Dream

[Hannibal]

In dreams we all see the same thing,
Portals to other places we wish we could go,
Somewhere where everything is,
Clear, cut, and dried.
Love, or hate.
Pain, or pleasure.
Dream with me once more,
And let us see what we can come up with.
Perhaps I'll love you until the end of the earth,
Perhaps I'll eat your soul,
Perhaps it's a good thing we have dreams,
Because it is not often that,
Dreams become reality.
As I would hate to see what I would do to you,
Maybe you can tell me what I did.

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As miserable as life may be I hold it pretty precious...

If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I wil write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always, I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.
Word And Voice
Motocross Fanatics
General Philosophy

[machinery]

?first thing, the captials for each line got to me. I am not sure if you wanted that way or Word did that. It seems to take away from the importance of rhythm from the poem?made it stagnant?no flow.

? "Perhaps I'll eat your soul,"
really? this line beat dents into the poem. Quite pricy. Didn't seem to fit. Remain violently poetic instead of some straight shot '80's horror monstrosity coming out from behind the curtain.

?"Maybe you can tell me what I did."
too much of an ending?too telling.
make it a question, leave a linger.

What you think?


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[This message has been edited by machinery (edited January 16, 2002).]

[Hannibal]

I think that was an awesome assertion my good fellow.

I too wondered about some of the very things you pointed out
especially the perhaps i'll eat your soul part...
thanks man.. I'll make some revisions and post it again most liekly

------------------
As miserable as life may be I hold it pretty precious...

If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I wil write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always, I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.
Word And Voice
Motocross Fanatics
General Philosophy