dripsy

[sarafina mable]

even today I can taste it dripping down the back of my throat
callusing my memories from last night forward
maybe I?m wicked
chasing sparkly shoes and fucked up fables

found you in a fantasy and tried to shoot you down last night
even when we spilled onto the sandy bottom I never stopped tracing you in my mind
wanting to turn my back, I can?t, I wanted to turn back
instead you shoot me down
said you to all the betwitched eyes ?isn?t she beautiful?
said your wickedness to mine ?you?re my amazement?

[Hannibal]

FUCK -- THIS POEM SUCKS!

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Okay, just kidding, but Didn't want to seem too "gracious" with praise. hahaha..
ok.. seriously now...
This one was so much more cryptic. It seemed to have a meaning, but I felt as if.. it was one that is definately hidden. Myself, I couldn't capture the moment, and see things like I normally can with your work...
this one was just... more... choppy? I dunno.. I'm not a great critic.. I just think what I think when I read stuff, ya know?
But... really

even today I can taste it dripping down the back of my throat
callusing my memories from last night forward

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I did like that... the idea of "callusing" really appealed to me. It worked really well, but from there on, I was... "lost" so to speak, and felt as if I didn't know what was going on...
*shrugS*
perhaps that was the point...

[sarafina mable]

i agree, after re reading this the meaning is very hidden from the reader, i don't really intend to do that ever; but, sometimes my writing is a little selfish when i'm dealing with myself. didn't mean to leave you out [img]smile.gif[/img]
incase you're curious it kinda comes from the morning after a strange night with a friend and some naughty drugs. i was pretty confused so i think thats why it comes off so confusing!
i always love responses though and you are so good about that thankyou !