Which way?

[machinery]

I'm lost without a word to touch your skin,
Your eyes, to burn visions into my head,
Your flesh, to bare it's soul to me,
You are my direction,
In a sea of discontent.

the variety of words in this piece hop out in this...not sure if good or bad...

the use of burn, flesh, soul and sea....

i really don't know how to back this up or remotely how to prove my point...if there is one....

was this a quick diddie? i think you could really polish this up....reason being....i'm just not sure with yr word choice...but i don't know how to say it well...

tell me what you think...



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"ashtray says you were up all night."

[Hannibal]

You know me man, every peice is a quick diddie. hehehe...

What about my word choice should've been different?what could I do to change it?


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As miserable as life may be I hold it pretty precious...

If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I wil write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always, I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.
Word And Voice
Motocross Fanatics
General Philosophy