River

[Lunatic Fringe]

dark water ripples
disturbed by stubborn soil
gripped by fingers of grass
reminiscent of a child holding a wanted toy
its parent will not buy

eyes wander farther than legs could carry them
and back to the flowing darkness
that lies in ever-moving sleep
in a bed of sand

subtle pressure
nudges me into gravity's grip
as I fall away from the light
I so desire

dark water ripples
like a discomforted sleeper
rolled upon something hard
as I settle in
with my old lover

light fades
my heart desires no more
too distracted by pain
too grateful for familiar emotion
to care

[Hannibal]

I'll be honest, ... the dark ripples... blood? Water at night?
I am not sure what this overall was about, but the imagery was pretty killer!
Pretty intense peice, and I like it!
good work~

[Generalkaos]

I would like to see some subsequent drafts of this one. The imagery is right on, but this piece looks like it's at the point where you take a look at what's going on in the different images and figure out where they're leading the piece, then revise to get it all the way there...

[blackaquea]

all i can say is, the fluidity is in there...i like it! [img]graemlins/beer.gif[/img]

by the way i'm new heree...i'm not sure if neone remembers tsilo..that's me!hehe

[machinery]

"dark water ripples
like a discomforted sleeper
rolled upon something hard
as I settle in
with my old lover

light fades
my heart desires no more
too distracted by pain
too grateful for familiar emotion
to care"

-an amazing ending....
a mention of discomfort in sleep and settling down with your old lover...

like it's not what you really want, but you take it regardless...like getting dress socks from your aunt instead of cash...i like...(this is just my interp.)

and your last stanza needs nothing said about it...

as with hans, i'm also curious about the dark water ripples

[Lunatic Fringe]

Wow, this piece sat around for a while. I'm kinda suprised to see it dragged out into the light again.

Well, the dark river/ripples imagery is actually pretty simple. Dark refers to the tint of my emotion, and I chose the water/river symbol because of how it was similar to those emotions. Smooth and always in motion, and once you get into them, the can just sweep you away if you're not careful.