turtleneck

[sarafinamable]

when its difficult to see
i feel your breath
bodies warm the soul
so long 'til death

there's nothing more than distance
it clouds your misty eyes
but i am blind to see
so instead i feel your lies

bruises live on your fingertips
painting me dark colors
no one ever sees
how much these sweaters cover

i don't hate you
i don't fear you
i don't understand you
but i don't think i'm like all the other girls.

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this is life, you don't have to be perfect

[Hannibal]

The end was totally contradictory to the rest of the poem, i felt as I read it.
also, rhyming seems to be a problem for people... but I dont know if any was intended.
The poem itself was interesting.... not too bad, but it seemed kinda.... flat for some reason, and lack of a better word.

Yes, flat.

However, I found it amusing, the title "turtleneck" .. as I was playing yahoo grafitti the other day and had to draw it


------------------
As miserable as life may be I hold it pretty precious...

If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I wil write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always, I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.
Word And Voice
Motocross Fanatics
General Philosophy

[sarafinamable]

i guess i didn't intend it too rhyme too much, just as i was writing it sorta went together.
how do you mean by flat?
the ending is not really suppposed to be a twist, its a girl in an abusive relationship and a lot of times girls don't think that they are like the "other" girls in abusive relationships. they think that they are in control, when infact they are not.
that is what the line is supposed to represent. the denial, and psychological mis-interpritation of the situation; after even relaying the facts to herself about how bad it really is.
thankyou for replying though. i'm glad that someone is reading at least

------------------
this is life, you don't have to be perfect

[Hannibal]

Okay, i see now!!
I wasn't quite sure about the closing, but since you explained it... much clearer.

I'm not realy sure what I meant by "flat" but that's just what I thought when I read it...
hmmm... doesn't mean it's bad, it just doesn't like jump all over me, or ... i dont know... i guess I mean it's okay, not great, not bad, ya know?
Not trying to be offensive, this is just my opinion anyways, and I really don't know a ton about poetry, just what I like, and what I dont
But glad to have ya postin...

------------------
As miserable as life may be I hold it pretty precious...

If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I wil write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always, I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.
Word And Voice
Motocross Fanatics
General Philosophy