shaving

[gollum]

ummmmmmmmmmmm...yeah. don't know where this came from--well, it came from poetry class, and the first line was just sort of a neat idea, n'stuff. i'm not totally happy with it, but it's better than it was, at least. -g.

shaving

listen to the skin of your throat
flutter, whispering secrets you
never would have shared if given
the choice. you sink back into the
sheets, pinned in by the metal frame
of your death bed, sighing, hiding.
your eyes refuse to meet mine as
i draw the razor over your
blue vein striped, matchstick legs, scraping
away hair and the shaving cream
that, for a brief moment, gave the
illusion that you were still whole.

[Oz]

hmmmm. i like it a lot. but i think i need to re read it, to understand better. ill let ya know in a lil while. but for now... *thumbs up icon*!

[Oz]

hmmmm. i like it a lot. but i think i need to re read it, to understand better. ill let ya know in a lil while. but for now... *thumbs up icon*!

[gollum]

definitely read it a couple of times...it takes a few times through to sink in. thanks, bro

-g

ps i like it much better now that it got workshopped in class and they didn't go "damn, you suck!1"

[5Cats]

Nicely done g! Compact, to the point yet still leaving room for interpritation. Workshopping would probably help a poem like this, since some of the imagry used might be a tad too personal, and others might not understand it. Just a general observation, not a comment on this particular poem

A guess on the topic? Your father/grandfather (some older man anyhow) who's bedridden by the cancer, and you're tempted to just 'accidentally' nick an artery and end his misery...

[Branflakes]

I like it. Definitely takes a couple of readings to really grasp it.

------------------
The ninja lesbian milk getter.
Take the time to look up at the moon and stars.
Clicking on that banner keeps Hostboard alive. Please help by clicking once a day.
ChatterBox