disgrace

[Beautiful~Mistake]

*examines the dirt under my nails...

[Beautiful~Mistake]

i wish i didn't have to grow up.. i miss those lazy days... bein a kid.. nothing to worry about.. .

rolling in the grass.. playing in the sand.. i mean.. i still do that now.. but.. it's just not the same, you know..

[Beautiful~Mistake]

and i wish these headaches would stop...

i wish the doctor would tell me what's wrong with me.. instead of looking at me like i'm just trying to get pills out of him... *p..

[Beautiful~Mistake]

just sitting in the waiting room....

[Beta-Decay]

Growing old sucks.


If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever.

[Beautiful~Mistake]

a boot.. a song...

[Beautiful~Mistake]

*screams.. pulling on the boots and tightnin up the laces!..

[Beautiful~Mistake]

no.. that's rude

[Beautiful~Mistake]

here is this other reality about which very little is said.... it is unavoidable but somehow we manage... only in retrospect will we touch it... when someone finally sees it plainly, so plainly that the vision isitself will not allow him to proceed with his life, but stands waiting for him behind every convenient corner....

he quickly formulates a system designed to transform human personality and to revolutionize the world... of course it never does... it only boxes a corpse...

the truth cannot be tidied up.. when it is overstated, intelligent people dismiss it & then stop looking at even those small but persistent evidences within their own lives...

they continue their conversations as if everything grew out of one flat piece of soil they stand on, as if they didn't die.. as if they didn't dream, didn't wake up in the night, screaming, didn't reach for the phone knowing.. didn't feel their diseases melt from them in the presence of the one they love.. didn't sense their child calling to them, didn't see their friends walk whole before them in their deaths....

[Beautiful~Mistake]

last night was bad, my doubts were all i really had.. realizing i was alone and trying to think of someone to phone, but no one came to mind.. there was nothing for me to say that just anyone would understand..
i was scared and afraid, i was so alone.. we're neurotic we've had it!
surround myself with people, but i'm always alone.. human props.. small talk keeps silence from imposing my own mind, my worst enemy..
it will destroy me slowly..
more coffee more coffee more coffee..
i'm going numb.. we're neurotic, we've had it! it's hard for me to explain, it's hard to explain, it's hard to understand all the fear and phobia that lays inside and traps this man..
when i'm surrounded i wanna scream and kick down the walls..
destroy what hold me.. i wanna smash it all..