.....

[lil_miss_bea3]

Here's a poem dedicated to my friend Emily

Mysterious curls covered her two dying petals
They were moist and runny like a cats nose
An imperfection was tattooed onto her left eyebrow
It lye there with past that remained silent
Torn rags covered her quivering frame
She stood in one place as flashes of electricity shook the earth violently
As rain poured from her petals it made puddles and puddles of darkness
A hopeless case some might say
But behind the scarred surface was a girl who just needed a chance

[Hannibal]

Hey Beatle - This has ....color I think.
But I didn't care for...

They were moist and runny like a cats nose

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">That really went against the previous line which used a reference to a part of a flower.

In my opinion - I thought you were talking about her hair covering her eyes. her eyes being referred to as petals.
I dont think it fits to compare something to petals - only to then say they're like something else entirely.
Kinda like a double negative. People get the meaning - but they're like "technically - that doesn't make sense"..
at least that's how I saw it.

Again - I like this - for it's bare-bones style and it has promise... but I think it could use revision.

Not trying to sound picky - but you need to expand on points! SHOW US your vision through words...
for example

Torn rags covered her quivering frame

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">You tell us it's a "quivering frame" but what kinda frame? Quivering is the adjective - but it refers to motion as well - quivering. Describe the frame...
possibly something like..
"Torn rags resembling outdated clothing, covered her tiny quivering frame."

But - now that I read it - that statement reads kinda like a storyline - so maybe it's not the best choice.
But the point is - your poetry seems kinda.. bare bones... like you're giving us this skeleton picture. Fill it in! Make it a living breathing person.

Because these are great peices - just need more details!
I like your works a lot - just wish there was more detail.

It's like reading a book by an author you know CAN write great stuff - but they're giving you short stories - instead of the novel you're hoping for.

Keep up the writing - but remember SHOW US what you're thinking. Don't be afraid of those details!

[Hannibal]

Also - jump on the wagon - work on these weekly assignments. I think you'd get a lot of use from them in exploring your writing more!
Have fun with them.

[machinery]

i agree with han.

at yr age, you have to drill yrself, although it may seem overwhelming, once you get older and over the years have come to terms with yr craft...

you will thanks us....hell maybe you'll be running this board one day.

also, have you started reading anything like i suggested...

get to reading some stuff on here as well..
take it in...take it out..breathe poetry...

try to crank out that first assignment for us...