Why is it that you CANNOT hit on a chick when she'

**The 80's Man** · March 18th, 2002, 03:41 PM

Outside a strip mall this weekend they had a special one day only sunglasses hut set up. I was driving by and saw that it was a special on shades, and the G-man can't have too many of those motherfukkers. So I pulled into the strip mall and saw that there were two girls working there. One was kinda ugly (even though I would have gotten between both of her pasty, thick legs after no beers), and the other was, well, catching of the eye of a hot-to-trot General. I used my body and face to send off a vibe ala Damone on Fast Times, as I wore my short pant khakis and a "Tide" shirt. That sends off the image of, "I keep myself nice and clean for ya."
It was a buy one get TWO free special, and the hotter chick was pimping it out loud "Buy one get two free!" she kept yelling. I walked around the table wearing my own shades and checked her out. She was wearing some tight jeans and a red top with strings around her back so that I could see most of her back. So looked sort of South American to me with kind of a rough face but with some makeup she'd be nice. I liked her rough edges look. I looked on with sheer innocence as I thought of shaving her beave for her and smacking her tits a couple times. And THEN, the defining moment. As I was looking at shades, she bent down to get some shades and put them on display and I saw a fukkin black THONG. forums

This resulted in a big damn Woodrow Wilson in my pantaloons, bigger than the one I got when I saw the half-goth chick's leopard panties. Even seeing a glimpse of that string running down the crack of her ass, I had to maintain my Damone-like coolness. As I looked at the shades and her thong, she stood up and again pimped "Buyyyyyyy one get two free!!" to some bypassers at the strip mall.
I took a deep breath and said, "Buy you one strawberry malt and get two kisses?," with an ensuing Clooney grin. She stepped back and said, "pleeeeease!" sarcastically.
Her fellow worker, which I had already determined to be her friend since hot chicks always have an ugly best friend, laughed with her as if she didn't want some G-Dikk. forums

There was no way I was going to walk away from that sunglasses hut without making SOME kind of attempt to eventually yank off that thong or at least yank off while thinking of that thong. THe latter seemed to be inevitable as she ignored me and I whimpered like Bud Bundy, "So what do you say....you like strawberry malts?" Holy fukk it was pathetic.
"I'm busy right now."
Then the General came out in me and I got quite pissed.
"But you don't work all day."
"I got plans tonight."
I said, "Have you seen my sled?"
"Your WHAT?"
"My car."
Then the fukkin ugly chick goes, "she doesn't want to go out with you."
What the FUKK? I got SORELY pissed and thought about whipping out my Revolutionary War pistol but held back because I didn't want to cause a scene.
I stood there, shoulders square to that ugly chick, and asked, with my voice kind of quivering because I was nervous but spewing shit in the heat of the moment, "If I buy you a glass of Diet Rite with I get two...rides....in the hay with ya?" I smiled with satisfaction and stuck my tongue out like a punkass and started backpeddling to my car as she yelled some obscenities at me.
Fukkin meltdown on my part and hers.
FOr scoreboard, I climbed in my badass, expensive Jeep that I'm borrowing from my lawyer dad and drove right up to the stand with Third Eye Blind's "Graduate" playing in the Jeep and I nodded my head to the beat while wearing my shades. They probably thought twice right then as many Benjamins flashed before their eyes. I shook my head like, "what stupid broads" and drove off.
Damn I wanted that thong chick.
Apricots.
Oot,
GioPete

forums

**Bacefelice** · March 18th, 2002, 03:45 PM

Eat a dick, Giovanni you fake Guinea moron.

Take this poor excuse for a take over to thetrolls.com like you threatened to.

Sincerely,
Warren

**Cuda** · March 18th, 2002, 07:10 PM

Chalk it up to bad luck, G-man. How could you have possibly known that they were dykes?

Maybe if they were sporting some rainbow stickers or something, or if they parked their mini-truck close by, it may have raised some red flags. Two butt-ugly bitches would be a dead-giveaway that they were rug-munchers, but the decent looking one threw you off.