shadows

[tyledras]

ok, after reading a bunch of the stuff in here, with which i am impressed all of you, i definitely felt uncomfortable posting my pidly scrawlings, but with some pushing from Dano, i'm taking that deep breath and putting my foot forward.
this isn't complete, and it needs to be reworked, there are parts i plan to change and some of it might not even be included in the original, so keep in mind that it is not a finished product. its kind of long, yadah yadah yadah... please tell me what you think, and don't just praise it to make me feel good, criticism is good. having said that and made my apology, here i go (i've never done this before!

Shadows
I.
a remembered summer
of yesterdays
where we laughed
into the gathering gloom
an army of two
against the oncoming
nightmares
our brave impassioned eyes
against the coming dark
once when the sharp rocks
clutched
hungry for my limp bones
you pulled me out
from the salty onslaught
of that thirsty sea
and drenched
we sat together
in the cold thin air
atop those high reaching cliffs
looking out upon
the winking jeweled world
we witnessed
the birth of the heavens

II
our nightly battle won
we play like children
in the shelterd pools
overhung by the dappled sun
our greedy bodies
drink deep
the warm light
the cool breeze
here in that hollowed sanctuary
we forget
the abuses of the world
the piercing fists
that made us weep
the hard pounding words
that left us empty
colored us black
tender blue
here reality rests
with our bright dreams
we are at home
i in your laughter
you in my smile
the elusive shadows of the night
are torn under the blue sky
fading like a thin mist
in the early morning

III
it all went wrong
we turned astray
in the tumult of the night
we stood on the far
shadowed cliffs
we were not enough
the two of us
could not stand strong
and the demons
ground us
into
the dust
i woke
weeping
and you
restless in your sleep
were tossed upon our bed
i touched your arm
brought you home
and together
we wept
broke the quiet
the invading shadow
lurking
in the corner
by the banging pipes
it grinned at me
for a moment
i saw its glee
dripping red

IV
we drink our coffee
under the strings
of multi-colored lights
the band's song
weaving its way
through the leaves
the sighing trees
bend their tipsy
drunken heads
to listen
to our jumbled words
your poetry of pain and
shadows
my picture-perfect world
of sleeping dreams

V
i wouldd say the morning light
fills your eyes
but it doesn't
more like a sunset
crying dusk
your haunted eyes recoil
yes
"this shadow hanging over me
"is no trick of the light"
but its not My shadow you see
the bloody sun lies
just over your left shoulder
it sits and snarls
its cheshire grin
casts your darker self
on my face
reach for my smile
you try desperately
claw your way forward
through the vision
but your frantic action
only weakens your resolve
strengthened
the ghosts surge forward
the bind between us frays
gripped in their merciless teeth
and your
unrelenting
mind
the cord unravels piece by piece
pulled by the incredible strain
I try
fevered
to mend the break
with my will
with my love
but with a gentle touch
and soft rebuke
you bid me let it go
and snapped the cord

VI
I fought for you
to keep you here
with blood
tears
i fought
to keep you here
here beneath the whispering leaves
somewhere in the swell
of the crowd
i lost your voice
mine
stolen
my hoarse voice
cannot speak
my sorrow
i played my part
and
when it was done
they came for you
in the noon day sun
but you all unresisting
gave way
and let them
with lowered eyes
a bowed head
you walked away
can it be
were you so lonely
was i but a passing glance
a means
by which to lift
You up from shame
I held fast to you
but wordless
you turned
gave yourself not unwilling
to the nightmares of your mind
and with unseemly haste
fled
not from my protective arms
but from your self-same image
reflected
in the mirrors
of my watering eyes


okay, that's it folks! i told you it was long! i haven't seen any spatulas or what not around here, so i assume i'm safe in that quarter
have fun and take care all


[This message has been edited by tyledras (edited November 03, 2000).]

[Enlanra]

Let me be the first to say...Wow. Why on earth are you worried? This is very good. My only complaint (and maybe it's supposed to do this so maybe it isn't a complaint exactly) is that the "i'd say the morning light..." stanza is a very jarring switch, at least to me. But other than that i liked it.

Keep writing.

------------------
?In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on.? --Robert
Frost

"Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place" -Breakfast Club

What's with today, today?

Warrior nun in training
The Official Bartender Pimpstress of the StP games

[This message has been edited by Enlanra (edited November 03, 2000).]

[Coke Cans]

this is really an awesome peace of work. It is long. Some of it could be split into a few seperate poems. Or... left all together it works as well. It could go either way, I really enjoyed it. This was my favorite part: "we forgot the abuses of the world the piercing fists that made us weep the hard pounding words that left us empty colored us black tender blue"

[tyledras]

thank you both
yeah, I was having problems with that transition. the whole thing really needs to be shorter, and those two ideas, while they can be split, were about the same person, and are very wrapped together in my head. but it is hard to combine them succinctly, haven't learned the art of brevity yet

i'll keep working on that transition, and if i can't figure it out i might seperate them anyway, and just keep the two pieces as a pair meant to go together instead of one whole piece
still playing with ideas
when i get back from the book fest in austin i promised dano i'd put up some more stuff that i have sitting around there
ok i talk too much
back to class!

[tyledras]

okay, I went in and made some changes, hopefully for the better and not for the worse
does that help enra?

[Enlanra]

I do like that better, can't say why without the original in front of me though.

------------------
?In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on.? --Robert
Frost

"Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place" -Breakfast Club

What's with today, today?

Warrior nun in training
The Official Bartender Pimpstress of the StP games

[tyledras]

want i should have the original in one place and the old one seperate?
i'll do that next time

[Dano]

See, what did I tell you? Nothing but support around these parts! And you were worried. Hah!