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[ghillbilly]

Still going strong Despin, good luck with the rest of the script.

[twister!]

It's good Despin (I only had time to read the first post though). I've often wondered what your films are like after reading your many acid tongued quips on this site.

[emjen]

i will post my review soon. I'm at half, and i liked the part I read. I have to go right now but ill come back with critique later.

[emjen]

I like it more than the stuff I've read at Triggerstreet. The people there act all profesionally with their language and stuff, but their stories **** big time most of the times. I prefer to read a good story with bad writing (of course not too bad, but clear enough) than a bad story with excellent writing. You read a script because you want to know what's going to happen next, not because it's 'all so well written'.

I think you're falling into the first category, good story; not so well written.

Your script is kind of simple. There ain't much dialogue in it. The dialogue ain't that great either. The actions are as simple as possible too. I'm not saying thats something bad; on the contrary, it makes reading much easier. But putting in some more details here and then might give the reader a better idea of whats going on in that particular room.

I can't really comment on the characters. They're pretty good, a bit vague perhaps because they haven't been on screen that long. But thats obvious.

I really want to know what's going to happen next; and thats one of the best things you can wish for when people read your script. I could see this as a thirty-minute movie or something.

Keep posting [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Curtin-Parloe]

[img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img] Nothing further...

[mjtate]

Good idea, he escaped from prison, But what for?
You could make the serial killar attack him at the beginning, giving mike a reason to kill him. That way the audience will think he's a kind of lovable rogue/anti-hero. Later on you could uncover what he went to prison for, something really bad, catch the audience off guard, making them complicit in the crime, make them feel guilty.
There's two ways of looking at this next point, but **** it, all the stuff with the hand, does it need to happen so close to the beginning, it's a good plot point to turn the film around but perhaps it's too soon. Same with mike finding out about the reward, this could be your second plot point(read "screenplay" if your not sure what i'm taking about, it gives good guidlines on structuring a film).
The other way of looking at it is throw the rule book away, and have multiple plot points, twists and turns. If you can keep up the pace you've built up, then that might be the way to go.
I hope you don't think it's none of my business writing **** like this, but i thought it better to write a little more than "oo, i like it."

[mjtate]

Good idea, he escaped from prison, But what for?
You could make the serial killar attack him at the beginning, giving mike a reason to kill him. That way the audience will think he's a kind of lovable rogue/anti-hero. Later on you could uncover what he went to prison for, something really bad, catch the audience off guard, making them complicit in the crime, make them feel guilty.
There's two ways of looking at this next point, but **** it, all the stuff with the hand, does it need to happen so close to the beginning, it's a good plot point to turn the film around but perhaps it's too soon. Same with mike finding out about the reward, this could be your second plot point(read "screenplay" if your not sure what i'm taking about, it gives good guidlines on structuring a film).
The other way of looking at it is throw the rule book away, and have multiple plot points, twists and turns. If you can keep up the pace you've built up, then that might be the way to go.
I hope you don't think it's none of my business writing **** like this, but i thought it better to write a little more than "oo, i like it."

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ December 16, 2002 01:19 PM: Message edited by: doogie ]</font>

[deanl]

oops oops oops

[GrizzlyAdams]

I like it.

Love a story that starts with a baddie, whos not, and then who is sorta

how do you start without knowing then direction ?

blah blah blah