Ladies and gentlemen.. .I bring you The State of

**Frank Viola** · February 26th, 2002, 07:04 PM

Smackie Chan, Filthy McNastie, Quick, and members of The:
I return as a former Troll of The and a former Member of the great Jim Rome message board. And now, as one of the most respected trolls, it is my privilege to report to you on the State of The.
Tonight I come not to speak about the state of The, not to detail every new initiative we plan for the coming year nor to describe every line in the The budget. I'm here to speak to you and to the trolls and tards about the state of The, about our world -- the changes we've seen, the challenges we face -- and what that means for America.
There are singular moments in history, dates that divide all that goes before from all that comes after.
Think back -- think back just 12 short months ago to the world we knew as 2001 began.
One year -- one year ago, the people of The lived in fear, under the thumb of a dictator- webdog. Today democracy is restored; We are free.
Remarkable events -- events that fulfill the long-held hopes of the American people; events that validate the longstanding goals of American policy, a policy based on a single, shining principle: the cause of freedom.
Smackchat, not just the message board but an idea, alive in the minds of people everywhere. As this new world takes shape, America stands at the center of a widening circle of freedom -- today, tomorrow, and into the next century. Our message board is the enduring dream of every needle-dicked outcast of society who ever set foot on these shores, and the millions still struggling to be free. This message board, this idea called The, was and always will be a new world -- our new world.
It's no secret that here at home freedom's door opened long ago. The cornerstones of this free site have already been set in place: democracy, competition, opportunity, private investment, stewardship, and of course leadership. And our challenge today is to take this system of ours, a system second to none, and make it better: a better message board, where there's a rack for everyone who wants one; where women posting on The can be confident their children are in safe and loving care and where our mods work to expand child-care alternatives for parents; where we reconcile the needs of a clean environment and a strong economy; where ``The Trolls'' is recognized around the world as the symbol of quality and progress; where every one of us enjoys the same opportunities to live, to work, and to contribute to society and where, for the first time, the American mainstream includes all of our disabled citizens such as Special Kid; where everyone has a roof over his head (even Norman Broke Ass) and where the homeless get the help they need to live in dignity; where our schools challenge and support our kids and our teachers and where all of them make the grade; where every street, every city, every school, and every child is drug-free; and finally, where no American is forgotten -- our hearts go out to our hostages who are ceaselessly on our minds and in our efforts.
That's part of the future we want to see, the future we can make for ourselves, but dreams alone won't get us there. We need to extend our horizon, commit to the long view. And our mission for the future starts today.
Yes, we are going to invest in this little message board. "The" is determined to encourage the creation of ideas, ideas of all kinds.lobal market.
Let me tell you, if we ignore people like Abu, if we lose the spirit of American ingenuity, the spirit that is the hallmark of the American blue collar message board poster, that would be bad. The American blue-collar message board poster is the most productive poster in the world.
And one more thing: Last fall at the education summit, the Governors and I agreed to look for ways to help make sure that our kids are ready to learn the very first day they walk into the classroom. And I've made good on that commitment by proposing a record increase in funds -- an extra half-a-billion dollars -- for something near and dear to all of us: Head Start.
By the year 2003, every poster must start posting less bullshit.
By the year 2004, each poster will be Republican.
Every poster must be a skilled, literate worker and citizen.
Ambitious aims? Of course. Easy to do? Far from it. But the future's at stake. The will not accept anything less than excellence.
These investments will keep The competitive. And I know this about the people of this damn message board: We welcome competition. We welcome links to pictures of nude breasts. We'll match our ingenuity, our energy, our experience and technology, our spirit and enterprise against anyone. But let the competition be free, but let it also be fair. We're ready.
The state of The depends on whether we help our neighbor -- claim the problems of our community as our own. We've got to step forward when there's trouble, lend a hand, be what I call a point of light to a stranger in need. We've got to take the time after a busy day to sit down and read with our kids, help them with their homework, pass along the values we learned as children. That's how we sustain the state of The. Every effort is important. It all adds up. It's doing the things that give democracy meaning. It all adds up to who we are and who we will be.
Let me say that so long as we remember the American idea, so long as we live up to the ideal of Steve Sax, the state of The will remain sound and strong.
The anchor in The today is freedom, holding us steady in times of change, a symbol of hope to all the world. And freedom is at the very heart of the idea that is Smackchat. Giving life to that idea depends on every one of us. Our anchor has always been faith and family.
In the last few days of this past momentous year, our family was blessed once more, celebrating the joy of life when a little boy became my 2nd child. When I held the little guy for the first time, the troubles at home and abroad seemed manageable and totally in perspective.
Now, I know you're probably thinking, well, that's just a father talking. Well, maybe you're right. But I've met a lot of children this past year across this country, as all of you have, everywhere from the Far East to Eastern Europe. And all kids are unique, and yet all kids are alike -- the budding young environmentalists I met this month who joined me in exploring the Florida Everglades; the little leaguers I played catch with in Poland, ready to go from Warsaw to the World Series; and even the kids who are ill or alone -- and God bless those boarder babies, born addicted to drugs and AIDS and coping with problems no child should have to face. But you know, when it comes to hope and the future, every kid is the same -- full of dreams, ready to take on the world -- all special, because they are the very future of freedom. And to them belongs this new world I've been speaking about.
And so, tonight I'm going to ask something of every one of you. Now, let me start with my generation, with the parents out there. You are our living link to the past. Tell your children the story of struggles waged at home and The, of sacrifices freely made for the sake of this free message board. And tell them your own story as well, because every Jim Rome clone has a story to tell.
And, parents, your children look to you for direction and guidance. Tell them of faith and family. Tell them we are one nation under God. Teach them that of all the many gifts they can receive, a "Rack" is their most precious legacy, and of all the gifts they can give the greatest is helping others.
And to the children and young people out there tonight: With you rests our hope, all that America will mean in the years and decades ahead. Fix your vision on a new century -- your century, on dreams we cannot see, on the destiny that is yours and yours alone.
And finally, let all Americans -- all of us together here in this shitty message board, the symbolic center of democracy -- affirm our allegiance to this idea we call SmackChat. And let us remember that the state of The depends on each and every one of us.
God bless all of you, and may God bless this great message board, the United States of America.