Pitching

[Generic Skinhead]

Here's my naff script that got shot down. Better luck next time Mr Skin! (i'll blame it on the director-as he's now going to make this independently outside the college)

INT-BEDROOM-DAY

A girl is fixing herself up in front of a mirror. She is a tall, blonde girl in her early twenties. She is dressed very well in designer jeans and a white short-sleeved shirt. She dabs a little foundation on, and fixes her hair. She looks good, but she gives a dissatisfied sigh.

Eliza
God, I wish I wasn?t so thin. Look at you Eliza, you?ve got more bones than the Cambodia killing fields?I mean you?d have to run around in a shower to get wet?

CUT TO

INT-SHOWER-DAY

Eliza runs around in a circle over and over again.

Eliza
I want to get wet, I want to get wet, I want to get wet, I want to?

INT-BEDROOM-DAY

Eliza
Get a grip! C?mon your gonna be late.

EXT-STREET-DAY

Eliza steps out on to the street, and walks purposely down the footpath. She is wearing high heels and as she walks her heel goes off the curb and she tumbles to the ground in a heap. People stop and stare while others try to conceal their laughter.

EXT-LOOKING THROUGH CAF? WINDOW-DAY

A handsome but quite scruffy young man is sitting at a window table. He is dressed very casual in old jeans and a plain gray T-Shirt. In front of him is plate with half a scone on it. He is slouching back in his chair, head back, eyes closed. Eliza walks in and sits on the chair opposite him.

INT-CAF?-DAY

Eliza
Hey

Howard
Hello

A slight silence follows as Eliza surveys the caf? and Howard closes his eyes again.

Eliza
How was your?(looks at his plate) Scone?

Howard
Oh?better than watching Geller kissing Selma Blair so it was?

Eliza gives him a look.

Howard
Well, yeah?not really. (He picks up a crumb and eats it.)

Eliza
Listen you know why I brought you here?

Howard
No

Eliza
Friday night was confusing for me. I always thought you were just my friend but now?now I?m asking myself?

Howard
(Chipping in) Cad a deanamid anois?

Eliza
Exactly.

Eliza sits back Howard starts disintegrating what?s left of his scone with his fork.

Eliza
So?.

Howard
Yeah?

Eliza
(Smiling) Any ideas?

For the first time Howard looks slightly agitated.
Howard
(Deep breath) Basically...Eliza? I think we?well the best thing we could do?if we are honest with ourselves?and I think we should be honest?because honesty is good?and dishonesty is?well, not good?so?DAMN IT! (Smacks himself in the head)

Eliza
What?s wrong?

Howard
It?s half time in the match?hang on
Howard takes out some headphones and puts them on, looking for the right radio station.

Eliza
(Aghast) Football?!

Howard gives her a sheepish grin

Eliza
Howard, this is important!

Howard
I know, just hang on?ok?

Eliza sits for a while obviously impatient. She gets up and gets a bowl of soup and comes back. When she returns Howard is still absorbed in the half time report.

Eliza
Howard?please!

Howard
In a sec

Eliza
(Losing her temper and shouting) WE HAVEN?T GOT TIME FOR SECS RIGHT NOW!


Howard takes off his headphones and stares at her. In fact everyone in the Caf? is staring at Eliza. Eliza realizes what she has said and dunks her face in the soup.

FADE OUT




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Watch your back Mr Jordan!

[Thousanth]

Designer jeans and a white short-sleeved shirt? There goes your whole budget right there, Mr. Skin.

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"Welcome to the Black Lagoon - Please wipe your feet."

[LAmind]

I liked it a lot. However, the part of the roommate, Eliza, running around in the shower is a little wierd and doesn't add anything good. And the end where she dunks her head in the soup? What's up with that. The rest gets an A+.

-Ivan

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"A place for everything and everything in it's place".

[LAmind]

I would cut out those 2 parts i just mentioned. Just some helpful advice.

-Ivan

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"A place for everything and everything in it's place".

[LAmind]

Ok, ok. I see now that Eliza is the main character and she's talking to herself not her roomate, there is no roomate apparently. Still cut the part where she runs around in the shower.

-Ivan

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"A place for everything and everything in it's place".

[steven_craig]

me likes!

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Dead girl's dont say no!

[Crafty Banton]

Yeah . I like the style , it's easygoing and fun . It's got a nice pace , builds some tension and left a smile on my face at the end .

what does 'cad a deanamid anois' mean ? is it Gaelic .

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[Generic Skinhead]

Erm...thanks

Cad a deanamid anois=is Irish for what do we do now?
It's a quote from a hilarious monster movies set in Ireland in the early seventies called Gargo(big godzilla type thing-which then leaves and destroys most of London for no apparent reason-perhaps its rebublican?)

The people involved had a very limited idea of the lingo and cad a deanamid...can be heard at least six times throughout the film.

Thanks again even though the script is of course now scraped. If my lecturer does'nt like it than it don't get made. After all Ireland only produces films about famine, dancing and the troubles in the north right?

What was I thinking? LOL

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Watch your back Mr Jordan!

[BuBu]

Have you been watching me?

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[thepreacher_naric]

ummmm. I think you definetly have to cut out the shower scene.
Although I'm not sure if the script is finished. Is it ?
Cause there's no resolution to the storey. Your audience is going to be left asking, "so what happened".
A good start though.
Keep it up.

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