choice

[rose]

a time to die
a time to wake
a time to lie
a time to fake
a clock ticks
as a life fades
too soon
of sight
too soon
to light
holding back the knife.
AKL

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[machinery]

woah!....a little dark...

I like how the lines and words appear...with the structure and all....
but once again, my ass itches to the rhyming...it's just not me...

when I have short pomes (jack's way of spelling), I want to be short, fast and strong with what I have to say....now I am not saying anything to you with this ('bout your pome I mean) it's just I wanted to tell you what I do...and why I critique this the way I do....

the last line is strong....but let me ask you this, is there anyway you could make it stronger....or your whole work stronger???

anyhows, good work, me likey

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[parch]

yeah, i think the last line is strong too.. but w/ more work in the poem.. it could have more reason to be so strong or somethin.. i don't know...

[ranter]

no offense but this sort of reminds of that song...i think by the byrds, turn turn turn....i think that was the song...anyways, sorry....but your pome evokes more conviction in a single topic and shows more feeling, i must say though.

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