script

[bigmasi]

Originally posted by Kev O.:
How can you say you hate VO??? Didn't we cover this weeks ago?

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Yes, we did... sorry, I used a strong word. I thought you would get the "joke" behind it.

Seriously. Maybe I'm not able to think a good, interesting VO and that's why I don't like them. I take back what I said. If the VO and the visuals would have somekind of contrast ...it might work for me also.

Duffy, I would write some visuals to the script so that we all could "see" it the same way that you do and understand your vision more clearly. By the way, are you a director or writer or both? Just interested...

[duffy]

writer/director or i atleast hope to be when i get around to directing something....

[Initiate]

Hey,
I like it a lot, some really nice elements. It has some beautiful potential. I think VO could change the whole movie. You could film it with and without and see which YOU like better. Considering its a small film and VO isn't that hard to do (just voice recording really).

I like the bond between the Cat and him, oh and him and Jim. There good. I think we need more of a bond between shelly. Considering this kid times it perfectly we could have shelly KNOW that he likes her (she is flattered of course) and she actually looks for him when she comes out of her house. OR when he is on the ground he says something like "Marry me Shelley" it could add a bit of humor to it. Of course shelly just laughs it off and gets him up, brushing him off.

I kind of really like it, though it needs a good director to make it good. Great Camera angels and unique styles can add flare to this. I think that the characters are unique, except for shelly who hasn?t got much depth yet.

Good Luck, Post your Revision
.

[emjen]

don't use a voice over, there's no need telling anything that we don't know already.

It's a nice feel-good little short. I didn't laugh or anything, but it does have it's heart.

Story wise i guess there's not much to complain. It's a short, so there's not much time to tell a story, you might as well forget about the character arc kev o pointed out. (although shorts DO have character developments, but you just don't need to have them as in features).

BUt you really need to work on your writing. That was plain bad.

[bigmasi]

My final word on this topic is that this film is worth shooting. Be sure not to leave the script to your drawer just to find it when you'r 80 years and dying... Shoot it even if there's us boneheads saying that you should write more or write better or what ever... Make this film, it's worth it.

[duffy]

Cheers bigmassi hope the folks at tartan shorts think the same its for a film short competition...

cheers fur the criticisim folks iv taken it all on board, any tips on writting better, im new to this and looking for any help yawl can give...

[bigmasi]

My second final word ;-)

Originally posted by duffy:
any tips on writting better, im new to this and looking for any help yawl can give...

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">read some scripts at

www.script-o-rama.com

you learn a lot from those, but also remember to write in a way that you'r comfortable with. I think there's as many styles as there is writers. And don't consider me as a professional also, I just have humble opinions on everything :-)