Another one of those storiessss

[jadey]

Disclaimer: this includes profanity, alcohol and sex. its not that bad...just figured we do got some people on this site who might not wanna read this.

wellllll.......u think u learn from your mistakes...but u dont. u think , next time ill do it better...but u dont. its not like u intend to be an idiot...it just happens. and humans have not invented the technology to deal with shit like that.

welcome to another one of jadeys bitchin stories..and by bitchin, i dont mean awesome, i mean im gunna bitch.

okkkkk..soooo. for those who recall or dont..allow me to recap my other stories...there is this boy i really like Trent hes 19, a yr older than me. been friends with him since like 6 grade. his sister is my best friend, weve known eachother since 1st grade...thats way back ppl.

neways...so i fall in love with him. but love is such a strong word...so lets say i fell in deep like with him. well back in march, i basically confessed to him and turned me down in the meanest way possible, and then thoroughly embarressed me by telling the whole world about it...excpet changing the story COMPLETELY...and makin himself come out on top. basically he said to me...i dont want to date u, i just want to fuck u.

ok etc etc etc lets skip a 4 months of on and off bullshit...and go to last night.

okkkkk...so im drunk very very very drunk. more drunk than i have ever been in. i have always been safe with drinking..and i only do it everyonce in while...so dont wrry about me...so neways..so im very very very drunk. and i did get sick. that actually didnt suck as much as i thought it would...cuz first i couldnt feel or care about it and second i was glad cuz i ridding my system of the vile poison. oh and it was strawberry smirnoff vodka...straight, cuz i hate mixes...cuz i hate drinking...i just like the drunken stage afterwards..cuz suddenly shit is whole lot funnier.

but i wander...so trent leads me to his room. and i am fully aware of what im doing, and i actually went there with the intention of fooling around with him..regardless of his lack of feelings for me. why cuz i just dont care at this point either.

yah so...we are lying there...im freezing cold for some reason..so hes keeping me warm. im sitting there...freezing, being very drunk..thinking a mile a minute and really thinking of nothing at all..u know how it goes. and so all the thoughts that go through my head instead of just thinking them like usual....i just act out. i think "oh i want to kiss him" so i just did. that was our first kiss..lovely scene right...not. neways. oh yah and i had taken off my pants, cuz he told me so and my brain thought..why bother fighting it..u came here to fuck neways right. so neways, i cant really remember the details of it all..which suxs ass...but its my own fault and i deserve it. but i think our teeth hit...which is so stupid and im kinda embarressed bout it...but hey...i wasnt myself right.

neways...so then my friends actually showing concern sent their bro upstairs to check on me...doesnt find me in the bathroom...but in trent room. interrupts us...i think embarressing trent. im pissed off cuz it was just getting good. i go downstairs..and my sister and his sister go upstairs. so everyone (like 5 ppl) go upstairs...and trent decides to tell them what just happened.

but he LIED. he said i initiated the kiss...which i did...but that he didnt kiss back. and that it was all my doing, and that nothing really happened. well fuck u asshole...i may have been drunk but i wasnt having a fucking dream...thats not what happened.

im not going to even bother setting the record straight...because thats bullshit and im not gunna sink to that level. im just gunna stop.

so fuck him. im officially done. im calling him tommorow...and im actually going to meet him, talk to him face to face and tell him, this was a bad idea and its over. im gunna need a lot of courage, cuz he never gives me the time of day to hear me out...but im gunna make him. this is a fruitless relationship...and whiles hes never lied to me about his feelings...its still hurtful. it still just fucking suxs. so fuck u asshole. go fall in love with someone and experience a fucking emotion for once.

ok fin. thank u for that ^_^ in other news..ive actually been very well...so im not really that miserable...just a lil upset.

[Mikochan]

Yes, go tell him face to face exactly what you think of him and his lying ways! What goes around comes around so he'll get what he deserves onme of these days! >(

[jadey]

jadey chickened out....i cant face him. im just to embarressed. today was an incredibly miserable day. last night i had a nightmare about it. i took a nap..had a nightmare. i think about it constantly. i feel like shit. i kinda wanna just cry and have it all go away...but i cant cry. i went for a drive today to clear my thoughts...i was out for like 1 hr and a half...taking scenic routes (my area of connecticut is all scenic route anyways)

im trying to distract myself..but it isnt working out so well. i think im ill with stresssss. *le sigh*

this kinda suxs. i wanna go away to college now and never see him again. i kinda wish he werent my best friends brother. im an idiot.

[Mikochan]

*pat pat* Do it when you can Jadey... or try not to talk to him often... I don't know what you're going through but I'm sure you have support from all the guys from s-c, whatever you do ^_^

[jadey]

yah thank uuuuu. i think the not talking to him is working out. not like i have a choice though since im pretty damn sure hes pretending i dont exist.

but today was a good day. im very preoccupied by the work im doing for my madre...which will give me lots of moneeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. im doing these bookmarks and the dead line is in ....5 hours!!! dear god..and what am i doing? procrastinating of course. cmon give me some manga!!!

plus im working on my flat up at URI. school starts sept 8...wooohooo for shitty uri starting so much later than other schools.

but yah so with all that work it really took my mind off it..so i didnt feel like crying. we'll see bout tommorow though. ^_^

[ShinobiSquirrel]

Yeah, good for you~~! Just ignore that... not saying it... until he comes to you. Then totally tell him off. Man, I dun think I could be so strong after something like that happening. You're great, it's awesome. And one day, you'll find someone you're REALLY in love with, who will be in love with you and you'll live HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

[jadey]

yah i kinda saved myself. yesterday i was haning out with the usual gang and we started talking bout that evil night...and i said.."shit i can hardly remember that night".........so basically i pretended that i didnt know what the fuck they were talking about. and that whatever i said or did was bullshit.

so i guess im in the clear. though if he ever does bring it up...or trys to get with me again....im seriously just gunna go off at him. cuz that was some serious bullshit.

but on a side note...im very happy now ^_^ i just got paid 250 for doing this art thing for this office up at URI. my madre works there and she put in a good word for me and i got offers to do work for other offices. sooo yeaaaaaiiii.

[Hoshi]

Gosh, I feel a little awkward posting some advice, since I don't know you, but of course if you don't like what I say you can just ignore it [img]wink.gif[/img]

I totally feel for you. I've been in a situation similar to yours, however, I kinda think you're not handling it in the best way. I'm saying that 'cause I did what you're doing now, and it kinda bit me in the ass later. I don't think you should avoid him or try to pretend the thing never happened with your friends. All that will come of that is very bad memories that will likely cause you a lot of pain. You're not allowing yourself to actually get over what happened, you'll never heal from it by running away. I think you should confront him, because unless he gets off on being an asshole, I doubt that he feels very good deep down inside about how he's treating you. The fact that he lies about it to his friends kinda proves that, because it shows he's too ashamed to look like the asshole he is in front of everyone. I think you should call him on it- tell him he's a jerk for rejecting you and then using your feelings for him to coerce you into doing things with him. It's a horrible, immature and selfish thing to do. He needs to grow up, and that won't happen if you don't slap him in the face with it. Also, you're putting yourself in danger of making the same mistake twice if you don't confront him- because hey, maybe one day he decides he really wants to get in your pants and he turns into the sweetest guy...if a guy gets away with using you once he can usually do it again if you're still harvesting some pain against him. Also, by not confronting him you're not going to learn as much as you could from your own mistake, and that's a waste of pain if you ask me. If you don't learn from your pain you're just going to hurt yourself in the same way over and over until you finally get it, and by that time who knows where you'll be.
Hopefully reading that wasn't a total waste of time for you, because man I feel like I was typing forever [img]wink.gif[/img] Good luck with feeling better

[ShinobiSquirrel]

As Miko-chan said, you have full support from the people on sakura-crisis. So just forget that whole mess and continue living your life. And you learned something, which is a good thing.

Congrats on that art thing!!! ^^

[jadey]

no i appreciate that and agree with it 100%. its excatly what i want to do. i want to call him and say I need to talk to you right now so meet me in somewhere. and then i want to tell him forget this whole thing. your an asshole. etc etc etc....

but the thing is...he wont give me the time of day. he doesnt care to listen. and i cant say that im breaking anything off...cuz we never had anything. and even though he lied to our mutual friends about what what really happened...he never lied to me about what he wanted. like he did clearly state, he didnt want to date me. he didnt want to get involved. and for a moment, i faltered and thought, well hell go for it anyways. and now i regret it...cuz its a waste of time.

i stopped with him before, and he brought it back, so im thinking, well maybe hes changed his mind...but he hasnt obviously.

so at this point...even though confronting him right now would be the best idea...i cant do that. because it will blow up in my face when he leaves in the middle of it..and then tells everyone what a "melodrammatic bitch" i am.

so as of now...im gunna let it blow over, and if he ever tries anything again..thats when im gunna say "no, get over yourself u egostiscal ass, im not going to waste time with you anymore"

and as for making the same mistake again. i agree..not confronting right now, does lead to that danger, because it basically leaves the option open to go back. but i think at this point...i dont even want to persue any kind of relationship.

and what makes it easier...i am moving to rhode island in like 2 weeks, so ill be like an 1hr away, so it wont be hard to not see him right?

anyways, thanks for the advice. everything you wrote is exactly, almost word for word what i have been thinking.