should

[Hannibal]

I shouldn't be allowed,
To walk, gawk, and stare,
Like I do.

Because all that I do,
Is talk, and lock eyes,
with you.

Fault is a factor,
About so much as guilt is,
To pain.

Emotional words can foretell,
How long it shall be,
Slice the vein.

A cycle of thought prevails,
Though ever illusory may prove,
To be true.

Ever is a long time coming,
For me, for anyone,
For you.

------------------
As miserable as life may be I hold it pretty precious...

If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I wil write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always, I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.
Word And Voice
Motocross Fanatics
General Philosophy



[This message has been edited by Hannibal (edited March 27, 2002).]

[SHATOUSHKA]

i really like this, hanny.
props to you!

er...but i don't really like the
ending to the 4th stanza.
the others had a few syllables to them,
no more than 3.
but 'extinguished flame' has 4...
not to mention being a mouthful to say,
as opposed to the ease of the other ends.


fix it.

------------------
~~share some greased tea with me~~
General Philosophy
Discuss This...
The Acropolis

[Hannibal]

I too hate the end of that stanza.... but.... my mind is drawing blanks... perhaps in a while i will think enough to fix it.


There we are, how you like that now? I like it.. it works.

------------------
As miserable as life may be I hold it pretty precious...

If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I wil write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always, I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.
Word And Voice
Motocross Fanatics
General Philosophy

[This message has been edited by Hannibal (edited March 27, 2002).]

[SHATOUSHKA]

better.

thankeys.

tee hee

------------------
~~share some greased tea with me~~
General Philosophy
Discuss This...
The Acropolis