rambling

**SHATOUSHKA** · July 30th, 2004, 10:34 PM

i talked to reynold today....

no, talked isn't the right word...

he talked.
i listened.

i listened to his bullshit... because he
knew that neanderthal instinct of saying
just the right things to play me like a
fucking pipe.

does it bother me?

of course. it was supposed to.
did i say much?

no....
but then... what could i say?

he's become a monster.

he's not like i thought he was....
changed somehow... into this superficial being.
something i don't support.

* * * *

i saw him enter the cocoon... and come out hideous.

and it hurts... seeing it happen.

because he's changing... completely different
than i knew him.

changing into this gross distortion...
of what i knew. becoming like that of a
beast.

* * * *

influence is a powerful thing....

* * * *

so yeah, i listened...
i let my face lie to him... tell him something
other than what i was thinking or feeling.

what does he care?
he's untouchable... incapable of letting me
affect him.

and why should i?

what do i really care?

i dunno. i'm stupid.

stupid to believe it... stupid to let it
affect me... stupid to allow this muther
fucker the free-reign to come into my life
and attempt to manipulate me from the
inside out.

* * * *

he isn't like i thought....

but then again....

has anyone ever been?

**SHATOUSHKA** · July 30th, 2004, 10:45 PM

its all been a lie.........

**SHATOUSHKA** · July 30th, 2004, 10:46 PM

just one fucking lie after another.... ad nauseum...

why do people do this to other people????

**SHATOUSHKA** · July 30th, 2004, 10:48 PM

why is it always males with this type of behavior???

**SHATOUSHKA** · July 30th, 2004, 10:50 PM

i hate him for that shit....

mainly because he knew...

he knew wtf i've been through....

and he didn't have the decency to be honest...

god...

i'm so tired of this shit...