insulated...

[machinery]

My walls are insulated with her skin. This atmosphere of her, painted insane - to and through to the corners of my boxed fashion and beyond. Her smell, the way she used to lay lazy on my sheets, the way she used to slip out my door to the bathroom right before we fell to my bed... the way i used to embrace her upon arrivial and and how i would guide her backside as she left. Everything dives deeper tonight. My mind is crazy - with regret with love with doubt.


(needs more, needs work, help me out)

[parch]

really don't know what it needs...i'll try. i like the concept and i like most words and all...but some...like "painted insane," and "boxed fashion"...i don't get....so maybe more elaboration or just replacement...words can be given new meanings anytime if a poet wants to do that...but the meanings need to be strong enough that the reader can grasp them.. i like the "her smell"...etc...all the way to "backside as she left"...that was good...but i really, really like the remainding last bit."everything dives deeper"...good line...because it fits well w/ the rest after it. and the mind being crazy is described well,..."with regret..."etc. so the poem was overall good. but some things could be edited...if you really want that..i don't have any ideas to elaborate anything...but i tried to help...hope i did that.
___---parch
ps...the poem will still stand w/o editting if you like how it is now

[machinery]

Yeah, I don't know what it needs either. To me, it seems to fragmented to call it complete. No proper introduction, or ending (well in my eyes anyway) It doesn't have the thrust it needs. I will try and work on it tonight and make something of it.