Xenia

[*Leo the Lioness*]

anyway, as i was about to say.....i didn't find anything wrong with anything you said, you pretty much hit the nail on the head as far as use of those kinds of words and what they mean to different people....and i know you see both sides of it, because i do too....before my son, i knew it wasn't a nice thing to say, but neither are words like "idiot" or "moron"....i would say it anyway, although not very often.....once he came to me, it all changed for me.....it took me a very long time to accept what we were dealing with, and even sometimes now, i still have to remind myself that this isn't going away, and that there are cruel people in the world who find his condition hilarious and would think nothing of calling him a retard to his face....or taunt him somehow....but that's my problem right? (that isn't directed towards you *L)

the reason i even brought that up was because i was recently told to "lighten up" about use of that word around me....and while it doesn't hurl me into the tailspin it once did, it still hurts to see it tossed around the way it is.....hell, it's even on this board, a couple of people have used it to put themselves down or joke around or something....i never went to them and said anything, but i have to be honest and say i no longer see them as i did before....that it left a really bad taste in my mouth and i wont forget it....it may not dictate how i treat them, unless they choose to use it repeatedly, but i can understand how they see it and it isn't "personal"

but it is

to me it's very personal....and a lot of people just can't, or wont, understand that.....so when i'm told to "lighten up, it's only a word"....it just sort of adds salt to the wound, you know?

and i know you know, Xe, even though the disabilities arent the same.....*hugs you tight*.....there's a piece of writing i'd like to share with you, and i've met the author, she's a brilliant woman.....she writes for Sesame Street and her son was born with Down's Syndrome

this is for you and me and anyone else who expected to go to Italy:


Welcome to Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley


I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. Michelangelo's David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland".

"Holland?!?" you say, "what do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The most important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would have never met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they all had there. And all the rest of your life you will say "yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's where i had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland."



*hugs Xenia again*

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Say Anything.......

Leo the Lioness' Anything Board

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.....

*beeze* anata aishiteimasu, baka *L

[*Leo the Lioness*]

*WONDERS why rotten erased his post saying he enjoyed that writing cuz it made him think*

ah well *G

yeah, i guess some stuff stays with ya...i've let it go for the most part, tho....anyway, i didn't really mean to compare our situations other than the identification element of expecting one thing and being presented with another......we, as first time parents especially, don't want to think anything could be wrong with our babies....and then when it happens, it can be a traumatic experience, even if the trouble is mild....although, we're not the ones who have to live that life, it's the kids who do...you and i are custodians of how they view it, themselves, and the rest of the world....lottttta hardships and hard lessons, but then the rewards of small and not-so-small successes cannot be compared with anything......there's no bigger joy than watching a child grow and learn, but in the case of children with disabilities, watching them overcome obstacles you and i take for granted feels even better

if you ever want gratitude, visit a children's rehabilitation center....my son isn't nearly as bad off in terms of how disabled he is as some of the children he's gone to school and therapy with.....some of them would bring you to tears just looking at them....and yet, once you get used to that and past it, and you spend time in their company, you start to see their souls radiating from every pore of their beings.....you realize the people they are inside and they're like angels *G.....it's a life lesson that can only be learned first hand

i respect you for your admission, it's not always an easy thing to do, i know....it's cool, tho, i know where your heart is....that's what i was saying, for me it's a double-edged type thing *L.....i can see both sides as well, having been there, and also having heard other admissions from friends like you.....hey, it's not the end of the world, it's clear that some people have more sensitivity toward this kind of thing, and some dont, like those who just have the attitude "ahhhh, lighten up"........which is what prompted me to say something on that thread.....notice when i did mention it, i was really addressing that type of person and the attitude behind it.....obviously you aren't one of them *G

anyhow, i'm glad you liked what i posted... ...i have always loved that woman's food for thought in that analogy, and it hit me deeply the first time i read it, because that is as close to describing the experience as anyone can....as i said, i had the pleasure of meeting her one time and talking and even corresponding with her....*G.....she is an amazing woman, a big-time advocate for the disabled, and highly influential.....not to mention a gifted writer....i feel honored to have made her acquaintence...

yours too! *L.....

[WARLORD]

the saying "words hurt", are very true. We all want to think that we are bullet proof and nothing gets to us, but there is something that always something out there that gets on our nerves or rubs us wrong.
unfortunately we all know how words can hurt and we often use them in that manner.
it would be nice to once not hear something derogatory, negative, or a put down.
but thus life goes on.
it's what's in your heart that counts, not what people say, and we can't control them (unfortunately).

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[Xenia]

.....whoa....i didnt think my post deserved its own thread but ill Xcept ur acknowledgement as respect.thanX.oh and i wasnt tryin to compare the two disabilities in anyway or any others...but the only reason why i responded to the subject was because i would feel like an asshole hipocrite to use the word and not take responsability for it being offensive...and admitting that no matter how i mean it,it still can hurt...and if im seen differently for it, thats fine...i wont take it personal...thats what makes ppl,ppl...and you shouldnt lighten up about it if thats the way you feel.im not here to change anyones minds about anything.i just couldnt help touch this one.i talked about this with you Leo when i first met you,cuz i called somebody in the pool a retard.you spoke up right away.it never left me with a bad taste in my though.and even recently ive talked about it with J and he told me just how he felt too when i said it.i respected it cuz it was genuine and it made me think.Leo,i realize why you feel so strongly about this,kids will do it to ya.i cant say i know what you have to deal with eachday,cuz i'd be lying...but to imagine it this way is what makes me see the other side of the coin.


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wont you listen to me Sam he's a devil not a man and he spreads the burning sand with water......... cool.......... clear.......... water