unbelievable

is it wrong of me to be jealous that my mom's spent more time with her boyfriend in the past week than she has with me in the past two years?

is it wrong of me to be crying over this?..

i thought after my dad left that we'd have time to get to know each other..
she quit her other job so she'd have more time for us..
but now she's spending it all with him..

she's gettin tattooes and fucking piercings...

this isn't my mom =(

i feel like i'm 13 years old.. jealous over her boyfriend..
i'm nearly 20 and i'm upset about this..
maybe i'm just being stupid?
i'm pretty good at that sometimes...

we have a house!..
we put an offer in yesterday and they accepted today..
i'm soooo..
i dunno what i am!..
just............ wow!

I went thru that too once paiges..it hurts..no doubt about it..i was jealous of him..and the fun they were having..i wasnt included..but then i remembered the times..mom wanted to talk to me..and i was busy with my new b'f..or freinds..or..i just plain didnt wanna listen..its a two way street ..talk to her..tell her how you feel..give her a chance to right it..could be she has no idea.. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

i have this sudden urge to hurt somebody..
not physically..
just.. so they know how i'm feeling..?

i want to share my pain with you

blazer...
i tried to tell her today..
but she didn't have the time for me..
every day she has off, it's with my little brother or her sisters..
she's gone by the time i wake up and i'm asleep by the time she gets home..
she goes on about how good he is to her..
and i'm happy for her..
but he's not a part of my life..
and i don't want him to be..
because he's taking up my time..
and it's not like i even had it in the first place
i never thought this would be so hard..

bless your heart..one day..she will know what she missed..thats the sad part..parents sometimes forget they will be old and lonely and will only have their children for comfort..and if theri kids never got the comfort they needed..they wont know how to comfort.. [img]frown.gif[/img] ..if i were your mom..we'd be more like sisters..thats how i am with my mom now..was a long road to get there..but..we are there.. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] ..chin up..your worth it to me.. [img]graemlins/kiss.gif[/img]

just venting...
i guess you could say it's my trial run..
practice speech before i lower the boom..
*L..
this is the fourth night in a row she'll have gone out with him.. tomrorow night and the night after, he's comin here for dinner..
which i have to cook because she'll be at work..
i have to babysit... while she goes out..
my friends complain they never see me anymore and nobody wants to drive out here to see me, so i'm stuck with my baby brother every day..
all day..
except for when he's at school..
then i'm just alone..
cleaning, and cooking
i feel like i have no life anymore

a HOUSE!..thats awesome!..yours..who's??

and then i'm thinkin..
well it was ok..
when rant was around..
because he made me feel good..
but he's not around...
and i dunno if he ever will be again..

i'm so sick of being such a fucking downer
i really don't try to be..
i just have a lot on my plate
and it's gettin to me..

maybe it'll be better after we move..
maybe it'll be worse

who fuckin knows...

i've never been close with my parents..
i guess niether of us are really any good at that sort of stuff
cuz they've never been there and niether have i..
i don't really know why i expected things to change,
but i did..
what a rude awakening..

yep.. new house... it's my mom's...
but.. it's ours...
startin over... just the three of us for now..

i dont think i'll stay long..
there's only two bedrooms and well..
it won't go over too well for very long..
but its awesome..
AND it has a great big yard for my doggy [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ March 27, 2004 07:22 PM: Message edited by: the revenant ]</font>

well..it sounds pretty nice..and doggy needs room for sure..but so does paiges..i wish you well..and i hope things get better for you..you remind me of my baby brother..course..he is 30..not a baby anymore..*sighs*..but he had a hard time..still does..he feel so misunderstood..but i try..and i love him..and he cant ask for more than that..if you were closer..you'd love him too.. [img]wink.gif[/img] ..he has that way about him.......maybe someday.....you'll appear in my world..never know..stranger things have happened.. [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img]

n thanks, blazer... [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]
somebody here always know show to make me smile
*huggs you tight

jus glad i happened by..i dont do that enough..do i.. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] ..cya lil one!

ohhhh !!..
i'd looooove to be in your world someday
i've always dreamed of meeting you guys...
you've all been soooo kind to me ever since i came to the ph..
and ever since then...
i've always talked of going to visit...
someday, i will...
that's a guarantee

nope.. not nearly enough..
i think we're all a little guilty of that, tho [img]redface.gif[/img]
thanks for stopping by..
and stopping my tears [img]wink.gif[/img]

and ive a place for you should you ever head in my direction..thats a promise..ive said it to you before..so its no secret.. [img]smile.gif[/img] ..im glad i wiped your tears..and i will do better on visiting you here..you make me smile too..always have.. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

sounds wonderful to me *beams happily..

hiiiiiii..whats happening round here today?..its sunny..warm..and im going shopping for DOG stuff.. [img]eek.gif[/img]

it's beautiful and sunny here, too..
spent most of the morning shovelling snow..
just taking a break, as my hands are beginning to ache..
hahahha i rhymed *L

it's been a zoo around here since i woke up..
grumpy after 2 hours of restless sleep and my mom's boyfriend is the first person i see *scowlz..
then we sit down for breakfast and three more people show up..
and then more people showed up..
and my phone's been ringin non stop..
so i came online so they can't call *L

but once again..
i'm left behind to babysit the brother while my mom goes off to play..
it sucks.. i hate having to cancel my plans so she can she can go out..
a couple nights is ok..
5 nights in a row sucks fuckin ass
*L

scratch yer doggy for me *L

i sat in the sun for the past couple of hours..
basking in its warmth..
the water dripping from the rooves is such a good sound on my ears..
spring teases my senses~

it's impossible to stay grumpy when it's so nice out!
i just wish this damn snow would go away..
fresh snow on the peaks of the mountains..
as beautiful as it is..
it pisses me the hell off *L
i wanna go camping...

my hands are aching to the point of almost not being able to type..
i can't draw, either... *p..
i can hardly hold onto a pen..
but i gotta finish shovelling..
this is brutal

aww..tell mom youve plans a day or two ahead?..will she watch your brother..even if you walk down the street and sit..it would be worth it to get away.. [img]graemlins/kiss.gif[/img]

are you wearing gloves..talk about blisters..ouch!

yeah.. i got my alone time today...
shovelling snow *L
being mad makes the job go by sooo faster..
*L beatin up the snow with my shovel..
nope.. i couldn't find my gloves...
bare handed..
no blisters *thank god for that
but i can feel where they almost started to form..
ehh.. a couple blisters never hurt anybody
i do tell her i have plans...
she lays the guilt trip on me...
it works every fuckin time

well..shit..then i guess you just dissapper then..sneak off..*L..poor girl..*sighs*..and you should have worn gloves..hope your blisters aint so bad.. [img]graemlins/kiss.gif[/img]

Its all rainy here today..i went and brushed my horse yesterday..he is shedding like crazy..all the winter hair..coming off in handfulls..*sneezes hard*..anyhow..he is alot happier today..not as itchy.. [img]smile.gif[/img] ..was nice tho to get outside..now its supposed to rain for the rest of the week.. [img]graemlins/whatever.gif[/img]

*L.. i always sneak off...
works great..
no blisters..
i made sure they didn't come...
*phewwww
ahhhh yeah.. love the removal of winter coats..
*not [img]graemlins/whatever.gif[/img]
i always felt sorry for animals,
come spring..
couldn't be brushed enough, it seems..

yeah.. the rain came today...
it better be nice tomorrow.. shakes my fist

we have SNOW..went from 70..to 30..quick..poor horse was freezing..i had to towel him dry..stable blanket..warm mash for dinner..and shut up in the stall..all that equals one wet..smelly..muddy chele..YUCK..the things we do for our babies.. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

euwww...
hahaha that does not sound like much fun.. *L
i know the feeling, tho..
i only have dogs.. but man..
i think they like to roll in shit just so i'll clean 'em n they can do it again