A Part of a Story...don't be shocked!

[Jaxom 27]

DISCLAIMER: 1. Any names here-in with any similarities to anyone else is PURELY coincidental. 2. This is the first part of a planned novel, it is VERY rough. 3. Be kind, other than a few poems here or there, you guys have never seen ANY of my prose. 4. The Forum didn't transfer the story from my Word program quite the way I wanted it to...sorry...

MANTRAS:
A Quarter Century of Living

I.
Zo? ? Mid Summer 1999
?Other men?s crosses are not my crosses.?
? John Donne


Zo? Calander, twenty-five and still young (at least at that particular moment) sat silently through the latest in a series of ?discussions? that generally accompanied a ?sit down? with her mother. It never failed. Something, as usual, was wrong with either her appearance or with her lack of a proper job or with Zoe?s seemingly complete lack of ambition with regard towards her future. That was the one thing Zoe was sure of that came from spending four years in college: Motherly diatribes in the Calander house. Some women had jobs or families after college. Zoe had motherly diatribes. Oh, her mother meant well, but wasn?t that a mother?s job, ?to mean well??
This concept of Zo? having ?absolutely no idea where she was going with her future? was, of course, ludicrous to Zoe?s frame of mind. There had just been a couple set backs on her path towards life. Not the least of which was her damaged leg or the wasted nineteen months she spent with Brad What?s-His-Name. Her mother might have thought that he was ?worth it? or ?nice enough?, but a couple of bruises across the arms and under the eyes had told Zo? that the relationship wasn?t for her. It was something that she tried desperately to forget if Becky?d ever let her. Her mother just didn?t get the fact that Zo? wanted to be moving forward. It was the rest of the world that was slowed down to the point of grinding along.
So there she now sat, a nice, beautiful, early summer day in June, listening to the same harangue that she received at least once a month. Sometimes it was a little stiffer than others, but she always made it through. She supposed that, somewhere in the back of her brain, she herself would do something similar to her own daughter (if she ever had any and that was something open to speculation in Zoe?s mind at the moment). She desperately wanted to be moving forward though, despite what her mother appeared to think.
?Are you keeping your checkbook balanced? Making all of the entries when you write a check? Do you want me to take a look for you?? her mother asked switching topics suddenly. This was another typical part of the conversation: making sure that money was not being wasted. So it?s going to be like this today, Zo? thought. ?I just want to know you?re all right. You should have saved a lot of money by now, Zo?.?
?Mom, there?s nothing to worry about. I have more than enough money and my checkbook, as always, is fine and doesn?t need a second opinion,? Zo? responded.
?Then you are putting money into your savings account??
?Of course, Mom,? exactly how much, though, Zo? didn?t feel the need to tell her mother. She was an adult and it was her business. Moms will be moms though, she thought.
To avoid her mother?s piercing gaze for a moment; Zo? turned her attention towards the kitchen window and the bright summer day that shone down upon the rest of the world. She marveled at the irony of that. It was truly warm in the suburbs of Chicago for this early in June. The weatherman thought that the mercury might even top eighty-five degrees that day. The intensity of the sun certainly held that theory up, even if Zo? held weathermen in the same contempt along with other such prognosticators such as palm readers and psychic hot line people.
She would have preferred to have been out in the sun, possibly down at the local swimming pool with her girlfriends. Just like the old days, except that most of them were still working and that she herself had a particular aversion towards going out in public with a bathing suit on and a scar down her leg. She knew that was foolish, People were people. Sometimes they couldn?t get past the brace and scars to see her for her.
The workouts she got from lugging her leg brace around all day and the accompanying physical therapy had kept her fit. She was still a ?string bikini girl?, like in her sorority days (she even still had the string bikini that made only rare appearances). She knew that she was. She could see her body in the mirror; she just couldn?t see anything but the scars. So she thought about it, and she didn?t go to the public pool anymore.
Her mother continued as though she still had Zoe?s complete attention, ?It?s not that your father and I don?t trust you to do the right thing?? Zo? sensed that her mother was struggling to make a point. Invoking Zoe?s father always meant that her mother was trying to make a point. Possibly even ?the point? that her mother had been trying to make for the last twenty-five years of Zoe?s life. Anything was possible at this point, Zo? thought.
?Mom,? Zo? decided to save her mother the effort this time, She ran her hand through her thick, brown hair which she wore to her shoulders, ?I know you mean well. Obviously you do or we wouldn?t be having this conversation.? Yet again she thought to herself. The sarcasm was lost on her mom as usual. ?Just so you know, I do have another job interview next week. One certainly doesn?t have to have the easy use of both legs to sit and type out forms on a computer. This might be just what I need too.? Her mother seemed unimpressed by that particular concept of self-improvement at the moment, which Zo? found to be quite ironic at that moment, given the nature of the lecture she was receiving.
?Will this job be paying you better money than the bank??
?Mama, things will be fine. Trust me.?
?I only want what?s best for you, sweetheart,? Rebecca said sitting down at the kitchen table, ?I?m just trying to look out for you.? Zo? sensed the conversation taking a turn away from her financial status and life in general life. She breathed a small sigh of relief without her mother noticing.
?I know, Mom,? Zo? stood up slowly from the kitchen table swinging the brace, that always seemed heavier in the nice weather, that helped her stand, away from the chair. She moved slowly over to the sink grabbing a glass and filling it with cold water. She took a deep drink to settle her nerves. Her mother certainly was tearing into this today. What?s up her ass?
The kitchen was one of her mother?s pride and joys, filled with polished oak cabinets and a spotless counter top. For all of her apparent faults, Zo? had to admit her mother was an excellent cook as the quality of the kitchen indicated. ?No one who took cooking seriously would have an inferior kitchen.? That was what her mother always told Zo? growing up. The kitchen was a large and airy one with the breakfast table siting off the center of the room underneath a large bay window. At that particular moment the bright sunshine was pouring in illuminating the room naturally. Zo? loved days like this, minus the lecture, of course. Still, it could be worse she supposed. She drank the rest of her glass of water in one gulp.
Zo? turned from the sink to see her mother sat looking at her with her lips pressed into a thin line. For a fleeting moment she had the image of a lipless mother dance through her head. She wanted to giggle at that, but her mother was being too serious right now to appreciate the joke.
?Zo?, has your leg been bothering you again??
?No, Mom. It?s just been rough with the heat of the summer. I?m fine.? Really. Please stop asking. You always ask that and it?s been over three years.
Her mother continued to purse her lips and stare at her daughter. Zo? didn?t bother to respond. She was used to her mother giving her hard stares when it came to her leg, just like most everyone else. Her mother still just wasn?t used to the leg brace on her daughter. She certainly wasn?t forgetting how Zo? had ended up in the thing. Not that she wanted to be cursed with the damned leg brace that held her once shattered leg up. She didn?t choose to be hit by that Acura Integra and it?s vodka sodden driver. At least she wasn?t as bad off as he had been. He was dead and Zo? didn?t feel any remorse on that subject. Oh she had tried, but it just wasn?t in her at the moment. It hadn?t been in her since the accident. Maybe she wasn?t as mad at the driver as she was at Brent for leaving her because of it. Maybe that was why her therapist wouldn?t release her from their weekly sessions. Maybe, maybe, maybe?
?I?m fine, Mom.? Damn it. Let it go. Please.
?Well then,? Rebecca seemed to let the subject drop, ?will you be joining you Father and me for dinner this evening? I?m making pork chops.?
?Actually,? Zo? was relieved to see that the lecture appeared to be over, ?I might if it is early enough. JenJen and Jesika are picking me up later and we?re meeting Sarrah and Joan at this bar that Jesika says is pretty good.?
?A bar? You?re not drinking and driving, are you??
?God, Mom! No! You know me better than that!? Zo? smiled at her mother.
Her mother?s lips pressed back into a thin line, but she said nothing further on the subject.


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"Harper, your song has a sorrowful sound
Though the tune was written as gay.
Your voice is sad and your hands are slow,
And your eye meeting mine turns away."

[This message has been edited by Jaxom 27 (edited May 01, 2000).]

[Branflakes]

I like this, Jax. Got lots of potenial. I'm looking forward to reading more.

------------------
Branflakes, the ninja lesbian.
The one called "brain".
I walk the path, trying not to get pulled into the weeds.
God never gives us more than we can handle.
"See that star...the one shining brighter than all the others? I know the girl who hung it there."

[Jaxom 27]

For some reason I'm hesitant to post the next part...


------------------
"Harper, your song has a sorrowful sound
Though the tune was written as gay.
Your voice is sad and your hands are slow,
And your eye meeting mine turns away."

[Branflakes]

Well, I'd love to read it, but, it's your story. You decide if you wanna put it up for public display. I'm just curious to find out more about Zoe.

------------------
Branflakes, the ninja lesbian milk getter.
The one called "brain".
I walk the path, trying not to get pulled into the weeds.
God never gives us more than we can handle.
"See that star...the one shining brighter than all the others? I know the girl who hung it there."

[Jaxom 27]

I'm going to try to get around to it...just wasn't sure anyone was actually reading it...


------------------
"Harper, your song has a sorrowful sound
Though the tune was written as gay.
Your voice is sad and your hands are slow,
And your eye meeting mine turns away."

[Branflakes]

I know! When no one responds to a post, I always wonder myself. I'm reading it for sure.

------------------
Branflakes, the ninja lesbian milk getter.
The one called "brain".
I walk the path, trying not to get pulled into the weeds.
God never gives us more than we can handle.
"See that star...the one shining brighter than all the others? I know the girl who hung it there."