3:45

[alii_69]

A brand new poem...

hope it's ok!!!

ali.

3:45

Traipsing the sludge
Burning under intense scrutiny
Shake head ? Hair flails
Deep sigh
Breathe deep
Slow down - thoughts like the winner of the 3:45
Throb little vein but don?t cry
Don?t cry in your solitude
You?re not alone now
Your brothers are all around
They?re gonna support you
Light your cigarette
Buy you a drink
Cut a line?
All they ask is that you breathe deep of their love
All they ask is you don?t talk outta turn
Just watch what you say bitch
This gun?s loaded point blank
Blam! Blam! Blam!
Laughter as you cower in the corner
Now you?re against the wall
Now you?re going down
But don?t cry?

?Never cry

[Hannibal]

This one seems to "move" more than your others..
it's got a definate direction, and it goes there.
I like it...
odd subject matter, and the line about "throb little vein, but don't cry" kinda ... struck me..
not sure if it's a good striking, or bad.
But again, I like the opening lines...
and the closing...
in this one, the middle worked as a kind of "boat ride" to take us from the beginning to the end.
I liked that feel.