The reason for this odd structure is thus... This is such a long peice and, as such, is very intimidating.

Hit me over the head with a mackeral if this is wrong.

Warning: Sexual content.
____

True to his word, Reg took me to the slave Jim after an uncomfortable night sleeping in the hay of his barn.

Walking through town I realized I wasn't as small as Reg's bulk had lead me to believe. I was taller then most of the slaves I walked past, not all but most. As my eye became acclimatized to them, I would be able to pick up subtle nuances, discovering more about how I appeared to them. For now I only recognized my relative size and the numerous stares I drew.

After a few terse words exchanged, Reg left me at Jim's ranch.

Jim was considerably shorter then me and much slighter. I felt less threatened in his presence then Reg's, who exuded a natural dominance due to his size and bulk.

'So Reg found you, did he?' The slave Jim asked, his gaze lingering over me.

'Yes.' I replied, narrowing my eyes. There was something different about Jim. Something I didn't recognize at first. 'I was robbed.'

'You must have been.' Once again the long, evaluating gaze. 'Well, if you want to work here, I'd best show you the ropes.'

Jim turned and walked off. I followed. We entered a building that stank of animal and animal filth. I wrinkled my nose at it; The heat and smell was stifling.

'We'll start with the fun part, shoveling shit.' Jim said with a smile, handing me a shovel. 'You'll need to get it all mucked out.' He said, waving at rump upon rump of large, snorting beast. 'I'll show you how to do the rest when we come to it.'

He walked over to the first stall, opened the door and entered. Deftly he pulled a halter over the animal's head and turned it around, tying it up outside to a bar. 'Shovel the dung into that wheelbarrow, then throw it around back in the pile. Do you think you can do that?'

I nodded and took the shovel. Repeatedly reminding myself of my purpose as I shoveled stink. He scrutinized me as I worked, making me feel that much more uncomfortable.

Sweat poured from my brow as I finished mucking the first stall, stinging my eyes and sticking my shirt to my skin. I took off the cloth and draped it over the stall door. There was a sudden breeze. I stopped to stretch my arms over my head, relishing the coolness against my flush skin.

'You look like a well built boy, so I think you'll do fine.' Jim remarked, breaking the silence. 'You don't look slow, you know.'

'I'm not slow.' I corrected.

'Just quiet, eh? Well, around Reg I can understand that.' He chuckled and turned to leave. 'I'll see you in a few hours.'

I continued with my work. My stomach churned with angry thirst, my ankle throbbed, and the muscles of my back burned. I ignored all these irritants and single-mindedly completed my task.

As promised, Jim returned. He entered quietly. I was standing beside a water barrel my back to him, scooping handfuls into my mouth. I didn't know he was there until he touched my back lightly.

I tensed, startled.

He smiled at me, a very different smile. 'You got that done quick.'

I nodded, water dripping from my chin.

'Do you know anything about machinery, Evan?'

I laughed. Then stopped suddenly, realizing what I had done. But it was funny, my mind told me, I had repaired technology millennia ahead of anything on this planet. 'I could give it a try.' I said, keeping my laughter to myself.

'I haven't had a butch around since Stephen.' Jim explained, leading me out of the stables. 'You have a beautiful smile. How come you don't smile more often?'

'I'm getting used to it.'

'I know exactly what you mean.' Jim laughed, stopping before the open hood of a truck. 'I have no idea what's wrong with this piece of junk. I could fix you a glass of lemonade while you take a look at it...?'

I nodded and crouched over the engine parts, scrutinizing them for similarities, while the sun beat down on my bare back and Jim brought me lemonade and told me all about his ranch, his hopes, and his ex Stephen. I knew there was a difference between Jim and Reg, but I didn't understand it completely.

'He left me because I was too needy. Can you believe that? He said I made to many demands on him.' Jim snorted. 'That means I expected him to help me work the ranch instead of the ranch hands. You know what I mean? ' He took a sip of lemonade, I could feel his eyes on me again. 'Have you heard what's going on over in Sosnya, Evan?'

'Sosnya?' I repeated, prompting him.

'Yeah. I heard on the HAM that they've been taken over by some alien race. Do you think someone's trying to play a joke on us?' Jim laughed nervously.

'I don't know. I haven't heard anything.' I swallowed hard. My mind running through hundreds of irrational scenarios. In my panic I had begun the retransformation into my invulnerable form, then caught myself.

'For a guy who listens, you don't hear much.' I heard him get up from the step and walk over. I tensed.

He touched my shoulders lightly, I stood up straight, hitting my head on the hood of the truck, wincing at the shock of pain.

'What's gotten you so nervous?' Jim laughed, running his hand over my back.

I closed my eyes, realizing he wasn't intending to do me harm. The sensation of him touching my skin felt very, very good. I sighed, realizing why this race had given up thick armor for soft, bare flesh.

'You're getting a burn, you know.' He mentioned and then ran an ice cube over my back.

I shivered from the sudden shock, then smiled as a warm breeze blew across my skin, evaporating the water and cooling me down.

'Have you figured this thing out?' Jim asked. Looking into the engine bemusedly.

'Yes.' I showed him a device of plastic and metal. 'This is worn out, no longer conducting.'

'I guess I'll have to walk into town tomorrow. Thanks, Evan. Let's have some supper. I'm sure Elaine has something cooked up for us.'

'Elaine is your wife?' I asked, confused.

'You really don't hear do you?' Jim laughed.

I blushed, realizing I had said something stupid.

'She's my housekeeper. You are naive!'

'I'm sorry.' I replied.

'No. I just thought you would have caught on by now. I've been hitting on you all day.' Jim laughed. 'You seemed so open... I couldn't help myself.'

'I am open.' My mind impelled me to say.

'To anything...?' Jim asked, opening the door for me.

'Yes.' I replied. How else would I learn, I reasoned. In amongst one of these befuddling mysteries must be the explanation.

Elaine quietly laid out dinner for us and left to the kitchen. My instincts took over as I ate, pausing only to breath. My body knew what it wanted and I let it be. Just enjoying the sensation, the textures, the warmth, the pleasure of relieving the physical emptiness without thought.

Jim watched me eat ravenously. 'It's so refreshing to find someone who looks like you be so... innocent.' He mentioned after a time.

I smiled, and returned to my third helping. It would take me days to decode what he meant, but I was loath to ask him to explain. I did not want to be embarrassed again.

'I got this ranch from my father, you know, Evan. I was his last surviving relative and he hated the government more then me so...'

My mind was asserting itself, my thoughts and feelings falling in line with the slaves'. 'Your father hated you?'

'Well, yeah. After my mother passed away, there was no reason for us to talk anymore. Unfortunately for him, the nephew he was going to will it to died young. I was the only one left, even tho we hadn't spoken for 7 years. Like I said, he hated the state even more so he willed it to me. It was the nicest thing that bastard ever did for me.' Jim's eyes darkened. 'So what's your father like, Evan?'

I was silent for a long time. Trying to respond. 'He's very controlling. He has ideas about what we should and should not be. He allows no exceptions.'

'Doctors, lawyers, straight. I gotcha.'

'If he knew what I was, he would be furious.'

'You haven't told him?'

'He would kill me.'

'I doubt he'd kill you, Evan! But then, it's not like my experience's any reason to do it either.' Jim laughed bitterly.

'I miss my father.' I said suddenly. Realizing it was true. I missed the feeling of belonging, of being part of something. I missed His guidance.

'I do to, sometimes. Fuck, I'm such an idiot, but I guess you can't help it, you know?'

I chewed my food, pondering my sudden pain. 'Jim... what do I look like to you?' I asked, my voice hollow, unsure.

'I don't know. A lost soul, like all of us.'

'I am lost. That is what I feel.' My eyes stung. I rubbed them with the heels of my hands, startled to find them wet.

'I don't know how your father could possibly not want someone like you. You seem like such a genuinely decent person, Evan. At least I can see you're searching. Unlike some.'

We lapsed into silence. Elaine picked up our empty plates and moved silently into the kitchen.

'It's a bitch being alone, isn't it?' Jim snorted. 'Ah well. At least we can be alone together. Come on, I'll show you to your room.'

He stood up from the table and walked through the room, I followed listlessly. Unsettled by the intensity of my emotions.

We walked up the stairs, to the second floor, down a corridor and into the room at the end.

'Here's where you'll sleep. Down the hall to the right is the bathroom. Is there anything else I can do for you...?' His voice trailed off, questing. His flesh was a pale, sensitive blur in the dim light, his eyes dark liquid pools.

Entranced, I could feel the impulse to act well within me. I was going to take a chance. 'Yes. Can you explain...' I touched his jaw, running my fingers down his neck. '...this?'

I felt the rhythm of his heart quicken against my fingertips. His vulnerable flesh so open. I could feel my body tense, heat rising up within me, as it too responded to some unseen signal.

'What do you want to know?' Jim whispered, his voice catching.

'Why this feels so good.' I stroked his neck, touching his soft ear lobe, ran my hands through his hair.

'I don't know.' He replied, staying still.

'It felt good when you touched me. I didn't want it to stop. I'm sorry I'm naive.'

'It doesn't have to stop, Evan.' He sighed. 'I thought I might be taking advantage.'

'I want to find out.'

'I must be living some dream, here.' Jim shook his head. 'This is like something out of a fantasy.'

I looked at him, confused. Aware in that instant of my old mind, seething, dark and visceral, and the new, aware, inquisitive, intuitive. Something was being decided.

I could see, through the window behind Jim, the deep molten purple of the sky. I could smell the heat of his body, feel it's energy thirsting. I looked at him, poised there, his mouth half open, vulnerable and flushed, face full of something inexplicable.

He came closer, looking up at me. The sight softened me inside. He lay his slighter frame against mine, thighs against thighs, chest against chest and an electric current between. My body shook as strange emotions writhed within me. I was aware of heat and pressure, a delicious pressure.

I was making the choice.

As he slid against my body, wrapping his arms around my stomach, looking up at me with eyes like wells, he spoke, 'You really want me.'

I just stared, feeling like a fool, a liar, feeling confused and inflamed all at once. My instincts welled within me, overflowing my senses, impelling me to do something. I pulled him closer, touching his shoulders, neck, jaw, ears. All light and unsure despite the raging need within.

'Lets get into the bedroom.' Jim gasped, pulling me forwards into the room. I followed, thankful for concrete instruction. He closed the door behind us, then turned and leaned against it. 'Just give me a breather here, okay?' He requested, wiping his hand across his brow. 'I don't normally move this quick. Touching you is like plugging into a socket!'

I sat on the bed, my body moving into a position it found comfortable, chin resting on arms draped over a knee. The other leg, injured, held awkwardly to avoid pain. I was aware of a relentless throbbing within me. The pressure was turning into suffering. I knew that the release came somehow through touching Jim. But he was over there, I was here and in that instant there might as well have been a chasm separating us.

'I know I came on strong...' Jim shook his head, holding his chest, looking away to the floor. 'I haven't been with anyone since Stephen 4 years ago. I had pretty much forgotten that part of myself.' He brought his fingers to his lips.

'Did I do something wrong?' I offered, deeply frustrated. I was used to taking what I desired through force, but what was it that I would force Jim to do?

'No! I'm a fool!' Jim threw out his arms, shaking his head. 'Like it's every day an aging, anti-social queen gets to fuck a young god!'

My brow creased at the word "fuck", it was my first solid indication of what was going on. I mouthed it silently, knowing abstractly what it meant. The knowledge empowered me and I stood. 'I want to fuck you.' I said, my voice uncontrollably harsh.

Jim looked up, 'Why?' He asked plaintively. 'I don't understand why!'

'Don't you want to...' I asked, hurt dispute myself.

'YES! Why do YOU want ME? I'm nearly forty-fucking-five! I'm shapeless, wrinkled...'

'You touched me.' I cut him off, holding my hand against my chest. 'I felt something. Finish this! I don't know how!'

'You... don't know?' He repeated, confused.

I nodded, my frustration a hard, hot lump in my throat. I approached him again. 'I don't see what you see, Jim. All I see is this.' Once again I touched him and felt the current between us jump in response.

He couldn't look at me. His face was turned away, eyes closed tight. Through my fingers I felt him shaking. 'I can't.' He whispered. 'I can't do this again.' He turned away , opening the door.

I could have killed him in that instant. My frustration and anger slammed into me; I shook violently. He slipped through the door, too late to see my flesh ripple, split impossibly, reshaping.

My human mind screamed as it's body disintegrated. I felt the scream, felt the horrible terror and the compulsion to revert.

But I would loose all that I had gained! The little understanding I had achieved in my few days of being human. And that thought stopped me from slipping back into my invulnerable shell. I would not abandon my choice. I would know why.

Instead, frail, I slipped against the mattress and discovered suffering.




[This message has been edited by typhonblue (edited September 04, 2000).]