Fear

**Rogue Angel** · August 22nd, 2007, 02:49 AM

i know everyone keeps saying that there's nothing to worry about... but here i sit, with my hands all clammy, waiting for it to be time to get up and get ready to go down to Wake Forest and sit while my mother has surgery on her carotid arteries... she's probably sleeping peacefully in her bed, lol. While i sit up and worry... not worry, exactly... just...willing everything to go alright... can't sleep, though it's almost midnight, and i have to be up by 5am... *sighs*... i still have things to do in order to be prepared in the morning... *sighs again*... it's not as simple anymore as just getting up, throwing clothes on, and flying out the door late. nooooooooope. now i have to always be prepared... before i can go i have to take my blood and get a reading so i know whether or not to give my shot... take my pills... give my shot...pack my breakfast, lunch, and another shot for before dinner... blah blah BLAH BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

<font size="6">BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!</font>

*ahem*... sorry. it's getting on my nerves today. just... i never appreciated how simple things were, until they weren't. such is life i guess...

anyway, i don't even know what the fuck i'm rambling about, really, just keep your fingers crossed and send good thoughts my way to keep my mother safe. [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img]

**mRs.GaToR** · August 22nd, 2007, 01:29 PM

Sending you lotsa [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/kiss.gif[/img] and *HUGS*

**Lost in time** · August 22nd, 2007, 02:09 PM

sending you thoughts and prayers RA

**Canadian Chick** · August 22nd, 2007, 03:13 PM

I'm sending good thoughts for your mother and for you as well [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img]
*HUGGGGGGGGS* [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

**ellanoize** · August 23rd, 2007, 03:20 AM

You and your Mother are in my thoughts and prayers [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img]

**wildnthewind** · August 23rd, 2007, 03:37 PM

She's gonna be ok, I just know it!
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I know it's easier said then done but, you have your own health to worry 'bout too ya know!
**hugs [img]graemlins/boy_hug.gif[/img] **
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[img]graemlins/sleepy.gif[/img]

**Rogue Angel** · August 24th, 2007, 03:09 AM

[img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] thank you all... it means a lot to know you care... [img]smile.gif[/img]

things were sort of up and down yesterday, i have to say... i didn't manage to get a whole lot of sleep the night before, but i got up at 5am, went to pick up my brother at 6:30, and we were on our way a little before 7... we got down there at about 9:30, 10:00... and they called almost as soon as we sat down, saying the surgery was over. That in about an hour and a half, they would call us and give us the ICU number (they have several, just in that one building, on one floor of it. Wake Forest (Baptist Hospital) is a HUGE fkn place.) so we could go in to visit for a few minutes... Well, we went and killed an hour and a half, and when we went back to the waiting room, we got a call from the doctor, saying that he was just stitching her up and taking her to recovery. We were suprised, as we thought she had been done already. But it was a miscommunication between the OR nurse and the waiting room nurse. When they called the first time, it was just to let us know they had done the most risky part, which was severing the carotid artery and scraping out the plaque, then reattaching it... Apparently, once it is severed, they only have about 2 minutes to clean it out and reattach before you start suffering from lack of oxygen to the brain...

Anyway, we had to wait another hour for her to get out of recovery, and then we got to go see her in ICU... i was sort of bothered at the time by her low blood pressure and low heart rate, but they assured me that they were giving her something to bring them up and stabilize her... we had to leave then, because technically visiting hours don't start until 1pm, and we had already been in for a while... so we went for lunch, then came back up to visit at 1... My brother and i went in together, thinking that if she was stable, we were going to head on home after our visit... well. that didn't quite work out the way it was planned... The stuff that they gave her to increased her blood pressure WAY decreased her heart rate to an even 30... and her blood pressure was still only about 90/40. They stopped the med that was supposed to increased her blood pressure, and started something to get her heart rate up... THAT made her blood pressure bottom out to 80/30... and everyone started freaking out and made us leave... we couldn't go back until 3, and when we went in again, we ALL went... and her BP and heart rate were STILL low... they decided to give her some dopamine, which is supposed to bring up both at the same time and stabilize... i was standing there talking to her, and suddenly her face turned almost PURPLE... and tears started squeezing out of her eyes, and she started gasping for air, saying that she was sick... i looked up at the monitors... it had been about 2 MINUTES since they started the dopamine.. her BP shot up to 145/90, with a pulse rate in the 90's as well... i screamed for the nurse and they stopped it IMMEDIATELY, meanwhile she is trying to sit up which she isn't supposed to do, and saying that her chest hurt... at that point we were SHOVED out, and a herd of screaming people came running by and inside to do an EKG... it was normal, and my mom said it just felt like acid reflux... they gave her something for it and it went away... we weren't allowed to go back until 5... and when we went in, they were still playing around with the levels of meds to stabilize her.. the nurse pretty much told me that it had almost caused her to have a heart attack, her BP and heart rate going up SO much so quickly... i explained to her that my mom's blood pressure and pulse are ALWAYS low... sometimes her lower number stays in the 40's... and her pulse is always extremely low... even when she had 70% blockage in the carotid that they scraped out... she's an excellent compensator... very tolerant of pain and etc... she said her BP and heart rate were at shock levels, and she was amazed that she was showing no signs of it... she was alert and oriented, and did not seem bothered at all by it being that low... we had to leave again, and i was worried about them giving her all these medicines... i had related to the nurse that if they would stop it all, she would probably regulate herself... like i said, she is an excellent compensator... and when you have surgery on your carotid, there is a sensor there that has to regulate itself... it's used to the blockage... when the blockage is eliminated, the sensor goes nuts because there is full flow, and thinks that the blood pressure is much higher than it actually is... it just needs a chance to compensate for it. (at which point she asked me exactly what my profession was and what kind of training i've had, lol.) They pried me away, though, and made me eat some nasty cafeteria dinner, and we went back again later... i was shocked when i walked in, because she was sitting up, eating her dinner tray, and talking like there was nothing in the world wrong... her BP was normal, as was her heart rate... i asked what they did, and the nurse laughed and said that Dr. Wilson, her actual surgeon, agreed with me, that she needed to be taken off all the meds they were using to try to support her BP and heart rate. As SOON as they did, her body regulated itself, and she stabilized... guess i'm not ENTIRELY stupid, after all... [img]wink.gif[/img]

We stayed around a little longer, just to make sure nothing else was gonna happen, then headed for home. What a lonnnnnnng long trip.... ugh. Felt like forever insteada 3 hours, lol. We got home late, and i crashed out on the couch... i gamely set my alarm for work though, thinking that MAYBE i might be up to going... pffft. I woke up on the couch, with my ankles so swollen i wondered if i could actually get OFF the couch, lol. My head was pounding, i was worn out, my stomach was slightly upset from all the nasty caf food yesterday... i just didn't feel up to going at all... i wasn't sick, persay... just exhausted and maxed out. That was WAY too much fucking excitement for me to handle, especially when it involves someone i love... i decided to take a day... put my feet up to bring down the swelling... eat some decent food... get some extra sleep and rest... everyone seemed to be ok with it, which was good... The first thing i did (after getting my shot and etc squared away of COURSE... grr) was hobble in here on my fat-ass ankles to tell everyone that despite a few bumps in the road... things are ok... [img]smile.gif[/img] My dad called a bit ago, and my mom is up and walking around, complaining about wanting outta there... she will be released today, but they aren't coming home til tomorrow... they're staying with some of their friends til friday... Their friend just married a woman who is a doctor, lol, and she said that she wasn't releasing my mom to go home from HER house til friday,*L*... which i actually thought was a good idea... she will be resting instead of traveling home... getting fed, GOOOD food... margaret only makes healthy food... and she will be close to the hospital (5 min away) in case she needs anything, or anything happens... but i will be glad when she finally gets home on friday... [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

As for me, now that i've had my shot and a spot of breakfast, i think i will go prop my stupid feet back up so that the swelling will go down, and get some rest... I feel like i walked 3 miles yesterday, and i probably DID. DAMN that place is huge... but very very nice... as is everyone that works there... VERY different from what goes on around our dinky little town... i'm SO glad i talked her into going to a larger hospital... but it was exactly 100 degrees outside, and i walked up about 4 levels of parking to get to my car, because my doofus bro wouldn't listen when i said we were on the wrong floor. *L*. I think i almost had a heat stroke... lol. Alls well that ends well, though... and thank you all again for sending good thoughts, wishes, and prayers... *HUGGGGGGGS*