mother marcia jean

[machinery]

mother marica jean
she rode with me on a sunday
after fables in the wooden pews
of the fictious church boundary walls
her head was high, eyes stern
she listened for fact and her lip quivered to the surround monotone

I on the other hand was lost in the palms of my hands
angrily yawning and fighting my weekend action
my eyes were wanting to fall

mother marcia jean, with those promising black circles
you look with a frown, lopsided and heavy on those bones
I'm sorry I didn't come home
rather than sleep - I drank - I drank silly
and smoked cigarettes - four short of a pack
I rose dizzy in the night, walked the streets of the small town,
late - I was out - the nicotine to my lips and my head to the stars -- I was looking intently ("you don't see this in the city.")
and I saw you, you mother marcia jean
It was you - my mother - that hung in the stars
as if to say you knew
- took a step back and one last drag
then flicked the cherried filter in a nearby bush

and in that steel, on Sunday - moving east (still fighting last night, and your eyes from the opposite seat)
I realize I'm a mystery to you - you know only excerpts (little ideas in your...)
mother - I'm an adult
please don't stare your sterns at me...
mother marcia jean - give me this world
and let me live the life you presented me...

[ranter]

just cuz you said i didnt like it, from the onset i went into reading thinking i was going to like it...and i did...i like more of the idea of the poem than the actual poem though, its a poem of growth, becoming who are, finding ones self, possible rebellion-common in all teenagers, most notably those who go away, go far far away.

[machinery]

yeah, actually, i didn't like this...i dont think this is what I wanted...i like the beginning..but the ending is just an ending.....not what I really wanted to say.....blah blah blah

[Trevor Vincent]

I really liked the way this poem flowed w/the usage of "mother marcia jean." The way you used that really worked for the poem. I agree w/ranter though when I say that I liked the idea of the poem more than the poem itself. I was disappointed in the ending too...I felt that you could have done more w/it. The poem flows nicely though, and the idea behind it is very powerful.

[machinery]

should I revise?

[Trevor Vincent]

I think the second and last stanzas could use some work...I just didn't feel that they were as powerful as the other two.

[machinery]

alright....i just wanted clarification...cuz I didn't think so either...thanks trevor