Joke

**deviantdee** · December 15th, 2004, 12:35 PM

Little Johnny misses a day at school.
He comes back the next day and the teacher asks why he was off.
"Sorry Miss," he replied, "Daddy got burned"
"Oh dear" says the teacher, "I do hope it wasn't serious"
"Well Miss, they don't **** about at the crematorium"

D.

(Like Spinal Tap film, I think it's funnier
when the swear words are bleeped.)

**A Katt Named Raggz** · December 15th, 2004, 02:57 PM

LMAO!!!...good one.

**deviantdee** · December 15th, 2004, 03:39 PM

Aye.. and there's my traditional lame-not-even-
good-enough-for-the-insides-of-a-cracker gag...

Boy - Dad, I don't want a bike for Xmas, now.
Dad - Why son?
Boy - I found one behind the closet.

Ho-ho-ho!

D.

**Jonni Jade** · December 15th, 2004, 07:20 PM

Nice ones Daz, here's one for ya

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past, looks up and says to the monkey "Hey, what're you doing?"

The monkey replies, "Smokin' a joint, come up and have some."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke a few joints.

After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to get a drink from the river.

The lizard is so stoned that he leans over too far and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting up a tree with

A monkey smoking pot, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and wanders into the jungle. He finds the tree where the monkey is sitting finishing up a joint.

The crocodile yells up to the monkey and says "Hey!"

The monkey looks down and says, "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck........How much water did you drink?!"

**deviantdee** · December 15th, 2004, 09:46 PM

Ace!

**slapusilly** · December 16th, 2004, 01:57 AM

Jonni wins that one! LOL

**Andii Vamp** · December 16th, 2004, 05:04 AM

Here you go all.. a Christmas cake recipe:

CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE

You'll need the following:

1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 bottle of whisky

Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK.
Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget
to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whisky again and go to bed.