Scribe

[Cyalaytr]

Very good. Good images thru words.. though I have a hard time telling who the young man who could be??

A cheating ex,
A friend
a son
??

[Hannibal]

The sweat poured from his brow in cold buckets,
As he scribed down every thought that touched his frail mind,
his cold-cut salami sandwich smile flat and motionless.
Tight blue leisure suit that didn't seem fit to do anything leisureful,
Cutting off circulation to his legs and other regions,
Of his lower body.
This wet slimy pencil slid from his fingers in one last shove as he finished his scrawling,
Hoping to never forget what he'd written,
But knowing it was already gone.
In the fevor of the moment,
He'd found himself unable to proceed any further,
His days duties all put on hold,
no matter his time.
And now he was done, and the fan did nothing for him,
Quietly he watched a single drop of salty fluid,
Fall onto the yellowed wretched paper,
All he could find.
The dark dot of yellowed paper,
Mixing of salts, waters, inks, and other anomolies.
His mind was blending thoughts and colors when he walked in,
The young man didn't even hear him,
The hammer cocked,
When it fell, silence crashed all around this boy,
His leisure suit was no longer the reason of closed circulation,
and there was more than sweat to mix to the paper,
Ink forever stained his mind,
His thoughts forever strewn about the parchment.

[Hannibal]

I'm really not sure, to be honest.
I just wanted to get the poem going... like BAM, grab you at the start and make you wanna read to the end.... and i wanted the end to be as "bang" like as the beginning and leave you going "woa... that got my blood pumping..."
*shrugs*
just searching for "excitement" with this one