flashback

[NecroFlash]

again, or so it seems.
flashback. but not really.
i'm old enough to understand.
i'm not five at my grandpa's death-bed.
i'm not ten looking at my grandma's rehab schedule.
i'm not ten when i couldn't understand the phonecall.
i'm not ten when they won't let me go to my brother's funeral.
a small white coffin.
that i never saw.
i'm not young when they won't talk to me.
no,now i'm old enough to understand.
and i almost wish i wasn't.
because then i wouldn't have to come up with something to say to comfort him.
i could just hide behind my mom.
and pretend to be sad.
till it hits me years later.
but now i'm old enough to know.
and i can't do anything.
an ocean away, i can't fly in for the weekend.
moving and back to college.
i can't be there, but now it's my fault.
and i can't think of anything to say.
so i tell him to read "the lord of the rings" while he's in hospital.
but i know he won't.
he'll read some history book - doing research - even in hospital.
it's him afterall.
he'd never admit that he's depressed even though i know he is.
no, he's happy that he's lived longer than his mother.
and there's nothing i can do.
but wait.
flashback all over again.


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"i don't drink water - fish have sex in it" -oscar wilde

"timepieces don't keep time. they just keep up with it, if they're able." -dava sobel

[This message has been edited by NecroFlash (edited August 08, 2001).]

[Dano]

*hugs*

Very good. Sad but powerful. Loverly.

[Branflakes]

Wow. very powerful.

*hugs*

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