Pathetic

[Hannibal]

Drink your money away,
Drink your time away,
And then complain when things don't go your way.
Fuck your women,
Empty quick relations with another,
And then wonder why things don't go your way.
Waste your mind,
Waste your ability,
And then it just gets worse.

Tell everyone how important they are,
while your alcohol leads your thoughts.

Tell everyone how great you are,
while the ladies lead your night.

Tell everyone how pathetic it's gotten,
And be the truth.

[pixxie]

I really like your use of repeptition here. I think it mirrors the drunk's tendency to repeat themselves over and over since they've forgotten everything they've said. I think it works really well in this piece. The only criticism I can offer is on the last line. It just doesn't read right to me. For some reason "be the truth" just doesn't work for me. Maybe you could say be truthful or become truthful or something. I dunno, I'm starting to ramble. Good piece, like it a lot.

[Fliptastic29]

Is this dedicated to me? I'll change i swear it. [img]smile.gif[/img] I like it. What emotions brought this up?

[Hannibal]

Pixxie - I wondered about the last line myself before you had mentioned it.
I wondered and wondered.

I didn't like the ending, but that kinda renews my hate for it [img]wink.gif[/img] good call.


Flippity - just a change I see in a lot of things/people over time. And not for the better. It's just a thought about society in general and what not.

[Fliptastic29]

Totally understand what your talking about. Even in myself. I find that drinking takes its toll on america's youth and middled age. It's an escape/alternate reality.