suicide

[Pixelina]

so why did you add the "across my eyes" part to begin with? did that have some kind of meaning that should be left in after all, or no?

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[Hannibal]

The "across my eyes"
Just gave more of a description I felt, as in you see the blood, because its' on your eyes... unavoidable. But as the gang's pointed out, I could do without it. And even better with out it. *shrugs* So I guess it was pointless *giggles*

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As miserable as life may be I hold it pretty precious...

If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I wil write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always, I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.

[ranter]

i have a question, though, why is it titled suicide, the person in the poem (you) obviously did not die-metaphorical, then, so what are you trying to say? the poem is very dark and pessimistic, maybe a little too dark and pessimistic for my entire liking, but it is there. and well machine, that haiku has nothing to do with what hannibal wrote, there is very little correlation with the poem from class and hannibal's poem. i think you just wanted to bring up that poem because you liked it and wanted a reason to post it...i have nothing against it, i just think you jumped to quickly to post that haiku from class....that's all.

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[machinery]

i knew you were gonna say summin rant....but oh wait...thinka minute 'bout her.........are you sure it doesn't tie into this work? are you just trying to be an ass? hahah...think about it.....cos I am still...



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[Hannibal]

It's titled suicide yes. Most of the time however my titles have NOHTING to do with the work that lies inside. This time however I put some thought into it. This can be taken a number of ways.
1.Does a person who commits a violent suicide, realize their mistake right before they're actually dead? *when they see the blood?*
2.I imagined what it would be like, to see your own blood running down your face, like you had just commited a heinous act of murder, or suicide, and just wondering, or realizing how bad you had become.

So in a way, suicide had something to do with the idea behind it all. That was on my brain that night, which is why I wrote it out. *shrugs*
Hope this explained something...

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As miserable as life may be I hold it pretty precious...

If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I wil write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always, I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.

[honeyk]

I really liked this poem...just from the 1st straightforward read...it has a nice rhythm, great imagery, and a cool twist in it.

I can see why people say tha tthe second line doesn't work...to me, when i read it...it's not that it doesn't fit, per sae....but it is true that it is not nessesary. I am a big fan of imagery, however, and to that exent the line really works. but at the same time, i admire very consise (sorry...cant spell) work that carries a lot of meaning...which it does do - without the second line.

basically, i really really liked the poem and admire the talent it takes to write good haiku (because, as you know..it has a lot harder than it looks)...so i think it is beyond me and just up to the author as to whether or not the second line should be included. overall, good work.

It's not until the blood stops dripping,
Across my eyes,
That I realize the damage,
I have become.


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[parch]

hey machine face _
you takin a haiku or just creative writing course? just wondering.
and also...
your note about the transition.. perfect point. that's how haiku works.. haikus need transition. that's one of the main aspects of it.

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I am my new Religion
I am my non Decision

[machinery]

it's a creative writng class with a basis of everything ....all aspects of poetry, some haiku and some fiction........

the teach is real cool....we got a book of exercises to do for homework and I actually look forward to it...teaches me a lot about the lijistics (sp?) of writing.....

you will have to check it out.......

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