What do you think of my script?

[ercarl]

Please go here and give me comments ideas... anything involving my script PLEASE!
http://www.angelfire.com/movies/elscripto/

[corey13]

Eric,

I really liked your script. Are you going to make it into a movie? I think you should.

-Corey

[slickard]

Ercarl

Gotta say the dialog felt a little marginal in formso I would give it a few more re-writes just to see if you can spice it up some more. Without question good dialog is the hardest part of writing a script so don't give up!

Also,if you interested into doing more writing in the future, I'd take a look at the new book Stephen King wrote on writing. It's really good!

[penshuffler]

Interesting script and I think it's worth working on. I think it does need some work though. Sorry. When I ask people what they think of my scripts I never want a "that was great" answer, so I hope you don't mind some honest opinions. They are just that though - so take them or leave them.

I would be left wondering what the motive of the robber was for killing the "NICE GUY". Does he shoot everyone who moves?

What are you trying to say with the film?

Does the nice guy have any faults?

Does the bad guy have any good points? At the moment, they're both one dimensional.

What does the nice guy want or need? He seems to be just in the wrong place at the wrong time for no particular reason.

Maybe it would help if the script was a tad longer, and we had an idea of what the guy was like, and what he wants. Maybe he's getting married next weekend, or going on a holiday he's worked for years to afford. Maybe he's dying and has only weeks to live anyway. Something like that. If we knew more about him, we'd be rooting for him, and then it would be a tragedy. At the moment, for me, the way it stands now, I would probably have a "so what" reaction to it.


For my money, I think the best book for screenwriters, or any writers for that matter, is "Story" by Robert McKee. It's brilliant. See htt[://www.mckeestory.com. (I haven't read the Stephen King one.

[wyatt]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ercarl:
Please go here and give me comments ideas... anything involving my script PLEASE!
http://www.angelfire.com/movies/elscripto/ <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Keep your day job..sorry.



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[Regular 8 Freak]

Well I liked it but agree that a little more elaboration might help. The message I get from it as it reads now is nice guys finish last. Of course I don't suppose you are planning to win an oscar with this one so if you are looking for a story just to make a short and experiment with, by all means film it.

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[Alex]

hehehehehehehehe.....

Nice guys finish blast.


I think it would be cool if the robber steals the nice-guys wallet, assumes his identity, and becomes a nice guy himself!

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Alex

[Alex]

Anymore comments?

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[jack jutson]

I think it builds up really nicely and while I was reading the script I was just waiting for something big to happen that completely changes our view of nice people. But it didn't. Are you saying that nice guys finish last? I think you need something like the nice guy beating up the bad guy but when he gets up, he takes the stolen money out of his pocket and into his own before handing him over, or you could cut between the robbery scene and all the others and then when they go to buy their movie tickets they're out of money-it cuts to the robber running out of the store and over to the guys at the cinema-he takes off the mask and he is the nice guys-hands over the money and walks into the theatre

yeah and give the characters more dimensions

[Rar]

Something needs to happen. Panda's idea sounds pretty good.