally stomp on someone.

What is up, people? Is Christmas getting to be too much for us? Too much turkey and too much holiday cheer? LIGHTEN UP. If you don't like something, ignore it. I seriously doubt that ANYONE here is out to tick ANYONE off.

I'm half Rebel, half Yankee, the product of a Baptist and a Catholic, with German, Scottish, and French ancestry (which probably means that I had cousins on both sides of the Blitz AND the Resistance). To top it off, I married a Brit who's Anglican by birth and agnostic by choice. Oh, and my nephew is of mixed race because one of my sister in laws is a woman of color - to quote Pauline, she's black - and that is what she calls herself, a proud black woman.

I have British in-laws, and I have had to learn, yes, learn, how to laugh at myself, because to the Brits it's an art form.

I can assure you I can't be offended - because I just don't have the energy or the time to let someone do it to me. Mayergirl - I believe it was her - is right - if you allow yourself to be offended, you will be. If you don't like the show, you can change the channel, so to speak.

CRUELTY is one thing - but sometimes we need to take things with a grain of salt.

NOW GO PLAY WITH YOUR DOLLS!!!! ALL OF YOU!!!
[img]biggrin.gif[/img]

[[email protected]]

Okay. I'm locking this thread down now.

The two people involved can PM each other, and hopefully they will work it out in a good way.

In the future, all members, please don't write in capital letters in a situation where people are talking about hurt feelings. It looks too much like yelling.

And please don't put down or scold people for having hurt feelings. All of us get hurt sometimes and there's nothing wrong with that. Just apologize and move on.

I know that Mayergirl didn't hurt anyone intentionally. I know that without a doubt. None of us ever implied that she hurt anyone intentionally. But people do get hurt accidently. That doesn't make it hurt any less. And that's no reason to condemn the person who got hurt.

We all hurt somebody unintentionally at some point. All we need to do is apologize and move on.

I don't think it's healthy for people to "ignore it" when their feelings are hurt. I do think that it's healthier to talk about it and work through it with the other person, but I also agree that that is better done in private, so I hope we can all learn these things from this experience.

I also want to say that just because one person has fun laughing at themselves, that doesn't mean that all of us have to be that way. It's just as legitimate and valid for some people to not be that way. And it's not right to say that one person's way of coping is the only right way.

Let's move on to other things now.
Thanks,
Joy

PS Somebody tried to post some angry responses regarding my shutting this thread down. For everyone who may have read her posts in that thread, I would like to clarify a few things.

1) We do not shut down conversations when they make a certain unhappy turn because we want to be Politically Correct. We do so because we have standards on this board about how we talk to each other, and we will do our best to uphold those standards in whatever ways we can.

We aren't perfect either, however, so we won't always have perfect wisdom on how to do that in every moment. We can only to the best we can in any moment.

2) Our message board is not meant to follow all the rules of, or mirror, our outside society or culture. We have our own society here, with its own set of rules. One of those rules is that we talk with each other in a kind, compassionate, respectful, and empathetic fashion. This is our rule, regardless of what is deemed acceptable in the outside world, or on other message boards.

3) We have no problem with debate. I enjoy participating in a good debate once in awhile myself. But we will not allow debates in which one side is being trivialized, or discredited, or invalidated, or labelled unkindly, or put down in any way.
Joy