-
again, or so it seems.
flashback. but not really.
i'm old enough to understand.
i'm not five at my grandpa's death-bed.
i'm not ten looking at my grandma's rehab schedule.
i'm not ten when i couldn't understand the phonecall.
i'm not ten when they won't let me go to my brother's funeral.
a small white coffin.
that i never saw.
i'm not young when they won't talk to me.
no,now i'm old enough to understand.
and i almost wish i wasn't.
because then i wouldn't have to come up with something to say to comfort him.
i could just hide behind my mom.
and pretend to be sad.
till it hits me years later.
but now i'm old enough to know.
and i can't do anything.
an ocean away, i can't fly in for the weekend.
moving and back to college.
i can't be there, but now it's my fault.
and i can't think of anything to say.
so i tell him to read "the lord of the rings" while he's in hospital.
but i know he won't.
he'll read some history book - doing research - even in hospital.
it's him afterall.
he'd never admit that he's depressed even though i know he is.
no, he's happy that he's lived longer than his mother.
and there's nothing i can do.
but wait.
flashback all over again.
------------------
"i don't drink water - fish have sex in it" -oscar wilde
"timepieces don't keep time. they just keep up with it, if they're able." -dava sobel
[This message has been edited by NecroFlash (edited August 08, 2001).]
-
*hugs*
Very good. Sad but powerful. Loverly.
-
Wow. very powerful.
*hugs*
------------------
The original ninja lesbian milk getter.
Please click on that banner.
The one called "brain" and "brandiflakes" and....
I'm tired of the silent majority. Silence equals death.
Life is what you make it.
"For there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so."-Shakespeare, Hamlet
"My hope is that one day our society as a whole will be able to look past gender and see the integrity of the relationship that lies beyond." --Jamie Brown
ChatterBox
