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[paige11]

a flock of farces breaking the flow-
it breaks and busts into a million little shining pieces of purgatory,
inviting me to put them back together.
I work so long to solve this puzzle,
only to find i've put it together around myself-
now i'm here-no choices remaining with me.
but i wonder what happens when you sit here long enough,
if the glimmering leaves turn into little men with twinkling eyes-
or if the sly cat sneaking past is really an old wisdom, fallen off the top of someone's family tree-
but all in all, all i see is the stark reality of this home i've come to know.
if i sit here forever, will i feel a piece of the magic,
or by sitting here, am i keeping it away...
either way i find myself scanning the serene picture,
hoping for a glimpse of what no one else's eyes will permit them to see,
but perhaps by looking for it, i am looking past it.

[Soiled Soul]

Well let me be the first to say welcome to the board. I like the piece i get a strong feeling of yearning but you are uncertain of exactly what you are yearning for. sidenote: its weird because i can see a lot of relation to this and a speed induced conversation i had last night. anyway welcome aboard

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[ranter]

alrite then... um well, i can see someone has just started to learn rules of poetry (no offense or anything intended by all means) just the use of alliteration and consanance is very apparent throughout...giving the poem a "connected" feeling, i dont know, um as if there were a little thread holding it [the poem]together. weird. but, also, you're creating these great sensual images, but like s.s. said, im somewhat lost, it is a little too abstract and you are not really giving us something to latch onto and form a base of thoughts from where we can grow our own opinion with this and conclude what the general theme. (wow, im on a roll today)but seriously, you need to add some more concrete images, some real visions that we can relate to, OR make that yearning a little more apparent.
favorite part, however: "if the glimmering leaves turn into little men with twinkling eyes-" oh just great visions you gave us, but, man, almost dreamlike acid induced somewhat, but oh, it makes me tingle all funny all over like in that instance of an instant when get up real fast and your spine shivers and you can feel it race through your body...ooh


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[Soiled Soul]

I am still to learn the rules of poetry. so i dont see things like alliteration and consanance i just knew it connected. but i disagree with you Rant i am not lost i feel that the writer is lost. that he is searching for something he cant grasp he wants something that he cant really understand. kinda of he knows what he wants but he doesnt understand it and is unsure if what he is doing will lead him to it or he is doing the complete opposite. am i close paige

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[paige11]

ss, you are on the right track, i am looking desperately for something in this piece, i don't fully understand what it is, that's right. its like i want release from the everyday and live a fairytale, to be visably and tangibly connected to the spirit world. thank you both for the positive comments, i never have other people read my stuff, i tend to keep it to myself, so this is new. and one more thing, for ss, what made you decide to refer to me as "he?"

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[Soiled Soul]

this was the first place people read my work too. keep posting. The reason i made you "he" is really a lot simpler then you probably think. since you brought it up i am going to assume your are a girl and probably thought it was some typical stereotypical thing for me to assume your are a guy because i think that girls cant write or something like that. but actually its just because i am very anti-PC and very lazy. i usually refer to people in pronouns if the name is understood and rather then write he/she i just picked he because most of the people that post are guys so i had a better chance of being right. really big explanation for a really simple question.

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[paige11]

nah, i usually don't assume things about people, learned my lessons in that, i just thought that maybe you thought i was a guy and i thought that was funny, so it was kinda my way of letting you know i'm not. and thanks for the warm welcome, i'll be posting again soon

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[ranter]

see, this is why i think we need a gender nuetral pronoun so we can infer such matters and situations as so. oh well. ge. the word should be ge. yes. that is it. ge. no he, no she, but ge. hehe. ge. pronounced ge. not je, nor ye, but ge. ge.

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[paige11]

is there a reason you picked ge instead of for instance ne or re? i would agree with you, its a pain in the ass to be writing a paper and have to say his or her and she or he.

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